Hello
Have some daily thread action!

(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 8:30, 320 replies, latest was 17 years ago)

A fucking rabbit!
And lovehearts! God - advertising easter and Valentines day already, you corporate hussy.

Anyway, I'm fine. I smell fucking wonderful today.
(GONEism, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 8:31, Reply)

I fell into incandescent rage
yesterday when I found out the Christmas lights were turn on in my town.

Anyway, how are you Mr. Trombone?
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 8:32, Reply)

Well, I'm fine
Aside from the fact it's a Monday. I totally sympathise with that person who shot all the schoolkids because they didn't like Mondays. I would have mowed down a few old folks and puppies while I was at it.
(GONEism, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 8:33, Reply)

Hiya!
Mr. Nong everyone!

How are we all this morning?

I'm good execpt I'm running late for work (as usual)!
(bill, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 8:36, Reply)

It's a shame
that it's Monday, but that means it's a step closer to Friday, which means Damnation Festival!

Woo!

I'm already at work Bill!
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 8:38, Reply)

Morning folks
One is knackered. Had an awesome day at the MPH motorshow in Birmingham yesterday. Saw some signs for Leam and thought "Oh, TGB and Lab and, most importantly, himjim aren't far away" before being more interested in the nice E types and old minis in the classic car show than the new fancy ones. That probably says a lot about something but I'm not sure what.
( Captain V, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 8:39, Reply)

Oh, we're all here?
I thought the Monday Poll was going to be home for the day.

Morning all.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 8:41, Reply)

Capitan V
The MPH show is only 15 mins away from me!

:(
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 8:43, Reply)

I went to MPH in Brum last year
It took us a full fucking hour to find our way out of that hateful building and then find our car.

Still, the show was good. Jeremy Clarkson on a jet engined tricycle ftw!
(GONEism, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 8:46, Reply)

@himjim
Why the upset? I included you in my post *shifty eyes*
( Captain V, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 8:47, Reply)

'ning all
Apart from trekking down to Gloucester on Friday night to rescue the ex and her mum after she'd totalled her car on the M5, what a fucking brilliant weekend.

So good in fact that it's Monday morning and I'm still full of glees.
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 8:48, Reply)

Do regail us oh rubberised duck
With tales of your weekend of awesomes.
( Captain V, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 8:51, Reply)

I would...
But I'd end up sounding like K2k6. :P

I think many thanks should be directed at match.com
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 8:55, Reply)

Good morning all.
*hugs everyone*
( wanderlust, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 8:55, Reply)

Morning lusty
*accepts hugs*

Thankings - I needed that!

And woo for match.com Go duckie, go, go, go duckie!

*gets dragged back to the asylum kicking and screaming*
( Captain V, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 8:57, Reply)

*ears burn*
What's that, rubberduck? Sounding like me?

So you've been doing scientific experiments?

Or just shagging?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 8:58, Reply)

k2
There's a difference between a scientific experiment and shagging?!
( Captain V, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 9:01, Reply)

@K2k6
Well it's been a while since I've done any scientific experiments.

Captain - match.com has served its purpose. After the last month, I've now hidden my profile. She's all the awesome ;)
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 9:01, Reply)

Morning!
I hate Mondays as well. Only 5 days in work before a week off though so not too bad.

Everyone had a good weekend? I watched the rugby (rugby's a bit of a generous term really) on Friday then got hammered all weekend.

himjim - my town's Christmas lights went up yesterday as well! (my dad is the mayor, and him and his councillors have to get up at 4am do it, as the town is so small & rural they can't afford to hire anyone)
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 9:03, Reply)

@Captain V
Shagging experiments are rarely scientific. Or is that just me?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 9:04, Reply)

Just thought you should have
popped in and see us :D

Nevermind, it's only a couple of weeks till London Bashage. Supoib.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 9:06, Reply)

I don't know if anyone missed it
But someone posted this link on the QOTW on Friday, now I'm addicted I reckon you lot should be too!
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 9:07, Reply)

Morning all
Just sticking my head in to say hello briefly as it's manic today.

Very tired form the weekend and burning with embarassment from Saturday night still.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 9:08, Reply)

K2
It's been a while but I have tested out the karma sutra in a fairly scientific fashion.*

I'm going to lurk for a bit - I feel like my brain has turned to mush today.

*if by scientific you mean just trying all the positions and deciding which ones were best.

:edit: I would've himjim but I was with my uncle and he'd paid for everything (woo!) so an unplanned trip to visit people would've been a bit unfair. Still, London bash!
( Captain V, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 9:08, Reply)

Ahhh ok
That's no problem. Tbh, it would've been a bit of a mission seeing as you probably don't have any of our phone numbers and I was prostate on the sofa after eating about a kilogram of lamb.

Om nom nom.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 9:13, Reply)

pft Jim is the least
important person round these parts!

Everyone seems all loved up... I'm a tiny bit smittened up does that count? *adds smittened to the dictionary*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 9:20, Reply)

Straight from the field!
I walloped it on the head with a handy fence post.

Fresher the better.

*grows fangs, flaps away into night*
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 9:20, Reply)

Morning to you all
I've just inducted my mate into the World Of Making Furniture.

My advice, as Health And Safety manager was simple:
If it's got a sharp end, that goes in the wood.
And don't drink the glue.

So... Considering it's a Monday, I'm feeling almost, dare I say it, happy.
( Cawl, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 9:23, Reply)

Al you woman
I couldn't possibly say. But we both don't like kittens :p

Hey Kaol *hugs* Looking forward to the weekend? :p
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 9:25, Reply)

Morning lovely internetizens!
Monday is good. This weekend with daughter was great fun!

And I just posted a very theraputic entry in the QOTW.

And I have homemade spaghetti and meatballs for lunch. I haven't had a ready meal for two months. Go me!

How are we all today?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 9:29, Reply)

Kaol
What kind of furniture do you make? My old man's a dustman upholsterer he wears a dustman's hat

The perfectionist in me is now going nuts as I can't work out what best to do with the n that is needed for an upholsterer but not for a dustman
( Captain V, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 9:29, Reply)

The weekend?
It seems a long way away, but yeah, I'm certainly looking forward to it!

I played a few songs for some friends at the weekend, and they seemed to go down well, which was a good feeling :)

But yes, weekend shall be awesome, I'm staying with a delightful young lady :D
( Cawl, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 9:29, Reply)

Nowt wrong
with bum sex and leather, al.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 9:30, Reply)

But Al
You like kittens and bumsex? I think people that don't like kittens don't like bumsex. In fact there is a direct correlation that the more you like kittens the more you like bumsex
*points to crude graph drawn in lipstick*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 9:31, Reply)

Ahhh...
It's lovely to see new relationships blossoming.


*wants lipstick on his bum*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 9:35, Reply)

*sighs*
It's too early for that, you bastards!

*bad Monday mood returns*

*frowns*
( Cawl, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 9:37, Reply)

I see that things
are back to normal in the thread, now the AlBertKaol triumvirate is present.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 9:37, Reply)

Cheer up, Kaol
You misery guts!

*does a happy bum-lipstick-smudge dance*

EDIT Kaol, vent some rage on the hate thread, you'll feel better.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 9:38, Reply)

I'm already there
You twat.
( Cawl, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 9:41, Reply)

Hello Al
No lady action this weekend I'm afraid. It'll have to wait until next week.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 9:44, Reply)

Hi there
/Eddie

Are we all good today? Well except Kaol, he's never good on a Monday.

