Morning!
Another lovely autumn morning of light drizzle and gloom. I hope your dreary commutes smelled as fragrant as can be expected and involved an unusually low number of farting plebs, menkle cyclists, and Audi drivers.
(old man river possible lesbian, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 8:33, 115 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

What is the state pension like these days mate?

(Mr Udagawa, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 8:35, Reply)

dunno ... why don't you Google it?

(old man river possible lesbian, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 8:37, Reply)

It's like money you get paid off the state for being old?

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 8:41, Reply)

it's political correctness gone mad

(old man river possible lesbian, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 8:45, Reply)

Oh hi!
It wasn't a smelly commute, but yeah, it was shit.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 9:00, Reply)

Drove in today. So much more civilised.

( Kroney, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 9:07, Reply)

I bet it was an Audi, you terrible road-hog.

(old man river possible lesbian, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 9:08, Reply)

The woman's Suzuki.
I drive an old VW.

My previous car was an Audi. I got that crushed. I hope this is enough information to formulate a good bullying.
( Kroney, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 9:10, Reply)

A cowboy walks into a car dealership





AUDI
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 9:13, Reply)

That's a nice story. I didn't know it was Jockanory time already.

( Kroney, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 9:15, Reply)

Stand in the corner and think about what you've done.

(old man river possible lesbian, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 9:15, Reply)

I am thinking I have done good
Is this correct?
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 9:18, Reply)

I'll give you another guess.

(old man river possible lesbian, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 9:20, Reply)

Oh I am now doing my sad face
I hope that makes you happy
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 9:22, Reply)

it totally does

(old man river possible lesbian, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 9:23, Reply)

jelly.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post2420807
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 9:24, Reply)

I don't really have an armoury of car bullying. Sorry.
They're just boxes on wheels. Ummm ... something about the Krauts and Japs losing the war, maybe? I dunno.
(old man river possible lesbian, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 9:14, Reply)

Mine has a name.

( Kroney, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 9:16, Reply)

'Kev&Bev' on the sticker, we know

(Mr Udagawa, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 9:17, Reply)

I am also a bit of a retard
and name my cars
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 9:18, Reply)

Seeing as my numberplate ends KWP
I have named the car Kwpenhagen after Sir Arthur Wellesley's warhorse.

I'm the Iron Duke in this narrative, if that isn't clear.
( Kroney, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 9:19, Reply)

is it a kwpé?

(old man river possible lesbian, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 9:20, Reply)

This pleases me. From now on, that is exactly what the car is.

( Kroney, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 9:21, Reply)

your car? or your Jap's?

(old man river possible lesbian, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 9:19, Reply)

Mine. Though the woman's car also has a name.

( Kroney, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 9:20, Reply)

Is the womens car called... wait for it.... BUMPER
cos women are bad drivers ahahahahahahahahahahahah
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 9:23, Reply)

I think you will find *sne* that statistically speaking *sne* female drivers are etc etc

(old man river possible lesbian, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 9:24, Reply)

+ due to in general having their accidents at lower speeds

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 9:28, Reply)

picked my car up from its service the other day
i was surprised that it hadn't needed new brake pads or anything else brake related, so i asked. the guy said, "nope, only 10% worn." i said, "but it hasn't had the brakes touched in ages," and he said....

"YOU MUST BE AN EXCELLENT DRIVER THEN."

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! CAR MECHANIC VALIDATION!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 9:37, Reply)

christ alive your life must be dull

(old man river possible lesbian, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 9:39, Reply)

It's more likely because you live in London
and therefore never get above 8 miles per hour.
( Muns, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 9:40, Reply)

THIS

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 9:42, Reply)

spoilsport
this is literally the most exciting thing that's happened to get this year
(old man river possible lesbian, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 9:44, Reply)

Someone should swap her tampons with party poppers to liven things up.

( Muns, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 9:45, Reply)

party popper? giant confetti canon more like

(old man river possible lesbian, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 9:56, Reply)

if your kids' heads are as big as yours
it's not surprising this is what you think all cunts look like :(
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 10:01, Reply)

it's like you're actually making a conscious effort to be thick about everything

(old man river possible lesbian, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 10:04, Reply)

on a satirical website
imagine that.

just imagine it.

oh yeah. you have no imagination.

as you were.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 10:06, Reply)

gotcha ... you're being "satirically" thick ... righto
and pretending not to know what "satirical" means is just a bit of meta-satire

cool
(old man river possible lesbian, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 10:08, Reply)

the autist is strong in this one

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 10:11, Reply)

yeah
i should be taking kids to a festival and taking drugs, man. then back to a little boxy house with a shit garden and no job.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 9:53, Reply)

dunno who you're talking about, Glumbelina

(old man river possible lesbian, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 9:54, Reply)

everyone else does

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 9:57, Reply)

yerr ... like anybody else reads your replies when you're in sulky tubefart mode

(old man river possible lesbian, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 10:03, Reply)

my cab smelled like pineapple this morning
i don't really like pineapples. spiky little bastards.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 10:03, Reply)

literally nobody on earth cares about your journey to work

(old man river possible lesbian, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 10:05, Reply)

better than your journey down the doley office

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 10:07, Reply)

prolly

(old man river possible lesbian, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 10:09, Reply)

or....you don't use the car much
or since the average speed of traffic in London is sub 10 mph they never get used much.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 9:42, Reply)

it does a bit of round-town pootling
but mostly it gets long motorway journeys. nottingham this weekend.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 9:51, Reply)

Sorry. We're closed.

