Today,
I had a General Studies exam. An hour and a half of my life I'm never getting back.

I've got another one next week, what words/phrases do you suggest I should try and slip in?

Or, if your imagination has given up for the day, what's the most pointless waste of time you've done this week?
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 16:04, 33 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

If you can get perfectly cromulent in there, then you're doing better than me.
I've been trying to get it into my nursing portfolio for the last six months and have so far failed.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 16:05, Reply)

I like this one.
I shall have to remember that.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 16:09, Reply)

Embiggens?
Jebediah?
(TheColonel, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 16:34, Reply)

You mean Hans Sprungfeld, murderous pirate?

( idonthaveafunnynickname Drink-Aware? Sure. I'm aware I want another drink., Thu 4 Jun 2009, 17:35, Reply)

I just clicked on I Like This
instead of reply. And now I've forgotten what I was going to say.

Oh, yes. My mate and I tried to fit as many animals as we could into our PhD theses. Given that they were in the field of materials science, this wasn't as easy as it sounds.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 16:07, Reply)

Cuntybollocktwatface
Try using it on a paragraph about Alastair Darling.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 16:07, Reply)

In my RE exam
I managed to get elephant, bagel, hobogoblin and flibble.

I was quite high at the time though and somehow got a ridiculously high mark.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 16:08, Reply)

Last year,
I got in the phrase 'Drunken naked orgy' and a joke about cross dressing teachers and got an A, so I really want to push the boat out this year.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 16:10, Reply)

"I'm anispeptic, frasmotic, even compunctuous to have caused you such pericombobulation."
and offer your most enthusiastic contrafribularities
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 16:09, Reply)

I liked General Studies.
I got an A for an essay on alternate fuel sources. I'm not sure they were after four pages on antimatter reactors and other sci-fi inspired waffling, but they don't appear to have minded.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 16:09, Reply)

Is that the "science"
that you tried to explain to Clendrix?
(Bazongaloid, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 16:11, Reply)

Nope.
I was blithering about slug nervous systems, but I couldn't simplify it enough for her to understand.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 18:17, Reply)

General studies
fucking annoyed the crap out of me. I did 4 A-levels (as in 4 proper A-Levels, not three and general studies) so I didn't have to take general studies, but it annoyed me when, following the posting of our results some people liked to say "oh look, I got two A's and two B's" or whatever, when one of the A's was in general studies.

And when I made that comment, I bet people assumed one of the A's was in general studies. WELL IT WASN'T ALRIGHT, IT WAS IN A PROPER SUBJECT

/notbitteratallrant
(Bazongaloid, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 16:13, Reply)

Don't be down on General Studies
Probably shouldn't give a mark for it, but I like that they try to teach you a bit about science, and art, and history, and politics etc even if you know nothing about it. I remember learning a little about art history, it was good.

As for a sentence, try to get 'Maria Sharapova - famous for her unneccesarily loud and quasi-sexual tennis grunts - is a strong example of this.'
(Land of Green Ginger It's dreamy weather, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 16:18, Reply)

Well,
I turned up to mine drunk, that was fun!

My brother did his because he wanted to see how far he could go.

The question was "Describe the effect fish has on a healthy diet" or some shit like that.

He started his response with "How is this relevant in any way shape or form? I study History, English Lit and Philosophy. I can tell you when the fish first appeared, what Shakespeare thought of the fish, and then argue whether or not the fish actually exists, but apart from that, I'm out of ideas. So let's do that!"

And proceeded to answer his own questions posed above.

Bastard still got an A
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 16:19, Reply)

I call shenanigans
If you were marking that, you'd give it a U, and write in the margins: 'It might help you have a balanced diet, or will be your first example of answering this question should you ever become a fishmonger, fisherman, chef or nutritionist, you sarky little shit.'
(Land of Green Ginger It's dreamy weather, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 16:30, Reply)

Fair enough
He might be lying about what he wrote, but it seems odd that 5 years later, he can still remember what he wrote, and I know for certain he got an A.

That's all
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 16:46, Reply)

I wrote an essay on condoms
And started it with the fact that one of the earliest forms of contraception was developed in Egypt - a diaphragm made of crocodile dung.

Love how they had to specify "scientifically talk about contraception". I was considering one of the arguments against condoms as "Some people don't like the feel" but thought that was going too far.

Also did the essay on "Man is a religious animal". Could imagine it going on here. But gave up and went to sleep.