I had an AWESOME weekend of doing as little as possible, and still managed to bork my camera!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 9:46, Reply)

Aww
my poor graph.

*sighs* I don't want hate today I need hugs (nice ones not gropey perv hugs!) People at work keep saying I look really down. Hmm let me think why on that. *cries*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 9:48, Reply)

*hugs TGB*
*doesn't grope her*

*relurks*
( wanderlust, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 9:49, Reply)

Awww Badger
*AWESOME hugs*

Morning.

EDIT Just remember that it's only 2 weeks till you meet us lot down here!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 9:50, Reply)

*hugs TGB in a non-gropey fashion*
I need teh hugs today too and I just can't work out what to do about it.

/hates the system
( Captain V, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 9:51, Reply)

Thanks
lusty and Dok and V!

I had a bit of a cry this morning before work, I didn't mean to but it just kind of came out :(
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 9:51, Reply)

*hugs TGB*
What's wrong badgerface?

Morning Dok and everyone else!

Today looks like a day of ridiculous problems, urgh. Don't think the computers like Mondays either.

*relurks, and goes to fix another borked computer*
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 9:54, Reply)

Captain V
*hugs*

Sorry you don't get *AWESOME hugs*, they're for special people!

Aww Badger, that makes me *sad* :(
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 9:54, Reply)

What?
How rude!

Captain V IS special!

*hugs V*

*with tongues*
( Cawl, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 9:55, Reply)

Thanks for the tongue kaol
And for the hug Dok. I really could murder some scotch right now. If only I had some at work ='[

:edit: With regards to me being special - About the only thing I can think of is that I have a bit of a "special" brain. Arsewank.
( Captain V, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 9:56, Reply)

*creeps in*
Good morning, fair people of B3ta Off Topic!

My name is Slip, and I am new around these parts. I bring offerings of, as I believe is expected, cake and fluff. Although not a fluff cake, that would be weird.

Can I sit over here and marvel at you? Thanks.
(Slip Digby is a meat puppet, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 9:57, Reply)

*hugs Captain V*
*passes him some scotch*

(that virtual scotch passing has really made me want some now, but sadly I don't have any at work, a situation I feel needs remedying. Laphroaig FTW)

How's the lithium going btw? Or too early to tell? Most of these mind bending substances take a few weeks to settle down...

Edit: Morning Slip, welcome aboard!
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 9:58, Reply)

Heya Slip
Welcome to the super happy friendly club where nothing sordid ever happens...ever.
( Captain V, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 9:58, Reply)

Al
that was very restrained I am impressed.

Oh just crap, Sam. I now have 4 working days left. There is a lot of stuff I should be doing before I go but I really don't have any motivation to do anything. Unemployment rates are through the roof and everyone is applying for the few jobs that crop up.

*sulks about* I am a moany badger today. I apologise.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 9:58, Reply)

*necks whiskey*
Thanks Sam!

:edit: TGB do all the moaning you like - it'll probably do you good to get it off your * chest.


*resists the urge to make a lewd comment about TGB's chest. Succeeds!
( Captain V, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 10:00, Reply)

Mornin' Slip.
No lurking!
If you're here, you're here to post.

So here are some questions for you:

1) If you could only eat one kind of meat for the rest of your life, what would it be?

2) What would be your animal of choice to kill a nun with?

3) When was the last time you were terrified, and what happened?
( Cawl, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 10:00, Reply)

Meat puppet?
*imagines giant CDC puppet*

I have been here too long...
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 10:02, Reply)

*eyes slip suspiciously*
You seem awfully friendly, you're not a true b3tan til you call someone a cunt.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 10:02, Reply)

Slip
ALSO - GUNS.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 10:02, Reply)

Questions!
1) Human
2) Caterpillar
3) When the caterpillars tried to eat me
( Captain V, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 10:03, Reply)

Hi Slip
As has been said, don't lurk, talk to us!

We are nice, and fluffeh and made of kittums!

Just read the earlier posts. Badger, smittened, and I thought you only had eyes for me? ;)

Kaol, that's was some fine H&S breifing, far better than I got here, i.e. nothing!

EDIT Captain V, OK *AWESOME hugs*

EDIT 2;
1: Whale!
2: Ferrets with Jetpacks and frikin' lasers on their heads.
3: Never, I don't do terrified, I do terror though.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 10:08, Reply)

@MrtheGeordie
Meat puppet? La, sir, you say the nicest things!

@Kaol: Some good questions there, well-placed. I shall answer them herein:

1) If you could only eat one kind of meat for the rest of your life, what would it be?

Pork, I think. Pork chops, spare ribs, sausages, bacon. Man, dat pig is one versatile beastie!

2) What would be your animal of choice to kill a nun with?

Kill a nun? Well, that presupposes that I am an atheist, which lucky for you I am. My choice of nomination for an animal to strike her down with would be an angered hippo. The setup would take some doing, though - I would require the nun to be on Safari, on a boat, wearing the scent Calvin Klein CKb (which everyone knows drives the hippo in to a lustful frenzy), and holding a sign that says "Hippos are teh wankerz." Shagged to death by an angry, sexy hippo? Perfect.

3) When was the last time you were terrified, and what happened?

That's a long story. Let's just say a combination of Absinthe, a Ghostwatch DVD, a bucket of fish and an industrial sized can of Doctor Pepper can really mess a man up.

Do I pass?

EDIT: CUNT! How do you like them apples, Bert? ;)
(Slip Digby is a meat puppet, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 10:10, Reply)

Aw sorry Dok
*hugs* :p
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 10:10, Reply)

Slip,
You made me laugh on a Monday morning, so yeah, you fuckin' do pass.
*grins*

And the rest of you, get answerin' the damn questions!
( Cawl, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 10:12, Reply)

You passed
at bucket of fish.

Welcome to the family, cunt.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 10:13, Reply)

Ahhh, Slip
You made me smile!

Now I want to hug you close to my hairy chest.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 10:14, Reply)

Slip
ROFLMAO, nice one, you can stay, I like you. But not in the way that Al and Bert will!

Badger, does that mean the wedding off then?:(

*AWESOME HUGS*
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 10:15, Reply)

@Herr Doktor
How dare you sir! We're not internet whores you know!

is our reputation really that bad?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 10:17, Reply)

Dok
I'm now chuckling to myself at the thought of you being a superhero with the power to give "AWESOME HUGS". Not sure how you could save the world or anything with that ability though...
( Captain V, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 10:17, Reply)

Tis true, TGB
Everyone I know that's looking for a job can't find one :(

My job isn't amazingly well paid, and it's not where I want to live, and it's not what I want to do, but I'm considering myself pretty lucky to have one at the moment...

Kaol:

1. Mammal meat
2. Another nun
3. When I had a heavy breathing phone call from you. I went ex directory after that.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 10:19, Reply)

At the end of the day...
Do you all say goodnight to each other like they do in the Waltons?

"Goodnight Kaol!"
"Goodnight, cunt!"
"Goodnight Bert!"
"Goodnight, cunt!"
"Goodnight, Prostitute I've brought here against her will!"
"MMMF!"

That would be most good. Most good.
(Slip Digby is a meat puppet, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 10:19, Reply)

@ Kaol
1. Beef. Roast, minced, chucked, chili'd, stewed, steaked. You name it, it's good.

2. I'd kill a nun with a penguin. I'd chuck it like a javelin, and the nun wouldn't even notice it stuck in her because it's black and white. Until she saw the red stain slowly spreading across her.

