Bank Holidays
Fucking brilliant, aren't they? Why have two in May though then none for ages? Should we have more? What days should we celebrate?

How did you enjoy this weekend and its free 50% extra?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 27 May 2014, 8:58, 119 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

Morning Sporters
Miss me?

Oh.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 27 May 2014, 9:03, Reply)

Darth!
I liked your holiday photos
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 27 May 2014, 9:04, Reply)

Cheers mate
Can't take all the credit, the gorgeous scenery and near-constant sunshine did most of the work
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 27 May 2014, 9:09, Reply)

What, dare I ask, have I missed?

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 27 May 2014, 9:11, Reply)

Not much, TBH
Everyone followed everyone on twitter if that counts? I've spent the weekend being tweeted by Grace the hamster

Derby didn't get promoted? Thought you'd like that
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 27 May 2014, 9:12, Reply)

There are few sights in life so sweet or hilarious as sheepshaggers crying
It was the second saltiest fluid produced at that moment in time
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 27 May 2014, 9:14, Reply)

TBH, I didn't want either of them promoted

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 27 May 2014, 9:16, Reply)

FFP report should be interesting next season

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 27 May 2014, 9:17, Reply)

Tim Stilton and Grace the hamster are following several of us on Twitter. That's about it.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 27 May 2014, 9:12, Reply)

Right, I've got to be honest here
I don't know who either of them are, or you for that matter. Two weeks out of the country and shit goes crazy
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 27 May 2014, 9:14, Reply)

Battered is dead. Long live Angry Cunt.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 27 May 2014, 9:15, Reply)

So you're either Battered or his murderer
I'm not sure which idea pleases me more, but I'm likelier to be nice to you if you have a history of killin'
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 27 May 2014, 9:16, Reply)

At least one of them is Tim Stilton.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 27 May 2014, 9:17, Reply)

No diggity
But I don't know who that is. I didn't post from about August to March, it appears that much shit has gone down
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 27 May 2014, 9:18, Reply)

I think he turned up when you were on holiday

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 27 May 2014, 9:19, Reply)

i don't understand twitter
but i know that tim stilton is dozer's alter ego and grace is his lover
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 27 May 2014, 9:26, Reply)

So they're both Dozer then

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 27 May 2014, 9:27, Reply)

one right hand
one left hand
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 27 May 2014, 9:42, Reply)

I've broken my cafetiere
:o(
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 27 May 2014, 9:25, Reply)

First world problems was last week

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 27 May 2014, 9:45, Reply)

Sad times
I'll have to go to Lars Ulrich to buy another one
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 27 May 2014, 9:51, Reply)

Get a proper coffee maker, you gay.

( Kroney, Tue 27 May 2014, 9:59, Reply)

We have a percolator here but I prefer a cafetiere in work

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 27 May 2014, 10:01, Reply)

yes, but why is it the law that the weather must turn to shit as soon as it's a bank holiday?
stupid country.

my birthday would make a good bank holiday, as it's part way between the august goodness and the christmas goodness. and people could celebrate my birth as you damn well ought to.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 27 May 2014, 9:26, Reply)

It was lovely up here all weekend
Rained for about 10 mins all weekend
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 27 May 2014, 9:29, Reply)

I'll arrange for all the virgins in the town of your birth to be sacrificed inside a giant wicker biscuit tin
Shouldn't take long to round them up
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 27 May 2014, 9:31, Reply)

aye, it's pissin it doon

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 27 May 2014, 9:31, Reply)

Things are oft bleak north of the wall

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 27 May 2014, 9:35, Reply)

I live north of the wall

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 27 May 2014, 9:42, Reply)

I've already got a bank holiday for my birthday.
Ha, non-bank holiday bitches.
( Kroney, Tue 27 May 2014, 9:45, Reply)

July 14th?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 27 May 2014, 9:50, Reply)

That'll be Bastille Day, I bet.
rofl and copters.
( Kroney, Tue 27 May 2014, 9:55, Reply)

LET THEM EAT COCK!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 27 May 2014, 10:00, Reply)

I think we should get both of Her Maj's birthdays off.
And that there should be one at the end of June/beginning of July. Maybe the Summer Solstice or summat.