Pointless waste of time? General Studies.
Words you should get in? It's going to be about terrorism, innit? Talk about the sales of "Osama Pin Laden", brought out in the aftermath of 9/11, using terrorism as a marketing technique (trufax, this voodoo doll type affair was produced by the company owned by Whatsit Whatsit who clonked his girlfriend Kinga Legg [I remember THAT name] in a hotel room [506 I think] in Hotel Bristol in Paris. No, I don't have the news story up in a tab.)
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 16:55, Reply)

Crocodile Dung?
Haha, fair enough.

I always thought the earliest ones were sewn leather in the 1300's?

But your counter argument would have been true, bareback is always better!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 17:01, Reply)

Actually
it's pig intestine, being the first recorded condomtypethingy.

And coitus interruptus (got that in!) has been around since biblical times (c.f. Onan)

And I DON'T need to know about your sexlife HERE, thanks. That's what the main QOTW is for!
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 17:02, Reply)

Bollocks.
I wish I'd known this before I did todays, one of the essays was about how and why companies use celebrities to advertise their products.

I quite happily wittered on about Will Smith for ages.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 17:03, Reply)

Can't believe
your exam was only 1 1/2 hours! Ours was 3! Did you do all the fiddly mechanics shit?
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 17:04, Reply)

Erm, nope.
Just had to write two 50 mark essays.

Got a three hour one on the 15th though.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 17:08, Reply)

Oh, and
As I was walking out, I heard a girl say to her friend: 'So which question did you choose?' And her friend replied 'Er, you were supposed to do both...' The look on the first girl's face was priceless.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 17:21, Reply)

No no no no no no no no no nooooo!
I get the fear about doing that.

At least it was only general studies.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 17:27, Reply)

oh, and
A friend of mine drew the examiner riding a dinosaur instead of answering the question.

He got a D.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 16:56, Reply)

So the examiner must have been slightly impressed then.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 17:04, Reply)

Just slip in some nonsense...
I have been known to put technology faults down to 'spimf on the defributator', sneak the word 'wibble' into particularly long, boring segments of documentation and alter my client's logo at a microscopic (pixel) level on documents to include miniature cock drawings.

How about using imaginary units of measurement? Like the 'glimbart', or the 'Malcolm' (for anyone who's seen that Dr. Who episode).

I've also gone over sentences I've just written, examined every word and tried to think of another similar word or words to replace it, providing the replacement word has more syllables. E.g.

"Today, I went to the shop and bought a pint of milk, a loaf of bread and six eggs."

becomes

"On Thursday the 4th of May, I travelled to the purveyor of groceries and purchased one pint of pasteurised cow product, 500 grams of reformed wheat and half-a-dozen unhatched chicken embryos"

Or you could try putting your sentence through Babelfish, translating it into Korean and back again, and using the translation. The above example becomes:

" Today, going to the shop, the milk and the loaf of bread and 6 eggs." Bought the [thu] which is a justice green onion;"

Marvellous fun.
.
(hangableautobulb is an anagram of the best album ever, on, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 17:07, Reply)

Wibble!
That's going in!
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 17:09, Reply)

Don't forget...
... to use alternative forms of the word.

A wibble (noun), wibblish (adjective), wibbled (verb) etc etc.

Let us know how it goes!
(hangableautobulb is an anagram of the best album ever, on, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 17:13, Reply)

Do an Arnold Rimmer
Write 'I am a fish' 400 times.
( idonthaveafunnynickname Drink-Aware? Sure. I'm aware I want another drink., Thu 4 Jun 2009, 17:35, Reply)

Find a theme
For instance in my General Studies exam, I tried to cram in the titles of every Pink Floyd studio album I could think of.

(Mind you, at degree level I gave up citing proper people and just threw in random surnames of musicians/Buffy characters.)
(jamesthegill opens new tabs with his scroll wheel, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 17:40, Reply)

I had two of those in January
The first, I wrote everything seriously, giving proper answers to it all, but by the second my will to live was rapidly disappearing. I wrote that England gaining it's own parliament may cause the Welsh to come over on dragons and attack us with leeks, and that I wasn't too bothered about whether we had a monarchy, but if I happened to be there during the storming of Sandringham or the seige of Buckingham Palace, I would at least have something to write about for my memoirs.
I got a D in the first one, and an A in the second.
(Pretty strangers and promises, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 18:50, Reply)