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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Are you clumsy?
A woman here in this office just spilt coffee over her laptop, and then spilt water on someone else's while trying to clear the first mess.

Alt: Wednesday right? Big golf thing on this week. You like golf?

Altalt: smelly food?
(, Wed 21 May 2014, 11:15, 143 replies, latest was 11 years ago)
alt: Golf is for MASSIVE cunts

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 11:17, Reply)
I agree.
I forgot about it to be honest, until I got on the m25 heading south, and boom. Cunts everywhere.
(, Wed 21 May 2014, 11:19, Reply)
You play often?

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 11:20, Reply)
daily with your mum

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 11:20, Reply)
9 or 18 holes?

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 11:20, Reply)
Albertross

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 11:21, Reply)
Is that Jonathan's brother?

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 11:21, Reply)
I havea canvas print of him

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 11:22, Reply)
Any reason?

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 11:25, Reply)
'MUNTS'

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 11:23, Reply)
He certainly does, yes

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 11:25, Reply)
Definitely a pastime for the coloured trouser community.

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 11:31, Reply)
haha!
I like this
(, Wed 21 May 2014, 11:32, Reply)
I'm not sure you're allowed to call them that any more

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 11:34, Reply)
Golf is for pricks.
Frying mushrooms is one of the best smells in the world ever.

I'm not clumsy, but I can be unthinking - I once put a soluble blackcurrant vitamin tablet into a cup of coffee, and occasionally try to spell "one" with a "w".

Altalt: Songs Of Distant Earth by Mike Oldfield.
(, Wed 21 May 2014, 11:18, Reply)
Frying mushrooms smell amazing
Warm bread too
(, Wed 21 May 2014, 11:20, Reply)
I'm not clumsy but Mrs Cow is
She is forever burning herself on the iron/oven or standing up under open cupboards in the kitchen. Its a wonder she's still alive, truth be told

Alt:
I've never played gold in my life, despite living next to two golf courses. Crazy golf, yes

AltAlt:
I have toast. It smells nice
(, Wed 21 May 2014, 11:19, Reply)
i bet she accidentally fell down the stairs as well didn't she?

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 11:20, Reply)
Actually, she hasnt done this as yet
She has been banned from our loft for similar reasons
(, Wed 21 May 2014, 11:21, Reply)
loft porn stash^

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 11:22, Reply)
tggi^

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 11:22, Reply)
Does anyone still have a porn stash these days?

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 11:22, Reply)
No, but I'd like to grow one.

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 11:23, Reply)
I've got one.

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 11:26, Reply)
That's because you're so fucking cool.

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 11:27, Reply)
I've also got a tool belt on and a sexy bum crack showing.

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 11:29, Reply)
Cor! Pics plz

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 11:31, Reply)
I have a bum crack showing most of the time
#trouserstoobig #ITshutin #fuckingMASSIVEslut
(, Wed 21 May 2014, 11:34, Reply)
you do, in your loft
duh
(, Wed 21 May 2014, 11:24, Reply)
Oh yeah

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 11:24, Reply)
\o/

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 11:26, Reply)
I have been known to be somewhat clumsy
In pubs, my fellow drinker know not to sit directly opposite as a lapful of beer is a distinct possibility.
Alt: Golf has never interested me, a few colleagues play and witter on about it.
Altalt: Frying onions is the most appetising smell in the world.
(, Wed 21 May 2014, 11:27, Reply)
do you suppose that's because you have a bollock for a head?

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 11:28, Reply)
Oh nakers, you are actually on fire today!

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 11:51, Reply)
I'm actually about to clip my head hair
And shave my bollocks. Back in a bit!
(, Wed 21 May 2014, 11:58, Reply)
i can imagine Battered playing golf

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 11:27, Reply)
You mean you think Battered is a cunt

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 11:30, Reply)
Boy, what we could do with is a boring anecdote about it we are supposed to be impressed by!!

