It's Monday again.
Some stupid cunt unplugged the fridge in my office and stole the extension lead.
Bastards, the lot of them.


( wanderlust, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 7:50, 255 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Good morning, Lusty.
I would ask "how are you?", but you've already answered that question for me! :OS
(The Stig, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 7:53, Reply)

Hello.
I'm not that bad, just having a cup of tea so feeling better already.
( wanderlust, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 7:57, Reply)

Milk, two sugars?
Well, apart from the whole "Fridge-gate" incident, how have you been? Still keeping your job down?
(The Stig, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 8:00, Reply)

I'm fine.
I'd rather not talk about work though. It takes up enough of my time as it is.
( wanderlust, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 8:04, Reply)

OK, work is nixed...
....so are you going to be judging the "beard-off"? :O)
(The Stig, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 8:07, Reply)

Yups,
It looks that way.
I haven't had any decent beardy action in a while so I'm looking forward to it :D
( wanderlust, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 8:11, Reply)

Well, I have to admit.....
....that I'm rather bristly now. I haven't shaved for the best part of two weeks now. My theory being that when I haven't shaved for a long time, my skin (after shaving) becomes much smoother. And since I'm going to Manchester this weekend, I want to look my best.

I'm not saying beards are bad (let's not go there, please!) but they're just not for me. :O)

How exactly is this "beard-off" going to work? Points for imaginations? Or length? (insert length joke here).
(The Stig, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 8:14, Reply)

For someone who
supposedly doesn't like beards, you seem to spend a lot of time talking about them.
Colonel Santiago is in charge of the beard-off. He's probably the best person to ask.
( wanderlust, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 8:20, Reply)

Morning beautiful people
I'm in an excellent mood as my date went really well yesterday. Evidence seems to suggest I was a bit sloshed at the Christmas party though. Arse.
( Captain V, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 8:27, Reply)

Morning captain V
Glad your date went well! Are you seeing her again?
( wanderlust, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 8:32, Reply)

Hopefully
I have a date with somebody else that I have to go on first though. I don't quite understand it myself but I'm not too bothered about it really as yesterday went so well.

We'll see how it all pans out I guess.
( Captain V, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 8:36, Reply)

Lusty..
...I don't like war, but I don't mind talking about it. :O)

Captain V, glad to hear your date went well. :O)
(The Stig, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 8:38, Reply)

Captain V
I hope you enjoy yourself either way!
The thought of you being happy makes me happy and I like being happy. So there!
( wanderlust, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 8:42, Reply)

Lusty
Your logic is impeccable. I've just found out that I licked the faces of a couple of my colleagues at the Christmas party, there is photographic evidence and that I was tricked into drinking water at one point...
( Captain V, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 8:45, Reply)

Morning you lovely people
You all good today, apart from it being Monday and all?

Glad the date went well V is this the one from a while ago, or the new one?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 8:49, Reply)

Captain V
I'm rather jealous of your colleagues getting all the face licking fun.
I haven't had my face licked in ages :(

I just realised that this is probably the wrong place to admit that


Ohh and morning Dok!
( wanderlust, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 8:49, Reply)

Lusty
This is probably the only place where it's safe to admit that! I'll give you a good face licking next weekend if you like.

@Dok New lady. I'm pretty optimistic about this one *smiles*
( Captain V, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 8:52, Reply)

Lusty
I agree witht V, if you can't admit your love of face licking here where can you admit it!

V nice one, hope it all goes good.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 8:57, Reply)

Hurrah!
I'm looking forward to a face licking now.
Can I stroke your hair too please? It's so silky!
( wanderlust, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 8:57, Reply)

Yes you may
*proffers hairy self*
( Captain V, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 8:58, Reply)

I'll
just be over here when you two are finished, OK.

:)
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 9:01, Reply)

@Dok
Are you hiding in the corner watching again? You look a little bit flushed and cross-eyed.
Are you ok?
( wanderlust, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 9:05, Reply)

Lusty yes I am
I'm very OK, don't mind this lovely shade of red I've gone!

Dons hat!

Yes I'm a ThreadKiller!

*hangs head in shame*
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 9:08, Reply)

@Dok
I wouldn't worry about the thread killing. I've heard it's quite common. There's no need to feel embarrassed.
( wanderlust, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 9:35, Reply)

Bloody Threadkiller
*sighs*
( Cawl, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 9:39, Reply)

Morning all
I'm putting the Christmas party photos on the intranet, although I didn't attend. Looks like it was pretty shit and my weekend away was the better option.

If anyone wants to join me, I am also mounting a mission to London to assassinate Simon Cowell after hearing that talentless bint that won X Factor's cover of Hallelujah, it has made me even more angry than your average Monday morning does!
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 9:41, Reply)

Morning Kaol.
Are you talking about Dok or me?
I hope I'm not labeled a thread killer. I know I told Dok it was nothing to worry about but I was just trying to be polite.
( wanderlust, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 9:41, Reply)

Morning Kaol
I do seam to do it quite a lot, almost as much as Davros!

EDIT Morning Sam, I'm sure somebody will aid you in your quest!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 9:41, Reply)

I was talking about Dok :p
I could never be rude to you!

Thread-killing is a dark and terrible problem.
In most polite company it's inappropriate to mention.
( Cawl, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 9:43, Reply)

Kaol
Are you saying I have a dark and terrible problem?

Oooh tell me what it is, and i'll inflict it on everybody, unless it's the skill of threadkilling!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 9:44, Reply)

Good mornings all
I come bearing giftsbugger all. How is everyone today?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 9:47, Reply)

Erectile disfunction.
So good luck with the infliction :p

Er...
*twitches*

So, I got a decent sleep last night, yay!
( Cawl, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 9:47, Reply)

Morning K2
Thanks for the nothing, I'll go and create a universe now!

