As a soon to be employer, any tips from anyone? As a partner I was one, but the practice manager did all that shit I just wrote the sick notes.I've never really worked much in a employer:employee relationship.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 9:33, 226 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

Don't employ any Eastern Europeans.
They have light fingers.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 9:35, Reply)

Don't be a cunt

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 9:36, Reply)

I'll remember that ty frog.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 9:37, Reply)

Also assign staff numbers rather than using names to take away any unwanted individualism, lets them know they are merely cogs in your corporate machine

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 9:38, Reply)

Thank you number two.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 9:40, Reply)

Never employ anyone who can do the job standing on their head.
Otherwise it'll be almost impossible to train them to do tge job the way you want it done.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 9:38, Reply)

Only employ ball-achingly hot bar staff

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 8 Aug 2014, 9:40, Reply)

^ Gay

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 9:46, Reply)

^Asking for it

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 8 Aug 2014, 10:22, Reply)

remember women cant handle any kind of responsibility, if you ask them to do something which requires a modicum of brainpower and they fuck up its no ones fault but your own

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 9:42, Reply)

DULY NOTED

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 9:54, Reply)

I know someone who built up, successfully ran and then sold on for dolla dolla a very successful brand and management consultancy.
I can put you in touch, if you like?
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 9:53, Reply)

I actually know all the staff, I've been a regular for ten odd years.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 9:53, Reply)

How long have the staff worked there?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 9:57, Reply)

Head barman, about five yrars, he's leaving Feb to go travelling, rest few years to about a month. Some just do one shift a week.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 10:01, Reply)

So as employees, they have rights and you can't just sack them.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 10:06, Reply)

he can if he asks them to sign new employment contracts

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 10:08, Reply)

The ones who have only a few shifts get cash in hand, no contracts.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 10:14, Reply)

I hope these wages are declared to HMRC

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 10:17, Reply)

they are paid through a company in Cyprus

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 10:19, Reply)

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post2316572
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 10:23, Reply)

you can't claim to be a labour supporter and evade tax, it makes NO SENSE

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 10:24, Reply)

bragg must be crying into his copy of the socialist worker

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 10:26, Reply)

I claim to be a Green supporter and drive an old, fuel-inefficient car.
I'm saying here that either I believe you can align mostly with a party's beliefs but not all of them, or that I am a hypocrit.
( Kroney, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 10:37, Reply)

Actually the fact that you are recycling an old car
is greener than buying a new prius
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 11:10, Reply)

get them to sign them
They don't have to be arsey contract but just sets out what you expect from them and also what they can expect from you
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 10:20, Reply)

1.1 blozzers in the basement

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 10:21, Reply)

I hope those wages aren't funneled in to a third party's bank account

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 10:20, Reply)

So they already know you're a massive pisshead and will be able to fuck about?
BRILLIANT
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 10:23, Reply)

I'll be cutting the booze down.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 10:25, Reply)

What kind of shit pub is this?

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 10:28, Reply)

i worked in a number of pubs as a student
i liked and respected the owners who:

were friendly but kept a professional distance
worked hard and made me want to work hard for them
stood for no shit
were very organised in terms of rotas etc

also, i never worked in a single pub where someone didn't have their hand in the till at some point (you'd think there was a common link, but it was NOT me!). they always got caught in the end. the 2 pubs with good landlords who were always on site caught them within a fortnight. the big chain pub took months.

and it was so fucking obvious it was the manager. she stood there, shift after shift, shovelling coins into the slot machines.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 9:57, Reply)

Ensure your staff respect you by ensuring all written communications are well written with correct spelling and grammar in neat legible handwriting

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 9:59, Reply)

I'll get the missus to do these.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 10:04, Reply)

Buy matching staff uniforms, ideally like 16th century serving wenchs

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 10:00, Reply)

let them keep their tips.
Chances on they will be robbing you blind anyway
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 10:03, Reply)

They all have their own tip glasses,

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 10:05, Reply)

fuck that, ban tips, tell them they can only have drinks bought for them to be drunk "off shift"
that way you take home a portion of the tip as profit
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 10:14, Reply)

p t
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 10:06, Reply)

When you walk around the pub frequently shout
"Raus" whilst whipping a horse crop against your patent leather boots.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 10:24, Reply)

Call them "untermenschen"
and lock offenders in the cupboard under the stairs in lieu of an actual cooler.
( Kroney, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 10:26, Reply)

Stripey pj staff uniforms too.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 10:27, Reply)

this is proper lol
how not to bring an employment claim

www.rollonfriday.com/TheNews/EuropeNews/tabid/58/Id/3478/fromTab/36/currentIndex/4/Default.aspx
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 10:27, Reply)

woah black lawyer bam a lam

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 10:29, Reply)

I did have a smirk at the Clyde and Co place listed on the right.
#SorryBoutIt
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 10:29, Reply)

My mate should have hired him when he lost his job on the dodgems.
He wanted to sue for Funfare Dismissal.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 10:54, Reply)

Yes.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 10:57, Reply)

No.
That didn't really happen.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 10:58, Reply)

Have cameras placed right above the tills.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 10:28, Reply)

ill oilet
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 10:30, Reply)

Keep your schiebe fanasies to gaz, yer?

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 10:36, Reply)

ESZETT FAIL

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 10:37, Reply)

I can't do them fancy things. I can't even do an umlaut

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 10:39, Reply)

or an apostrophe
YEAH I SAW THAT
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 10:40, Reply)

*shakes fist*

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 10:56, Reply)

ahhh grim you're flicking your boyfriend shit everywhere

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 11:08, Reply)

You're fucked.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 8 Aug 2014, 10:34, Reply)

Are you sure it wouldn't just be a better idea to get someone with experience to run the pub for you?