3. Probably at Download 2007 watching Motley Crue, getting crushed somewhat chronic at the front.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 10:19, Reply)

Burt,
Bad doesn't even begin to describe it.

Take the reputations of The Child-Catcher, Fred West, John Prescott and Mike Oldfield.

Then double how bad it is.
( Cawl, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 10:19, Reply)

I feel strangely proud of that, Kaol
1. Cow, because it's the thickest and chunkiest and most satisfying of the meats.

2. An amoeba, that eats her alive from the inside out. Slowly.

3. I don't get scared, I'm a grown-up.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 10:21, Reply)

No Bert it isn't.
Captain I would save the world with *AWESOME HUGS* by *AWESOME HUGGING* and the bad people till they were dead! My name would be Death Boy.

Unless you lot can come up with a better one?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 10:22, Reply)

Maybe
just postponing the wedding dok :p

1. Horse. I love horses. The tastiest of all the animals.
2. A ninja badger. Ninja badgers have been training with the Buddha Ferrets of Warwickshire for thousands of years and have achieved both Nirvana and the ability to kill a nun from 500 paces. (badger paces).
3. Erm last night a fox was in my garden and I was a little scared he was going to try and steal my strongbow from me. Luckily he was on the wagon so instead ate some mushrooms and fucked off.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 10:27, Reply)

Morning all!
And now for my answers:

1) Pig, for the same reasons as Slip, plus crackling *drools*

2) I'd use dolphin to kill a nun, but not in the conventional way. I'd swing it like a mace.

3) The last time I was terrified was probably when I was in 'Nam. Seriously, Cheltenham is a frightening place.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 10:27, Reply)

Might as well:
1) Beef

2) A dinosaur. "Don't exist do they? Well what's that tearing out your liver now, you small-minded god-monkey?"

3) Well, it was a few years ago. I was flying a plane that I'd recently "acquired", and I parachuted out, leaving it to a firey rendezvous with the New York skyline.
( Cawl, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 10:30, Reply)

Yay, another person who thinks horses are for eating!
Best thing to do with em in my opinion (now we've developed glue making technology that doesn't require them)

Can't stand horses, they're evil. Always upset someone when I say that I'd rather eat them, apparently people get quite attached to the things.

Edit: Mr Nong Lab! Last time I was in the 'Nam I got lost on the one way system. terrible place, I was lucky to get out of there alive. Damn VC...
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 10:33, Reply)

Damn you Lab and Kaol
There are tears of laughter in my eyes now from your responses!

Phew Badger, I thought it was over for a minute there. ;)

Sam, Wooo, I can't stand the big buggers either. Dolphins first, then the horses. Extinction is too good for them!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 10:34, Reply)

Morning all, I feel especially shit today after getting especially drunk on Saturday night. I've vowed not to go out next weekend as a result!

Answers: 1) Chicken just defeats Bacon as it's much more versatile. Chicken features in some of my favourite takeaways such as Indians and Chineses. Chicken Tandoori ftw!

2) Anteater. There has so far been one documented case of an Anteater mauling someone to death - a zookeeper somewhere asian. They have mighty mighty claws and to be honest - I wouldn't mess!

3) Last night I thought I was going to choke on steak. Just for a split second you actually think you're gonna choketo death, and is fairly scary...
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 10:35, Reply)

Ah, but WHICH dinosaur?
For e.g., a diplodocus wouldn't be interested in Nun meat.

I'd go for a Velociraptor, myself - just be prepared with your Velociraptor Plan (A & B, just to be on the safe side.)

Is it overkill to have a Zombie Plan, a Velociraptor Plan, and a Zombie Velociraptor Plan?
(Slip Digby is a meat puppet, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 10:35, Reply)

Slippy
No it's not overkill to have a Zombie Plan, a Velociraptor Plan, and a Zombie Velociraptor Plan.

It's just good planning!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 10:38, Reply)

Which dinosaur?
For prolonged viewing pleasure, it'd have to be a hypsilophodon.
No teeth, you see.
Slow AND more painful.
( Cawl, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 10:39, Reply)

My zombie, raptor and zombie raptor plans are all identical
1. Run away and find somewhere to hide
2. Call 0800 KAOL to summon the bringer of death

Edit: Kaol, they're the ones that eat John Hammond aren't they?
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 10:40, Reply)

Kaol
That dinosaur looks well gay, Alan Grant could totally kick it's arse.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 10:40, Reply)

Aw
But that one is just soooooo cute Kaol, it would never eat a nun!

EDIT Would that be the comic book writer Alan Grant?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 10:41, Reply)

@Sam
It's so hard to find places that sell horse meat though! I used to work for the British Horse Society, but people got really arsey when you tried to ask if you could eat their dead pets.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 10:42, Reply)

Sam,
No, those ones wouldn't eat anyone :p

Apart from a Nun. If you could goad it into a killing frenzy.

EDIT: Dok, you nut-sack, Alan Grant is the main guy in Jurassic Park :p
( Cawl, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 10:42, Reply)

Contrary to Jurassic Park
All real Dinosaur geeks know that Velociraptors are small and pathetic. The truely nasty Dinosaur of that type are the Utahraptor!

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Utahraptor
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 10:42, Reply)

*cries*
I hurt my foot on the way to work - it's really sore. I was feeling all positive and motivated when I woke up, too.
:(
( thealternativefact, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 10:45, Reply)

Kaol
Oh yeah, that was these. The other ones were in the book as well though weren't they? Haven't read it for ages.

(I'll blame my dinosaur error on it being Monday morning and not having had enough caffeine)

TGB - it seems to be frowned upon in this country, I always stock up when I go to France! Brought some amazing horse and donkey salami back from Italy last time I was there as well..

They just have this evil glint in their eyes like they could turn at any moment, and fuck you up. Never trust a horse.

*gives clendrix an ice pack for her foot*

And what the hell were you doing being positive on a Monday morning?!

Hi btw!
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 10:49, Reply)

aww
*hugs clendrix* But now you can be all bitter and miserable with the rest of us.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 10:49, Reply)

Hmm
1) Kebab, whatever the hell animal(s) they put in there. Life would be poor indeed without a kebab of a friday night!

2) Again, Kebab. If the bastard animal that goes into kebabs can make me feel so ill on a saturday morning after it has been killed and (partially) cooked, imagine what a live one could do to a nun

3) Kebab again, too much chilli sauce makes for a truely terrifying saturday morning trip to the toilet.

Named meats are for the rich and the timid anyway. Theres nothing like having a go in the "lucky dip" freezer down the local Halal butchers!
( RadG Drinking Mojitos in the sun, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 10:50, Reply)

LOL
I am glad that I am in the office on my own today, that is twice in 10 minutes that I have officeloled!

Drixy, *massages foot* is that better my lovely?

EDIT Sam, oh that Alan Grant, I'm still trying to get those books and films out of my head, so I can reread and rewatch them.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 10:50, Reply)

Badger,
that's true. What was I thinking being all happy on a Monday? I've beem smited by cruel Fate.

:) Thanks Dok!
( thealternativefact, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 10:50, Reply)

Sam,
I think it was these , actually.
I don't trust the size-issue with the film, haha!
( Cawl, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 10:53, Reply)

You're welcome Drixy.
Kaol, I like those little guys, just the right size for roasting over an open fire.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 10:56, Reply)

Poor Clendrix!
I hope your foot recovers soon :(

Mondays suck.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 10:57, Reply)

heheh
I love the idea of the kebab animal!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 10:59, Reply)

It's an elephant leg
I thought everyone knew that!
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 10:59, Reply)

Thank you, Labs.
Not quite sure why I martyred my way in to work...I'm sure it has nothing to do with a visit to the pub planned for later.

