First World Problems
After having a fight with the clingfilm at the weekend I bought one of the posh ones in the plastic boxes. Tell me tales of your first world woes

Alt:
Small victories
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 21 May 2014, 10:02, 136 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

The battery life on my mobile 'phone isn't very good.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 21 May 2014, 10:08, Reply)

this^
Mine barely lasts 24 hours
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 21 May 2014, 10:09, Reply)

I have to finish early on Friday to get to a shop before it closes, in a taxi :(

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 21 May 2014, 10:11, Reply)

Can't your girlfriend drive you in her expensive car?

( Bazongaloid, Wed 21 May 2014, 10:14, Reply)

No, she's on holiday.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 21 May 2014, 10:16, Reply)

Where's she gone?

( Bazongaloid, Wed 21 May 2014, 10:16, Reply)

She hasn't yet, she's going Thursday and I'm meeting her on Saturday. Couple of days in Cornwall.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 21 May 2014, 10:17, Reply)

Do they let carrot tops into Cornwall?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 21 May 2014, 10:18, Reply)

They hunt them for sport

( Bazongaloid, Wed 21 May 2014, 10:18, Reply)

She has to wear a hat. A big one.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 21 May 2014, 10:19, Reply)

Make sure its not green and fluffy then

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 21 May 2014, 10:19, Reply)

smirk

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 21 May 2014, 10:22, Reply)

I ran out of cleaning fluid whilst mopping the parquet.
I had to run up to Waitrose. Ten minutes I won't get back.
( Kroney, Wed 21 May 2014, 10:12, Reply)

Now this is a proper 1st world woe

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 21 May 2014, 10:18, Reply)

I'm helping his neighbour put in a level base for his new shed.
Given that he's 80 me helping him means I'm actually doing everything.

But that's the kind of nice guy I am.
( Bazongaloid, Wed 21 May 2014, 10:19, Reply)

I like this
Neighbourly spirit in London?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 21 May 2014, 10:20, Reply)

I do a lot of stuff for him.
Admittedly some of it was to benefit me, like cutting down his tree, and trimming back his laurel, but he borrows our gazebo when he has parties, and we go along and drink all his wine. So it works out okay.
( Bazongaloid, Wed 21 May 2014, 10:21, Reply)

Excellent work
My neighbours are lovely. I've ended up with free flagstones to build my patio, free sand and 150 free bricks to complete my raised beds
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 21 May 2014, 10:22, Reply)

That's good of them.
They're redoing a cafe down the road and they lifted all the old tiles off the front. This old boy noticed them doing it and went and collected them all to use under his shed. As I said, he's 80 and had open heart surgery a year or two back, I told him off for being a silly bugger.
( Bazongaloid, Wed 21 May 2014, 10:24, Reply)

I thought so, yes
Patio is only temporary until we get our extension built so I didn't want to spend anything on it

She is coming round for wine tomorrow
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 21 May 2014, 10:26, Reply)

Something in my head has broken so that several times when I have read 'patio' my brain has made it rhyme with 'ratio'

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 21 May 2014, 10:35, Reply)

Patio plays for Italy

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 21 May 2014, 10:41, Reply)

'trimming back his laurel' lols.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 21 May 2014, 10:23, Reply)

Its against my beleafs

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 21 May 2014, 10:24, Reply)

I don't like doing it but you have to make a doken gesture from thyme to thyme.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 21 May 2014, 10:28, Reply)

A doken gesture? Like a Dream Warrior?

( Bazongaloid, Wed 21 May 2014, 10:30, Reply)

Every year I have a similar thing with my neighbour.
He's about 65 and each spring we prune back the 2 trees that lie between our gardens. That involves muggins going up the step ladders and clambering right up into the trees themselves while he holds the ladders.

To give you an idea of how high the trees are, when I'm in them I can see into my bedroom windows.

To his credit, he takes the crap to the tip, so I can't complain.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 21 May 2014, 10:29, Reply)

That sounded like you were complaining a bit

( Bazongaloid, Wed 21 May 2014, 10:32, Reply)

Just a tiny little bit
But he's 20+ years older than me and a foot shorter, so he'd never manage it.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 21 May 2014, 10:36, Reply)

I had an odd conversation with the neighbours at the bottom of our garden whilst 10' up in my pear tree with a saw

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 21 May 2014, 10:33, Reply)

1 addison lee was fully booked this morning, so i had to get the tube
2 the tube was fucked and i ended up at farringdon
3 i then got sucked into beas and bought a cake for everyone on the team
4 this means i have to choose between a peanut butter jelly crumble and a duffin
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 21 May 2014, 10:27, Reply)

It amuses me that Farringdon is also a place in Sunderland
A shit one
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 21 May 2014, 10:28, Reply)

I don't understand what either of the things you mention in point 4 are.

