I've just eaten a chilli burrito with black turtle beans that was so spicy I could almost weep
When did food last make you emotional?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 21 May 2014, 13:11, 135 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

It hasn't, on account of not being a fucking great Mary.
(I don't go anywhere near really spicy food on account of being a fucking great Mary)
( Kroney, Wed 21 May 2014, 13:12, Reply)

So just the wine then?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 21 May 2014, 13:12, Reply)

I've been drinking beer, recently.

( Kroney, Wed 21 May 2014, 13:15, Reply)

...like a 12 year old girl

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 21 May 2014, 13:23, Reply)

No thanks, I've just ...
Ahem.

I see what you did there - clever.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 21 May 2014, 14:15, Reply)

i heard of somone who is having a birthday party for their one year old son
the cake is £200
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 21 May 2014, 13:12, Reply)

I bet the dad wears salmon pink trousers an' all.

( Kroney, Wed 21 May 2014, 13:14, Reply)

that'll be nice for him, i don't know how this relates to me though

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 21 May 2014, 13:17, Reply)

He's probably a fellow golfer.

( Kroney, Wed 21 May 2014, 13:18, Reply)

you lot really do stick together

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 21 May 2014, 13:19, Reply)

Kid's birthdays are more about showing off than celebrating the spawn though aren't they.
Same with christenings.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 21 May 2014, 13:17, Reply)

I once accidentally ate a veggie burger.
I cried because I could feel my penis inverting.
( Muns, Wed 21 May 2014, 13:13, Reply)

"turtle beans" is a euphemism
for "dribbly dog shit".
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 21 May 2014, 13:13, Reply)

Food made me angry indirectly on Saturday when we were lead to what appeared to be a children's table, where I would have had the space to use either a knife or a fork but not both simultaneously.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 21 May 2014, 13:21, Reply)

you'd have to eat Merkin style

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 21 May 2014, 13:23, Reply)

????

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 21 May 2014, 13:23, Reply)

they like to cut it all up, then eat with the fork in their right hand scooping food up like animals

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 21 May 2014, 13:24, Reply)

They should never have been allowed to wander off on their own like that.
It's caused nothing but trouble, since.
( Kroney, Wed 21 May 2014, 13:26, Reply)

That's rank. Probably would not have worked in this situation anyway, given that the proximity of a diner on the next table was similar to being on a packed tube train in rush hour.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 21 May 2014, 13:27, Reply)

i hate places like that

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 21 May 2014, 13:28, Reply)

It was pretty good once we had been given a proper seat.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 21 May 2014, 13:29, Reply)

where were you?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 21 May 2014, 13:32, Reply)

www.stickyfingers.co.uk/
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 21 May 2014, 13:33, Reply)

I remember going there when I was about 10

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 21 May 2014, 13:35, Reply)

It was pretty good for the money, I thought. Just a bit of pre-cinema grub innit.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 21 May 2014, 13:36, Reply)

i believe it was pre-theatre grub for us...but it was 22 years ago :(

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 21 May 2014, 13:37, Reply)

What kind of a prick orders a £120 bottle of Krug to go with their burger and chips?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 21 May 2014, 13:37, Reply)

Battered?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 21 May 2014, 13:37, Reply)

No chance. Burgers = BEER. Anything else is wrong.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 21 May 2014, 14:22, Reply)

Don't knock it until you've tried it

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 21 May 2014, 13:45, Reply)

It was an easy mistake for the waiting staff to make
Was it just you, Battered and Dozer dining?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 21 May 2014, 13:33, Reply)

Fair point, but no, I wouldn't go anywhere with those cunts.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 21 May 2014, 13:35, Reply)

to right, i continually don't met them

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 21 May 2014, 13:37, Reply)

Very wise, they'd only ruin it with their squabbling over the colouring in books

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 21 May 2014, 13:38, Reply)

I appear to have swallowed a nuclear hand grenade

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 21 May 2014, 13:43, Reply)

it's always hotter coming out, too
ponder that for a moment.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 21 May 2014, 14:20, Reply)

I haz a pastrami bagel
#pastramiarmy
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 21 May 2014, 13:51, Reply)

Thats my mother maiden name

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 21 May 2014, 13:53, Reply)

Careful, there are l337 haxx0rz here!