( Muns, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 9:52, Reply)

it's not even real nottingham
it's a suburb of nottingham.

:(
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 9:53, Reply)

Ew. Which one?

( Muns, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 9:54, Reply)

west bridgford, apparently
we're going to watch them turn on the christmas lights, because my friend has shat out a crotchfruit.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 9:57, Reply)

West Bridgford is alright.
Quit your moaning.
( Muns, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 10:01, Reply)

i've only been once before
it just looked like an estate of new houses, not too offensive.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 10:02, Reply)

There are some lovely old houses there, the new builds are all a bit meh.
If you've never been into the city centre, that's quite a sight to behold. A strange mixture of beautiful old buildings and sixties architecture clustered together.
( Muns, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 10:05, Reply)

i've been very drunk in a church that is now an allbarone or something
that was a bit of a head fuck.

especially when my very beautiful, absolutely tiny, friend let rip with a beer fart that managed to clear the area. given the height of the ceilings and the size of the space, that was quite some feat.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 10:08, Reply)

I just looked out the window to check. Pitcher and Piano.
All Bar One is just around the corner.
( Muns, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 10:09, Reply)

p&p it was
i think we're more likely to be in a west bridgford garden centre these days, but i'll get her to blow a fart in your general direction anyway.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 10:11, Reply)

I'll be elsewhere dealing with other christmas light switch ons this weekend.
Fucking no idea how they attract such crowds, they're tedious as hell and usually have some local radio DJ from the breakfast show being a lolwacky cunt.
( Muns, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 10:20, Reply)

^ this ^
the last time i went was to see the spice girls do it on regent street in the 90's.

i might be "late" so i miss the west bridgford one.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 10:21, Reply)

The only time I would've enjoyed one was in the nineties.
Blue turned the lights on, and they caught fire.
( Muns, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 10:23, Reply)

Also as an aside
your car will have a brake pad sensor in it that will let you know when they are starting to get worn
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 10:13, Reply)

How do you know what model her daddy bought her?

( Muns, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 10:21, Reply)

i fucking wish
selfish git spending all his money on himself
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 10:22, Reply)

You've taken the silly old man for enough already treacs

(Mr Udagawa, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 10:31, Reply)

All mercs of that era have it

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 10:29, Reply)

Working from home kicks ass, I don't have to worry about any of that shit

( Glovington, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 9:15, Reply)

apparently this means you're unemployable

(old man river possible lesbian, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 9:18, Reply)

Too many farting cyclists

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 9:24, Reply)

there's nothing quite like squeaking a guff through tight Lycra

(old man river possible lesbian, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 9:26, Reply)

Bifurcated wind
road.cc/content/news/111592-unique-essax-shark-saddle-launched%E2%80%A6%C2%A0who-needs-hole-when-you-can-have-fin
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 9:28, Reply)

i saw those
looks like an excellent scam to wear out your shorts quicker

and give you an awkward boner
(old man river possible lesbian, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 9:32, Reply)

at your age that's only going to happen when the wind changes

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 9:37, Reply)

/qotw has closed
back to weekly thursdays, or finally been killed off?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 9:38, Reply)

nobody cares

(Mr Udagawa, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 9:43, Reply)

There's a new question, so Im assuming the former.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 9:46, Reply)

I hope you don't jump in quick like that when defending cases ;)

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 9:46, Reply)

Its the only chance she gets to finish first mate

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 9:51, Reply)

ZING

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 11:04, Reply)

I get a lift in, but thanks for your concern.
I am a bus wanker on the way home though :(
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 9:47, Reply)

strikethrough gold i am a wanker though

(Mr Udagawa, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 9:48, Reply)

+shirt er

( Muns, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 10:26, Reply)

I kicked a cyclist jumping a red light yesterday, and he got all cross and bothered about it.
It were well lol.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 10:19, Reply)

should have kicked him under an Audi ... they argue back less when they're dead

(old man river possible lesbian, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 10:22, Reply)

HELLO!
How are you? I'm grand thanks.

I'm back in Wales. It's rubbish. Although yesterday was Nottingham and Derby and they were pretty rubbish. Problem with the North seems to be they've got loads of lovely great scenery and countryside and even good roads, but it's ruined by ghastly grey towns full of poor people.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 27 Nov 2014, 10:26, Reply)

Nottingham & Derby are interesting.
Southerners believe we're northern, northerners believe we're southern, we just think you're all cunts.
( Muns, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 10:27, Reply)

To be fair, the only bit of Nottingham I saw was a volvo dealership.
Derby however was poo. Proper poo.
There's some good roads up by you, be good motorcycle country if it didn't rain so much.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 27 Nov 2014, 10:31, Reply)

Derby's pretty depresso like

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 10:27, Reply)

Look forward to proper high speed network connections across the country.
That way all the nice rich people will work from home, buy all the povvos out of the pretty scenic places and corral them in places like Bracknell.
( Kroney, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 10:31, Reply)

Ha, Bracknell is a hole.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 27 Nov 2014, 10:35, Reply)

There was this on the BBC yesterday.

What a fucking stupid question. The north being a dire shithole is to blame for people thinking the north is a dire shithole.
(Baggenfrock get fucked, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 10:37, Reply)

It actually refers to the soot pollution
that would be prevalent due to the factories
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 10:48, Reply)

alright

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 10:27, Reply)