where the feck are you all, eh?!
don't pretend you're doing something more important. but whilst we're at it, what do you consider to be important?

alt: there was predictable sobbing drama at the hen do. i avoided it by dragging those not immediately involved out to a club. what was the last pointless drama you saw?

altalt: i've got to make that scrounging frog a shepherds pie tonight. what do you put in it? are you a fan of carrots or are they blasphemy like a carrot pasty?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:04, 9 replies, latest was 8 years ago)

I'm on the phone to a woman in Cheltenham at the moment
Its not going well....

Alt:
Go on then, spill. Eastenders

AltAlt:
Minced lamb, onion, carrots, Worcestershire sauce
Potato, FUCKLOADS OF BUTTER
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:08, Reply)

I have fixed her issues
Her issues were she didn't know the right password, rather than ITS ALL YOUR FAULT YOU PRICK as she started off at
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:20, Reply)

alt: it was all fine until...
the butler in the buff turned up. the bride - who is a drama queen, but in her defence had been drinking all day - disliked this turn of events. and made her preferences known to the bridesmaids ("YOU'VE RUINED MY HEN DO!") and to the butler ("YOU LOOK ABOUT 12. AND YOUR ARSE IS TOO SMALL. (it wasn't))
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:22, Reply)

Strippers
Classy
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:46, Reply)

there was no cock action
just a man in an apron with a bare chest and bum serving sandwiches and drinks. i'm not going to lie to you, i wouldn't have chosen it, but there was no need to be rude to the poor man and make a fuss!

plus he drove there in a brand new TVR. clearly there is some money in having a buff bum.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:49, Reply)

TVRs haven't been manufactured for several years, so it can't have been a new one.
You fucking idiot.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:51, Reply)

oh i don't know
i didn't see it myself. the bridesmaids ran in and reported it.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:54, Reply)

I hope you used the you're-a-useless-retard tone of voice that translates as I-completely-understand-coulda-happened-to-anyone
The amount of time I've wasted with phone support, remote desktopping and ridiculously detailed screenshots just because cunts can't accept they're fucking retards that can't remember a six letter word.
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:37, Reply)

Her password was her username......
I'll leave it at that
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:45, Reply)

I am watching Danny Boyle directing some filming.
Alt: I saw a woman crying whilst being forcibly removed from the venue on Friday. We pointed and laughed which made her cry a bit louder.
Altalt: You haven't 'got' to do anything. I'll just get a Burger King innit. Carrots are rubbish anyway.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:11, Reply)

shut up, i like cooking
i have sent you a list of things to get
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:13, Reply)

No you haven't

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:15, Reply)

the only way this could be more like facebook is if you were sitting next to each other

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:18, Reply)

We are. Anyway, no one is posting, who cares?

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:19, Reply)

Ever thought it might be why nobody is posting?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:19, Reply)

t

all. the. time.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:20, Reply)

posing?

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:21, Reply)

that too

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:23, Reply)

Dont really care if it is.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:21, Reply)

sponsored internet silence

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:20, Reply)

lamb mince or better stil chopped lamb.
onions, garlic, red wine,thyme, rosemary, worcester, carrots, peas. cheesy mash with grated cheddar on top.

SEEMPLES.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:20, Reply)

see, the whole carrots and peas thing INSIDE the pie is a bit controversial, no?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:21, Reply)

Nah, it's diced in the mince mixture.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:22, Reply)

i shall take your word for it
as i shan't be eating it
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:24, Reply)

I'd leave the peas out.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:23, Reply)

shame your father didn't leave his penis out, about 41 years ago

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:24, Reply)

One of the rest of the squad would have been there though

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:25, Reply)

yeah, but that would have produced a different angry little midget

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:26, Reply)

but then who would regale us with fascinating tales of cooking a meal for one?

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:27, Reply)

\o

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:29, Reply)

Fair enough, you might make it funny and entertaining too.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:29, Reply)

Now steady on

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:33, Reply)

lol jk

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:37, Reply)

All he is saying is
give peas a chance
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:24, Reply)

when the moon hits your pants
like a big peas a chance
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:27, Reply)

I just spotted a recipe that also had leeks just under the cheesy mash
Bit of grain mustard in there too?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:24, Reply)

Now we're getting somewhere

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:45, Reply)

Plenty of cheese in the mash, also butter, not marge. Carrots are good. You not dumped him yet, then?

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:25, Reply)

i thought it would be easier to poison him

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:26, Reply)

He told me he spunks in your tea, when he brews up.,Just saying.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:28, Reply)

One spunk or two?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:28, Reply)

Just the one, he ain't no superman.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:30, Reply)

Oh, Dr Harold Shitman has got it all wrong again.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:28, Reply)

Morning wankywanky, wank wank,

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:31, Reply)

Yo!

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:31, Reply)

^tggi

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:36, Reply)

Frog!, I'm the one who made the bet and I know we'll be exactly right on time

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:43, Reply)

Frog is my name and I could play with my life in many ways, that's what they say

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:46, Reply)

Classic me!!!

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 14 Sep 2016, 20:41, Reply)

i hate all hot drinks
so he's been wasting a whole heap of spunk that YM would have loved to gobble down like a hog
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:33, Reply)

^drink racist

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:35, Reply)

yes
hot drinks are an abomination and can go fuck themselves. even soup must only be served in a bowl with a spoon, like a civilised food stuff.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:35, Reply)

You really have food issues

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:44, Reply)

You'll love what goes in your diet coke.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:35, Reply)

SEALED CANS/BOTTLES INNIT

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:36, Reply)

usually a straw

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:36, Reply)

Is that what you call it?

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:37, Reply)

no
he calls it "doctor troll".
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:38, Reply)

You know - 'Tubey drinky sucky mouth', c'mon doc!