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 21 May 2014, 13:55, Reply)

Come on!
Someone start a new thread please
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 21 May 2014, 14:04, Reply)

Where's Jason gone?
Have we upset him?
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 21 May 2014, 14:05, Reply)

You really hurt him with what you said

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 21 May 2014, 14:06, Reply)

I didn't mean it.
Except for the Gay bit. And the fat bit. And the racist bit. And the stupid bit. So, yeah, I meant it all. But I didn't think he'd get upset.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 21 May 2014, 14:07, Reply)

UPSET is his default setting
did you speak to the b3ta guy you saw?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 21 May 2014, 14:08, Reply)

I did today.
He's a lurker. Say hi.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 21 May 2014, 14:09, Reply)

HI lurker, you fucking weirdo

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 21 May 2014, 14:09, Reply)

I think he really might be a weirdo.
Hey says he only lurks board and qftw, and doesn't really look at off topic because, get this, it's all cliquey in jokes and he doesn't want to get involved.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 21 May 2014, 14:11, Reply)

what does he know, pricklord

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 21 May 2014, 14:12, Reply)

Is this the lurker you gazzed me about saying you want to bore him a new anus with your metallicock? If so, hi!

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 21 May 2014, 14:11, Reply)

That's him.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 21 May 2014, 14:11, Reply)

i have never met a b3tan

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 21 May 2014, 14:13, Reply)

You've been followed by a couple though

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 21 May 2014, 14:14, Reply)

quite possibly
i'm sure i'll bump into swipe one day, we really work quite cloe together...
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 21 May 2014, 14:15, Reply)

Most of the ones I have met are utter dicks.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 21 May 2014, 14:14, Reply)

I've met 4.
All thoroughly nice people.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 21 May 2014, 14:16, Reply)

I imagine there is some overlap here,and you must be wrong.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 21 May 2014, 14:17, Reply)

Boyce, battered, berk and TFD

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 21 May 2014, 14:19, Reply)

Who's tfd?

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 21 May 2014, 14:21, Reply)

The furry dinosaur.
She's a /talk old crowd. Although, I knew her long before b3ta as we went to school together.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 21 May 2014, 14:24, Reply)

Liar u neva went 2 school

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 21 May 2014, 14:25, Reply)

Did.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 21 May 2014, 14:26, Reply)

Prove it

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 21 May 2014, 14:28, Reply)

I suppose you think that makes you cool and popular?

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 21 May 2014, 14:30, Reply)

that fuckwit dozer

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 21 May 2014, 14:24, Reply)

Yer.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 21 May 2014, 14:29, Reply)

I've met three of those
And then one of them pretended we'd never met :'(
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 21 May 2014, 14:25, Reply)

I have apologised for that.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 21 May 2014, 14:26, Reply)

:)

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 21 May 2014, 14:28, Reply)

Well, some people don't want to associated with known paedophile vegetarians.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 21 May 2014, 14:26, Reply)

It was embarrassing when we ordered the food

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 21 May 2014, 14:28, Reply)

Baby carrots, young leaf spinach, pre-teen broccoli

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 21 May 2014, 16:25, Reply)

I'd have done the same.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 21 May 2014, 14:28, Reply)

vimeo.com/42876630
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 21 May 2014, 14:33, Reply)

\o/

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 21 May 2014, 14:19, Reply)

Of the 30 or so that I've met there were 2 cunts & 2 others I merely disliked.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 21 May 2014, 14:27, Reply)

I've met loads, some of which I count as mates and they're cunts to a man.

( Kroney, Wed 21 May 2014, 14:27, Reply)

he's team leader now and has no time for online homophobia

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 21 May 2014, 14:06, Reply)

Team leader of a speed dial?

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 21 May 2014, 14:08, Reply)

yer, i guess, i dunno, i barely skim read his posts for fear of catching stupid and AIDs

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 21 May 2014, 14:09, Reply)

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news...

