Erm... wtf happened in the last week or so?
Why is there no home sweet homo - ness in which I can pour out my irritation and frustration of the last week's events (holiday with fella - now is v bad between us - I am supposed to be moving across the country to live with him in a few months - what the hell do I do now I finally realise he will NEVER put me first in his life and I'll always feel like I'm crawling around in his shadow wanting to be worshipped)?

Eh?

You bastards.

Becky - I've not been around because I've been on a shitty holiday, but it sounds like you've had a crap 'un too. Sorry love, hope it all works out ok.



So where do I post all this annoying (slightly self-obsessive) tripe now? And why did it die?

You are not helping my mood b3ta.
(Psyche finishes work at the end of June! Yay!!!, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 11:59, 44 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Yeah the HSH's seem to have died
out last week when I wasn't here

*hugs* YOu can vent wherever the hell you like though *makes tea*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 12:00, Reply)

Just vent here.
You've started, so you shall finish.
( Cawl, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 12:02, Reply)

while badger's getting the tea ready
*proffers chocolate*

it died. I am sad. I miss HSH. But I am adaptable. I can cope. To an extent.

Vent wherever you like.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 28 Apr 2009, 12:04, Reply)

Weeeell
At least you udiscovered this before you made the move. Saves a lot of heartache in the long run.

Do you have plans / changes already set in motion, and if so how easy is it to cancel?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 28 Apr 2009, 12:05, Reply)

I was off work last week
so Vipros and I killed the HSH out of boredom as the threads have become so repetitive. NOTHING against the people who posted in them, but they were getting very dull to read.

Edit: sorry to hear about you and your bloke, you deserve better than that.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 12:05, Reply)

oh god Becky
you aren't supposed to read teh HSH threads just post random shit in them about what you're having for lunch
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 12:09, Reply)

Hahaha!
Reading 'em is like swallowing mouthwash.
You're not meant to, and it makes you feel sick if you do the whole lot at once.
( Cawl, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 12:14, Reply)

In that case...
Aaaghh!!

What do I do?

We went away for 5 days - this was supposed to be my summer holiday (he has a couple more hols in the bag with his mates, but I can't afford any more), so we went to Florence. I had all these ideas of rolling green hills, sipping lots of red wine on piazzas and general relaxing and chilling-ness.

AND I thought it might be time to re-ignite that ol' flame of passion. We don't have much sex these days. And most of that is instigated/begged for by me.

So I was dragged around museum after museum, looking at these beautiful rennaisance paintings - amazing. But after THREE DAYS I wanted to see some hills!

Long and short, it took me bursting into tears before he actually realised I might have some things I wanted to do on our holiday.

And we did have sex. Twice. I had to ask.

I think I'm a fairly ok looking girl, and I have very long curly hair - VERY rennaisance. Did he even make ONE compliment - of course not.

As I'm saying Michaelangelo's David can't hold a torch to him, he doesn't even see me. The only compliment I got? The last day, full of a cold, I complained thast I felt (and looked) dreadful - I was apparently his "little Venus".

Cute.

I don't want to be fucking cute! I want to be adored, to be dragged into a hotel room and have my clothes torn off me and make wild passionate love! I want to be told that I'm more beautiful than any painting, that I'm amazing and wonderful.

And all I get is cute.

I could scream.

I love him. I really do, although it is hard to love someone , and want a future with them if they seem so unconcerned as to whether you're involved with theirs. I believe he loves me too. But I don't think he loves me enough. And I've started to think that maybe I don't want to be with him for the rest of my life.

But we're planning to move in together in august. I want to believe it will sort things out, but it just feels like we're papering over the cracks.

I don't want to lose him, but I feel like I'm drowning sometimes, and if he won't give me the affection I need then no doubt I'll find it elsewhere, and I couldn't do that to him.
(Psyche finishes work at the end of June! Yay!!!, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 12:19, Reply)

I actually read a HSH thread once.
I have since bought myself a bucket of paint and found a suitable wall.

Post, but never read.
( thealternativefact, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 12:19, Reply)

There is a distinct difference
between thinking he loves you, and knowing.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 12:22, Reply)

Psyche
have you told him any of this? Told him you want to be adored? Want your clothes ripped off in wild passionate love?

If you have and he's still treating you like this maybe he's not the one for you. I'm sorry you had such a rubbish holiday.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 28 Apr 2009, 12:26, Reply)

:(
I don't have anything positive to say about the state of things so I have hugs and cake and wine
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 12:32, Reply)

A male perspective -
He loves you enough to take you on holiday and move in with you - what's wrong with that?

The desperate need for affection and sex is your problem. You should work on figuring out why you're so needy - without him.

Once you sort that out, you'll probably find he cant get enough of you.

rafter
baz
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 12:34, Reply)

What Baz said
Harsh, but true.
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 12:37, Reply)

ta
Baz - I wasn't so needy before I was with him, and trust me, I do not like that person I find myself becoming.