Mmm...medicinal beer.
( thealternativefact, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 10:59, Reply)

Drixy
Is that not the only reason you go into work? To go tho the pub after.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 11:01, Reply)

clendrix!
*cuddles*

*makes hurty foot stop being so hurty*
( wanderlust, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 11:02, Reply)

Dok
Erm, well...

Lusty! Hurray! You're ace.
( thealternativefact, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 11:04, Reply)

@Clendrix
A hurty foot is no use. A colleague of mine sustained a walking-on-carpet injury last week when in a hotel. He was in his bare feet and there was a shard of glass on the carpet, which embedded itself in his foot.

We suggested that he take some sort of action against the hotel, but he didn't bother.

Answers to Kaol's questions to follow when I have time to think about them.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 11:05, Reply)

Answering Kaol's questions..
..in my dressing gown - it's too grey outside to go and do anything.

1. I'll go with beef because fillet steak is the king of meats. Stuff like pheasant, venison and foie gras is exquisite too but I wouldn't want them everyday. And yes I do eat foie gras when someone serves it. I feel a bit guilty, but enjoy it just the same.

2. Killer Whale. 'Cos they're fricking awesome. The beast would leap out of the water, take one bite and bye-bye nun. Although I like nuns. The ones I've met have been very friendly.

3. The last time I was truly terrified was when someone left an eye-dropper lying around with a bit of liquid LSD in it. I got drunk and thought it would be fun to experiment by cutting the thing open and dunking it in a pint of orange squash then drinking the lot. Must have had about 25 hits and it was scary as fuck. A horrible, horrible night that took months to recover from.
(lost, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 11:07, Reply)

Wowser!
It is Clendrix and Wanderlust, two people to whom I have never spoken before!

May I introduce myself? And when I say myself, I don't mean my penis.


Or do I?
(Slip Digby is a meat puppet, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 11:07, Reply)

Slip
You may introduce yourself in whichever way you wish.

Nice to make your acquaintance.

K2k6 - you're right! No fucking use! Except that if I chop it off, I'll be lopsided and end up with hip pain in my old age in about three weeks.
( thealternativefact, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 11:11, Reply)

Good morning Slip.
Are you trying to show me your willy?

*cries*
I need an adult!
( wanderlust, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 11:13, Reply)

Hi Lusty
I didn't see you there. *AWESOME HUGS*
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 11:13, Reply)

An adult?
Will I do?
( Cawl, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 11:17, Reply)

*chortles*
Just come off the phone to a supplier, after struggling not to giggle down the phone.

How else are you meant to react when you pick up the phone to be greeted with:

'Hi there rubberduck, it's Dick Spray here from ZF...'
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 11:17, Reply)

@clendrix
I can't comment on your age, as you're younger than I am.

You going to be around next Tuesday evening? I'm planning a London microbash for a couple of hours. So far Lusty and Kaol have expressed interest.

And that goes for any of the rest of you too.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 11:18, Reply)

haha
*spits tea out onto keyboard*

Lusty I am a more responsible adult pick me pick me!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 11:19, Reply)

*hugs Dok*
@kaol, well you are of voting age so I guess in the eyes of the law you're an adult.
So yes, you'll do.
( wanderlust, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 11:19, Reply)

Nonono! Oh, It's all going to bollocks!
I am not trying to show anyone my willy, OK? I mean, I've only been here 30 seconds!






Which is usually time enough, if I'm honest.
(Slip Digby is a meat puppet, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 11:20, Reply)

A microbash with the Mighty K2k6?
I am certainly interested! Add me to the list.

Aah, Slip running around with an L plate and his willy hanging out. He looks like he's on his stag night.
( thealternativefact, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 11:21, Reply)

Voting age?
Pffft!
I'm older than you, young lady!
( Cawl, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 11:22, Reply)

Drixy I never thought about it that way
Aw Slippy, don't worry about it, it's fairly normal here!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 11:27, Reply)

@kaol
I like it when you call me young lady.

Now tell me I've been a very bad girl.
( wanderlust, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 11:30, Reply)

*shimmies in*
good morning everyone.

I trust we all had marvellous weekends involving silly amounts of horizontal integration.

*whistles*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 11:31, Reply)

*grins wickedly*
You have been a bad girl...

It's ok, there are many forms that justice can take.

*coughs*
( Cawl, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 11:32, Reply)

Morning Tulip!
Horizontal integration? If you mean sleep and lazing around, then yes.

If you mean sex, then no.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 11:34, Reply)

Hello there Shimmies-in Pants
*AWESOME HUG*

I take it you had a good weekend then!

I managed to bork my camera, but other than that mine was good.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 11:35, Reply)

Hey HLT
Does it count if you were by yourself?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 11:35, Reply)

?????
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Horizontal_integration

Not what I spend my weekends doing, for choice!

Morning HLT!
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 11:35, Reply)

@kaol
Don't grin at me like that, you know I can't say no.

@ dok - an AWESOME hug?! For lil ole me? oooh! *is spoilt*

@lab - yes, it can mean just what you like.

@badgerlet - course it does darling.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 11:37, Reply)

@ Sonofsam
yeah, it also means nookie.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 11:37, Reply)

Horizontal integration?
I did sleep for nearly twelve hours on Sunday...

That's nearly unheard of for me.
( Cawl, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 11:38, Reply)

Badger
You've still not done the smilies yet, I suggest that you wait till the bash. ;p
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 11:38, Reply)

HLT
I am having my henchman boiler suits made up later, what colour would you like yours to be?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 11:39, Reply)

I had some horizontal time
at the weekend.

But not enough.

And with no integration. :(

Morning Miss Tulip.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 11:39, Reply)

Ok Dok
I will get the pics taken at the bash and then everyone can suggest ones. I am going to regret saying that I know
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 11:40, Reply)

@Badger
Pink, please, but I don't want a boiler suit, can I have a dungaree type one so I can wear something very tight underneath?

*slutties*

Morning mr k of the 2 and 6. sorry to hear of the lack of integration. I thought that's all you did these days!
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 11:43, Reply)

TGB
As long as you don't get Scarpe to take the pics.

You'd end up of some nice abstract shots of your ear and the wall behind you, but not much smiley-age :)
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 11:44, Reply)

Hi again everyone
I'm in a taxi on my way to "sawf landon" do install some equipment, then I need to go to Aldgate for a quick job then I'm done for the day!

Mr. K2, I'm up for microbashing although at this rate it might end up a minibash or maybe even a fully grown bash!
(bill, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 11:45, Reply)

Excellent Bill
Details have yet to be decided.

@HLT - no, I do other things in between. London is too far away to visit every day. So I have to store it up...
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 11:46, Reply)

Hi Bill
Yay Badger, I'll bring my good camera then.

K2k6 at this rate you'll have to put it on the calender.

HLT with this tightness you are spoiling us!

EDIT God that sounds so wrong!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 11:51, Reply)

ok
HLT that's fine
Al.. thanks you spoil me.
Duckie Noted!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 11:52, Reply)

Mr K, re: "saving it up"
If any of "it" touches me, I'll show you just how I got "Back-street sex-change Surgeon of the Year, 2006".
( Cawl, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 11:52, Reply)

Don't worry though.
Kaol's 'bite-sized chunks' are very generous.
( thealternativefact, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 11:54, Reply)

@Kaol
You have absolutely no reason to fear that sort of thing from me.

