How to win the best QOTW
Has anyone ever written up any top tips or a guide for actually winning the QOTW. Im sure its not just down to coming up with the funniest or most interesting answer. I think theres a lot more factors to getting those clickys. For eg, the time in the week you post your answer.

Does anyone have any tips for the QOTW losers out there ? :)


Edit: I have won once. This isnt me asking for advice really, just raising the subject :)
(Miggyman, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 12:02, 39 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Monday or Tuesday
Is the best day to post.
( Cawl, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 12:04, Reply)

I think it'd probably be best
to ask Legless. That guy has appeared on the Best page more times than I've trimmed my pubes.

EDIT Team, UNITE AlBert Kaol

*theme tune starts*

Double EDIT My top tip would be to swear creatively too, often combining an animal with an insult gives a lovely effect. Flange Ferret, for example.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 12:15, Reply)

Tell you what
Why don't you do a bit of research - go and look at all the past winner, see what and when they posted, collate the results and let us all know?
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 12:17, Reply)

Past winners?
*coughs*

*smiles*

Oh yeah...

*hums theme tune*
( Cawl, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 12:25, Reply)

@Kaol
Don't you be getting all smug Mr, all three members of AlBert Kaol have won QOTW, and I'd just like to point out that I actually did it first.

:D
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 12:30, Reply)

Well, to be fair
You've been here nearly twice as long as us...

*shakes head*
( Cawl, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 12:31, Reply)

@Miggyman
I've been a prolific QOTWer but have only ever won once.

I'm a mediocre writer at best, my own secret is to take an anecdote and dress it up - a bit like putting lipstick on a pig.

If ever you've watched the Two Ronnies and have seen Ronnie Corbett's monologue then you'll see how he takes a simple joke and then builds a backstory round it. What appears to be bumbling is actually very well crafted. The idea is to appeal directly to the audience's imagination.

Some of the other b3tans will have other secrets.

Chickenlady's is all about hard work, redrafting and having great technical ability - as well as her possessing a wonderful sense of humour too. Che is a very engaging and gentle writer, he's got a great imagination and a very descriptive style. Pooflake is a genius. He's got a wonderful style which is in no doubt helped by the fact that he writes songs, but his warped imagination helps in equal measure.

The other poster I thoroughly recommend you checking out is jennynmemonic. She takes simple stories and builds around them intelligently with a wonderful sense of irony and wit.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 16 Oct 2008, 12:32, Reply)

Try this
it seems to be a few different things that'll get you on the Best Of:

* A well written and heartwarming story that makes people feel either happy or sad, or in some way causes them to feel empathy.

* A really bad one line pun which matches the Qntw, which is said after a long and elborate build up.

* A glib remark that refers to an old b3ta related thing (Prince being a git, Virgin being silly billies)

* A crap joke, loosely related to whatever has been asked.
( SeasonTicketless is too often the statue, and rarely the pigeon., Thu 16 Oct 2008, 12:33, Reply)

@Kaol
Actually, it's even longer than that, I've had two profiles before this one, so it's probably 3-4 years. I come and go though, this last year has been the first time I've ever posted anywhere near regularly.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 12:36, Reply)

Ah ignore my previous post
Anything involving humiliation, wanking, poo (or a blend of the three) usually scoops it.

*Cough* Chart Cat *Cough*

Actually, if you read his winning post the other week you'll see that it's very, very well written.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 16 Oct 2008, 12:36, Reply)

Expandy-Foam.
For the win.

Interestingly, my winning story wasn't actually my own story, t'was from someone at work.

Still, it's all in the painting of pictures with words, or some balls like that...
( Cawl, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 12:44, Reply)

My QOTW win
was a one-liner. I'd got drunk and fallen asleep on some lego. Absolutely no writing talent required whatsoever.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 12:49, Reply)

I have absolutely no idea
My one win was a ferociously and speedily typed rant at Big Brother, which obviously hit a nerve with a few people. Considering I posted it on a Wednesday, I was hugely suprised that it topped the chart that week! I didn't even exect it to make the best of page, to be honest.

There doesn't seem to be a formula; I think it depends very much on what the question is. I would very much argue against PJM's assertion that he is a mediocre writer though!
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 16 Oct 2008, 13:02, Reply)

Hmmm...
I've never won, and I've not even had anything on the winning page for ages.

I think it helps to be CHCB.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 13:12, Reply)

^
What Enzyme says.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 16 Oct 2008, 13:15, Reply)

Rants
They cannot be underestimated. DG, Che, Enzyme and myself have all made the best of in the past by having a rant at politics, the media, standards of education and commuting.

CHCB scores highly here. Her style is slightly weary and she's brave enough to tackle a controversial subject and handle the resulting flaming with aplomb.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 16 Oct 2008, 13:17, Reply)

It's not the story

it's how you tell it. That is the key to QOTW and means that you can post more often even if the story is rubbish.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 13:19, Reply)

I've never won the top spot
so I couldn't really tell you. But I've made the Best Of page a lot, mainly by telling stories of what a numpty I am.