Kaol, Nope, no problems in that department thank you!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 9:50, Reply)

Oh, my mistake...
Wanna hook up?
:p
( Cawl, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 9:51, Reply)

I think I might have
that there erectile disfunction. I've never been able to keep an erection, in fact I haven't even had one in the first place to keep.

*cries*

*feels less of a man*
( wanderlust, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 9:52, Reply)

Oh Kaol
You're too kind, but I have a feeling I know what kind of hooks you'd use.

EDIT Lusty, it's nothing to be ashamed of, even Pele has trouble with it.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 9:52, Reply)

@Dok Minge
Yes, you should be able to make a fully fledged universe. It might take about 13.7 billion years before it's much good though.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 9:53, Reply)

K2
But it will be my 'little' plaything!

Bwahahahahahahahahahahaha

EDIT I have just found out that my work pays somebody every month for cake! LOL
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 9:56, Reply)

Why
would anyone be paid for cake?

Is there an official cake procurement officer at your workplace, Dok?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 10:05, Reply)

No K2
I actually work in the sole procurement department. It's one of those damn academic departments!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 10:06, Reply)

We've got a procurement officer
But he doesn't buy us cake :(
( Cawl, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 10:06, Reply)

Our procurement officer
just buys cheap crappy stationery. The sticky tape (not Sellotape) tears and breaks, the parcel tape comes off the parcel and the self-sealing envelopes don't.

For that reason, I have a supply of premium equivalents in my desk drawer, purchased by myself. Including the Pritt stick which I once mistook for a roll of Polo mints in an absent moment.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 10:10, Reply)

One of my duties is procurement
It's boring as fuck.

I'm full of good stories on a Monday morning aren't I?
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 10:13, Reply)

Our procurement guy
Is really nice.
And he gets me scalpel blades if I ask him politely :D
( Cawl, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 10:16, Reply)

Kaol
How did your date go at the weekend?
( Captain V, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 10:17, Reply)

Sam it is boring
but it depends on what you're buying!

I will, and do get anything for people of they ask nicely.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 10:20, Reply)

Hey V!
It went badly.
Ran out of conversation after about ten minutes.
And you know what I'm like, I can talk forever.
She was a conversation blackhole.
So I ended up going on the piss with a friend of mine who I met by chance.
( Cawl, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 10:20, Reply)

Good morning Lusty & everyone
How are you all? Good weekend I hope?

Chickenlady and I got drunk on Friday night at my local and spent Saturday/Sunday visiting my parents who are rather impressed with her.

Monday comes round all too soon though...
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Mon 15 Dec 2008, 10:22, Reply)

Hi PJM
Sounds like you had a good weekend then.

Mine was boring babysitting again!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 10:23, Reply)

Ah sorry to hear that
That sounds just like my last date was. Not fun. Fortunately this one was quite the opposite and, not that I buy into such things, we broke pretty much every first date taboo I can think of =D
( Captain V, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 10:25, Reply)

Morning all!
And it was such a lovely weekend, and now I am stuck back in work. Still, the guffaws of the latest email forward I put together culled from the front page are nice to listen to. Although people saying "The Force is strong in this trout" and collapsing with giggles is one of the more unusual sights of the week.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Mon 15 Dec 2008, 10:25, Reply)

Oh V
Do tell. Just for research you understand, so I know what I'm not supposed to do!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 10:26, Reply)

First date taboos?
WHY DID NOBODY TELL ME OF THIS?
( Cawl, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 10:27, Reply)

I couldn't really get away with that Dok
as we're a small company with a boss who likes to keep involved in everything.

Hence I order boring toner, paper and pens for everyone else, and expensive computers and related gadgets for myself as the boss isn't very technical and I can usually convince him it's something we need.

Sounds rubbish Kaol, take it you dismembered her and left her in a Biffa bin then?

Sounds better than Kaol's effort Captain, we need a list of the taboos you broke though!
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 10:28, Reply)

First date blues
Sorry to hear they didn't go well, only Kaol can turn a bad date into a good piss up.

Her Doktor - Babyhitting? Who's?
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Mon 15 Dec 2008, 10:28, Reply)

for some reason
I read self-sealing as self-eating and got a very strange mental image :/
(darras jeg har en grevling i hodet. Grevling, grevlang, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 10:30, Reply)

Well Dok
We talked about:

Ex partners
Sexual experimentation
Heavy topics like politics and philosophy
Hitler
Homosexuality
Religion and how much we dislike it
Being (un)faithful
Drinking and drug addictions
Mental health

Can't think of anything else offhand but I'm sure there was more.
( Captain V, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 10:32, Reply)

Sam
I works at a big university, so you can imagine just what kind of things that I have to get!

PJM My sisters two youngest, ages eight and ten, You would have thought she would have learnt by now!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 10:32, Reply)

*grins*
It was a good piss up!

My mate, who I call Little Kaol*, was wearing a hat for most of the night.
At one point he grinned and said "Oh, guess what?", pulling the hat off to reveal his recently-shaved head.
I put on an expression of concern and pity, hugged him and said "I hope to God it's not terminal."

He was shocked, disgusted and amused.


*Replace Kaol with my name.
( Cawl, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 10:33, Reply)

Morning All
I have a dose of the man flu after a drink-fuelled weekend, and spending last night stood in goal in shorts and t-shirt:(

*splutters*
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 10:33, Reply)

Morning all
my bed was far too cosy to contemplate getting to work for an early start, so I phoned in and am now starting at 11.30 :)
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 10:33, Reply)

Thanks V
I can now rest easy for I will do none of those on a first date! I'll be doing far more interesting thing, well if I ever get one!

