I think I'm experiencing a bummer as surf dudes like to call it , in my otherwise fabulous forties.
Give me your advice on beating this funk.

I've found out that red wine definitly doesn't help. Still keep drinking it though.

Big hugs to workboresme.
( girlinthehole, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 20:49, 50 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Try white
I've just ventured out through the sleet to the caring sharing Co-op for a bottle.

It won't help but at least it's a bit of variety.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 21:00, Reply)

I know what you mean....
....I'm always on a downer, but I'm normally a miserable git.

I always find a session in the gym helps a lot.

Why so glum...?
(The Stig, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 21:08, Reply)

I'm not keen on white wine unless in a spritzer.
I'm just fretting about a couple of people I care about and I'm experiencing Groundhog day at the moment.

Get up
Go to work
Go to the gym
Have dinner
Watch Tv
Go to bed

Ad infinitum

Even the buzz of the gym isn't working.

And B3ta seems somewhat subdued recently.
( girlinthehole, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 21:15, Reply)

christ
less tv and more books and that could be my life.
(Halfy By light alone, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 21:16, Reply)

Hmm
Somewhere between general malaise and slough of despond.

I worry about my best friend (ex-partner) constantly but I can't get her to reach out to me so I don't feel that I can intervene.

I can't tell you to stop worrying...because you can't.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 21:20, Reply)

@Halfy
Yeah - substitute books for TV, substitute walking the dogs for gym and that's pretty much me in a nutshell too.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 21:26, Reply)

BGB
It's just sounds like you're stuck in a rut, that's all.

The only advice is to try or do something new.

Any ideas?
(The Stig, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 21:26, Reply)

@Halfy
Sounds about right. I'm on here less and less, got my head stuck in a book more and more.

My life is screaming 'transitory period'.

Evening all by the way!
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 21:28, Reply)

something new?
damn, that rules out furiously depressing masturbation.

A me weekend of unhealthy buut yummy food, a couple of dvds and a crate of your favourite tipple maybe?
(Halfy By light alone, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 21:29, Reply)

I have chocolate ice cream
that I'll gladly share with you.
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 21:31, Reply)

@beaky
Even the books aren't doing it at the moment, the last Neil Gaiman book was ace and got up Gormenghast from oxfam to read agin but have picked up and put back down about 10 other books in the last month without finishing any of them
(Halfy By light alone, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 21:31, Reply)

Hey! I don't watch that much TV.
To be honest, I'm on the tinternet mostly and read before bed.

@Dissapointed. Similar situation as yours and I have a family member that's been through some bad shit and I didn't know about it till recently.

I just want everyone to be happy. Is that too much to ask?

Edit - I blame February. I think it's the February doldrums.
( girlinthehole, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 21:32, Reply)

@ Halfy
The books are doing it for me. I'm absolutely plowing through them. About 12 in the last two and a half weeks.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 21:32, Reply)

Yes.
Sadly.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 21:33, Reply)

@bk
any tips then, maybe im just going through a bad patch

books I have failed to finish reading recently

Salt - Adam Roberts
Rushing to Paradise - JG Ballard
Exit Ghost - Philip Roth
The Magus - John Fowles
diaries 69-79 - Michael Palin
A shortcut in time - Charles Dickinson
Nymphomation - Jeff Noon

None of them have made me go "wow" which is a shame cos I really like a lot of the stuff of at least three of the above authors
(Halfy By light alone, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 21:36, Reply)

@halfy
Is that your way of easing depression?!

I normally read a book or go to the gym.

I need to get a real life!
(The Stig, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 21:38, Reply)

I think we should start a self-help group at this rate.
Or else we should get laid.

Either one would help a lot.
( girlinthehole, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 21:39, Reply)

ooh
I liked Exit Ghost but it isn't a happy book by any means.