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 11:31, Reply)
Golf is like fishing
A fucking shit way to ruin a perfectly acceptable activity.
(, Wed 21 May 2014, 11:27, Reply)
this makes no sense tinman

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 11:28, Reply)
Yes it does,
Golf ruins a good walk in the same way as fishing ruins sitting on a riverbank drinking beer.
(, Wed 21 May 2014, 11:30, Reply)
"Golf: A great way to ruin a good walk"
I forget who this is attributed to. I could google, but I don't wanna.
(, Wed 21 May 2014, 11:30, Reply)
Hitler I think

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 11:34, Reply)
Twain I think

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 11:45, Reply)
Nah, he's just the go-to guy for attributing quotations
It'll be someone you've never heard of
(, Wed 21 May 2014, 11:51, Reply)

Yeah probs
(, Wed 21 May 2014, 11:57, Reply)
It's often attributed to Churchill.
EDIT: piss.
(, Wed 21 May 2014, 12:40, Reply)
Jane Austin, I think.

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 12:40, Reply)
No, the woman's got all the grace of a drunken giraffe, however.
I suppose nobody's perfect.

alt: no

altalt: yes
(, Wed 21 May 2014, 11:30, Reply)
what you like without your glasses on?/

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 11:34, Reply)
Fine, I've an astigmatism, nothing serious.

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 11:35, Reply)
ASS STUCK WITH JISM more like

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 11:36, Reply)
lol

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 11:36, Reply)
haha
I'm not Lighty :(
(, Wed 21 May 2014, 11:36, Reply)
I tried driving without my glasses and nearly died.

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 11:36, Reply)
I just get a bit of a headache
because my depth perception gets a little wonky.
(, Wed 21 May 2014, 11:37, Reply)
*pretend punches*
lol made you flinch pusy
(, Wed 21 May 2014, 11:39, Reply)
I fucking hate clumsy people
It's a sign of not being aware of what you are doing and what's going on around you.
(, Wed 21 May 2014, 11:44, Reply)
I believe the technical term for clumsy people like this is Scopers

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 11:47, Reply)
I quite like 'beadlehands'

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 11:48, Reply)
Because they make your penis look bigger?

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 11:50, Reply)
And they dress up as Policemen

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 11:52, Reply)
would you like to feel the short arm of the law?

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 11:53, Reply)
Short arm of the phwoooaar more like

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 11:58, Reply)
Once you're over the age of about 15/16 there is no excuse.

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 11:49, Reply)
Oh man, I was a fucking nightmare at that age
All of a sudden I had these massive long arms and legs that I didn't really know how to handle.
I'm much better now, of course.
(, Wed 21 May 2014, 11:52, Reply)
some of us have longer than avergae limbs and theyb are hard to control alright

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 11:51, Reply)
AVER-GAY limbs more like!!!! etc.

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 11:52, Reply)
EVERGAY

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 11:53, Reply)
Shut up TANG -GAYED-UP-IN-POO

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 11:53, Reply)
And you're back to normal.

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 11:54, Reply)
oh man, your validation meant everything to me :(

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 11:55, Reply)
clickin dis
LICKIN DICKS more like!!!
(, Wed 21 May 2014, 11:55, Reply)
Theyb sure are

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 11:53, Reply)
You're such a golfer.

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 11:54, Reply)
^^I shall use this as an insult from now on^^

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 11:57, Reply)
YOURN A FOOTBALLER

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 11:57, Reply)
^^Them's fightin' words!^^

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 12:00, Reply)
hahaha!

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 12:03, Reply)
The girlfriend made my lunch today.
I have never seen so many fucking vegetables all in one place. Where's my fucking pie?
(, Wed 21 May 2014, 11:58, Reply)
there is nothing in the house for lunch except chips

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 11:58, Reply)
#toughtobeNakers

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 11:59, Reply)
you have no idea
also the cleaner will be here soon and I've not cleaned up so she'll think we are all mucky and she'll try and talk to me and want tea and stuff...I might go to costa
(, Wed 21 May 2014, 12:01, Reply)
HAHA you have to talk to a poor person.
I reckon I'll get a better class of cleaner when I move to sussex.
(, Wed 21 May 2014, 12:02, Reply)
you coming down this way are you?
Have you got the relevant permissions?
(, Wed 21 May 2014, 12:04, Reply)
I already have citizenship.