I'm saving it up for someone I'm going to meet immediately after seeing you lot. The British Geological Survey has been informed...
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 11:54, Reply)

@k2k6
store it all up?

in special receptacles?

*giggles*

@Dok - oh yes.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 11:55, Reply)

*shakes fist*
Dammit Clendrix!
You had to bring that up again, didn't you?

*frowns*
( Cawl, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 11:55, Reply)

Well
I'm looking forward to the London bash, as I get to meet new awesome people!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 11:57, Reply)

Lab
Will you be train-sharing with myself and TGB?
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 11:58, Reply)

How are the Leamingtonians
getting to the bash?

Car or train?

Or Griffon?


Edit: MINDPISS.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 11:58, Reply)

"meet new awesome people"?
What about awesome not-new people?
*frowns*
( Cawl, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 11:59, Reply)

Kaol
I'm even more looking forward to meeting awesome not-new people!

Ducky & Jim, I'm getting a train down some time after I finish work, so around 4:30 ish from Warwick Parkway.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 12:00, Reply)

I should probably
book my ticket whilst I still have money *cries*

Duckie what train did you say you're getting?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 12:02, Reply)

Damn right :D
Well, just under two weeks now.

Got another fantastic weekend before then though :D
( Cawl, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 12:02, Reply)

Hi guys...
Bloody hell where did my weekend go? Ah yes. World of Warcraft. That stuff is like digital smack. On the up side, I managed to get my character to level 12...
( jim_bob can herd cats., Mon 17 Nov 2008, 12:04, Reply)

TGB
You don't need to book your ticket in advance - it's £16.50 from the ticket office on the day :P

I was planning on getting the 13:24 from Warwick to Marylebone, which calls in at Leam at 13:29. If other people are going on later trains though, I'm happy to hang around and hop on a later one.
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 12:06, Reply)

I know I am a bad newbie
for not posting an awful lot, but I am trying to be sneak-like at work!

I would like to ask you fine people a question, as seems to be the norm:

If you were trapped on a Desert Island, and there was nothing to keep you company except a Rhesus Monkey, a small Demon, a Dan Brown Book and a pack of mini Pretzels, how would you call for help?
(Slip Digby is a meat puppet, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 12:08, Reply)

Yes, HLT
I have a pair of receptacles for generation and storage of 'it'.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 12:11, Reply)

I'd sacrifice
the monkey, the blood over the evil words of Dan Brown would appease the demon who would summon a teleporter and I would be able to go wherever I wanted.

I'd probably eat the pretzels whilst waiting for the blood to soak through the book

*gets dragged off by men in white coats*
But that IS what happened!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 12:12, Reply)

Well folks from up northwards
I finish work at about 16:30, and thusly will be about from then to go to the pub if you're wanting to kill some extra time.

Piston, only lvl 12, in 2 days? Gaz me with what server you're on and whatnot, I may be able to help you if needed.

Badger, stop that, I officeloled again, and that's just what I would do!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 12:13, Reply)

Slip
I'd eat the pretzels, and burn the book.

I'd be quite happy there.
( Cawl, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 12:13, Reply)

I think I'll have to get back on that digital smack
I think the escapism was actually doing me good.

*twitches*
( Captain V, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 12:19, Reply)

I'd read the Dan Brown book
which would lower my IQ by about 100. After that, I wouldn't give a shit about anything anymore.
( thealternativefact, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 12:19, Reply)

Dok
That sounds like a fine idea. It'll probably be 4.30-5pm ish anyway by the time I've checked into rubberduck towers and made my way over to the pub.
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 12:19, Reply)

@ Slip
I wouldn't, I'd be too preoccupied with fashioning tiny desert island clothes to wear and fermenting coconuts to make home-made malibu.




what?
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 12:20, Reply)

Cool Ducky
We'll make better plans closer to the time.

HLT, why would you want to fashion clothes, you'll be on the island alone. Or is this some kind of Blue Lagoon island that we are all on?

EDIT Drixy, if you ever want to read them, I have them, much to my shame I've inhereted them from someplace, but never read then!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 12:25, Reply)

'noon all
I'm still giggling like a mong at Sam's love of donkey and horse salami... Sam, are you sure it's actually salami? Or have you been fooled into buying consigments of equine cock to bring back to Blighty?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 17 Nov 2008, 12:25, Reply)

Hey DG
This joke made me laugh more than it should do...

What has the biggest carbon footprint?

The charcoal Elephant.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 12:27, Reply)

Grandad
Definitely salami!

I just Googled it and apparently 1 in 8 salamis on sale in this country contain horse or donkey meat...! It's being reported like some sort of scandal but as I said above, I really can't stand horses. Apart from if they're dead, and cooked.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 12:27, Reply)

HI DG
How's trick my good man?

EDIT, Badger, that got me again!

*still glad the office is empty*
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 12:28, Reply)

@ Dok
I'm not going about nekkid in front of a Dan Brown book!
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 12:29, Reply)

Not bad thanks, Dok
Although the horror that is Monday has left me a little dishevelled. I wish I could work a four day week.

*Edit* Sam, I share your dislike of horses (I say dislike; really I mean I couldn't give a toss about them either way - never trust anything that has a bigger head than you do), but have never knowingly eaten one. Although that statistic is an eye opener.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 17 Nov 2008, 12:31, Reply)

HLT
Get the demon to read the book, then it'll dragged back into hell, and you'll be on your own again.

EDIT Yeah DG, Mondays suck!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 12:32, Reply)

On the island
I'd eat the pretsels, burn the book, and make the monkey and demon dance for my amusement.

Might command them to make out as well.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 12:32, Reply)

@ Dok
no I wouldn't, the monkey would still be there and monkeys frighten me

*quivers*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 12:35, Reply)

But Lab
Everybody the knows that the monkey is there to do the fishing.

EDIT HLT it's a helper monkey, you can command it to do what you want. Unless it's the one from Monkey Shines!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 12:35, Reply)

Isn't the monkey
there so you can kill it (or get the demon to do it before making it read the Dan Brown book) and use it as food.

That way, HLT could run around in the buff with no inhibitions.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 12:39, Reply)

K2k6
Either way is good for me.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 12:41, Reply)

that's all right then
And I guess I could name it Bert.

Righto my lovelies, my time's up, so I'm off for lunch* and a spa treatment**

*snogs*

*a sarnie
**a hot bath


EDIT: ooh, wish me luck! got me first aid exam tomorrow!
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 12:41, Reply)

Hear that, everyone?
HLT's off to get nekkid at lunchtime!

*fantasises*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 12:43, Reply)

Some good ideas coming through here...
I like 'em. But I'm now eyeing my salami sandwich with an appreciable degree of caution.

Also, you can find some more ideas of what do do on a desert island here.
(Slip Digby is a meat puppet, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 12:44, Reply)

Ooo! I have it!
It's like the old adventure games!

First, you open the pretzels and remove them from the bag. Then, you tear pages out of the book, then tear them into strips so that you can weave the pretzels together, as well as fill in the holes in the savoury snacks of joy.

Then, you use the demon on the monkey, which after a fade-to-black cutscene leaves you with a dead, but quite stiff monkey. Use the pretzel bag with the stiff monkey's tail, and you now have a small sail on a mast.

Using the harder covers from the book, combined with the lashed-together pretzels, and you have an oar.

You then sail away on the monkey-raft.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 12:46, Reply)

Woo
Lunch!

Sadly no horse. Although I do have a Sainsbury's Basics Cornish pasty, so it's not completely ruled out...