Mrs V insisted we watch Les Miserables last night. We lasted about five minutes - specifically - until Russel Crowe starts to sing, when it became depressingly laughable.

Musicals are shit except for the Blues Brothers.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 27 May 2014, 9:47, Reply)

and Grease 2

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 27 May 2014, 9:49, Reply)

Well that goes without saying.
And Nil By Mouth, obvs.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 27 May 2014, 9:51, Reply)

We should get Nigel's birthday off in memory of the glorious defeat of the Muslamic fundamentalists and the end of their smelly food infecting this glorious nation.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 27 May 2014, 9:49, Reply)

And also celebrate that Nick Clegg is going to lose his job as a result of Nigel's tremendous efforts.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 27 May 2014, 9:50, Reply)

Well done Nigel, well done the UKIP lads #faragegoeslarge

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 27 May 2014, 9:51, Reply)

you're a terrible influence on that poor innocent little budgie

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 27 May 2014, 9:53, Reply)

English budgies 4 English people

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 27 May 2014, 10:00, Reply)

lemmy isn't an english budgie
they are the freaky show ones, with the massive heeds
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 27 May 2014, 10:06, Reply)

He was born here, his parents were born here, as were theirs, he hasn't come over here claiming benefits and causing the recession, he is learning our language and integrating with us. He has also shunned smelly food for an English diet of millet and seed
As such, Nigel and I have no problem with him.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 27 May 2014, 10:13, Reply)

hahaha

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 27 May 2014, 10:13, Reply)

66.147.242.177/~parrotp1/wp-content/uploads/2010/07/chriscont.jpg
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 27 May 2014, 10:31, Reply)

This should be your sig

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 27 May 2014, 10:59, Reply)

this baffles me
politicians are so desperate to deflect from their own failings that they can't wait to turn on each other.

oooh, squeals cameron, look what a shit job clegg did. sack him! the lib dems should sack him!

surely if he's part of the competition, and he's doing a shit job, you should shut the fuck up in case they replace him with someone more competent.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 27 May 2014, 9:52, Reply)

I have a bit of a muddy head this morning but what's new?
Im hoping everyone is hungover at work so it's an easier day.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 27 May 2014, 9:50, Reply)

I'm just fucked today
Mrs Cow woke me at 3am saying she'd heard a noise downstairs, then promptly fell asleep whilst I awaited our inevitable murder
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 27 May 2014, 9:51, Reply)

Haha! My cat was out all night. I was passed the fuck oot.
Hey. Least it's Wednesday tomorrow
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 27 May 2014, 9:51, Reply)

I hate that fucking timehop app on facefuck too,
I barely like your updates now so imagine how much I relish a revisit from one 2 years ago...
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 27 May 2014, 9:51, Reply)

ha!
This! Most people's I've seen are saying they are the wrong dates anyway
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 27 May 2014, 9:52, Reply)

Those of you who use Twitter should have a look @Odd_Miliband

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 27 May 2014, 9:54, Reply)

I strongly dislike Milliband, snivelling, slimy weasel.

( Kroney, Tue 27 May 2014, 9:56, Reply)

His brother would have been much better
but he fucked SAFC over by being a tit about Di Canio when it was mainly to up his American shit
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 27 May 2014, 9:59, Reply)

His brother will be back this year I reckon - to make a go of the leadership for the General Election.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 27 May 2014, 9:59, Reply)

I watched quite a lot of the election coverage, leader interviews etc
Miliband came off really badly. Farage, on the other hand, came off quite well. Considering the amount of pricks that vote for the person over the politics, that might go some way to explaining his success this weekend.
( Kroney, Tue 27 May 2014, 10:02, Reply)

This is why voting should not be a right, but earned.
Anyone voting because - as that woman said "he likes a pint and a smoke - that's what we need" should be denied the vote. CF "he's got nice hair".