Make the stories warm and heartfelt, or humble and what-a-twit-I-am, or absurd and obscene. Those seem to work the best.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 16 Oct 2008, 13:24, Reply)

My grammar is not too bad.

It's just that I have no decent stories to tell. My life has been blander than something bland. See I can't even come up with a suitable metaphor to emphasise the blandness.

One day something amazing is going to happen to me and I'm going to tell you ALL ABOUT IT. And if it doesn't win QOTW then I guess I'll have to banish myself to /talk...
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 13:32, Reply)

I've made the best of a few times
My tip:

Be drunk.

All of the ones I've had on the front page I've rattled off while being rather blatantly under the influence.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 13:55, Reply)

The only time I won
I neither redrafted nor edited. The thoughts poured out of my brain and onto the keyboard. It was quite an emotional post, so I guess the rawness of it was effectively conveyed.

Having said that, I'd rather have won a QOTW with a post I'd worked at or with a side-splitting funny.

/personal

As for drinking and writing, the two don't mix. You'll end up writing reams and reams of stuff, but it rarely makes for coherent prose.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 16 Oct 2008, 14:16, Reply)

I dunno...

I post at different times, on different days, and sometimes under another name. I don't really think it matters.

My posts range from 100% true to 100% bollocks, I do jokes, shit puns and have now branched out into shit poetry. If people like it, they will click.

I personally can't understand why Frankspencer doesn't make at least the top 10 with every single post he does.

Actually, I can think of one possible thing that can help...and this is a tip from Frank himself...

Keep it short and to the point.

Although it's bum-bitingly obvious that this is something I'm utterly incapable of doing (no matter how hard I try), I'd stand by that advice and you won't go far wrong.

EDIT: - from PJM's points above - regarding drinking and writing - THAT's why my posts are so long ;)

...and I am also a little annoyed that some of the short crap jokes I've done have received more clicks than the ones I put thought into.

Harrumph
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Thu 16 Oct 2008, 14:21, Reply)

^ Because every sentence you type
is entertaining and relevant.

And packed with knob humour.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 16 Oct 2008, 14:24, Reply)

^^tell me about it.
I somehow doubt that my bad sausage pun will end up on Best Of, even though I put considerable effort into it.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 16 Oct 2008, 14:25, Reply)

I agree with everything Pyjamaman said
Especially the bit about me [beer vouchers are in the post].

I've only ever got top spot once - and that was posting as someone else.

If I'm going for it, I aim for top 3 and use the 'write as well as you can' method. I don't post (much) if I don't find the topic interesting; if I do, then I usually start writing on Friday and post it c.5pm before heading home for the weekend.

I would dearly like a click-counter feature on, at least, the 'best of' page - just to see how many, or few, votes you need to win, whether there was a close 1, 2, 3 or an outright winner etc.

My advice: don't try to win, try to write. There are enough of us out there that enjoy a good story/good writing to make it worthwhile - and NEVER apologise for length.
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 14:28, Reply)

^^What Che said...

I've only won once too...and the one that won has been trounced into obscurity on my profile by posts that have received more votes and not won...so a clicky counter would be good...

bugger me though, at this moment in time I'd just settle for having /all back.

As for not trying to win...I agree. I am nearly always surprised by what wins every week, and I'm glad for that.

oh, and I just checked what PJM wrote earlier up this thread. You are a sweetie...unless 'genius' is Latin for 'Jizz-Gargling lickspittle'...which would be understandable too.

*shuffles off to write more knob gags*

*returns to read what PJM wrote again*

*Struggles to get Massive head out of the door*
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Thu 16 Oct 2008, 14:44, Reply)

Don't bother with sexual favours for Rob for front page.
It doesn't work : (






Feels used.
( girlinthehole, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 14:54, Reply)

What is clear
Is that there are some really fantastic writers on here, and while any advice is joyfully and gratefully received, some on here have an inimitable style. Frank and Pooflake are fine examples, as are the pure craft of Chickenlady's tales and CHCB's brilliant world-weariness.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 14:54, Reply)

...and Legless's ability to post a joke
that you know you've heard before, but still surprise you with it, even though he's been here FOREVER.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 14:57, Reply)

It's like a creative writing class
only better.

For my part, my 'Best Of' efforts have been varied. Some have been long winded true stories about life in the lab, one was a joke made out to be a real situation, one was a one liner and just last week I crafted my most awful pun ever.

I actually felt a wee bit guilty about sullying such a fluffy QotW with it, but was quite proud of it at the same time. It prompted a few gazzes calling me a bastard (in the nicest possible way of course).