( wanderlust, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 10:35, Reply)

I'm only a six figure job offer away, and at something of a loose end.

(Mr Udagawa, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 10:37, Reply)

ha ha what a stupid idea! typical woman!

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 10:38, Reply)

what are we like eh?!

( wanderlust, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 10:49, Reply)

snakes with tits

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 10:55, Reply)

The wife has been a dep manager, andI've done some bar work.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 10:40, Reply)

No one says dep manager anymore. It's not the 80s.
Things have changed and I think you've got a bit of a shock coming your way.
( wanderlust, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 10:49, Reply)

I think we'll be ok.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 10:54, Reply)

I BELIVE IN U DOC

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 10:55, Reply)

yeah fuck you then Doc Giro

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 11:09, Reply)

And after you spelt 'believe' in his mother tongue too, so ungrateful

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 11:10, Reply)

tongue tied

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 11:13, Reply)

you will now you've sorted out those menus which were 'a bit limited'

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 10:57, Reply)

YOUR FACE is a bit limited

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 10:59, Reply)

Bell's palsy :(

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 11:02, Reply)

I hope you are.
Have you even applied to do a pl exam yet?
( wanderlust, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 10:58, Reply)

You have to admire his self-confidence.
/bull-headedness
( Kroney, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 11:27, Reply)

Bar staff who claim to be 'working from home'
Are probably not being as productive as you might hope.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 10:35, Reply)

Are you going to let us know which pub it is so we can come mock you IRL?

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 10:37, Reply)

Keep an eye on how many pints you sell from each barrel and shots sold from each bottle
Those that don't nick from the till directly often give their mates free drinks or take the money and pocket it so the till still balances.
( Peej, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 11:39, Reply)

I can't imagine why anybody would want to run a pub.
It sounds fucking awful.
( Kroney, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 11:40, Reply)

'I love eating, best open a resturant'.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 11:44, Reply)

alright B3th?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 11:44, Reply)

run a pub work in IT
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 11:44, Reply)

I admit, that decision was ill-conceived.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 11:46, Reply)

Fair point.

( Kroney, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 11:47, Reply)

The money's ok, at least.
*Sobs*
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 8 Aug 2014, 11:51, Reply)

I'm not going to pretend I'm hard done by, but it's less than people seem to think it is.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 11:54, Reply)

We need figures.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 11:55, Reply)

You go with a guess and I'll Bruce Forsythe it for you.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 11:57, Reply)

£1million per annum

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 11:57, Reply)

Lower.
QED.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 11:59, Reply)

£14k

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 12:00, Reply)

I really enjoyed bar work. It was tiring and long at times but it was social and fun.
The bar flys that frequent pubs can be quite the characters, despite their tumble into alcohol dependency.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 11:47, Reply)

we worked out i used to serve frank in his local pub
i can think of several people that might have been him.

your description is not inaccurate.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 11:50, Reply)

I only did bar work in Newcastle so it wouldn't have been him.
I don't recall anyone covered in parrot shit either.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 11:56, Reply)

Tills are all itemised for stock control, I've noticed staff nomming bar snacks and not paying, one in particular.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 11:48, Reply)

That won't help when things don't go through the till

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 11:50, Reply)

One would hope that his stock is also itemised for stock control purposes.

( Kroney, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 11:51, Reply)

Because then you could cross reference against the till.

( Kroney, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 11:53, Reply)

I came up with this by myself, without any previous pub experience at all.
Therefore I'm sure it's already been thought of and implemented.
( Kroney, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 11:53, Reply)

In a lot of pubs stock control consists of 'shit, we've run out of cheese and onion, best put a box on this weeks order'.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 11:56, Reply)

It's quite a hefty computer programme.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 11:58, Reply)

me
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 8 Aug 2014, 12:01, Reply)

Just get the staff to do the physical stock check, no obvious flaws there

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 11:55, Reply)

It almost like he didn't read what I wrote.
His pub will fail in 3 months
( Peej, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 12:11, Reply)

It's like he's choosing to only hear what he wants to hear and ignoring all our sage advice

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 12:13, Reply)

Some pumps itemise what's poured and the time.
Obviously there's wastage but you can get an approximation.

That said, I don't think I've been to a pub where the staff don't help themselves to crisps or juice.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 11:53, Reply)

Juice is ok, this one guy is always stuffing his fat gob.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 11:57, Reply)

Does he look like you? Is there a mirror behind the bar?

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 11:58, Reply)

You're a bit bitchy today.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 12:00, Reply)

I was responding to a thread, whar is the pissy response for?

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 12:01, Reply)

howtorunapub.co.uk/
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 12:17, Reply)

D'ya fancy packing in your proper career, I'll quit my meaningless job, and running a pub with me?
We can get all the help and advice we need from our OT pals!!!
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 12:20, Reply)

i'll stick with the shitcom

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 12:23, Reply)

Yeah me too

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 12:24, Reply)

urgh
people should have more pride in their job than to shovel food in their gaping maws in front of the customers
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 11:58, Reply)

I used to do it all the time when I worked in the bookies.
One customer had a strop because I got rib sauce all over his betting slip, lol.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 12:01, Reply)

hahaha

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 12:15, Reply)

Nonsense - a job is merely a thing you do to enable you to do other things.
As such no one involved in it is deserving of any respect at all.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 12:13, Reply)

make sure the waste book is filled in too!

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 11:57, Reply)

140/5

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 11:46, Reply)

I'll tell you one thing, give it three months and I'd be genuinely interested to see the place.

( Kroney, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 12:19, Reply)