When Blair's third child was born while he was in office, and he appeared outside No 10 in a shirt with no tie, sleeves rolled up and a mug of tea - Christ - that's what voting for the person not the politics gets you.

People who vote like that need to be shot.

Twice.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 27 May 2014, 10:05, Reply)

It's the sheer number of people that vote for a party
because they've always voted for a party, or because their friends and family vote for a particular party, too. The parties flip flop over things so often that I'm often voting for a different party every time there's an election.
( Kroney, Tue 27 May 2014, 10:12, Reply)

This too.
"Oh I'm a XXXXX man - always have been, always will be."

They don't seem to see any problem with this thinking, and thus they shouldn't be allowed to vote.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 27 May 2014, 10:15, Reply)

I'm just going to vote Farage.
He likes a pint and has a manly haircut. Just the sort we need.
( Kroney, Tue 27 May 2014, 10:21, Reply)

I'm waaaay cleverer than that.
I irono-vote. Because I'm way clever, see?
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 27 May 2014, 10:28, Reply)

May 4th, obvs
Bank holiday was spent studying, as was most of my time in Spain, and will all my evenings and free time until the 4th be. Also wanking
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 27 May 2014, 10:01, Reply)

Shit Donations for Gonz!
www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-27503660
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 27 May 2014, 10:08, Reply)

We need one a month I think
Keep morale up
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 27 May 2014, 10:37, Reply)

This would be fucking great

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 27 May 2014, 10:37, Reply)

In TH's Britain, everyone will be happy
Thanks to the 'Happiness Induction Centres' that I'm planning to implement. If anyone expresses any displeasure with the system, we take them into the centre for a course of happiness with our team of highly trained scientists.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 27 May 2014, 11:04, Reply)

"In the Happiness Factory, we grind out joy like sausage, and like sausage, we primarily rely on lips and assholes for our ingredient base."
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 27 May 2014, 11:25, Reply)

And we shall have peace :)

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 27 May 2014, 11:26, Reply)

What a shitty day. I guess everybody else is just as swamped with work as I am.
Just had a Twix though, so that's a plus.
( Kroney, Tue 27 May 2014, 10:44, Reply)

No boss today so not too bad here
Thank fuck
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 27 May 2014, 10:47, Reply)

We're two men down out of a five man department
on a one day payroll day. That won't mean a lot to you, but we've got something like 1700 users and none of them have any fucking idea of how to do their jobs.
( Kroney, Tue 27 May 2014, 10:51, Reply)

Oh dear
Not good
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 27 May 2014, 10:52, Reply)

just put out some traditional cornish sweets from the office, that i bought from the traditional cornish sweet shoppe
traditional cornish fudge, made with traditional cornish clotted cream, traditional chocolate covered cornish cinder toffee, traditional cornish peanut brittle, traditional cornish chocolate covered turkish delight...

really cornwall? REALLY?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 27 May 2014, 10:48, Reply)

Turkish delight was first made in Boscastle

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 27 May 2014, 10:51, Reply)

The proper ones contain carrots.
If it doesn't have carrots, you can't call them Turkish Delight.
( Kroney, Tue 27 May 2014, 10:55, Reply)

They make a special one with turnip too
A Swedish Delight
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 27 May 2014, 11:03, Reply)

LEAVE THE INTERNET IMMEDIATELY AND FOREVER.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 27 May 2014, 11:05, Reply)

\o/

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 27 May 2014, 11:06, Reply)

I just had my shit interrupted by a fire drill.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Tue 27 May 2014, 10:56, Reply)

Crimp it and leg it, soldier.

( Kroney, Tue 27 May 2014, 10:56, Reply)

I got some knowing glances as I shuffled across the car park to the muster point.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Tue 27 May 2014, 10:57, Reply)

You should have pulled your trousers up first.