So there are no rules.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 15:21, Reply)

Agrees with BK
Finding a style does help. My early efforts were all over the place style-wise. I think I've settled in something a bit more consistent now. And my better half has a habit of writing beautifully worded prose with the word 'cunt' as a punchline :-)
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 16 Oct 2008, 15:33, Reply)

I don't think there's a formula
Looking back through "best of" QOTW answers I don't think there is a way to win. Some answers win because they are particularly heartwarming/poignant/apposite but are not meant to be entertaining and may not be particularly well-written (in an inventive use of language type of way). Others win with truly great humour, brilliantly written with laughs on every line. I've liked examples of all types.
I agree, in the humour stakes it does help if you're naturally funny, witty or have a raconteurial bent (ooer mrs, etc.) like Pooflake* and others. As to timing, one of my own front-pagers was posted late in the week but I'm sure the trend for winning posts is toward "the earlier the better".

YMMV




*Or a colossal bell-end (like Pooflake).
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 16:00, Reply)

Well la-de-fucking-da!...

Tips from the chap who won this week!

we are privelidg privalig lucky to have you spunking your knowledge over us!

I now DEMAND you take me out for a celebratory pint...

*waits by phone*
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Thu 16 Oct 2008, 16:21, Reply)

Fuck me rigid!
Didn't know I'd come first (gentlemen NEVER do fnaaar fnaaar) when I wrote the reply!
A celebratory pint may well be in the offing mon brave.
Anyway,(Hollywood mode - on) I'd like to thank you all for your votes, my stylist, my agent, my parents all deserve a mention. But this award isn't really for me, it's for you! Take a bow..........PISSY KEVIN!!
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 16:27, Reply)

First of all..
may I say how flattered I am at the kind remarks about my posts above.

And then I'll add that PJM is right and wrong about my posts....

A great deal of hard work and crafting doesn't go into them but because I get paid to write (so well that it keeps me in Aldi wine) I spend a good deal of my time crafting other stuff. QOTW is a bit of fun which I tend to write fairly quickly but I *always* proofread.

So I guess what I'm saying is practise makes perfect.

The advice I was given when I joined up to b3ta was 'know your audience' - Humpty (who sadly doesn't post much these days) was a regular winner and excellent writer, he gave me that gem and I've tried to stick to it.

Frankspencer also gave me some advice one week when I was stuck for a story and I wanted to post. He said....Make it up.
And there is some truth in that - a well written story is always welcome. So what if it didn't happen exactly as you wrote it? Sometimes the truth is dull and boring.

Give us plot, laughs and a punchline.

Tends to work.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 18:16, Reply)

Well
I've made the best of page once or twice so I suppose I'm qualified to give some advice.

I generally try and write as if I was telling a story down the pub. And, with all good stories, the devil is in the detail. You have to try and make your reader *see* what you're describing. They have to be able to imagine what you're going through. That's all I try to do.

That said though it's getting a lot harder to reach the best of page these days. And that's down to the wealth of new talent coming through. There's some cracking new writers about these days (and we seem to have lost some of the Old Guard like Humpty and ThatBlokeOverThere).

For me, the main reason I write here isn't to make the best of page (I say lying through my teeth) it's to hopefully make someone spray coffee through their nose. For me, that's the greatest compliment anyone can ever pay me.


EDIT:To reflect what Chart Cat said. Begging for clicks is just sad. Then again, so is following a meme too long - like the length joke. Give it up, make up your own sig to end a post. Just like mine...

EDIT:EDIT. Actually, making the best of page is nice but it's not the Gold Medal. That's being newslettered.

Cheers

and signing off with cheers is my trademark....




( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 8:34, Reply)

Ah Legless
Your posts are always well written, well structured and have a punchline that rarely fails to earn clickage.

You must be one of those people who can remember anecdotes and files them away neatly in the back of your brain.

B3ta would be a much poorer place without your posts.

Perhaps we should start a "bring back Humpty" campaign too?
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Fri 17 Oct 2008, 9:40, Reply)

I've had three 1st place posts now
and a smattering of best-of posts in the top ten, but I'm not really sure exactly what makes them popular. I just try to write from personal experience mostly, so perhaps I lead an amusing life? :-)

Also, Star Wars is a popular theme. And 'Kaizer Soze' moments, where you lead the reader up the garden path then reveal that you've been hoaxing them all along.

The ones I click on personally usually have at least one of the following ingredients: pathos, b3ta humour, excellent swearing or an unexpected punchline.

EDIT: I fucking hate click-begging though. If it's worth a click, you'll get one, have no fear.
( chart cat has an itch, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 11:38, Reply)

I have nothing to offer on this subject.
No top 10's. No Winner. A smattering of replies. My one success was with a front page top tip which was credible & more importantly useful. Something about sex in public places.
(The Archduke of South London I'm in your Girlfriend eating her organs, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 11:50, Reply)