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:38, Reply)

I've had a hard morning.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:41, Reply)

Breakfast buffet again?

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:42, Reply)

No, patient problems, the alcohol dependent whos been evicted. Bloody tragic.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:43, Reply)

Should have paid his rent, rather than drinking it.
Perhaps it's tragic, but it's also his own bloody fault.
( Kroney, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:45, Reply)

Wasnnt just rent, it was the condition of his property, he just couldn't cope.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:47, Reply)

What a pathetic person.

( Kroney, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:50, Reply)

Some people need a bit extra help, we're not all copers.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:53, Reply)

Yeah, poor dear with his self inflicted addiction that comes from a lifetime of failure :(

( Kroney, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:56, Reply)

He was a very successful person but a lot of shit happened.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:59, Reply)

A lot of shit happens to everybody, every day.
Most aren't wilting fannies about it. At least have the commitment to kill yourself properly without wasting everybody's time and money.

Edit: And fucking cider too, the man's clearly got no pride in his work.
( Kroney, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 12:01, Reply)

judging people is FUN

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 12:15, Reply)

Did you kill him?

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:47, Reply)

No, we're referring him to a detox unit.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:48, Reply)

Buy him a bottle to help him settle in.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:51, Reply)

An empty one, just to taunt him.
Actually, if he's that far advanced he probably won't be able to figure out whether he's already drunk it or not.
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:54, Reply)

6litres of strong cider a day.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:55, Reply)

We've all been there 'jason52'

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:55, Reply)

I never
but working up to it
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:58, Reply)

Your mum to all questions
except the last one as that would make no sense
( broadsword now that's fresh, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:37, Reply)

it would be fine if you were a cannibal

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:38, Reply)

Good point

( broadsword now that's fresh, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:38, Reply)

Its incredible

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:43, Reply)

Invoicing, I tend to get into trouble if I don't think it's important
Alt: I've found that there is far less pointless drama in my life since I stopped talking to a few people, much easier.

AltAlt: Mince, onion, mushroom, carrot, peas, lea & perrins, rosemary, thyme, bay leaf, garlic, potato, NO CHEESE.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:41, Reply)

CBEESE issue

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:44, Reply)

cbeese is your friend

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:44, Reply)

tggi^

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:46, Reply)

Morning cow, you geordie chap, you.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:48, Reply)

Morning Doc

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:56, Reply)

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:53, Reply)

YESSSSS!!

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:54, Reply)

\o/

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:56, Reply)

Apologised to that doris, yet?

( Kroney, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:44, Reply)

Nope

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 12:08, Reply)

Mushrooms now?
How about we throw a couple of chopped chillies in there too? And a splash of brandy?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:48, Reply)

Brandy is also your friend.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:49, Reply)

personally i think a bit of chilli improves nearly all savoury dishes

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:53, Reply)

A little chilli works fine, no reason not to.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 12:17, Reply)

Mushrooms can get to fuck, slimey little cunts

( broadsword now that's fresh, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:49, Reply)

what????????????????????????
mushrooms are best of all teh vegetables.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:50, Reply)

Mushrooms are crap.
Breasts, however, are excellent.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:50, Reply)

i would rather have mushrooms on any level

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:53, Reply)

i like breasts

( broadsword now that's fresh, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:53, Reply)

They are pretty good.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:54, Reply)

In a pie?

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:55, Reply)

Why not in a pie?

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:58, Reply)

Works better as an omelette I reckon

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 12:00, Reply)

You could be right.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 31 Mar 2014, 12:03, Reply)

I've grown to like them

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 12:09, Reply)

Alt: Make it with lentils instead of meat.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:49, Reply)

):<

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:49, Reply)

ITwouldn't be a shepherd's pie then.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:50, Reply)

i considered this
or just lots of vegetables under a mashed potato crust. a shepherdless pie.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:51, Reply)

I thought frog liked his meat?

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:54, Reply)

All Frogs meat base belong to her

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 12:10, Reply)

paste more like
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 12:15, Reply)

I would engage in 'top banter' here but Battered might not like it

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 12:16, Reply)

I'm working, it's an easy job, and the people are nice, and there's free tea,
Free tea is important.

Alt: my father is making a right hash out of buying new furniture. Poor man. He's bought some right ugly sofas and got very upset when I pointed out they were the same colour as pond scum.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:49, Reply)

i feel his pain. my father allowed himself to decorate the family room.
it now has one red chinese paper feature wall, black leather sofa and massive black electric lazy boy thing, and a 50 inch 3D television. i see why my mother never let him near any kind of decorating.

is your dad's new pond weed at least comfortable?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:52, Reply)

My father seems to have the opposite problem,
In that now he is allowed to make his own decisions he seems to default to the sort of stuff you would see in a 70s DFS advert. He even said he thinks his TV is too big. He doesn't deserve all the money he earns.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:55, Reply)

they should go shopping together
sounds like they would be a good influence on one another's choices
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:58, Reply)

I don't think I want any of your family near my family.
You know, being Northern an all.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 31 Mar 2014, 12:02, Reply)

good point
i don't want my dad to catch ginger from your dad. his hair is all silver, and therefore quite vulnerable.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 12:13, Reply)

I'd love that, all brown corduroy sofas and orange walls. Aw yeah.

( Kroney, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 12:00, Reply)

Appropriately aged car to go with the decor.
All day, baby, all day.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 12:02, Reply)

GIMME

( Kroney, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 12:03, Reply)

Pond scum? :(

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:53, Reply)

Oh, yeah, um, sorry mate, forgot. Soz.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:56, Reply)

I think it's important to not call Brokeback Mountain the "gay cowboy movie"
They were looking after sheep, so it's the "gay shepherd movie" shirley
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:55, Reply)