EDIT Hi Becky and Boss!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 10:34, Reply)

Hey Dok!
Good weekend!

@ becks

Know the feeling, I reset my alarm three times this morning and nearly missed the train to work:(
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 10:43, Reply)

@Capt
You have to go for the heavy hitting topics to gauge your date's intellectual potential.

A great mix of subjects though.

How did you leave things?
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Mon 15 Dec 2008, 10:45, Reply)

BK
You are, and will remain a silly bastard. Great weekend mind.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Mon 15 Dec 2008, 10:46, Reply)

Not bad Boss
But far too much babysitting for my liking!

And in other news. I got a text from a mate at the weekend to say that she has just walked into a game shop to get Ravin' Rabbids for her son and asked for a rampant rabbit instead! LOL
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 10:46, Reply)

Good morning you sexy bastards!
I'm in a great mood today and I feel like being naughty.
( thealternativefact, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 10:47, Reply)

@ PB
It was a giggle, yes.

@ Dok
That's brilliant!
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 10:48, Reply)

Nice list V!
I made a comment about cannibalism, which didn't go down so well.

And I mentioned my comic, which confused the hell out of her...
"Why would you spend time drawing a picture of a ghost made out of headless rabbits?"

I don't think she was quite right for me, haha!

EDIT: Hello Clendrix! *grins*
( Cawl, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 10:49, Reply)

PJM
We'd already spoken quite a bit through match.com so knew that we were both on that sort of wavelength before the date.

I've got another date to go on next weekend (Don't ask...) which I'm not too fussed about. We'll see where we stand after that and go from there. I'd certainly like to see her again though.
( Captain V, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 10:51, Reply)

*saunters in*
Morning all

and how are we today?

I would just like to say that beekers, piston, davros and tourette's are all of the win. Hurrah for microbashes!
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 10:52, Reply)

Yep, I agree with you BK & Becks (hi becks!)
I skipped my shower and breakfast this morning so I could have an extra 20 minutes snooze time...

Captain - didn't realise those were taboos! I went to a party on Saturday night full of people much posher than I, just to have a good time, with no intention of getting involved in heavyweight political conversations. I had to listen to some cunt whose parents had obviously made all their money in the 80s spout off about how Margaret Thatcher was the best thing that had ever happened to this country! When he started going on about how David Cameron was too left wing and he was considering joining the BNP, I had to go and sit in the garden to cool myself off before I headbutted the cunt and made an arse of myself in front of a load of posh people I didn't know properly...

Dok - what's the strangest procurement request you've ever had?
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 10:53, Reply)

Drixy, Yay, Morning
Kaol, classic mate, Cannabalism should be top of the list of discussion topics for a forst date if you ask me!

V, you could always destroy the on purpose you know!

EDIT Sam It's got to be human body parts! They wouldn't tell what they wanted them for though!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 10:53, Reply)

Hello Kaol.
Have you tried St George's Hospital in south London? There'll be some nice girls there for you.

Morning Dok!
*hugs*
( thealternativefact, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 10:55, Reply)

*officelolz*
I've just read the dedication page of the book I'm reading at the moment.
(It's a vampire romance written for teenage girls don't ask)
It says

To my husband Pancho, for your patience, friendship, humour and willingness to eat out.

Just thought you all might like to smirk with me at that one.
( wanderlust, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 10:56, Reply)

What, nurses?
*grins*

EDIT: Lusty, is that the "Twilight" one that they're jerking posters for all over the place?
( Cawl, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 10:56, Reply)

Morning Tulip
Didn't see you there.

*Hugs Drixy and Tulip*

EDIT Lusty, that just made me officelol as well!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 10:57, Reply)

Kaol...
erm yes, let's say that.

Lusty, are you reading Twilight?
( thealternativefact, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 10:57, Reply)

Is that Twilight lusty?
Been reading quite a lot about how it's essentially anti-feminist, and thinly disguised abstention propaganda, particularly since the release of the film...

Been meaning to have a read of it myself to see what the fuss is all about, but don't know any teenage girls I can borrow it off!
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 10:59, Reply)

Dok
Destroy the what? *confused*
( Captain V, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 10:59, Reply)

Loon's daughter
is very in to that - I had a long chat with her about it.

Erm, she's a bit far away for you to borrow the book from though...
( thealternativefact, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 11:00, Reply)

The book
Could be any of the Anita Blake one as well. They are just thinly disguised porn though!

The date V. The date! Or the girl if you desire!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 11:00, Reply)

Oh right
Well I'm not going to deliberately make it go badly but I can't see us getting on half as well as me and the lady from last night.

In fact I'm expecting a similar conversation black hole as the one Kaol had. On the bright side I get to drink with you lovely folks afterwards =D
( Captain V, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 11:04, Reply)

But V
If you do you can get to the bash early!

And if it goes well, bring her along.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 11:06, Reply)

V
Don't make assumptions. I spend a lot of time with Kaol and we often sit in silence with nothing to say.

I think it might be him.
( thealternativefact, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 11:07, Reply)

It's called eclipse.
It's the third book in the series. The receptions at work lent me the books as I wanted to see what all the fuss was about. I'm sure if I had read them as a 13 year old girl I would have loved them.
Now, however I agree with sam about the abstention propaganda and they unnerve me slightly that a young girl relies so much on being saved by big, strong men all the time.

I don't think it's the best message to be sending out to young girls.
( wanderlust, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 11:07, Reply)

I'm not feeling that positive about this date
Me and the girl I was out with last night click amazingly well. Ideally next weekend will be pleasant but lead nowhere and me and the girl I was out with yesterday will be able to just take things slowly and see where it goes =]
( Captain V, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 11:10, Reply)

V, why do you have to go for this other date?
I mean surely if you've got a bad feeling about it now, that's just gonna propagate?