( Muns, Tue 27 May 2014, 11:01, Reply)

Thats a Magnus
I've started so I'll finish
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 27 May 2014, 10:59, Reply)

I was reading a story by a soldier who served in Afghanistan.
They stopped so his passenger could nip out and take a dump. They came under fire and he yelled for his mate to get back in the vehicle only to find him already running back.

All I could think was "oh, gross, he hasn't wiped or anything."

I'll never make a soldier.
( Kroney, Tue 27 May 2014, 11:01, Reply)

Better a shitty arse than a missing one

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 27 May 2014, 11:03, Reply)

It'll really itch after a while.
Especially if you're running around getting all sweaty.
( Kroney, Tue 27 May 2014, 11:05, Reply)

Yes, but you'd still have arms to scratch it

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 27 May 2014, 11:07, Reply)

War's a cruel mistress.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Tue 27 May 2014, 11:11, Reply)

Made crueler by an itchy, shitty ring.
It's those Talibans I blame. Not gentlemen, you know. Not sporting. Give a chap time to pull his kecks up, what?
( Kroney, Tue 27 May 2014, 11:16, Reply)

Yet another example of Mussie savagery.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 27 May 2014, 11:20, Reply)

i read this as
"my turd was so toxic that it set off the fire alarm"
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 27 May 2014, 10:59, Reply)

this is the sort of thing that would ruin my entire day
My heart goes with you
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 27 May 2014, 11:05, Reply)

not to mention, my clacker valve

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 27 May 2014, 11:07, Reply)

he f
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 27 May 2014, 11:12, Reply)

Excellent sig.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 27 May 2014, 11:14, Reply)

Excellent suggestion

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 27 May 2014, 11:16, Reply)

english budgies are weird looking
their heads are too big for their bodies.

oh.....
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 27 May 2014, 11:24, Reply)

It's nice that I get bullied on *and* offline now :'(''''''''''''''

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 27 May 2014, 11:25, Reply)

it needs monty here to support me on why this is hilarious
where is that mcbeef when you need it?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 27 May 2014, 11:26, Reply)

HIS NAME IS BUTT-SMELL

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 27 May 2014, 11:27, Reply)

We're all witness to this horrendous abuse.
I'm sure that, when the time comes, the whole off /offtopic will act as character witnesses so you can get custody of the budgie.
( Muns, Tue 27 May 2014, 11:26, Reply)

I paid for him, he is 100% MINE.
But cheers for the support Munstso
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 27 May 2014, 11:28, Reply)

Always a pleasure.
I know how messy stuff like that can get. Vulnerable pets need protecting.
( Muns, Tue 27 May 2014, 11:30, Reply)

It's nice knowing I won't have to dress up as Batman and climb on top of his cage.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 27 May 2014, 11:31, Reply)

Ha!

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 27 May 2014, 11:31, Reply)

Robin would be more appropriate.

( Muns, Tue 27 May 2014, 11:34, Reply)

Flaptain America

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 27 May 2014, 11:35, Reply)

Bird on a hire

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 27 May 2014, 11:35, Reply)

The Incredible Hawk!

( Muns, Tue 27 May 2014, 11:36, Reply)

HE WAS A GIFT!

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 27 May 2014, 11:35, Reply)

To David, Lots of love from David x

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 27 May 2014, 11:36, Reply)

HIS NAME IS LEMMY
short for royal lemington the third king of kensington
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 27 May 2014, 11:38, Reply)

You are a fucking idiot.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 27 May 2014, 11:40, Reply)

not really
it's short for lemon meringue pied, because he's yellow and grey in patches
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 27 May 2014, 11:42, Reply)

+ Motörhead

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 27 May 2014, 11:43, Reply)

His name is Lemmy 'Meatsnake' [MY SURNAME]
IT SAYS SO ON THE FORM IN THE PET SHOP
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 27 May 2014, 11:40, Reply)

Celine Dion's lesser known...

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 27 May 2014, 11:22, Reply)

Someone start a new thread please

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 27 May 2014, 11:26, Reply)