Edit: Lab you've clearly played Monkey Island too much!
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 12:47, Reply)

^@ Labia
WINNAR!
(Slip Digby is a meat puppet, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 12:48, Reply)

Sam
Oh yes, I played a lot of the old SCUMM games ;)
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 12:49, Reply)

Slippy
You'll have to get up early n the morning to catch me with that one!

Lab genius, that would work out geat, until the monkey started to decompose. Then you would sink.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 12:49, Reply)

Dok
The decomposing monkey is all part of the plan.

That attracts sharks, which you can lash together to form a huge raft.
( Cawl, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 12:53, Reply)

Herr Dok
Hopefully you would have found salvation by that point. That's the risk you take with a monkey raft.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 12:53, Reply)

Kaol
You just have to watch out for the bitey end!

Lab, you can then just swim for it, or just float with the currents until you hit land.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 13:01, Reply)

I
suffered an asthmatic attack the other day. I was walking down the street and three asthmatics snuck up behind me and stole my wallet. I know, I know, I should've heard them coming...
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 13:02, Reply)

*Facepalm*
Badger, stop it please, you're making my head go all asplodey. :)

I really am glad I'm alone today due to the number of officelols!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 13:04, Reply)

Grr...
Just got back to work after a weekend of peace in the lakes.

*grumps*

How is everyone?
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 13:12, Reply)

Hi Scarpe
Not bad really. I'm just reading about the US Chemical Corp. I like their unofficial motto "Death Through Chemicals"
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 13:14, Reply)

Sorry Dok
But not really :p
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 13:17, Reply)

I know
you're not sorry ;)

I also know that I'll be lolling about when somebody walks back into the office. Then things may get bad!

*dribbles over Scotch Broth*

Hi al.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 13:23, Reply)

I've been reading Baby P
jokes this morning already.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 13:28, Reply)

I tried dribbling on to my keyboard for you, al...
But it just made things make a fizzing noise.

Sorry about that.
(Slip Digby is a meat puppet, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 13:28, Reply)

THREAD KILLER!!!!
And on your first day as well *shakes head*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 13:50, Reply)

What did I do?
WHAT DID I DO?!?!!?ONE1ELEVEN!

Oh God. This is just like the last time. Soon, it will be with the burning and the screaming and the blood. Oh, the blood! Why, why do you still torment me?

/ahem.
(Slip Digby is a meat puppet, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 13:52, Reply)

You bunch of dribblers
I come back from lunch and I find a near-dead thread with drool all over it!

What sort of OT board is this?

Tut.

*shakes head in manner of old person despairing of kids these days*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 13:55, Reply)

What do you mean
"in the manner of"?

You ARE old!
Hahaha!
( Cawl, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 13:57, Reply)

Oh you
want to watch where you tread k2 I don't think all of it is drool....
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 13:58, Reply)

Not yet, Kaol
I may be old enough to be your father, but I'm not even 40 yet.

Not for a while* anyway.

*a worryingly short while, admittedly.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 14:00, Reply)

Pffft!
That doesn't mean anything, I'm old enough to be my father, grandad.
( Cawl, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 14:03, Reply)

Kaol
what the hell does that mean!?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 14:07, Reply)

I demand a fair trial!
As is my right as a denizen citizen!

I never done nuffing, guv'nah. I weren't even here or whatever. Dahn't touch me, I'll sue ya, yer cahnt.
(Slip Digby is a meat puppet, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 14:11, Reply)

Well...
The Wonders Of Modern Technology^TM make it a possibility.

EDIT: Slip, you'll have to ask The King Of Off Topic for special dispensation.
( Cawl, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 14:11, Reply)

K2k6
I think we should gang up on the young whippersnappers!

EDIT, Wow there is a lot of drool here isn't there.

EDIT Slippy, you're letting your 'Sarf Landan' show!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 14:15, Reply)

How dare you, sir!
I am from the Far East. Of London, that is. Well, Leytonstone, anyway.
(Slip Digby is a meat puppet, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 14:24, Reply)

Ugh it's not even three
*needs more hugs*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 14:26, Reply)

Ooooo
That's miles away! Not!

Ha we know where you live now. Bwaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

EDIT *stealth hugs* Hows that Badger? Or would you rather have *AWESOME HUGS*
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 14:27, Reply)

I agree Dr Minge
*waves slipper threateningly at Kaol*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 14:31, Reply)

I'd have caught him
if it wasn't for this zimmer frame K2.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 14:31, Reply)

ooh
Awesome hugs! And maybe a cup of tea as well? :p
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 14:32, Reply)

That's a real shame, Dok...
I'm hardly built for speed, anyway.
Violence, yes. Speed? No.
( Cawl, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 14:33, Reply)

*AWESOME HUGS*
*Bimbles off to make Badger a cuppa*

Pah Kaol.

*wave zimmer frame in the air*

*falls over*
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 14:35, Reply)

You need to get one
of these motorised wheelchair things, Dr Minge. Then you can terrorise pedestrians with it.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 14:37, Reply)

I'm built for coke
and power violence.

Hello Kaol. You better be coming to the bash.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 14:37, Reply)

*Bimbles back with a cuppa and cake*
There you go Badger.

Yeah K2 and then I could also brandish my walking stick in a threatening manner!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 14:39, Reply)

Jim,
Which bash?
*manhugs*
( Cawl, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 14:40, Reply)

And cake?
Woohoo!

Jim Kaol is here next weekend as well. I am going to be all Kaol'd out
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 14:41, Reply)

*manhugs*
London bash me old chum, seeing as I'm in Leeds listening to heavy metal when you're up in Leam!
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 14:45, Reply)

Ah!
London?
I dunno... It's a bit of a mission for me to get to...
( Cawl, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 14:46, Reply)

*makes Danish Pastries appear*
Anybody for a Danish?

I have coffee, I've just had a smoke.

I'm Happy, and I have purple on my nail still!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 14:49, Reply)

I detect sarcasm
either that, or my prostitute is scrabbling at the trap door again.

*frowns*
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 14:50, Reply)

It takes me half an hour on the train :p
I'll be there.
( Cawl, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 14:51, Reply)

*gets map*
*Checks trains*

BWAhahahahahahahahahahha

Right Kaol, I have your coordinates locked in now.

*Inputs launch codes*
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 14:53, Reply)

You could
have just said that, instead of putting me into a state of perpetual worry.

*worries*

Will you be gracing us with your presents Herr Doktor?

We can have a hair off.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 14:55, Reply)

Kaol
You are everywhere. Like sand. :p
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 14:55, Reply)

*laughs*
Good luck...
I have to drive half an hour to get to the train station though...
So that exponentially widens your search pattern...

*hisses*
YOU HAD TO MENTION SAND DIDN'T YOU?
( Cawl, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 14:56, Reply)

If that's the one on the 28th
then yes I shall be.

But you're not getting my hair off!

EDIT Kaol, I have BIG BOMBS, that I can launch from orbit!

EDIT 2, But you're not getting any presents.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 14:56, Reply)

It'll take me
About 2.5 hours to get to the London Bash, tube traffic notwithstanding.

I may be grumpy after a day at work, so the first few drinks might go down rather quickly...

I apologise in advance...
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 14:57, Reply)

Dok
you're telling fibs, aren't you? You haven't got big bombs at all.

Men.

Labs, drinks at bashes go down faster than a poor whore. You'll fit right in.
( thealternativefact, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 14:59, Reply)

Lab
I'll stroke the mo to cheer you up :p

And Sand? I didn't mention sand. Anyone mention sand? No? No sand mentioning?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 15:00, Reply)

Yes I do Drixy
They're on my satellite hide-out!