Not that I'm really the person to be giving advice on this kinda thing... :p
( Cawl, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 11:15, Reply)

Well V
You can never tell, you might meet her and click.

Either way just have a good time!

EDIT and the prize for making me laugh very loudly in the office goes to the request I have just had placed in front of me, already done by somebody else, asking for Tarts for a reception!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 11:16, Reply)

@ V
Glad it went well; you might as well go on the other date though. You'll probably still have a nice time.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 11:18, Reply)

That's why I want to read it lusty
There has been a fair amount of media controversy over it. I'm sure if I was a 13 year old girl I'd love it as well.

For those of you unaware, I think this offers a decent precis (although, as noted, I have neither read the books or seen the film.)
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 11:18, Reply)

So you'd set up two dates
and the first one went well, and now you don't care about the second?

Go to it, try and keep your mind and your options open (Loon style :P). The first one might turn out to be a psycho, you never know!

As Kaol says, fuck knows why I'm offering relationship advice.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 11:21, Reply)

Aye Dok
I'm trying not to be too negative about it...

@Kaol The date next weekend was organised before yesterday's. I lost contact with the girl I went out with yesterday for some time so had given up on her which led to next weekend's date being organised. Yesterday's lady then got back in contact with me and, as we were both very keen to get to know each other better, a date was arranged.

:edit: Aye to everybody who says I may as well go along anyway. Nowt to lose and I was even told by the girl I was out with yesterday that I shouldn't cancel because she wouldn't like it if somebody did that to her.
( Captain V, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 11:22, Reply)

I offer advice
But shouldn't, because I' managed to royally fuck up almost every one I've been in! Except my marriage, that was her fault!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 11:23, Reply)

lol @ 'everyone i've been in'
A nice way of describing it...

@ Captain - if last night's girl said you should go, then she's clearly got plans for a threesome!
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 11:25, Reply)

Haha Sam
That was another thing we discussed actually...

:edit: I should clarify that we discussed threesomes in general not a threesome with next weekend's date!
( Captain V, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 11:26, Reply)

I'm a nice fella
You should read my three QOTW answers to see just how nice I am!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 11:26, Reply)

Does sound like you discussed everything!
I like it when you click with someone like that. Well, I like it when I click with someone like that, I don't know you.

What were her views on a three's up then?
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 11:27, Reply)

It's great isn't it
Even better when they're attractive too =]

We both said it's something we'd like to try but not if we were in a relationship with somebody cause we'd just get jealous.
( Captain V, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 11:28, Reply)

If I have to hear this version of Hallelujah one more time
I'm going to run amok with an AK47 in a town centre full of Christmas shoppers. It really does make me that cross.

And the person I share an office with won't turn Radio 1 off cos I was late for my lift this morning, cunt.

I'm thinking of starting a 'ban melisma' campaign.

Edit: Captain, if there's any chance of a relationship in the offing you'd better have the threesome straight away then!

All my closest mates and all my previous girlfriends are people I've clicked with within about 30 seconds of first meeting with them, I really go by my first impressions.

I've only got one mate that I disliked the first time I met him.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 11:29, Reply)

Sam,
I heard that this morning. Terrible!

I avoided a girl for two years because I didn't much like her. Now she's my best friend and I couldn't be without her!
( thealternativefact, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 11:31, Reply)

Oh yes
BK, what was that punjabi insult again? I've completely forgotten it.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Mon 15 Dec 2008, 11:35, Reply)

I don't avoid people
They avoid me!

I've just been out for a smoke and there was this gorgeous woman in full bike leather getting onto a big bike! I do love a lady in leather, with a throbbing engine between her legs!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 11:37, Reply)

A tranny?
:p

I've not had a smoke yet today.
I'll have to wait 'til lunch...
Argh!
( Cawl, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 11:39, Reply)

*yawns*
*stretches*

I wonder if the boss will mind if I go for a smoke now.
*asks self*
*says yes, go for smoke*

Ha!
( thealternativefact, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 11:46, Reply)

*shakes fist*
The party I was at on Saturday was rather smoky, and seems to have smoke-housed me like a salmon fillet.

I've had two showers since then, but I think I'd taste delicious.
( Cawl, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 11:48, Reply)

Ha!
*enjoys smoke even more*

You should stop going to those sorts of parties.
( thealternativefact, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 11:49, Reply)

@ PB
Dairi ma-dee gan deeka chi!

*roughly phonetic*
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 11:50, Reply)

Those kind of parties are great though :D
Well, I had an awesome time, with great company :p
( Cawl, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 11:53, Reply)

I have just posted a story on the main qotw
*pimps shamelessly*

*runs off to go to work*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 11:53, Reply)

I just read it!
Nun-tastic!
( Cawl, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 11:55, Reply)

Nope Kaol
It was an honest to god lady, not a lady-boy!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 11:58, Reply)

You say that now...
But you've gotta be careful.

P.S. Threadkiller! :p
( Cawl, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 12:11, Reply)

Morning everyone!
I can't go to the office today because we're locked out as someone forgot to pay the rent!

This leaves me stuck storing 5 servers at my house until we regain access which will probably be Wednesday.

It should be an interesting call to the head office explaining that I only sent them 1/2 what they asked for as the other kit is locked up!
(bill, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 12:13, Reply)

Threadkiller?
It is lunchtime... and I'm off for a liquid lunch. In a bit guys.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Mon 15 Dec 2008, 12:15, Reply)

Dagnab it!
That's twice today now!

