I'm coming up to town on Saturday
That's London to the plebs and I'm wondering:

1)What I should wear

2)Where I should go during the day

and

3)The best place to purchase some 'adult' gifts.

Tell me oh great and good of OT.


I've got a pile of marking to do - let's change the site name to Procrastinators 'R' Us!
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 14:24, 62 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'd advise
getting "adult" gifts from LoveHoney or somewhere similar - i.e. getting them sent through the post.

You'll pay a fortune in Soho for similar. Plus, if you're going to the bash, you'll get drunk, get them out in the bash, and probably lose them.

Unless they are gifts for someone at the bash, in which case Soho is your friend...
( I_Was_Mordred, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 14:26, Reply)

Yes....I was already thinking this
But I was wondering if anyone knew the name of the excellent gay/fetish shop round the corner from Old Compton Street - it's all chrome and knob gags.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 14:30, Reply)

I know the one you mean, but can't think of the name of it

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 14:36, Reply)

They used to have a gorgeous goth girl working there
she had so many facial piercings I'm sure if she had a drink it all ran out of her face like a sieve.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 14:38, Reply)

*ears prick up*
Ree-hee-heally?
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 14:39, Reply)

I think her name was Fiona, but she told everyone to call her rage
I met her out clubbing once and she was very lovely, if a little mental
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 14:39, Reply)

n
(PsychoChomp, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 14:41, Reply)

Arf!

( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 14:46, Reply)

Why not go on Google Maps
type in Old Compton Street and wander around in Street View until you find the shop?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 14:46, Reply)

But that's sensible!!!!
I'm surprised at you!

You with your wild and free hair (that I covet) you look the very opposite of sensible...and here you are making suggestible sensible things.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 14:49, Reply)

This morning I was looking at the Porterhouse in Google Maps
And spotted a Gourmet Burger Kitchen right next door. So now I know where I'm going to eat before drinking, and currently think Google can do no wrong.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 15:01, Reply)

Gourmet Burger Kitchen+ng
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 15:52, Reply)

1) crotchless knickers, a leather miniskirt and a fishnet bodystocking.

2) Kings Cross

3) Soho.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 14:26, Reply)

But I don't want to come dressed the same as you!

( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 14:30, Reply)

South Bank
How about a stroll down the South Bank, from Waterloo (under the London Eye) to Tower Bridge, topped off with a drink in 'The Hornimans' at Hays Galleria? London at its finest...
(Apathyman Prepare to be underwhelmed..., Thu 11 Jun 2009, 14:27, Reply)

Something sexeh
Borough Market as it's open on Saturday, that's where I'll be anyway

Soho
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 14:29, Reply)

Hmmm.....
but I'd be tempted to purchase some lovely cheese or meat...and then I'd have to go to the excellent pub there....

and I'd turn up at the bash pissed, smelling of cheese and a large steak slithering out of my handbag.

Not a good look I've found.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 14:32, Reply)

and I'd turn up at the bash pissed, smelling of cheese and a large steak slithering out of my handbag.
and that's different to a regular bash how?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 14:34, Reply)

My point entirely!
Last time I added infeasibly high heels to the mix.



why does 'infeasibly' feel wrong? Surely it should be unfeasibly?
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 14:37, Reply)

No idea, you're the smart one
I'll be wearing converse. I don't trust myself in heels.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 14:40, Reply)

I suspect I'll go with either
the cowboy boots.

Or the plimsol type blue approach shoes I've got.

Both flatish and both comfy.

Oh god....I've turned into a woman in comfortable shoes!

Elastic waisted trousers are the next step.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 14:42, Reply)

I've always been a woman in comfortable shoes
I don't see the point in mutilating your feet to look taller when I'm already 5ft9
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 14:44, Reply)

Ah...
you've got two inches on me.


And as any man will tell you, two inches really matters!
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 14:45, Reply)

Absolutely
Those two inches can make all the difference to a man, or a woman.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 14:47, Reply)

1) you can get away with wearing pretty much anything in London,
2)go shopping or go to the tate modern
3)no idea, I make my own.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 14:31, Reply)

3)no idea, I make my own.
From precum
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 14:33, Reply)

and chicken wire.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 14:34, Reply)

Argh!
No disrespect to Spakka and his cock intended but can we please, please never mention the whole pre-cum thing again?

Every time it surfaces I have horrible mental images invading my mind that will require extensive counselling to remove.

Any post about chickenlady and sexeh nix does not need to be sullied in this way.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 11 Jun 2009, 14:42, Reply)

Hahahahaha!
Precum
Precum
Precum
Precum
Precum
*drools*
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 14:43, Reply)

I always wear something inappropriate - last time it was the wrong shoes - terrible propositions and blisters.

I always seem to go to TM - I'm a member and love to lord it over everyone in the Members' Bar.