The launch button is in my hollowed out volcano lair.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 15:01, Reply)

Dok look away now....
Mildred, 93, was despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl, so she decided to just kill herself and join him in death.

Thinking it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart since it was so badly broken in the first place.
Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and a burden to someone, she called her doctor's office to learn her heart's exact location. "Since you're a woman," the doctor said, "your heart is just below your left breast. Why do you ask?" She hung up without answering.

Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee.


hehe Sickipedia is making the day just about bearable
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 15:08, Reply)

I'm looking forward to meeting
everyone.

*goes off to perv at pictures*

*rubs thighs*
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 15:08, Reply)

TGB
I think I just saw some nudey shots of Mildred.

*reaches for the mind bleach*

Al: I don't think we could break it anymore than it already is.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 15:12, Reply)

Well,
Kaol wanders in off the farm and that's...er...OK...oh dear.
( thealternativefact, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 15:12, Reply)

Fuck off Al!
Nothing wrong with country-folks...

I can gut a rabbit in twenty seconds, y'know?
With my cock.
( Cawl, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 15:14, Reply)

Badger
That's it, I have to go out and laugh smoke now. With these jokes you are killing me!

Al what we need is somebody to herd them about.

*hands Lab the mind bleach*
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 15:14, Reply)

Cheers Dok!
How dare you, I don't need herding!

When sober, anyway...
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 15:19, Reply)

Kaol
you'll enjoy the fact that I'm getting myself an air rifle to take hunt with, so I can ride the credit crunch with ease.

Om nom.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 15:20, Reply)

Lab
So that's Friday before you get to the pub sorted.

I'm sure you can find some lady to herd you home.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 15:23, Reply)

Excellent!
I've gone for the lazy option and started putting snares out in the field.

I got 6 in one night once :D

In other news, my right hand is freezing cold, and my left is warm.
What the hell?
( Cawl, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 15:24, Reply)

People aren't big game
Unless you go to Harlow and hunt the gigantic single mothers.
I like to use a harpoon, and pretend I'm Captain Ahab.

EDIT: I'm not touching myself with that hand. Far too cold.
I don't have to make the "Honestly, it's cold, it's not normally that small" excuse to myself :(
( Cawl, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 15:27, Reply)

Kaol
You're not trying corpse hand, are you?

You dirty bitch.
( thealternativefact, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 15:27, Reply)

@ Al: I wish
you need a license from Barnardos now. :(

Kaol, you're having a stroke.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 15:27, Reply)

Al
I am going to invade London and then I am going to invade you.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 15:32, Reply)

TGB
You'll have to wait in line.
Burt, then me, then you.

The sequence of vi-Al-ation.
( Cawl, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 15:34, Reply)

Lol
Invading Al.

Sounds interesting, but it's not my bag man!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 15:36, Reply)

My housemate is
so selfish. He won't let me pimp his girlfriend out for money or sell her car.

*rolls eyes* Some people are all me me me, that's illegal blah blah blah you have to respect peoples' rights.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 15:39, Reply)

Al
That would be followed by an invasion wouldn't it, and I've never had the pleasure!

Sell her car anyway Badger, you know it's the right thing to do!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 15:40, Reply)

TGB
That's what rohypnol was invented for. You have to spend money to make money.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 15:41, Reply)

True.
I could probably pimp him out too that way as well.... Don't think I'd get much for him

*waves at housemate if he is reading this* Which is unlikely as B3ta is blocked at work for him *evil laugh*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 15:44, Reply)

Well...
I am going there this weekend...
( Cawl, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 15:44, Reply)

Al
Who needs loads of B3tans when we have Kaol!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 15:45, Reply)

Kaol
I'll give you mates rates on her as well :p
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 15:48, Reply)

Wow!
Bed and breakfast?

*cracks knuckles*
( Cawl, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 15:50, Reply)

Oh god, don't spoil him.
He's bad enough as it is.
( thealternativefact, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 15:51, Reply)

*can't stop herself*
I found my local ice cream man lying on the floor outside my house the other day, he was covered in hundreds and thousands. It turned out he had topped himself.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 15:52, Reply)

Shit
TGB has turned into Tim Vine.

*looks for gun*
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 15:58, Reply)

Gods Badger
*must control self*

I'll get you for this!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 15:58, Reply)

Scarpe,
How's the blister?
*grins*
( Cawl, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 16:00, Reply)

Kaol
Itchy.

That means it's getting better right?

Right?
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 16:01, Reply)

Yeah, Scarpe
are you still picking at it, you naughty boy?
( thealternativefact, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 16:01, Reply)

Well
Scarpe is going to shoot me so I will stop

*giggles to self*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 16:02, Reply)

Scarpe
Yup if it itches it's getting better.

I bet you won't Badger!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 16:04, Reply)

If it itches
You should rub it on a door-mat, hard.

This also applies to crotch-related issues.
Although make sure your family/partner/flatmate isn't going to walk in on it...

EDIT: I wouldn't worry too much, TGB. Scarpe has troubles operating something as simple as a cigarette lighter... He's only a danger to himself with anything like that.
( Cawl, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 16:07, Reply)

TGB
No, don't stop. The gun was for me.

Although a badger hunt could be fun.

Edit: Al, you haven't seen the size of my love gun. It's reduced women to tears.

No, not of laughter.

(but the court case does come up next week.)
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 16:07, Reply)

Scarpe
"Women" and "children" are two very different things...
In the eyes of the Law, at least.
( Cawl, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 16:09, Reply)

Scarpe
You'd never find a badger, you'd be forever burning your hand with the lighter so you could see your way. :)
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 16:14, Reply)

I would appreciate
it if I was not shot. By gun, love gun or other projectile things
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 16:17, Reply)

TGB
Don't worry, as has been rightly pointed out, I'd be more of a danger to myself than anyone else.

I'd probably blow my toes off.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 16:19, Reply)

And that's just with
his Love Gun!

EDIT I'm off home, see you lot later.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 16:22, Reply)

hehe
Scarpe feel free to buy me shots of stuff though :p
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 16:24, Reply)

TGB
That will be my pleasure, but you have to try not to let me drink any.

It all gets a bit messy for me if I have shots.

Or Red Diesel.

Or, actually, alcohol.

Edit: Bye Dok, you big flatterer, you.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 16:25, Reply)

*bursts in*
I heard Red Diesel...
Where?
*twitches*

I need it.

Right now.
( Cawl, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 16:26, Reply)

Qu'est-ce que c'est Red Diesel?
Is it Snakebite and Black?
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 16:30, Reply)

*swats Kaol away*
No! None for you!

Scarpe I heard "let me drink shots and I shall entertain everyone for the rest of the evening"
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 16:31, Reply)

Red Diesel
Is cider and black with vodka in it.
It gives me superpowers.
( Cawl, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 16:33, Reply)

TGB
Yeah, that seems to be pretty much how it works unfortunately.

Shame I'm missing the next bash really.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 16:34, Reply)

Ahhh...
Does the pub in London on the 28th sell snakebite and black? I've not had any since uni...
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 16:34, Reply)

Hello hello hellooooo!!
Good afternoon all, I'm waiting for the blackberry and apple pie I put in the oven to be cooked. And procrastinating because I do not want to do work.

And venting because there are people who disagree with me (on certain other not-as-good boards).