I would have checked, but I think it would have ended with me deing arrested!

Also I've just had an e-mail from a female friend asking me what I wanted for xmas, I ressponded with "You!". She's yet to respond!

You lot are having a bad effect on me!

Bill, Hi! So where do you live, I'll come round and help you store those servers!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 12:16, Reply)

Dok!
You're a maniac.
( thealternativefact, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 12:16, Reply)

It's you lot!
I was a nice boy till I came here!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 12:20, Reply)

Well,
it's funny because you're several streets away and yet I can smell the bullshit from here.
*sniggers*
( thealternativefact, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 12:21, Reply)

Pfft!
You were a boy when Michael Jackson was still black :p
( Cawl, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 12:21, Reply)

I'll take one or two of those off your hands bill
I could do with building a new SAN for home, are those 5 anything decent?

I'll pay shipping if you chuck in the server for free. Also have experience faking burglaries if you need that for the insurance company.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 12:22, Reply)

^this
*clicks furiously*

:edit: Dammit. I meant to point to kaol's post.
( Captain V, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 12:23, Reply)

It's never been so cool to be black, Kaol
Barack Obama - 1st black US president.

Lewis Hamilton - 1st black F1 world champion.

I'll bet Michael Jackson feels like a right twat now.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 12:23, Reply)

And I was nice!
Drixy that's just your drains!

She's just reponded with "it sounds like you have a plan."

I think I'll push this to see when and if she backs down!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 12:24, Reply)

K2k6 - ha!
Nice one.

Dok, how dare you comment on my drains! I'm a clean-living girl.
( thealternativefact, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 12:27, Reply)

K2
Fantastic!

Drixy, well you'll just have to have words with the other people in you building then!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 12:33, Reply)

@clendrix
You'll need to stop letting those bulls into your building, if they're just going to shit everywhere!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 12:36, Reply)

Mr. K,
You've just covered up your good joke with a bad one...
( Cawl, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 12:38, Reply)

Sorry Kaol
It was just an (admittedly poor) attempt to keep the thread alive...
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 12:42, Reply)

*sighs*
*shakes head*
*considers going for lunch early*
( Cawl, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 12:43, Reply)

Look,
I had some things to do and now I've come back, you lot have killed the thread.

I can't do everything you know.
( thealternativefact, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 12:57, Reply)

Drixy
It's because it's lunchtime, that's all.

They've all gone and left you here with me!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 12:59, Reply)

Well, excuse me
I was just doing my bit, and Kaol complained*. So I shut up and see what happened!

*OK, it wasn't actually a complaint, but my brain's fried this morning after the weekend so I can't think of the right word.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 12:59, Reply)

Well hello
And yet another victi friend to talk too!

I'm busy hatching a plan that will either get me laid, or slapped. I just can't figure out which would be better!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 13:11, Reply)

And I'm back from lunch
And that ruddy Guinness has gone straight to my head. Ah well.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Mon 15 Dec 2008, 13:15, Reply)

Dok
If you can't figure out if you'd rather get laid or slapped then that might be where you've been going wrong in the first place.
( wanderlust, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 13:17, Reply)

Ningalings all
how goes it ?
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 13:21, Reply)

Nah Lusty
It's just the girl, she'll probably end up calling me a very bad man and slapping me. Not that I wouldn't mind a bit of 'slap and tickle' from her, just can't see it happening!

EDIT 'Noon Edmund!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 13:27, Reply)

Wotcher Effel.
I have a Lusty in my bosom, so I'm OK. You?
( thealternativefact, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 13:28, Reply)

Afternoon
How are people?
(Bazongaloid, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 13:36, Reply)

I can't help the people
They need to adore me
So Christian Dior me
From my head to my toes.

*sings in office*
( thealternativefact, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 13:37, Reply)

What are you talking about Clenders?

(Bazongaloid, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 13:38, Reply)

Hi Al
I thinks Drixy has finally went off the deep end myself!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 13:41, Reply)

Woo!
I'm back!
I had a cheese and bacon panini for lunch, it was great :D
This afternoon I have not much work to do, and I'll be leaving a bit early to go see The Mighty Boosh, yay!

AND I'm not driving, so I can drink!
So yep, I'm in a fantastic mood this afternoon!
( Cawl, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 13:43, Reply)

Are you not familiar with the work of Andrew Lloyd Webber?
For shame.

Kaol, should we all hide?
( thealternativefact, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 13:50, Reply)

I had
a chicken and chorizo sandwich, a packet of hula hoops and a yorkie.

I had a very boozy weekend, which culminated in us winning a pub quiz on the sunday night.

I was rather pleased.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 13:51, Reply)

The panini
is an excellent foodstuff. I had one this morning for breakfast at the airport. Rather fine it was too, even if it was grossly overpriced.

My lunchtime baguette was a poor second.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 13:52, Reply)

I worked on an Andrew Lloyd Webber production once
Since it was a sort of premiere (first time it'd been performed since substantial rewriting) the man himself turned up to some of the pre-production stuff.

He embodies all the things I hate about musical theatre into one midget sized package. One of those people who you're fantasising about punching 90 seconds after meeting, he really does have the sort of face that it would be satisfying to break.

I no longer get involved with musical theatre (or indeed any theatre if I can help it), it's lowered my blood pressure no end.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 13:53, Reply)

Actually,
I don't like musicals and all that stuff.
But I do like Evita. I have a good old sing-song to that!
*breaks windows*
( thealternativefact, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 13:55, Reply)

Drixy, No!
Stop now, musicals are not for me! I hate them!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 13:56, Reply)

*peeks out from between Clendrix's bosom*
*giggles*

All this singing is making her boobs jiggle.

