Your worst sex
Following on from the best sex thread, tell us about your worst sex. Was it so bad that it disproved the saying "Sex is like Italian food - even when it's bad, it's good"?
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 26 Feb 2009, 9:13, 14 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Here's my story
www.b3ta.com/questions/cougars/post325209
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 26 Feb 2009, 9:13, Reply)

Yeah! spakkaman.
It was with your mum.



*rolls eyes*
( girlinthehole, Thu 26 Feb 2009, 9:18, Reply)

not particularly bad
but I was staying in a cottage with a young lady and the bed was pretty much the softest springiest bed in the world.

We were also really quite drunk.

As such it was almost possible to brace oneself on the bed and get any leverage. This led to an arhythmic kind of thing going on which wasn't really working for either of us.

It was frustrating admittedly, but I'm almost 100% sure I heard her say "I could kill you!" in a voice that sounded like she meant it....
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 26 Feb 2009, 9:20, Reply)

I'm not going into detail
but it involved a broken cock and much disappointment.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Thu 26 Feb 2009, 9:22, Reply)

I don't think I was ever under the illusion that the italian food saying ever held any water
Even before I lost my virginity. I think the worst sex I've ever had was in a freezing cold conservatory, while getting sober far too quickly on a sofa with cushions that kept falling off. It wasn't any better when we moved to the floor either - it was very hard.
( Captain V, Thu 26 Feb 2009, 9:39, Reply)

My first time
I was somewhat thrown in the deep end (not saying she had a ladygarden like the Grand Canyon), as the girl who took my V plates did so with great enthusiasm. Well, violent enthusiasm.

Y'see, what I didn't understand at first was that she liked the kinkier side of sex, which I only twigged upon when she asked me to slap her in the face. I'm already nervous at the prospect of having sex for the first time, fearing that I'm doing it wrong, or inadequately equipped, and then she ups the stakes by demanding I hit her.

One tentative slap elicits the response "Hit me harder, dammit!". Not wanting to ruin things, and while desperately trying to maintain an erection despite being made to physically assault someone, I cock my arm back and slap her square in the face as hard as I dared.

There was a resounding crack, and she stared at me in a mixture of pain and disbelief, before REALLY going for it. She was bucking against my struggling cock as if her life depended on it, or as if she was trying to devour me through her cunt. I'm still shocked and feeling very lost, when she reaches up and drags the nails of both her hands down my back. HARD. She begins squealing in ecstasy as she claws away at my back, chest and neck, while my conscious crawls away to it's special place.

And that's why I, a man, bled when I lost my virginity.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 26 Feb 2009, 9:50, Reply)

Worst Sex
That would heve to have been against the wall of Vauxhall City Farm.

Too many parents and kids watching.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 26 Feb 2009, 9:56, Reply)

@Labia
You poor love : (


I'd have been put off sex for life if that had happened to me.
( girlinthehole, Thu 26 Feb 2009, 10:03, Reply)

Between that and an 'almost but didn't happen'
I pretty much was put off.
I laugh about it now, otherwise I'd never have posted it here ;)
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 26 Feb 2009, 10:05, Reply)

Ugh!
A tent, all day drinking and her being on her period.

My sleeping bag was ruined!
(Dangerous Disco Trev Isn't my real name, Thu 26 Feb 2009, 10:37, Reply)

everytime i pushed she pulled and vice versa
So it never went in properly until I pinned her down on her front and held her there, just as it was starting to get better she shouted at the the top of her voice,

"Yes fuck me daddy, fuck me until I bleed"

It just didn't work for me.
( Peej, Thu 26 Feb 2009, 11:51, Reply)

Probably The sex that didn't happen
Just as a tip, at no stage of the foreplay scenario is heavy, drunken puking required or wanted. Especialy if you've knocked back 2 bottles of red wine, and eaten a fair bit of pasta, so the resultant spew resembles a weird twisted nest of white/purple slugs of what was presumably pasta and about a gallon of purple/red liquid sludge. As another tip - if you think you're going to get laid, don't drink too much!
(Fredz A graveyard of hopes, a dump of ambition, Thu 26 Feb 2009, 12:23, Reply)

I Once
Faked an orgasm (and I'm Male) (these days, I just manage to fake gratitude) with my then pert teenage lovely because I was bored and had to rehearse.

Someone please hit me in the face with a spade....
(osok Rebel without a clue, Thu 26 Feb 2009, 22:25, Reply)

With my sister...
...halfway through she told me "Gee, you're not as good as dad".
I replied "Yeah I know, mum told me".
(emadex thinks the world will end on, Sat 28 Feb 2009, 16:11, Reply)