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 12:08, Reply)
^ Paying a cleaner only to clean up himself and leave the cleaner to get paid for nothing ^

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 12:11, Reply)
i'd better get started :(

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 12:12, Reply)
Typical golfing behaviour.

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 12:17, Reply)
That's why he can't afford a car.

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 12:12, Reply)
i have a car...

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 12:16, Reply)
...'never seen so many fucking vegetables all in one place'
......Naaah, too easy.
(, Wed 21 May 2014, 12:01, Reply)
Is this a reference to your mum's 15 minutes of "internet fame"

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 12:02, Reply)
not clumsy, but my hands seem to give up on things before the task is finished sometimes
eg i will drop my keys halfway through unlocking the door. WHY?

alt: golf is good for getting men out of the way for a few hours.

altalt: if it is meant to smell, yes. if it's gone off, no.
(, Wed 21 May 2014, 12:16, Reply)
You really do leave yourself wide open don't you.

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 12:17, Reply)
Emphasis on 'wide'.

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 12:18, Reply)
Yawning hippo lols

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 12:22, Reply)
are we still doing first world problems
because the glasses in the dishwasher have come out dirty
(, Wed 21 May 2014, 12:25, Reply)
Change filter, run some cleaner through the pipes.
MTFU
(, Wed 21 May 2014, 12:26, Reply)
for this i might need to get a man in

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 12:29, Reply)
I'd be judgemental if I didn't think you were joking.

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 12:32, Reply)
:(

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 12:33, Reply)
I'd either get my dad round to do it, or pay someone

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 12:33, Reply)
You people are hopeless.

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 12:34, Reply)
i was not brought up to do manual labour
if this was brave new world I'd be an alpha
(, Wed 21 May 2014, 12:35, Reply)
Neither was I. That doesn't mean I'm not capable of simple tasks.
It's taking out one piece of shitty sponge and putting another in. You could hardly call it manual labour.
(, Wed 21 May 2014, 12:37, Reply)
i work with my mind not my hands

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 12:39, Reply)
Me too. What's your point?

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 12:39, Reply)
These are not labourer's hands.

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 12:40, Reply)
typical lazy frenchy

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 12:41, Reply)
I work with my mind and can also work with my hands.
What I'm saying here is that I'm better than both of you feckless layabouts.
(, Wed 21 May 2014, 12:42, Reply)
I can work with my hands
Just not manual labour
(, Wed 21 May 2014, 12:43, Reply)
Changing a filter isn't manual labour.
I've even seen women doing it. You're more feeble than a woman. Though, seeing as you're a vegetarian, perhaps I shouldn't be surprised.
(, Wed 21 May 2014, 12:45, Reply)
I do have very delicate and attractive hands

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 12:47, Reply)
it's about choice
i choose not to because manual labour is beneath me
(, Wed 21 May 2014, 12:45, Reply)
I don't believe you.
I reckon you'd get your hands/head stuck in the thing and have to phone the fire brigade.
(, Wed 21 May 2014, 12:50, Reply)
This I could accept

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 12:54, Reply)
you just want to bum me while i'm stuck :(

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 13:00, Reply)
I don't have a dishwasher :(

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 12:28, Reply)
forever alone

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 12:30, Reply)
Top up the salt.

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 12:29, Reply)
this i can manage

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 12:29, Reply)
Don't stack things the stop the spinny bits going round.
And get one of those things you put in and run on a hot wash to descale and clean it all up.
(, Wed 21 May 2014, 12:32, Reply)
Well, this is interminable. When's lunch?

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 13:02, Reply)
eaten already

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 13:03, Reply)
^^^

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 13:03, Reply)
I wait until half one so the afternoon borefest is shorter

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 13:04, Reply)
i always say I'll do this, but end up eating at midday everyday

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 13:05, Reply)
The prospect of a longer afternoon of being bored to tears and killing time means I am quite capable of waiting

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 13:06, Reply)
but you can't stop yourself demolishing a box of chocloates?

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 13:08, Reply)
I ate five.

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 13:08, Reply)
boxes?

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 13:11, Reply)
(-_-)

(, Wed 21 May 2014, 13:11, Reply)

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