*enjoys*

*snuggles back in*
( wanderlust, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 13:59, Reply)

The sun'll come out
TOMORROW! Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow - THERE'LL BE SUUUUUUUUUUN!

When I was little, I used to think that dollar was just a term of endearment and that Annie was actually asking us to bet our bottoms.

*jiggles Lusty*
( thealternativefact, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 14:01, Reply)

Did I hear mention
of jiggling?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 14:02, Reply)

Musicals?
*shrugs*

Not a big fan myself.
Although I did enjoy Sweeney Todd when I saw it at the cinema...
Yeah, I'm aware that wasn't a "proper" musical.
*shrugs*
( Cawl, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 14:02, Reply)

Musicals are mostly shite.
But I like a good sing, me.
( thealternativefact, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 14:04, Reply)

Avenue Q
Best musical ever!
( Captain V, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 14:05, Reply)

Avenue Q?
Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

V, dear god...
( thealternativefact, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 14:08, Reply)

What?
It's brilliant.
( Captain V, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 14:09, Reply)

Al, what day is it that you go away?

V...
*shakes head*
( thealternativefact, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 14:12, Reply)

Bugger you clendrix
I'm too happy and full of smiles to be dragged down by your nay saying! *dances*
( Captain V, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 14:13, Reply)

Only in your dreams V
Nice one Al, I'm getting a second xmas at NYE with a friend of mine!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 14:13, Reply)

I'm off on wednesday night

*bounces round like an excited ball of excitment*
(Bazongaloid, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 14:13, Reply)

*picks up al*
He shoots...he scores! And the crowd goes wild!
( Captain V, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 14:14, Reply)

V, I am delighted by your happiness and smiles today.
Let us never discuss Avenue Q again.
( thealternativefact, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 14:15, Reply)

Sounds fine to me
*smiles some more*
( Captain V, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 14:16, Reply)

Oh dear
I think I'm going nuts. Every time I see the word "Asus" I think "Anus". Which probably means choosing a netbook for myself is a load of arse.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Mon 15 Dec 2008, 14:28, Reply)

Piston Broke
Try searching for "Anus Laptops". A chap has been baiting Nigerian 419 scammers with his range of Anus Laptops.

Recommended.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Mon 15 Dec 2008, 14:31, Reply)

You know what...
DON'T do a Google image search for "Anus Laptops" with safe search off.
If you're at work.
( Cawl, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 14:34, Reply)

Oops
Sorry Kaol

:-(

Yes. Safesearch is your friend.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Mon 15 Dec 2008, 14:34, Reply)

Oh dear...
I feel I should apologise for that. Still, it could be worse. You could have googled for Wizard's Sleeve Laptops.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Mon 15 Dec 2008, 14:39, Reply)

It's fine!
I didn't do it, I'm not an idiot!
I was just warning people.
It's all part of my job :D
( Cawl, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 14:41, Reply)

Yeah right Kaol
Next thing you'll be telling us the sky is in fact green.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Mon 15 Dec 2008, 14:45, Reply)

The sky IS green
If you've got the right colour glasses on.
( Cawl, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 14:46, Reply)

Is this dead? Again?
Kaol, what's wrong with you today?
( thealternativefact, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 15:00, Reply)

The overseer just told me what her
little darlings are getting for christmas.

Why does an 11 year old need a mobile phone?
Why do a 11 year old and a 9 year old need flat screen TVs in their bedrooms and a portable DVD player each?

I don't know if I'm over reacting to it, but it just seems wrong to me.
( wanderlust, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 15:00, Reply)

*hisses*
I didn't do anything!

Lusty, I'd say that anyone who's getting that kinda stuff for their kids honestly doesn't know what they like, and is massively over-compensating.
( Cawl, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 15:01, Reply)

Are you hissing at me?
That's new.

Those poor kids.
( thealternativefact, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 15:03, Reply)

OK I'll own up
I looked at the thread and it died!

Lusty, they don't, that's just trying to show off! I hat it when people do things like that.

If you're far enough underwater the sky looks green!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 15:04, Reply)

^^
this also applies when you are right up someone's arse.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 15:05, Reply)

I'm 39
and I have neither a flat screen telly nor a portable DVD player.

(I have no desire for either, but that's missing the point).

Give them a satsuma and a shilling. That's all they need.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 15:06, Reply)

It was an affectionate hiss
Not a cat-hiss.
:p

Like a tut, but more siballant.
( Cawl, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 15:06, Reply)

I find it really disturbing.
They're both girls and I don't think 11 year old girls watch much porn. I could be wrong though! Eleven year olds today could be hanging around shopping centre car parks injecting smack into their eyeballs then going home to watch porn on their portable DVD players and babestation on their flatscreens.
( wanderlust, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 15:07, Reply)

Maybe it's so that
they can watch instructional DVDs detailing the various types of minge ailments they are likely to contract in their lifetime.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 15:08, Reply)

K2
I like my gadgets, so I do have a flat TV, DVD, VCR, and for portable video I have my iPhone!

Al, What?????
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 15:09, Reply)

@lusty
exactly. It's just wrong. If they have all that fun when they are 11 they are just going to be bored by the time they are 12.

I bet Baby P didn't have a flat screen telly or heroin to inject into his eyeballs.

Poor Baby P.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 15:09, Reply)

Oh. That was nice then.
A satsuma and a shilling. That's the spirit, K2k6. Little bleeders.
( thealternativefact, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 15:10, Reply)

If you say so Kaol, if you say so...
*Shuffles away whilst looking for something big and heavy for self defence*
( jim_bob can herd cats., Mon 15 Dec 2008, 15:10, Reply)

@ al
No, I think the parents did the injecting for him. Hard to shoot up with broken fingers you see.

