Fuck, exwife has contacted me through fb. Not seen the mad fucker for 20 something years, marriage lasted 7months. Got some nice pressies though.When did you lastget a kick in the genitals from social media?
Btw, she's not after a shag, just wants to be fb chums.
(DBT became a fruitarian on, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 17:58, 121 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

Harters Mk 2 ^
You'll be eating curried goat and drinking Red Stripe by the end of the week.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 18:00, Reply)

Ha!

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 18:01, Reply)

She's not of the brown persuasion. Wasn't last time I looked.She's just dumped hubby number four :(

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 18:04, Reply)

I assumes she likes toast then.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 18:06, Reply)

Looking to hook back up with number one

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 18:18, Reply)

crop rotation

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 19:51, Reply)

In the 14th century.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 2 Jun 2014, 20:14, Reply)

crop rotation buck rogers
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 21:17, Reply)

oh good another midlife crisis

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 18:03, Reply)

Hartly hare^

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 18:04, Reply)

Does hh have a mental ex?

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 18:05, Reply)

Don't we all?

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 18:05, Reply)

Your current wife has contacted me through fb
Btw, she doesn't want to be fb chums, she's just after a shag
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 18:06, Reply)

Textbook.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 18:06, Reply)

Make sure you pay in advance please.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 18:08, Reply)

The only reason people contact their exes via facebook is because they are bored in the mirth of their own making.
Especially after that length of time.

Delete and block.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 18:06, Reply)

7 months? Fucking hell that makes my marriage seriously long term by comparison.
Why did you split up? Details man. Details.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 18:08, Reply)

We were both 22, med students. It seemed a good idea at the time through a fug of booze, coke, interesting chemicals and shagging.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 18:09, Reply)

That sounds dull. Please make up a more interesting version of events. Thanks.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 18:13, Reply)

Nah, we were really into each other. Summer holidays came, she went to Italy for a few weeks with her mates, and ended up shagging a taxi driver. She told me, Itold her to fuck off. Assay, we got some cool pressies. I

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 18:18, Reply)

Sounds a classy woman.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 18:19, Reply)

Parents rich ad Creseus, common as fuck. God knows what the wedding cost.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 18:21, Reply)

Bit young really.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 18:19, Reply)

Ha ha couldn't satisfy a woman, sloppy seconds to a wop

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 18:20, Reply)

:((

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 18:21, Reply)

Woppy seconds

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 18:21, Reply)

hahaha

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 18:22, Reply)

That,s actually humorous.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 18:28, Reply)

Dr can't even spell bones correctly.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 18:38, Reply)

summer loving
had me a blast
summer loving
happened so fast
i met a girl
crazy for me
met a boy
he drove a taxi

and he wasn't my husband
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 18:26, Reply)

The logic is simple
You married and divorced a woman.
Women are mental.
Therefore, your ex is mental.
And that's SCIENCE!
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 18:11, Reply)

You have a head, it looks like a bollock
Therefore you are a bollock head
That's SCIENCE
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 18:17, Reply)

Tweeting this.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 18:18, Reply)

syllogisms
all men are bastards
naked ape is a man
therefore naked ape is a bastard

that's PHILOSOPHY.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 18:26, Reply)

Misanthropy

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 18:32, Reply)

my friend just recommended this place for american trip later in the year
did they not think about the name?

www.artisanalbistro.com/
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 18:30, Reply)

#Susanalbumparty

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 18:33, Reply)

If you work in any sort of professional capacity in which you present to clients or have to use your real name
Don't go on facebook.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 19:17, Reply)

Depends on the privacy settings you select.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 19:22, Reply)

I don't really know how that works, I suppose
But I'm the ugly face of my own business, have a questionable but generally legal past and don't want the two to collide.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 19:30, Reply)

I'm on fb, twitter etc, but have max privacy settings, and don't posr tales of massive drugs, etc.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 19:41, Reply)

But you can still be contacted by people who want to contact you.

( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 19:46, Reply)

You can block them.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 19:48, Reply)

And then they say to the rest of Farcebook....?

( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 19:49, Reply)

They can say what they like, if you're not friends with someone then they can't tag you in a post so you can't be identified.
But then, if they know your personal details and employment I suppose there is a minor chance they could open a smear campaign against you.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 2 Jun 2014, 19:53, Reply)

Ive not upset anyone enough tohave them smear me hopefully...

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 19:56, Reply)

It's not a smear campaign that worries me
Professionally I'd be friends with x and y

I'd also be friends with A and B who are nutters from my old life. X and Y might find the days I spent with A and B somewhat hair-raising.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 19:58, Reply)

Best stay away then.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 2 Jun 2014, 20:13, Reply)

As sub-thread start
I've got a fairly distinctive real name too, so best not.

I don't think I'm missing much.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 20:17, Reply)

Depends on what you want to do with it, really.
A lot of former posters on here are on FB and the threads get a bit OT-esque at times.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 2 Jun 2014, 20:23, Reply)

I went to a wedding a year or so ago and people I'd not seen for ages asked why I wasn't on FB
So I signed up and thought it was a big waste of time.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 20:30, Reply)

I signed up after my ex-wife's funeral
as there were a lot of old friends and family there that I quite missed.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 2 Jun 2014, 20:31, Reply)

Yeah, but you don't have to respond to them
and if you're locked down they can't see anything anyway. That said, some people are incredibly dim when it comes to this... the missus has a colleague who has never put a full week in since she started in September, and her FB account is completely open. A few months ago she posted one of those neknominate videos and then didn't go into work the next day. Ditto the number of pissed up nights out she's had on a Sunday and not turned in on Monday, but has updated her FB page to notify all and sundry how trolleyed she'd got the night before.