Erm,

Darkmans by Nicola Barker
The Gargoyle by Andrew Davidson
The Shadow of the Wind by Carlos Ruiz Zafon
The Five People You Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom
Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell byu Susannah Clarke
I, Lucifer by Glenn Duncan
The Enchantress of Florence by Salman Rushdie
Little Children by Tom Perotta

to name a few:D
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 21:41, Reply)

'ning all
When I need a hug and there's no-one there, I dig out Anne of Green Gables, and it's almost as good.

but not quite
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 21:42, Reply)

stig
Im actually doing alright at the moment, apart from being broke, no house, shit car, single and going grey that is.

meh, had a good few beers and a curry with a mate in london at the weekend, and golf this if it ever stops fucking raining so its ok

sorry bgb


edit: read two of them beaky, the jonothan strange one was ooookaaayy ish, and liked the gargoyle
(Halfy By light alone, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 21:43, Reply)

To shatter any illusions
Ian Dury - the biography by Richard Balls.

I loved Ian Dury, but he really was'nt a very nice man at all, so it appears.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 21:44, Reply)

@BGB
Everyone can't be happy, it can't work.

To make some people happy, some others have to live in misery.

P.S. B3ta has been lame for some time.....
(The Stig, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 21:45, Reply)

Oh noes!
Ian Dury wasn't a nice man?

Now I am depressed.

Edit - The crimson petal - I recommend.
( girlinthehole, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 21:46, Reply)

Hmmm
I didn't know that - apparently Warren Zevon was a right twat as well.

@ Halfy

For something long but involving try The Crimson Petal and the White - Michael Faber.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 21:52, Reply)

however
Ch-ch-ch-ch-Charlie Harper of UK Subs is a really nice old guy
(Halfy By light alone, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 21:54, Reply)

BGB
No - he was an absolute control/power freak.

I saw him twice, have every album (some played a lot less than others.)

What I DID learn is that the band who recorded all the Frankie Goes To Hollywood stuff was - essentially - The Blockheads.

It follows. Think of the bassline on "Two Tribes." Think of the bassline on "Hit me with your rhythym stick." Same sound, same man. Norman Watt-Roy.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 21:54, Reply)

@Boss
Two illusions shattered in one night, because I love Zeevon too.

Twat in what way?
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 21:58, Reply)

@Disappointed.
Well I live and learn.

Makes sense now.

I think I may have to get that book.

Still a bloody clever bastard though.
( girlinthehole, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 21:58, Reply)

Zevon
was dead abusive to his women. A very nasty drunk apparently.

Scarpe is the expert on all things Zevon. It was him that told me.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 21:59, Reply)

Because
There ain't half been some.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 22:00, Reply)

Well...
Zappa was'nt a sweetheart either.

Morrissey is an egotistical buffoon.

Tim Burgess...I had 'im the back of my motor once (I really did).

Billy Bragg..sold his soul for a parcel of TV specials.

All my idols have feet of clay.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 22:06, Reply)

Clever bastards.
Most of my Dury stuff is on vinyl. I must get up to speed on CD's.

Edit - I'm off to bed before I sober up.

Goodnight everyone and God bless as my nana used to say.
( girlinthehole, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 22:06, Reply)

Prob'ly
Bedtime for me too.

Big meetings tomorrow.

Sensible Disappointed says bedtime.

Silly Disappointed - perched on the other shoulder - says crack another bottle open.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 22:20, Reply)

night night BGB!
*hugs*
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 22:22, Reply)

Sat in the pub for my one pint tonight..
..and made it last 70 minutes byr eading an old favorite - some poncy 19thC French poetry.

Trying to take my mind off an old friend who intimates pretty heavily that he wants to take his life before his 30th tomorrow. He's in a bad state - doesn't really know himself anymore and is in extreme "psychosomatic" physical pain. We were best buddies at uni before I flipped out and now I can't afford to go and visit him. I don't think it would help anyway. Visited him a few times over recent years and he's totally lost. Trying not to be sad because I can't think of anything to do. His local NHS has totally failed him - one doctor told him to hang himself if he did committ suicide.