( Bazongaloid, Wed 21 May 2014, 10:29, Reply)

A duffin is a mix between a doughnut and a muffin. They are 'nice'. HTH xx

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 21 May 2014, 10:30, Reply)

That just sounds ... no.

( Bazongaloid, Wed 21 May 2014, 10:33, Reply)

More of a cronut man eh? i see.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 21 May 2014, 10:35, Reply)

A what? Hang on. Croissant and Donut?

( Bazongaloid, Wed 21 May 2014, 10:36, Reply)

You're getting the hang of this.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 21 May 2014, 10:36, Reply)

How about a docon sandwich?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 21 May 2014, 10:38, Reply)

How about you fuff?

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 21 May 2014, 10:42, Reply)

A combination of doris day and bacon?

( Bazongaloid, Wed 21 May 2014, 10:42, Reply)

Doris Day and Kevin Bacon

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 21 May 2014, 10:43, Reply)

I bought some lampshades from ikea
the actual light fitting is integrated and there's sufficient cable that if I attach it as is the light will be about knee height. I can bundle the excess cable up in the voluminous bit that goes flush to the ceiling but since the only thing that will attach it to the ceiling are the wires it'll just unravel and be at knee height again.

I'm going to have to get a handyman in :(
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 21 May 2014, 10:29, Reply)

Or you could get a different lampshade?

( Bazongaloid, Wed 21 May 2014, 10:29, Reply)

Tie a knot in the cable?

( Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 21 May 2014, 10:30, Reply)

Or trim it?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 21 May 2014, 10:32, Reply)

That might actually work
I'll have a look tonight
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 21 May 2014, 11:02, Reply)

I'm going to have to rewire one of my lamps due to a suspected foot switch fault.
Bloody thing. I wouldn't bother but the mrs likes it, so..
( Kroney, Wed 21 May 2014, 10:59, Reply)

I've spent a whole morning looking for the exact shade of grey paint to finish the kitchen doors
I found it and then was told it didn't come in a silk finish - only matt or gloss.
Pray for me.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Wed 21 May 2014, 10:43, Reply)

Paint it in gloss and then rub it with sandpaper

( Bazongaloid, Wed 21 May 2014, 10:45, Reply)

+ and then drink some white spirit

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 21 May 2014, 10:46, Reply)

Could try that but might be tricky to get in round the mouldings
If you know what I mean! Nudge nudge etc.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Wed 21 May 2014, 10:47, Reply)

No I don't.

( Bazongaloid, Wed 21 May 2014, 10:55, Reply)

Matt paint + silk varnish?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 21 May 2014, 10:46, Reply)

Pretty sure this is gay slang an' all

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 21 May 2014, 10:48, Reply)

I prefer a gloss finish all over your face

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 21 May 2014, 10:48, Reply)

Tell me more of this silk varnish!
What new-fangled alchemy is this!!
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Wed 21 May 2014, 10:48, Reply)

This one is outdoor but it might work?
www.diy.com/nav/decor/paint-woodcare/woodcare/varnishes-and-lacquers/exterior_varnishes___clear/Ronseal-Outdoor-Varnish-Clear-10299600?skuId=9261368
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 21 May 2014, 10:50, Reply)

There seems to be a lot of silk/satin wood varnishes
Not sure if they'd work over paint but might be worth a tester pot
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 21 May 2014, 10:57, Reply)

Don't do it! tester pot is a gateway vanish to hard lacquer

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 21 May 2014, 11:01, Reply)

That was almost witty.
well done. You seem to have moved a notch down the scale away from full spastic.
( Bazongaloid, Wed 21 May 2014, 11:03, Reply)

\o/
ITBOH
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 21 May 2014, 11:04, Reply)

I shall take your advice and try this
If it doesn't work I will find you.........
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Wed 21 May 2014, 11:14, Reply)

Finished work yesterday, then popped down the allotment to water the veg
Got home and it started to rain. Fuck.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 21 May 2014, 10:49, Reply)

I need to water ours tonight

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 21 May 2014, 10:51, Reply)

In related news
I was at the allotment on Sunday afternoon and for the 1st time met the owner of the plot next to mine.

Pros: Female. Ball-achingly hot. Mid-30s, mega-tidy, skimpy top with her jugs hanging out, and a cracking arse.

Cons: Married, 2 sprogs.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 21 May 2014, 10:54, Reply)

\o/
Complement her melons
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 21 May 2014, 10:56, Reply)

She was bending over weeding while we were talking and I nearly involuntarily hosed them down

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 21 May 2014, 11:03, Reply)

Start an affair and ruin her life.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 21 May 2014, 10:58, Reply)

life
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 21 May 2014, 10:58, Reply)

She wouldn't be the first

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 21 May 2014, 11:04, Reply)

By blowing crack smoke in the kids faces, along with the other associated 'megalolz' activities?
Is that what you're saying? Cos that's what it sounds like you're saying.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 21 May 2014, 11:00, Reply)

She wouldn't be the first

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 21 May 2014, 11:04, Reply)