The tin can and bit of string are almost worn out now.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 14:35, Reply)

*Horns*

(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 11 Jun 2009, 14:33, Reply)

*Beeps*

( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 14:35, Reply)

*Panders*

(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 11 Jun 2009, 14:39, Reply)

BAN THIS SICK FILTH

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 14:40, Reply)

*licks*

( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 14:44, Reply)

*Pandas*

(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 11 Jun 2009, 14:46, Reply)

*tries to pre-cum but can't*

(Bazongaloid, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 14:40, Reply)

*screams*
*sets self on fire*
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 11 Jun 2009, 14:42, Reply)

*fans flames*
*does little sex wee*

*puts out flames with.....PRECUM!!!!*
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 14:44, Reply)

Giggles like a mental
PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM SPAKCOCK PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM ALCOCK PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM BERTCOCK PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM YM
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 14:46, Reply)

*gibbers*
Please make it stop
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 11 Jun 2009, 14:47, Reply)

*douses flames with precum*
edit: chickenlady types faster than me. Arse.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 14:46, Reply)

That's alright
I think we'd need lots and lots of precum to put out PJM.


I'm thinking bukkake now.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 14:51, Reply)

Count me in!
At the mere mention of bukkake, you've got me thinking about sexeh Japanese ladehs now*. It will surely only be a matter of seconds before I shift gear from precum to a thick, filthy, slightly curdled torrent of very actual cum.

Which will make for an excellent fire-extinguishing substance. PJM, better shut your eyes, dear boy...

*_{I've been known to suffer from what my friend less-than-politically-correctly describes as "Yellow Fever."}
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 14:57, Reply)

You are my flatmate
AICMFP.
( Maladicta, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 18:53, Reply)

I WANT TO GO TO LONDON AND I BLOODY CAN'T NOW.
I HATE YOU ALL.

I HATE YOU.
( girlinthehole, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 14:57, Reply)

Come down!
Al will put you up!
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 14:59, Reply)

Al will put me up what?
I can't really. I was saving my pennies to go somewhere else so agreed to go to a family meal for my birthday and now I don't need to save my pennies but can't get out of the family meal or else they will throw a strop.


WAAAAHHHHH
( girlinthehole, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 15:01, Reply)

^^ this
Or if not Al then someone sane. I understand several b3tans are London-based (but not why)
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 15:05, Reply)

Tee Hee
Stuck at a birthday bbq and it will rain and be crap anyway.
Sounds par for the course.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 11 Jun 2009, 15:06, Reply)

Not having a bbq anymore. We are going for a curry.
This is the only light in my dreary tunnel of a weekend.

*loves curry*
( girlinthehole, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 15:07, Reply)

yay!
1) Clothes: this will stop you being arrested and beaten TO DETH by our wonderful law-keepers.

2) Borough Market, Portobello Market, Tate Britain, National Portrait Gallery, the Wallace Collection, Sir John Soames Museum, Hyde Park etc etc. South Bank.

3) Coco de Mer, on Monmouth Street (Seven Dials area of Covent Garden). Absolutely the best adult shop in London (although it doesn't have a huge range of stuff, everything is beautiful there). It's so nice it's actually a boutique, not a shop. Or something. And you can get some cheese from the Neal's Yard cheese shop nearby!
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 15:07, Reply)

Afternoon
are you coming along tomorrow night?
(Bazongaloid, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 15:11, Reply)

Sadly not.
I'm off to the homestead to get some cycling in ahead of London to Brighton.

*sob*
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 16:39, Reply)

But in Coco de Mer
you pay £80 for a feather ¬_¬
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 15:21, Reply)

£40 in the sale ,)

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 15:27, Reply)

I let you have a whole live chicken
for £10.

Hundreds of feathers.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 15:39, Reply)

go to the sales.
20 pounds for a pretty marble *ahem* thingummy.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 16:40, Reply)

A marble phallus?

(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 17:31, Reply)

I reckon if you wear that little Channel number with the gouci handbag and Jimmychoos, it would make a good combination.
But whatever you do, don't make the faux pas of having an blackberry, the modern gal on the move needs the iPhone.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 16:03, Reply)

Excellent advice!
I knew I could rely on you lot!
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 16:18, Reply)

Here are my suggestions:
1) Something suave, sophisticated, and something that *screams* internet. So a warhammer t-shirt and some stained jeans should be perfect. Remember not to wash!

2) London is full of many attractions! Why not try the London Aquarium, The London Eye, or Charing X Road's oft overlooked 'Tramp Experience'? For only 50p and a soggy roll up, you too can smell of piss and dogs while begging for money for your next hit of crack! One of Time Out Magazines 'Top 50 Middle-Class Days Out' 2007!

3) Dodgy Dave O'Fist has a great little shop up Slack Alley, WC1. Failing that, you could try Mad Patricia Nasty in Southwark. Or, for a real world shop, there's always Harmony. Easy to get to, and you don't feel like a pervert in there, despite the wall-sized pornography!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 16:39, Reply)