Teenage woes!
Remember, if you will, back to the misty days of being 17 and all the angst that came with it. From the hazy memories, can you dredge up some advice?

My boyfriend of 2 years + (let's call him Nick) broke up with me about 3 weeks ago. It wasn't too much of a surprise - things had been going downhill for a while, he had been trying to be dumped by acting like a bit of a wanker. No hard feelings though, I decided not to be angry in the hope of preserving a friendship. We were doing really well as friends in the time after the breakup - being able to hang out casually together. I was very close to his family too, and I was able to talk to his parents about the break up easily - there didn't seem to be any hard feelings.

Then. Last week, whilst I was drunk and a tad stoned, a mutual friend of ours (he can be called Jacob)came and found me in the tent I was lying in. He kissed me out of the blue, and said "I've wanted to do that for a while". A little strange, yes. I told nick about in on the way home, in a 'haha this was a bit weird and funny' way. Nick laughs at first. Then gets really really angry. Not at me - at Jacob. Starts going on about how Jacob is betraying him and lots of other rage. Nick is now not really talking to me, because "This situation has dredged up feelings he thought were gone".

Am I right in thinking that in dumping me, Nick was essentially saying to me and our group of friends "I don't want you now", so he doesn't have a right to be angry about this?

Also, now he's depressed over it, and literally is doing nothing except "work, eat, sleep and my computer". I invited him out, and he tells me "I am way too depressed for that sort of shit". So I can't even be angry at him for trying to interfere in my life, because I'm too damn worried about what he's going to do?

How the hell am I supposed to stay his friend while he's freaking out? I'm the sort of person gets along much better with males than females. Now I can't be close to any of my male friends because Nick freaks out and gets angry and depressed when I give any of them a hug. Advice from old and wise b3tans would be much appreciated.
(Holy Gabrielle is Holy, Tue 10 Feb 2009, 2:33, 28 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm older, but not that much wiser, however...
Not to be cruel, but it sounds like he's being an immature, possesive dickhead. If you're broken up, you're broken up. He may be pissed at Jacob, but you should be pissed at Nick. At the moment, this dear ``friend'' is acting like you're his possession. Tough as it may be for you to lose a friend, I'd say he's forfeited that privilege by how he's acting.
(tuqueboy has been in a medically -induced coma since, Tue 10 Feb 2009, 2:55, Reply)

Yeah...
That's kinda how I'm feeling at the moment. He's gone as far as to 'warn off' another friend of his who he thinks might be making a move on me - it feels quite galling to have him try to control who I do or don't get involved with. Right now i'm not interested in being involved with anyone - I'm not stupid enough to be looking for a boyfriend when I'm 3 weeks out of a 2 year relationship.

So logically yes, he's not acting like a friend to me. I still want to stay his friend though, irrationally. I'm the only person he's able to talk to about this sort of stuff, and he's acting all depressed. The part of me that still cares for him, even in a platonic way, is sad to see him like this.

I can't just tell him to piss off either, because he's still really good friends with a lot of my friends, and i'm not so keen to cause him to alienate them all.
(Holy Gabrielle is Holy, Tue 10 Feb 2009, 3:02, Reply)

Plus
extra note - we're both going to the same university in a week, where we're both studying engineering and living in the same hall of residence. Awkward...yes.
(Holy Gabrielle is Holy, Tue 10 Feb 2009, 3:05, Reply)

he's all depressed?
again, not to sound cruel, but that's his problem. also, he dumped YOU for god's sake. if he's now regretting that decision, he should have the balls to come out and say that. if not, he should shut the fuck up. he sounds like a drama queen. and drama queens are best ignored. they can't stand it. now i understand that you still care for him as a friend, but frankly, it doesn't sound like he's ready for it. give him a wide berth for a while (as wide a berth as possible given the circumstances). hopefully, in time, he'll see what an immature twit he's been.
not to get all paranoid, but ``warning off'' other friends sounds dangerously stalker-like. could just be he's acting his age, or could be a danger sign. anyway, don't let him spoil your first taste of uni life!!!
(tuqueboy has been in a medically -induced coma since, Tue 10 Feb 2009, 4:45, Reply)

my two pennies worth
People who are (really) depressed

Dont talk about being depressed


Sounds like he's being a bit of an immature retard. Remember he was activly getting you to dump him and was fine until another bloke got near you. (ever heard the line if i cant have you nobody can...)

Being in halls and on the same course will be tough but there will be lots of new people to meet and he's going to have to get used to it!

Good luck, hope my insomnia helps
(Stringy, Tue 10 Feb 2009, 5:05, Reply)

Gabs!
what did I tell you?

He broke up with you. He loses any right to be angry about who kisses you once he breaks up with you.

Tell him to fuck off and grow up.

sorry - I know that was harsh - but I don't like you getting this upset over a guy who broke your heart. He needs a reality check.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 10 Feb 2009, 5:31, Reply)

I think I'll get in before Psychochomp says this
he needs to man the fuck up.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 10 Feb 2009, 7:02, Reply)

I think
the immaturity angle is right. It'll be at least another ten years before he's mature enough to handle this kind of emotional, grown-up stuff.

And Stringy's right - people who are depressed don't generally talk about being depressed. He's just miserable, disappointed in himself, angsty and craving attention. Like a thirteen year-old.

