he smells and he lives in a bedsit and it smells
i am too soft to bully anyone in real life. a surveyor was telling me about a good practical joke on the new boy though - it's v common in long/premium leases to see the annual rent as being "a peppercorn". this chap told his virginal colleague who was dealing with it to pop off and see their director, who had a jar of peppercorns in his desk ready for making payment... and the lad fell for it.

i wanted to try this on our trainees, but got told it would count as bullying. sigh. i was all set to have a system of green, pink, brown and black peppercorns for the four quarters. sigh again.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 15 Jan 2015, 16:03, 3 replies, latest was 10 years ago)

My mate used to be in the navy and was asked for the bucket of steam
He managed to get hold of some frozen carbon dioxide from the dockside and poured some water over it. 1 x bucket of steam, done
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 15 Jan 2015, 16:05, Reply)

haha he should have been promoted for that
our young plumber's lad from the letting agency fell for everything going.

apart from when one of the others SHAT IN HIS CREAMCAKE. going a bit far for the hazing the noob, if you ask me. which they didn't. he didn't fall for that one.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 15 Jan 2015, 16:10, Reply)

Have you ever asked a trainee to get a fork to eat yoghurt with
and had them think 'Yeah right, like I'm falling for that!'?
( Muns, Thu 15 Jan 2015, 16:13, Reply)

fuck no
they think i'm a goddess
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 15 Jan 2015, 16:16, Reply)

of what?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 15 Jan 2015, 16:17, Reply)

law
:(((
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 15 Jan 2015, 16:19, Reply)

+ coles

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 15 Jan 2015, 16:22, Reply)

Clicking this hard.

( Muns, Thu 15 Jan 2015, 16:30, Reply)

hahah!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 15 Jan 2015, 16:32, Reply)

I assume that they kicked the fuck out of him for being a smartarse?

( Muns, Thu 15 Jan 2015, 16:11, Reply)

He and his mate managed to get the bat signal onto one of the spotlights at their training base
I was most impressed
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 15 Jan 2015, 16:14, Reply)

That's pretty cool.
Full of win.
( Muns, Thu 15 Jan 2015, 16:30, Reply)

One final one
When he was on HMS Newcastle there was a comms system that had a phantom raspberry blower. This went on at random times of the day and night for weeks and drove the captain mad.

He had managed to wire in an additional handset and hid it under his mattress for raspberrylols
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 15 Jan 2015, 16:33, Reply)

On building sites they do that all the time
" A long stand " "spirit level bubbles" etc etc...


I mean one time I was asked to get an "Air Ambulance" when we all know they are made of metal
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 15 Jan 2015, 16:12, Reply)

I have actually sold them
www.helipal.com/level-bubble-b-big-block.html
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 15 Jan 2015, 16:14, Reply)

COOL STORY ME

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 15 Jan 2015, 16:14, Reply)

At my first job a customer was asking me about a drill we had on special offer.
He said 'does it have Hammer 4?'
I said 'I don't know, what's Hammer 4?'
He said 'Banging in nails' and people laughed at me.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 15 Jan 2015, 16:10, Reply)

ahhhh
at least they still do!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 15 Jan 2015, 16:10, Reply)

^ background in the building industry

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 15 Jan 2015, 16:11, Reply)

Yep, you wouldn't catch me 'helping' anyone on here though.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 15 Jan 2015, 16:15, Reply)

Can you design a kitchen for me?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 15 Jan 2015, 16:16, Reply)

he hasn't even measured mine up yet
it's been MONTHS
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 15 Jan 2015, 16:17, Reply)

^euphemism^

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 15 Jan 2015, 16:18, Reply)

"you wouldn't catch me 'helping' anyone on here though."

A consultation is £60 + VAT
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 15 Jan 2015, 16:19, Reply)

plus disbs

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 15 Jan 2015, 16:22, Reply)

I am currently reading up on the legal aspects of property transactions
It's well lol.
(Good evening Good evening, Thu 15 Jan 2015, 16:17, Reply)

which ones?
there's about 137,000,000
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 15 Jan 2015, 16:20, Reply)

easements, tenure etc
Mortgage advice qualification innit. Piss easy.
(Good evening Good evening, Thu 15 Jan 2015, 16:22, Reply)

Maybe if you'd tried harder at school
you could be doing something more worthwhile and interesting with your life.
(Baggenfrock get fucked, Thu 15 Jan 2015, 16:32, Reply)