What's wrong with wanting to be wanted?!

If he reassured me that all was well with us, then I wouldn't be needy. Grrr.
(Psyche finishes work at the end of June! Yay!!!, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 12:38, Reply)

I'd tentatively suggest...
Talking to him. Talking can do a world of good - and he might not even be aware he's dong anything wrong or upsetting.

If that doesn't work, sounds like you're best off having a very serious think over a bottle of wine with some friends.

Oh, and re: the death of HSH - OT has been approximately 1,000,000,000,000% more entertaining over the last week. This is FACT. :)
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 12:38, Reply)

I don't agree
I don't think it's needy to want sex on a regular basis. Or to want to feel loved and wanted by him.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 12:39, Reply)

it isn't needy to want to have a lot of sex
but it does make you feel weird if the other person doesn't reciprocate.

I have a much higher sex drive than my other half, and it gets to the point where sometimes it feels like you are constantly asking it, which is a bit shitty.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 12:44, Reply)

Well
if his sex drive is too low for you and he isn't the kind of person to fulfil your emotional requirements, he's not the right person for you.

Simples.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 12:47, Reply)

Oh and...
I've tried to talk, but each time it seems to make things worse. He just gets defensive, which I could understand, but I'm never on the aggressive... And at the end of it he comes out with the "well, clearly I'm a no-good boyfriend and perhaps if that's what you think we'd be better off apart" which has me pathetically begging like a 5 yr old for him not to leave, and that I'm sorry for bringing things up.

I KNOW that is pathetic. Please god don't try to drive that home. But I don't want to lose him! Argh.

I know that our relationship is going to end. Because we can't talk things through, so how can it get better. But I keep making excuses like, it'll be ok when we're living together... etc. I don't know how long I can keep putting off what seems to be the inevitable.
(Psyche finishes work at the end of June! Yay!!!, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 12:48, Reply)

It sounds like you already know what you want to do
and are having real difficulty clearing it with your subconscious.

You don't sound pathetic, just at loggerheads with yourself.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 12:52, Reply)

high sex drive
we see each other every couple of weeks.

I am NOT asking for much!!!

And the irritating thing is we DID shag like rabbits for months, before it got like it is now.


Urgh, yep - begging for sex. Not a pleasant place at all.
(Psyche finishes work at the end of June! Yay!!!, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 12:53, Reply)

Noel
I hope you did the meerkat noise after that!

Psyche good lines of communication are vital in any relationship - business and personal - and if you can't talk to him about this or if he doesn't want to acknowledge there is an issue then it's not sounding good.

Also as proven above men obviously think you wanting to have a few compliments makes you a pathetic attention seeking whore so what you say we ditch them and go and live in a nice cottage in the country together?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 12:54, Reply)

I would ask myself why I wanted to put myself through
moving across country to be with him when he doesn't appear to feel the same. Would he do the same for you?

With regard to the sex drive, it's very difficult being in a relationship when the sex drives aren't the same or at least alike. I have a high sex drive and found it very frustrating when I was with a guy who was happy to have sex or even just cuddles every now and then when I'd be wanting to shag him all the time.

How about making a list - in private or on here if you wish of all the good points and bad points of the relationship and make a decision from there?

*is a list queen*
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 12:55, Reply)

I'll be your bitch if you want?
I make a mean cream tea.

*squeaks*
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 12:57, Reply)

Passive-agressive responses like the one you quoted
Get my back up. I'd punch him in the eye.

Edit: Bah, took my time reading before replying, now my reply is out of synch.

As for sex drives, mine fluctuates randomly between wanting it constantly, and being dead from the waist down. No doubt this is incredibly frustrating for any partner.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 12:57, Reply)

I have decided
A list will not be needed, Becky (altho I may just do one in private later)

as I am eloping to the countryside with TGB.

We will make huge amounts of cake and tea and open our doors to all the poor unwanted souls who've been made to feel like attention seeking whores.

It will be like a hippy commune, but with proper toilets and showers. And no smelly men!
(Psyche finishes work at the end of June! Yay!!!, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 12:58, Reply)

And No3l can come
to be the house bitch.

Yay!!

I feel much better already. Genuine thankies.


I'm going to find tea and make myself microwave sponge cake. (4 minute cake - oh yes.)
(Psyche finishes work at the end of June! Yay!!!, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 13:01, Reply)

I'll get my short black skirt and white pinnie.
What's the recipe for that cake? Might try it tonight.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 13:05, Reply)

Recipe
4oz caster sugar
4oz self-raising flour
4oz butter
1 egg
splash of milk if it isn't gooey enough.

Mix together in no particular order until mixed and looking like cake mix. Should be a bit gooey. (yep, the technical term there)

4 mins in the microwave, more or less.

Will serve 4 small people or two students. You want syrup to pour on top of it and plenty of cream.