Edit: what Al said
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 10 Feb 2009, 7:25, Reply)

well
"I am way too depressed for that sort of shit"

roughly translates to either 1)writing terrbily bleak poetry on how he doesn't understand the world, everything is black, blah blah blah, listening to gloomy music oh and furious masturbation I should think.

or 2) ATTENTION SEEKING ATTENTION SEEKING ATTENTION SEEKING

He wanted out by acting like a cock end, and now he has what he wanted you are no longer his so har de har har.

suck it up nicky boy and stop being such a twat
(Halfy By light alone, Tue 10 Feb 2009, 8:03, Reply)

While I agree with most of what has been said
there is certain etiquette that should be maintained.

We can label it "The Bro Code" if you want to give it a name.

Also, more seriously:

Even though he broke up with you, after 2+ years, 3 weeks isn't a long time to completely get over any excess of feeling he may still have, and having not one, but it sounds like several of his friends wanting to make a move on you is something that would be difficult to handle.

There has been a lot of talk about maturity. At 17 I certainly wasn't particularly mature, and I'm certain that most of you weren't either.

Obviously his wallowing in self-pity and depression is his own problem, but at least be a little understanding about where he is coming from.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 10 Feb 2009, 8:32, Reply)

Simple answer
Fuck him, he's being an immature twat.

and when I say fuck him, I don't mean intercourse either.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 10 Feb 2009, 9:21, Reply)

as per Vipros
There is the mates rule, which can be looked at from two angles:

1 - why fuck with your mates feelings - there are other fish etc

2 - who the fuck would want to go where their mate has boldly gone before - ughyeuch!

Fuck maturity.
Be a mate or fuck off.

rafter
baz
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Tue 10 Feb 2009, 9:34, Reply)

I knew I could count on you baz
words of wisdom

there are exceptions. I've hit on my mate's ex, but he was upstairs knocking boots with her best mate at the time, so it was fine!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 10 Feb 2009, 9:50, Reply)

of course,
I have two mates who regularly swapped women back in the drug-and-alcohol-fuelled days of yore.

Of course, the pair of them are the very picture of protestant conservatism now.
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Tue 10 Feb 2009, 9:55, Reply)

I agree
with all of you. I understand the "Bro code" stuff completely, but it also feels like he's just being immature. Hence the large amounts of confusion.
(Holy Gabrielle is Holy, Tue 10 Feb 2009, 10:32, Reply)

Just ignore him then
and let his mates figure it out.

Or do you love the drama?
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Tue 10 Feb 2009, 10:35, Reply)

For the record
He's said that he doesn't care what I do, just so long as it's not with one of the guys from our hometown. They've been friends for a long time together, and it's just them he doesn't think he can handle. Although I have to wonder just how loyal they are if they're putting the moves on after a couple of weeks. As for whether he'll have a problem when I move on with someone he doesn't know - I guess I'll have to see at university =/
(Holy Gabrielle is Holy, Tue 10 Feb 2009, 10:38, Reply)

I hate the drama
but I'd still like to be his friend. By the sounds of things, that's not gonna be possible for a while. After we broke up we cut all contact for 2 weeks to try and both clear our heads - guess we need to wait longer.
(Holy Gabrielle is Holy, Tue 10 Feb 2009, 10:39, Reply)

You have all the answers
Best of luck!
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Tue 10 Feb 2009, 10:42, Reply)

my advise
Tell him to stop being such a fuckin emo then cave his skull in with a brick - problem solved!!!

Does anyone know where Deirdre or Miriam are?
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Tue 10 Feb 2009, 10:43, Reply)

I suspect that it probably won't be completely fine when you are at uni
but it will be better than when some of his "mates" are trying to jump in his grave.

not that I'm inferring that you are a big hole in the ground....

but that would be a shock
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 10 Feb 2009, 10:46, Reply)

Note:
To the vast majority of teenage boys, loyalty to mates goes out the window when there's a chance of getting your dick wet.

I don't include myself in that majority, cos I'm loyal and in my early thirties :)
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 10 Feb 2009, 11:20, Reply)

As a stop gap measure
Get a big strong fuck buddy. Preferably not from within your circle of friends. That should get the message over.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Tue 10 Feb 2009, 11:26, Reply)

I heartily recommend turning to lesbianism
while this is a blow, I know from experience that it is better than seeing the object of your affections (even an ex one) with another woman rather than a man.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 10 Feb 2009, 11:37, Reply)

I would tell both Jacob and Nick to get to fuck
They've both treated you kinda badly and don't deserve to be your friend anymore.

Meanwhile, find a hot female friend to hang out with and make them all jealous when the rumours start spreading. Works like a charm for me.

Have a hug as boys can be rubbish sometimes.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 10 Feb 2009, 12:20, Reply)

A vague solution
Tyler, another friend of by Nick, Jacob and I, got sick of hearing me moaning about the situation. Tyler is gonna have a manchat with nick and tell him to man the fuck up, go fuck someone and get over himself. He'll also hopefully stop nick beating Jacob to a pulp when he next sees him.

As for female friends.... I literally don't have female friends going to my university. All of my female friends are going to one location, while my male friends and I are going to another. Perhaps I can combine all the advice and find myself a hot lesbian fuckbuddy who isn't from my friend group =D
(Holy Gabrielle is Holy, Tue 10 Feb 2009, 13:18, Reply)

That's the spirit
Hot female fuckbuddies are all of the win
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 10 Feb 2009, 13:27, Reply)

as are photos of the above action
once you are over 18

almost mistyped that as 8 then....
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 10 Feb 2009, 13:50, Reply)