Nothing I can do unless I magically understand what's going on in his head, and I think there're about a billion bad things going on.

He'll probably be alive by the end of the week. I'll call him tomorrow to wish happy birthday anyway.
(raymond "three griddle pans" luxury yacht lovin' the christmas action, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 22:33, Reply)

Silly Disappointed won
Elvis. What do you think you can do? Right now?

Can you talk your friend out of it or will you feel like a clumsy dunderhead attempting to do so?

Your call.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 22:39, Reply)

I'd add
Are you able to enter this person's head?

Are you prepared to enter this person's head?

Are you qualified to diffuse the bomb in this person's head?
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 22:49, Reply)

Don't think there's much I can say..
..and I tried to say it all when I spoke to him on Saturday. He's been threatening suicide for years; just this time it seemed more likely. You can never tell. I think what he needs is the right anti-psychotic but that's in the hands of his doctors. He did say he had an appointment this week and I made him promise to be honest like he was being to me.

I could phone him but talking to him exhausts me.. he turns a lot of innocent stuff into antagonism. I'm certainly not sure he's any happier after speaking to me - I'm not sure it makes any difference who he speaks to; his head will still be fucked. I will phone him tomorrow on his birthday though.

If he freaks me out on the phone tomorrow so much again then I might call his parents.

He'll be alive.
(raymond "three griddle pans" luxury yacht lovin' the christmas action, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 22:55, Reply)

And I hope he will, too.
But the message was...how much mental anguish and emotional heartwrench can you - or are you - prepared to expend on one individual?

It hurts - and I've been there so I know how much it hurts - but sometimes you can't be who you think you are, and you have to let someone slip through your fingers.

You can't be everybody for everyone. Even those closest to you. This has happened to me and I'm struggling through tears to lay this down.

Please - PLEASE - don't feel that you're the victim.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 23:10, Reply)

s'cool
that's the kind of the thing I've been telling myself. And I don't feel I am the victim - just wish I could help.

I've got enough shit of my own to be getting on with to expect to be someone else's saviour.

An, yeah.. if he goes then I'll no doubt be shedding some tears well into the future. Commiserations indeed about your own friend.
(raymond "three griddle pans" luxury yacht lovin' the christmas action, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 23:19, Reply)

*deep sigh*
Much resonates here.

I'm in a vicious circle:

I live on my own. I've run out of people to ask for help.
I am on a low wage, which will go up slightly when I finish my training.
I have a house that needs half it's contents throwing away and repairs and redecorating all through.
My job is exhausting, we are understaffed and are currently undergoing stressful changes and are in a state of flux.
I have enormous debt which I have no hope of paying off and I need to go bankrupt. Courts won't let you go bankrupt unless you can afford it (not as daft as it sounds, they want to make sure you won't get straight back into debt again).

I work hard for not enough money. I earn less than anyone else there and I do the same work.
I am supposed to train on the job but nobody knows what they are doing any more because of the changes taking place.
I am too tired to study at home.
I need to qualify so I can have enough money to live.
I can't even begin to address my home while I am this exhausted, and repairs and decorating take money I haven't got...
Living in this shithole is demoralising me.
Having so much debt is demoralising me.

Being demoralised is making me feel exhausted... I'm too tired to study...I'm too poor not to... I'm feeling the pressure, whichmeans I'm not enjoying anything... which is demoralising me...

I feel utterly trapped.

And my fella is moving to Ireland. And I've been agonising over it... Part of me wants to to go with him because it would be amazing. The other part of me wants to stick it out here until I've achieved my personal goals...
I would have to sort my house out first anyway because I can't leave it like this, and I would need to be able to afford to go bankrupt.

Besides, he hasn't actually invited me. We've talked about it but he says he thinks I have stuff to sort out here first. No shit.

I don't want him to go, and that makes me a selfish bitch.