Too far?

I'm slightly disgusted with myself now
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 15:11, Reply)

@K2k6
I laughed so hard at that I'm worried I've broken myself :(
( wanderlust, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 15:12, Reply)

Does anybody else
Really want to hit the smack when they get old and decrepit just to see what it's like?
( Captain V, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 15:13, Reply)

Dunno.
Dok?


Might be a bit too far...
( thealternativefact, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 15:15, Reply)

Captain V...
No.
Just no.
I had a friend die from it, so that kinda put me off, haha!
( Cawl, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 15:15, Reply)

@Dok Minge
I'm not a fan of gadgets unless they are useful to me. And I tend to only have single-purpose items - I have separate devices for GPS navigation, taking photos, playing music and making phone calls.

Must be the control freak thing, I think.


Edit@Lusty - sorry, I didn't mean to damage you.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 15:16, Reply)

Captain V
My biggest fear in life is becoming a smack head. Which is why I've never done it. It must feel fucking amazing. If I was given 6 months to live I'd just go mental and take as many drugs as I could.
( wanderlust, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 15:16, Reply)

@ V
I would be intrigued I think.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 15:16, Reply)

That's a pretty good reason not to
Still, lots to do before I'm anywhere near that kind of age *busies self*
( Captain V, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 15:17, Reply)

I've done various opiates, but never heroin
And can definitely see how people become scagheads. I've only got to the 'taking it cos it makes you feel amazing' stage though, not sure about the 'having to take it to feel normal' bit that follows.

I think the only reason I've never done heroin is because I've never been offered it... I did used to say that injecting myself was a line I'd never cross, but since being diagnosed diabetic (admittedly a different sort of injection) even that's weakened.

The main thing that fucks you up is the shit it's cut with - if you have the contacts/funds to get pure scag it won't do you much harm. Look how long the Rolling Stones took it for!

/possibly TMI, but I have absolutely no standards whatsoever.

Edit: 200!
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 15:17, Reply)

V
Sorry, but no! I've seen first hand just what it can do to people, and would rather not do that to myself!

K2, the only multi purpose gadget I have is my iPhone, like you I prefer single function stuff!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 15:17, Reply)

Agreed
'Jack of all trades, master of none' is the phrase I like to use.

I have a loathing of printer/scanner/copier all-in-one devices, they are always always shit.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 15:19, Reply)

Wow sam
I wasn't expecting anything like that to come out of the conversation! *shuffles akwardly*
( Captain V, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 15:21, Reply)

I devoted the best part of ten years to my 'learning about drugs' experiment
Heroin is more or less the only thing I can think of that I haven't taken, apart from some of the really esoteric stuff.

Save myself for special occasions these days, as I have well and truly fucked my mind and my body. Wouldn't do it any different if I had another chance though.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 15:23, Reply)

Convinced I've fucked my liver and/or kidneys
Thank you all-weekend drinking binge, every weekend for past 7 years.


/foetal position
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 15:25, Reply)

Ah
I misread your post as though you were currently taking heroin.

I don't think I'll ever get into drugs. They'd almost certainly fuck me up a lot. Alcohol is bad enough...
( Captain V, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 15:25, Reply)

How did you misread it?!
It says in the title I've never done heroin!

I've done enough similar drugs to know what it'd be like though.

PS - Alcohol fucks you up a lot more than about 90% of 'drugs'.*

*_{Based on my years of extensive scientific research}
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 15:27, Reply)

Drugs did indeed
Fuck me up for a while.
*sighs*

But it's a character-building experience.
I think you should all take drugs.
And buy them from me.
( Cawl, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 15:31, Reply)

I took a couple of ibuprofen this morning.
*makes home in shop doorway*
( thealternativefact, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 15:33, Reply)

All this talk of drugs
reminded me of yet another reason I'm going to hell, so I've posted that as well!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 15:34, Reply)

My drug taking
is even worse than clendrix's. I consumed a concoction of paracetamol, aspirin, iburofen, decongestants and antihistamines at the weekend, and mostly it made me feel no different.

Can honestly say that I've never experimented with any sort of recreational drug though. Not my thing, thanks all the same.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 15:37, Reply)

I remember you telling me that story,
Outside the pub one night!
I've just posted one myself, too.
I'm not pimping it though, I don't wanna get told off by Clendrix :p
( Cawl, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 15:38, Reply)

K2k6 and I
are living on the fucking edge, I tell you.

No drugs.
Fruit for the kids at Christmas.
Lovely.

Watch it, you pimpy little sods!
Besides, there's nothing wrong with being told off by me.
Al likes it.
( thealternativefact, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 15:39, Reply)

Yup
You two are far too clean living for my tastes. It's all the fruit that does it if you ask me!

We at least we didn't give a linky.

But Al likes everything!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 15:42, Reply)

Al's a slag.
I love it.

I'm bored. Does anyone want to come out and play in the park?
( thealternativefact, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 15:44, Reply)

Yeah Kaol
I just thought I'd share it with the rest of B3tadom though.

This QOTW is a good one for me, cathartic!

What will we play Drixy?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 15:51, Reply)

Football?

( thealternativefact, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 15:53, Reply)

Bagsy being in goal
As I can't run more than 3 yards without having to stop and wheeze and cough up green shit like a 90 year old.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 15:54, Reply)

How about
we forget the football and just get naked and fuck like dogs on heat?
(Bazongaloid, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 15:54, Reply)

Sounds fine.
I'm a defender (well, I was when I played hockey, anyway).

Oh Al! Well there are already some dogs in the park, so it might go a bit wrong...
( thealternativefact, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 15:55, Reply)

Sam
I wanted to be in goal for the same reasons!