Do they not know I am always right???
(Psyche finishes work at the end of June! Yay!!!, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 16:36, Reply)

Lab...
I think we're going to make a beautiful drinking partnership again.
You're the pretty one meat-decoy though.
( Cawl, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 16:36, Reply)

oh god
the purple vomit flashbacks

*rocks gently in the corner*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 16:36, Reply)

Blackberry and apple pie
It looks from my earlier post (how does one differentiate between earlier as in last week, and earlier as in 30 seconds ago?)
... oh yes, that I'd just taken it out of a wrapper. Oh no no, I even chopped up the apples myself. The dog helped me by eating all the peel. Not sure whether this is good for him...
(Psyche finishes work at the end of June! Yay!!!, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 16:38, Reply)

Kaol
I have to agree, at least I'll be the pretty one until pint number three...
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 16:39, Reply)

@ TGB
Oh god, don't let scarpe have shots. I've never seen a man sway so much without actually falling over.

It was like the Smooth Criminal video!
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 16:42, Reply)

Haha!
See, what I love about Red Diesel is...
That there are (however many units of alcohol you'd get in a pint of cider) + 2.

It does magical things to me.

*looks around slowly*

ancrenne isn't here, so I'm safe for the moment...
That poor, poor lady...
( Cawl, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 16:42, Reply)

Oooh hello BK!
How are you today?
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 16:43, Reply)

I just
you tubed the smooth criminal video because I couldn't remember it.

It looks like a pretty apt description, I have to agree.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 16:45, Reply)

Howdy Lab
I'm well thanks. All the better that I'll be meeting you next Friday!

Yays!

*edit*
scarpe, it was bloody impressive, I must admit!
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 16:45, Reply)

BK
Oh, you charmer! I'm looking forward to meeting you too :)

I'm hoping you dance again
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 16:46, Reply)

Pickleface!
And you get to see me again as well!!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 16:48, Reply)

*jealous*
Stupid selfish friend getting married on a bash weekend.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 16:49, Reply)

Oh! Hello Beekers!
And how are you, young man?
( thealternativefact, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 16:49, Reply)

@ Lab
I can only dance if my Enzyme is there!

@TGB
And of course I can wait to see you again Miss Badger *hugs*

@clenders
Hello lovely!
*flexes*

I've had a very busy day at work, so another 4 of these and then Lusty's up for a visit again! Yays!
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 16:51, Reply)

*crestfallen*
Does noone want pie?

I even made little pastry leaves to decorate it....
(Psyche finishes work at the end of June! Yay!!!, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 16:53, Reply)

Scarpe...
It true American "Comedy" film style, you've got a week and a half to get your friend to split up with their partner.

If you want me as an amusing side-kick, you can fuck off :p


EDIT: Psyche, I'm afraid that I can't eat blackberries :(
( Cawl, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 16:54, Reply)

Aah, a lovely flex.
That'll cheer me up - my boss just came in and laughed at my mong foot. And after all the snickering abuse sympathy I gave him when he poked himself in the eye with a stick.
( thealternativefact, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 16:54, Reply)

ooh
I didn't realise it was an offer of pie!

me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me *jumps up and down*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 16:56, Reply)

@ clenders
Should have poked him in the other eye with the same stick!

On that lovely note, I am off home. I'm sure I'll be around later this evening!

*huggles all round*
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 16:56, Reply)

*feeling a little bit better*
Sorry Kaol, next time I'll just make it apple and cinnamon.

Yep, is an offer of pie all round, I jut got it out of the oven and my STINKING HORRIBLE POO FACE of a flatmate is having NONE. And if noone else helps me eat it, god damn I will eat the lot until I am sick just so he can have none. Smarmy little twunt that thinks he can be classed as human.

I don't like him.
(Psyche finishes work at the end of June! Yay!!!, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 16:59, Reply)

Psyche!
I missed your earlier post! How could I have? That's my favourite type of pie.

*knocks everyone else to the ground*
*stuffs entire pie into gob*
( thealternativefact, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 17:00, Reply)

Penis or pie
Sorry al - the GB is right, pie is definitely very exciting.

Penis lasts for minutes.

Pie lasts all evening... And there's always some to heat up for breakfast the next morning.

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
(Psyche finishes work at the end of June! Yay!!!, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 17:01, Reply)

@clendrix
I saw that reply before you edited it, it said stiff instead of stuff. Slip of the Freudian variety maybe?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 17:01, Reply)

Afternoon all
I have finally returned home after a four hour drive back from London.
And am knackered.

But I did have a Gold bar to eat when I got home. I haven't had one of those since I was little and it tasted gooooooooooooooood.

How is everyone? I hope the weekend fairies brought fun to one and all.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 17:02, Reply)

Psyche,
You've clearly had rubbish penis then :p

Apple and cinnamon... I'd certainly prefer that to a cock though.
( Cawl, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 17:04, Reply)

He is a Shitpooarsebuggerfacecunt of the worst kind.
His dad is my boss (complicated, I get to live there for free, but, well, he lives there too).

And his dad (my boss) is lovely. And WEALTHY.

He's one of those that thinks it's ok to sponge off his dad, he will never amount to anything, spends his days arsing about on the computer and leaves his STINKY dirty boxers all over the house!!!!

His response to my "please can you clean your shit up coz I cleaned all your shit up 2 months ago FOR YOU, and you've done feck all since?" Was to tell me that the more I asked, the less likely he was gonna do it.

Well, the more he pisses me off the more likely he will wake up to find his room in flames.


And you can all have pie now. It is out of the oven, and only very slightly singed at the edges (whoops)
(Psyche finishes work at the end of June! Yay!!!, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 17:04, Reply)

Right
It's the end of my first day on B3ta OT. It's been fun, highs and lows and shocking revelations all round.

You all seem very nice. Can I come back some day?
(Slip Digby is a meat puppet, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 17:05, Reply)

Bert
I stuck that stiff there for you ;)

Bye Slip! Yes, do come back.
( thealternativefact, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 17:06, Reply)

OK
I spend my days arsing about on the computer, but not at the expense of leaving my knickers around the house....

Hang on, that means he has been naked around the house...

*retches*
*retches some more*

oh god that is the most hideous thought.

*retches again*
(Psyche finishes work at the end of June! Yay!!!, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 17:07, Reply)

@Slip Digby
You can even have pie.

That's how nice everyone is.
(Psyche finishes work at the end of June! Yay!!!, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 17:08, Reply)

Awe!
Thank you, everyone!

*noms pie*

Byeee!
(Slip Digby is a meat puppet, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 17:09, Reply)

Bloody 'Ell!
It's only me nipping in for a visit, innit?
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 17:10, Reply)

Al
Pie has never disappointed me. Therefore it ranks higher than Penis but lower than vibrator.

And on that note I am off home. Byeee
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 17:10, Reply)

Tightly!
Do your monkey dance!
*pokes with stick*
Go on!
( thealternativefact, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 17:11, Reply)

*does mankey dance*
*appreciates al's shimmy*

Oh, you're all leaving. Then so shall I!

*away!*
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 17:16, Reply)

Well it's no fun if everyone else is going...
So me and my pie are going to bugger off and have a lovely romantic (but not in the american pie way - more in the loving and eating it way)evening in.

Cheers for letting me vent!!

Byeeeeeeeeeee
(Psyche finishes work at the end of June! Yay!!!, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 17:18, Reply)

Hurrah!
Goodnight, my darlings.
*limps off to the pub*
( thealternativefact, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 17:18, Reply)

Evening
And today's stupid names were Justus and Oakley.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Mon 17 Nov 2008, 18:10, Reply)