And more than anything I am scared that me being so depressed and needy is scaring him away and he'll forget all about me wheh he gets to Ireland...

Fucksocks.

Sorry. It all just came out.

Also I just wanted to say, Elvis - that's a rough position to be in. It truly sucks. I had a suicidal friend... I have no answers, just empathy. We're only responsible for ourselves, remember that.
( warmfuzzies Isn't here, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 23:23, Reply)

You're on your own now
Because I really must go to bed now.

But you can't try to save lives - unless you're a fireman, lifeguard or similar.

Lives are ours - and theirs. We - and them - do what we feel is right.

Feel free to gaz but be strong in the meantime.

Warmfuzzyfeeling - likewise.

XXXX
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 23:28, Reply)

Well this is a cheerful thread isn't it!
*hugs* to all of you, from my own pit of general shitness...

fuzzy, going bankrupt really really isn't the answer, trust me. Will affect you for a very long time. An IVA is what you need, they've got a bit stricter about giving them out but if you're working you should be able to get one. You need to keep your head out of the sand and speak to all your creditors, they can't force you to pay more money than you actually have.

I know the money issues probably aren't the half of it, but getting that sorted will surely help...

Gaz me if you want, I've teetered on the brink of bankruptcy a couple of times and decided not to do it after a lot of research.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 23:43, Reply)

So, in a kind of summary..
..your boyfriend is moving to a different country but doesn't want you to go, at least not yet?

Hmmm.. as your boyfriend I'd expect him to want you to move with him and maybe leave behind your shit situation.. but I don't know the exact details.

How well do you trust him?
(raymond "three griddle pans" luxury yacht lovin' the christmas action, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 23:52, Reply)

I'm extremely paranoid
but that prolly says as much about me than him.

I understand why he's made this decision. He has his reasons, and they are good ones.
And he knows it's important for me to sort my life out and not just run away from it, because I've made a big fuss about it in the past, and he is willing to help me as much as he can...

But knowing all this doesn't stop me feeling selfish and needy right now...
( warmfuzzies Isn't here, Tue 10 Feb 2009, 0:05, Reply)

Yeah actually
reading all that back has done me some good.

I'm allowed to feel like shit. I shouldn't beat myself up for it. I'm not just depressed, my life is actually shit. And it's no wonder I feel abandoned, no matter how much I understand that he is not actually deserting me, he is moving abroad while I am struggling to survive here. My feelings are understandable. I'm not a bitch for having them.

My life's still shit, but at least now I'm not beating myself up for thinking so. That helps.

*rises to surface, takes deep breath*

Thanks for listening... Time for sleep.
( warmfuzzies Isn't here, Tue 10 Feb 2009, 0:29, Reply)

I think you need a sleepy..
to let your subconcious throw up whatever commentary..selfish and needy could just as well be low self-esteem. That's not surprising if you suspect he might leave you. A lot of people are feeling the pinch at the moment - a low wage doesn't get you far at all and hasn't done for a few years. If you have any ibuprofen dissolve a tablet or two in weak tea and drift off to sleep. *is totally better than Ask Deirdre in the Sun*

I myself could well do with some warm, fuzzy woollen stuff for the biting cold in my room right now and would buy your toasty-looking confections if I had the money to spare..
(raymond "three griddle pans" luxury yacht lovin' the christmas action, Tue 10 Feb 2009, 0:31, Reply)

This self-help thread was brought to you by Auntie Blouse.
It's good to talk.
( girlinthehole, Tue 10 Feb 2009, 8:50, Reply)

You know what's good for happiness?
Lowering your expectations.

Chances are they are unrealistic anyway.

And if you ever speak ill of red wine again, we will have words.

rafter
baz
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Tue 10 Feb 2009, 10:05, Reply)

I feel
a lot better today.

Thank you Auntie Blouse and everyone else who allowed me to indulge in some self pity for a while.
( warmfuzzies Isn't here, Tue 10 Feb 2009, 19:46, Reply)