Al, you're a very bad man!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 15:56, Reply)

I played sweeper when I played hockey
Last line of defence before the goalie, as I had absolutely no finesse or skill whatsoever. I was about twice the size I am now as well.

My instructions were 'if someone makes it past the rest of the defence, do your best to break both their legs with that lump of wood in your hands'

Worked pretty well, we won the league/cup double two years in a row...

It's such a violent sport, getting on for as violent as rugby but with added weapons!

Dok - we need two goalies surely, unless we're playing Wembley?
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 15:57, Reply)

We only need
one goalie. We're playng knockout. Or should we play heads and vollys?
(Bazongaloid, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 15:59, Reply)

I've changed my name!
And I'm here too!

I'm so bored.
(Flid James carry on, mongs, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 15:59, Reply)

I'm a defender too
For obvious reasons.
( Cawl, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 15:59, Reply)

I'm sure you'd be good!
If violent...
( thealternativefact, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 16:01, Reply)

I fucking knew Waltzing MaHitler was a meat puppet!

(Bazongaloid, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 16:01, Reply)

I agree entirely with your username.
There's nothing like blood to get you feeling 100% again.

I love black pudding in the morning.
Tastes like victory.
( Cawl, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 16:02, Reply)

Hitler is no more!
I got bored with him.

You didn't know who he was though. Ha!
( thealternativefact, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 16:03, Reply)

I will miss him a bit though.
*sighs*
(Flid James carry on, mongs, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 16:05, Reply)

I prefer to be in goal too
Not because I'm particularly unfit, just because I'm absolutely shite at the running-with-a-ball-and-kicking-it thing. I never could do it.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 16:05, Reply)

I'm good at kicking people.
But the ball is a smaller target.
( Cawl, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 16:07, Reply)

I am happy to be a defender,
but I did used to get sent off all the time.

Apparently, we hit the ball with our sticks, not each other :(
(Flid James carry on, mongs, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 16:07, Reply)

Drixy
You'd better not hit my balls with your stick!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 16:08, Reply)

Dok
It depends where they are when I swing!

Kaol, defenders don't need to aim for the ball. A well-executed foul should do it.

*worries about use of 'execute' when advising Kaol*
( thealternativefact, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 16:11, Reply)

I'll
Keep them where I always keep them!

In a jar in the fridge!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 16:12, Reply)

clendr...er, I mean Black Pudding
has just reminded me of a story I heard the other day. A colleague of mine was backpacking in China with his mate a good few years back. One day, in some part of the country which you've probably never heard of (I hadn't and I can't remember it now) they discovered that someone had nicked their rucksacks.

They went to the local police and explained their predicament. They ended up being most impressed by the efficiency of the justice system, because only four hours later not only had their rucksacks and contents been found and returned to them, but the perpetrators had been executed!

(That's the story as I was told it. I don't know how true it is!)
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 16:16, Reply)

Afternoon!!!
How are we all today?
(Moniker, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 16:22, Reply)

I bet that four hours after the Chinese execution
they wanted another one.





/executes self
( thealternativefact, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 16:22, Reply)

Hahaha!
The curse of Chinese!

Oh, hi Moniker!
( Cawl, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 16:23, Reply)

Hey Kaol
*excites about London*
How's you?
(Moniker, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 16:25, Reply)

'noon Moniker
Haven't seen you around a lot recently. How's tricks?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 16:28, Reply)

Busy!
Cos of school, I'm rarely in when anyone else is about here.
I'm good though thanks, and you?
(Moniker, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 16:31, Reply)

Very well thanks, Moniker
Now that I'm over my weekend cold.

So are you skiving today, or have you just got home?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 16:33, Reply)

I'm fine thanks!
I'm off in 15 minutes to go and see The Mighty Boosh at Wembley, which should be fun!
Unless you're Dok...
( Cawl, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 16:34, Reply)

Skiving?! Moi?!
Never!
I finished on Friday, so bar some exams I'll be skiving til the 2nd of February! Woohoo!

@Kaol
Have fun! Don't drink too much now...
(Moniker, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 16:34, Reply)

Eh?
Kaol's already drunk.
( thealternativefact, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 16:36, Reply)

Haha!
Well, I'm not driving, and there's an Off-Licence at the train station...
( Cawl, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 16:36, Reply)

Appalling
Just shocking. I don't know, young people nowadays...
*tuts*
(Moniker, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 16:40, Reply)

I'm not
Already drunk!
Just I will be soon.
I'm off now, so catch you later!
( Cawl, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 16:44, Reply)

Behave yourself!
*speaks to deaf ears*
( thealternativefact, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 16:45, Reply)

I'm off
Time for me to go fall asleep on the bus! *yawns*
( Captain V, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 16:47, Reply)

I'm me again.
I always have to wait until Kaol has gone before I can change, otherwise he'll steal me and make me do terrible things.

Anyone still here, or have you lazy slackers all gone home on the bus with V?
( thealternativefact, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 16:55, Reply)

I'm here
Just had to stick some washing on. Hate trying to be domesticated, it doesn't suit me.
(Moniker, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 17:05, Reply)

I'm off home...
I just made this:

www.b3tards.com/u/7b9078fabf00252445c2/hsh_phixr.jpg

If anyone would like to use it on the evening HSH thread?
(gin'll fix it, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 17:06, Reply)

I'm here
but I'm leaving.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 17:09, Reply)

Can anyone
point me in the direction of a free version of photoshop? I'm well versed in the field of torrents if that hels.

Please gaz me if you can.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 17:10, Reply)

Al,
I guess no one left knew.

Monday night thread is go.
( thealternativefact, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 17:45, Reply)