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 21 May 2014, 14:14, Reply)

I've never eaten any of it, but Gonz's pictures of his dinner quite often make me wince.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 21 May 2014, 14:05, Reply)

I can't decide if his spelling or his taste buds are worse.
Well, his bum is the worst, but, second worst.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 21 May 2014, 14:06, Reply)

Ahahhh
I know who you are now!
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 21 May 2014, 14:16, Reply)

Why are bus timetables sooo complicated

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 21 May 2014, 14:07, Reply)

Because you're a thicko

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 21 May 2014, 14:08, Reply)

: (

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 21 May 2014, 14:09, Reply)

Don't get a bus, get a train mofo.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 21 May 2014, 14:09, Reply)

the trains don't stop outside my house though

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 21 May 2014, 14:10, Reply)

You live on a bus route? good lord.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 21 May 2014, 14:12, Reply)

well near one that comes up the hill from town once an hour

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 21 May 2014, 14:12, Reply)

And what is it about "once an hour" that you're so struggling to cope with?

( Kroney, Wed 21 May 2014, 14:17, Reply)

He runs out of fingers when he gets to 12 minutes past

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 21 May 2014, 14:18, Reply)

Timetable?
If I ever need to catch a bus, my phone tells me when to go
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 21 May 2014, 14:18, Reply)

i just went to the food fair outside and was torn for ages between ethiopian stew, the jamaican vegetarian "rundown" (stew) and the paella (rice stew)
there was a french duck place, a peruvian one, a thai one, a british farm burger one, a burmese curry one, a chorizo and pulled pork one, fish and chips, a falafel stand, sweet and savoury crepes, fudge and cakes... anyway, point is, i always feel really sorry for the stallholders with empty stalls, when the stupid duck or chorizo people have massive Q's.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 21 May 2014, 14:10, Reply)

oh man why didn't you tell me abouot this awsome culinery adventure

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 21 May 2014, 14:11, Reply)

it's not my fault you preferred to stay in bed!

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 21 May 2014, 14:14, Reply)

nothing breaks up the week like a little lie in on a wednesday

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 21 May 2014, 14:16, Reply)

Spread-eagled on pillow, forever indulging himself in the pleasures of the palm. No doubt.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 21 May 2014, 14:37, Reply)

Ethiopian Stew is just water with amoebic dysentery and dead flies innit?

( Muns, Wed 21 May 2014, 14:12, Reply)

garnished with donkey piuss

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 21 May 2014, 14:12, Reply)

It's what gives it its flavour.

( Muns, Wed 21 May 2014, 14:13, Reply)

and nutrition

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 21 May 2014, 14:14, Reply)

I thought that was supplied by Dawn French?

( Muns, Wed 21 May 2014, 14:23, Reply)

They import the donkey piss all the way from New Zealand?
That's a big carbon footprint.
( Kroney, Wed 21 May 2014, 14:24, Reply)

Being a child of the Band Aid era, I never fail to find the concept of "Ethiopian cuisine"
absolutely hilarious, to the point of silent, teary mirth.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 21 May 2014, 14:14, Reply)

Rice is nice

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 21 May 2014, 14:16, Reply)

Same here.
Although non-drought Ethiopia is supposed to be beautiful. All mountains and forests and stuff.
( Kroney, Wed 21 May 2014, 14:20, Reply)

Why dont they all just fucking move there then?
Lazy fly eating cunts
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 21 May 2014, 14:21, Reply)

What I never understood...If they have to walk that far for fucking water
why don't they go to the river, and follow it to somewhere nice?
( Muns, Wed 21 May 2014, 14:22, Reply)

DAM THEM!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 21 May 2014, 14:22, Reply)

They only do it to meet celebrities.

( Muns, Wed 21 May 2014, 14:23, Reply)

INORITE
ima stop eating and make a tin hut so I can meet Reggie Yates
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 21 May 2014, 14:24, Reply)

I don't know whether you've noticed, but most people are fucking stupid.
I don't see that this would be any less true whether you're on the other end of my phoneline, or starving in an African dustbowl.
( Kroney, Wed 21 May 2014, 14:23, Reply)

It's an empty bowl, save for a sheen of children's tears.

( Kroney, Wed 21 May 2014, 14:17, Reply)

And if they want business, they should sell meat.

( Muns, Wed 21 May 2014, 14:14, Reply)

less Buddha more burger

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 21 May 2014, 14:45, Reply)