And it doesn't keep very well. Will be more crunchy than spongy after a day or two.
(Psyche finishes work at the end of June! Yay!!!, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 13:08, Reply)

YAY
Moving to the countryside with Psyche. *happy badger dance*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 13:15, Reply)

Awesome, thanks.
Daughter'll like that.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 13:16, Reply)

Oh Psyche
It sounds like you're reading far too much into this, you poor sausage. The guy probably doesn't even realise how inconsiderate he's being.
Offer brown, I bet he'd be on you like a papparazzo on a Goody.

Not the Bill Oddie kind of goody, the Jade kind.
(Bert's other profile wants to wear your balls on a necklace, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 13:18, Reply)

Are you suggesting
that heroin is the answer?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 13:20, Reply)

Not that kind of brown, silly
the kind that's very close to pink.
(Bert's other profile wants to wear your balls on a necklace, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 13:21, Reply)

So
snooker is the answer?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 13:27, Reply)

Exactly
No man can possibly resist the urge to thwack his cue ball off a lady's brown.
(Bert's other profile wants to wear your balls on a necklace, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 13:29, Reply)

I disagree with,
"As always with relationships, communication is the key. "

This kind of thing runs the risk of finding out what you actually think of one another and how your respective expectations and ambitions
et cetera are utterly incompatible.

You really need to learn to keep silent, make-do and be grateful for what you have as it really doesnt sound that bad.

This idealistic pursuit of perfection and happiness is Utopian at best.

Sit back, think and decide if what you have is good or bad, then get on with it.

Ask your parents how they did it and if they have any high-fallutin' notions of doing it all differently, ask your grandparents how they did it.

This constant clutching for more from your relationship guff will only leave you in tears.

Be happy being you without depending on others.

rafter
baz
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 13:38, Reply)

Hmm.
It's hard to make judgement calls from little information (and goodness knows none of us really want to share all on the internets. HOWEVER.
From the little you've said so far he falls into the manipulative controlling mindset. Consciously or subconsciously he will also be using sex (or the lack of it) as a control factor in your relationship. Although you make yourself sound like a clinging needy mess I'm sure you aren't, sinmply unsure as to why you are continuing to make your investment in this person. Becky's list idea isn't a bad one. All relationships are really profit and loss accounts. When you get to the point where the returns no longer outweigh the bad points a decision needs to be made. Will it get better or will it get worse?

My understanding of the situation is that you don't really wantt anyone to tell you what to do, you will make your own mind up. That is as it should be. If however this has helped clear your mind and focus you a bit better, all to the good. Only you can make you miserable. Anything else can and should be changed. Trite I know but it works for me. Best wishes whichever way you go.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Tue 28 Apr 2009, 13:43, Reply)

This happened to me once.
I was with a guy for about 3 years..
He used to guilt me into doing everything he wanted, my needs would always come last. He was possesive and arrogant but because the problems between us seemed trivial in comparison to the things some people go through, I put up with it.
A few times I told him how upset I was that we never did anything I liked and how he would get angry at me for interrupting a tv show because I wanted a cuddle. He said that he'd change, and he would for a bit but he'd always go back to the same selfish ways.
He was generally a nice guy though so it took a lot of effort to finally convince myself that nice wasn't enough.

After we broke up I was upset for a long time because I was lonely, but realised I didn't actually miss him, just the feeling of being with someone.
Then I found the bestest guy in the entire world who makes me feel amazing. If I'd stuck with something that was acceptable I never would have found something that was great.

So I hope that helps. If you really love him I hope it all works out but don't lead a miserable life for nothing.
( Mellicious is made of candy, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 14:27, Reply)

This sounds just like a woman on my livejournal friends
She had almost exactly the same things to say about her boyfriend and she had moved in with him. I think it lasted about 3 months after the move and probably a month of that was the pressure to make it work *because* of the move. I an terrible at relationship advice but the similarity in your descriptions makes me think this might help.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 14:27, Reply)

@djtrial price
Honesty is good, I suppose.
I told her early doors I didnt want marriage or children and she has stuck around.

It's been three years.
We dont do heartfelt conversations.
We do pleasure very well - food, drink, restaurants, trips abroad etc.
We cuddle and all of that lot but in a position where I can still reach my glass, the remote control and my view of the match is uncompromised - the woman is a fucking saint!

She doesnt make me feel complete as a person.
Im not hopelessly in love with her.
I could definitely live without her and it is much much better this way.

I cant be dealing with all that, "I cant live without you - one true love" guff. I dont have the energy.

rafter
baz
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 15:34, Reply)

It's nicer
to be wanted than needed.

And, I suppose, it's nicer to want than to need.

Baz, I actually agree with you... And I'm a girl.
( warmfuzzies Isn't here, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 22:45, Reply)

tough shit baz
you really are missing something.

ps I'm a pissed incurably romantic.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Tue 28 Apr 2009, 22:47, Reply)