How she hasn't been sacked yet is a mystery.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 2 Jun 2014, 19:48, Reply)

^ this

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 19:49, Reply)

Alright love?

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 2 Jun 2014, 19:54, Reply)

Shocking. Absolutely shocking. This is day two of my hangover following heavey drinking on Friday and Saturday.
How are you son?
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 19:57, Reply)

Not bad.
Was nearly late for work this morning as I had one of those 'waking dreams' in which I was convinced I was up and about drinking coffee and getting ready for work. Then the missus nudged me in the ribs and said "It's 8.15".

On the plus side it sounds like I could have a bit more work coming up where I am.

I can't remember the last time I had a 2 day hangover.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 2 Jun 2014, 20:12, Reply)

But if I could, I'm sure it would have been the best hangover in the world.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 2 Jun 2014, 20:16, Reply)

I think this is full on alcohol poisoning.
Good news about work.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 20:17, Reply)

It's pretty mundane, to be honest
but the days pass quickly and it's a job. And I don't bring it home with me. Plus I'm working in a psychiatric hospital and some of the patients are a hoot. Not in a point and laugh way, they're just... pragmatic.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 2 Jun 2014, 20:20, Reply)

Your time on B3ta over the years will have prepared you well for a psychiatric hospital.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 20:22, Reply)

Indeed.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 2 Jun 2014, 20:23, Reply)

Facebook is 'fucking shit'

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 20:00, Reply)

Calm down, Monty.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 2 Jun 2014, 20:15, Reply)

Tits or gtfo

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 2 Jun 2014, 20:01, Reply)

( . )( . )

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 20:02, Reply)

I'm an arse man myself

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 20:16, Reply)

HI JASON!

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 2 Jun 2014, 20:17, Reply)

That made me chuckle. It's good being a stupid man child, I'm so easily pleased.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 20:17, Reply)

I'm 43 and still a stupid man-child.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 2 Jun 2014, 20:22, Reply)

Will you ever win?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 20:28, Reply)

I'm a born winner, me.
Like Scotland in world cup qualifiers; you learn to appreciate the highs and chalk the lows down to experience and shit management.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 2 Jun 2014, 20:30, Reply)

Turn around, ask yourself

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 20:35, Reply)

Did you have a dream? A dream come true?

( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 20:45, Reply)

I had a dream this morning that I was getting ready for work.
At about 8.15 it came true.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 2 Jun 2014, 20:50, Reply)

bit gay

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 20:17, Reply)

Yeah we know u r bender

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 20:18, Reply)

only 4 u bbz xx

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 20:19, Reply)

Put a tenant in a flat on Sunday
Up two flights of stairs, following her in her very tight jeans.

I really was struggling to talk to her. Cracking jugs too.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 20:24, Reply)

Nothing pervy about this post ^

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 20:25, Reply)

I went back down the stairs on a hairy pogo stick

( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 20:26, Reply)

Pfft.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 2 Jun 2014, 20:27, Reply)

I had to sit in the car and pant a bit before I was fit to drive home.

( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 20:35, Reply)

p w
t k
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 20:37, Reply)

I took the whole situation into my own hands subsequently

( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 20:43, Reply)

did sik

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 21:29, Reply)

roffle

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 20:34, Reply)

Yeah, looks are all that matter

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 21:31, Reply)

Angry Cunt - one for Sunday?
metro.co.uk/2014/06/02/restaurant-launches-2500-calorie-burger-with-17-types-of-beef-for-fathers-day-4747164/
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 20:57, Reply)

I saw that. Made me feel sick.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 20:59, Reply)

You'd need to unhinge your jaw

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 21:07, Reply)

I'm still working.
This isn't good.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 21:35, Reply)

HMHB Party on sportscow's facebook wall
Last one there is a Joy Division Oven Glove.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 22:01, Reply)

Blue Badge Abuser is a classic.
Not that I have any idea what a 'sportscow wall' looks like.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 22:08, Reply)

OI CUNT STOP PICKING ON ME

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 22:39, Reply)

Which cunt in particular are you referencing
You niggy noggy mi ex Julie banger?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 22:42, Reply)

All of the Ex's cunts
not at the same time though
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 22:44, Reply)

How are you anyway mate?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 22:45, Reply)

Fucking good
very good, I'm playing the piss of recruiters game at the moment
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 22:47, Reply)

What does that mean in English?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 22:49, Reply)

I have loads of head-hunters calling me, emailing each week
I've turned it into a sport
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 22:51, Reply)

You might - at some point - want to turn it in to a job.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 22:54, Reply)

Valid point......just like the end of my SPEAR TIP

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 22:56, Reply)

Did your old company ever reform or is that dead in the water?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 22:57, Reply)

Not so much dead in the water more like lead in the water

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 23:00, Reply)

You?

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 22:49, Reply)

Spot on. Working too many hours, but enjoying life enough.
Should be heading to Spain for a few days next week.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 22:55, Reply)

The Dorris?

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 22:56, Reply)

She should be coming along as well.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 22:57, Reply)

During the world cup are you mad?

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 23:02, Reply)

I'll be there for the Italy game.
On the piss. In the sun (well, not during the game, it'll be night). But in theory. In the sun.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 23:04, Reply)

Dorris has no idea does she?

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 23:06, Reply)

Her suggestion!
Sunshine, football and booze.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 23:08, Reply)

WINNAH^

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 23:09, Reply)

Jeff's missus makes an incredibly convincing woman on firt glance
but there's subtle clues for the dedicated observer.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 3 Jun 2014, 8:32, Reply)