OK Joke time!
Q. What's an all-nighter at the Medical Examiner's office?



A. 's Morgue-asbord.

So what bad jokes have you heard recently?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 10:22, 56 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

That proctologist\pokeymon one.
That's dire.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 12 Jun 2009, 10:25, Reply)

Go on
What is it then?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 10:27, Reply)

What do you call a Jamaican cartoon proctologist?
A Pokeymon.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 12 Jun 2009, 10:52, Reply)

How do you get a billion Picachu on a bus?

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 10:53, Reply)

poke 'em on

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 10:57, Reply)

Ha Ha.
What do you call a Nazi Pokemon?
Kukajew.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 12 Jun 2009, 10:57, Reply)

I dont get it?
I mean, I know what a Smorgasbord is, but but what's an "asbord" in relation to an all-nighter?
(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 10:25, Reply)

Think
About cannabalism!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 10:28, Reply)

Still don't get it.
Please explain using small words and diagrams where appropriate.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 10:29, Reply)

Al
Stop it you're just being silly now!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 10:35, Reply)

who is the coolest guy in the hospital?
the ultra-sound guy.

who replaces him when he's away?

the hip replacement guy
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 10:25, Reply)

Lol
I actually like that one!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 10:28, Reply)

that would sound funnier
if you changed "who replaces him" with "who does his job".

Keep this up, you'll soon be as good as Piston.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 10:29, Reply)

that's the dream

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 10:30, Reply)

You should hire his dad to heckle you.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 10:54, Reply)

what sort of things do you think his dad shouted?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 10:59, Reply)

Ask Beekers.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 12 Jun 2009, 11:00, Reply)

I was mainly fishing for amusing things that he may have shouted
rather than the (most likely dull) reality
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 11:01, Reply)

Apparently he was quite funny with his heckling

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 12 Jun 2009, 11:05, Reply)

Aye
He confused the fuck out of the compere.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Fri 12 Jun 2009, 11:07, Reply)

"Get on with it!"
As he retreated to the back of the bar to take photos.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Fri 12 Jun 2009, 11:05, Reply)

Derek Griffiths?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 11:36, Reply)

Oh, bloody hell.
Just got this in the email:

Two blondes lock their keys in the car. One of the blondes tries to break into the car while the the other one watches.

Finally the first blonde says "Darn, I can't get in the car!" The other blond replies, "keep trying, it looks like it is going to rain and the top is down".
( jim_bob can herd cats., Fri 12 Jun 2009, 10:30, Reply)

Old
Almost as old as me, and a lot less funny!

Well maybe.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 10:35, Reply)

It's been sent to me by the youngest lad in the office
Trying to make an impression, bless him.

Perhaps I should introduce him to sickipedia.

However, my personal favourite:

A country bumpkin calls his dad on his mobile.

"Da, Oi've just run over a pig and e's screaming loike nobody's business- what do I do?"

"Well son, get yon roifle and put a couple of shots in 'is 'ead, and that'll be the end of it"

**Rattling noise, two muffled shots**

"Roight, that's that, now what do Oi do with 'is car?"
( jim_bob can herd cats., Fri 12 Jun 2009, 11:02, Reply)

if being raped by pikies
don't scream, they'll just go faster
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 10:35, Reply)

Excellent.

(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 10:39, Reply)

That
is very good indeed

*mails to everyone in Outlook*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 10:46, Reply)

How about this one?
John had felt guilty about eating meat on Friday, until he discovered that the whore had crabs. Yay, seafood!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 10:41, Reply)

YM

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 10:45, Reply)

Apologies in advance.
85% of scouse men have had sex in the shower.


The other 15% haven't been to prison yet.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 10:46, Reply)

Haha
Don't apologise. We don't mind. *Royal 'We'*
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 10:50, Reply)

Just
Finished laughing at that one!

It's great.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 10:55, Reply)

You laughed at that joke for 11 minutes?
I smell lies online.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 10:57, Reply)

I had
A smoke as well, and giggled a bit all through it!

There are no lies on OT, only cake!

And just ask DG about what happens when I go off on a laughing fit!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 11:01, Reply)

I can't eat internet cake

(PsychoChomp, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 11:03, Reply)

What!
Is it because the cake is a lie?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 11:04, Reply)

I'm on a diet
I'm cutting out crap
(PsychoChomp, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 11:05, Reply)

You turn into the Incredible Leaking Dok
Before borking.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 12 Jun 2009, 11:11, Reply)

Yes
Yes I do, I wonderr if it'll happen tomorrow night as well?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 11:19, Reply)

Ya never know...
I'll come armed with kleenex.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 12 Jun 2009, 11:33, Reply)

how do you get a baby in a blender?
feet first.


how do you get it out again?


Doritos
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 10:58, Reply)

Now that
is good.
I'm off to send it to my dad...
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 10:59, Reply)

What sound does a baby make in a blender?
I didn't notice, I was too busy wanking.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 11:03, Reply)

I'll not
send that one to my dad, even though it's good...
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 11:05, Reply)

STOP STALKING ME!

( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 11:15, Reply)

but you're so stalkable
you stalkee cunt!
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 11:29, Reply)

I know :0)
Its because I'm so fookin sexy!
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 11:32, Reply)

no
it's 'cos you look like Jodie Foster
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 11:33, Reply)

My tits are better than hers
and she has more hair.

I'd say more Sigourney Weaver - Alien 3
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 11:36, Reply)

you have the same bra size
she told me.
Anyway, I'm stalking Buckwheat now so you're safe.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 11:38, Reply)

I've just heard
that our budget faces a cut of some £40 million so that people in the south can have houses built for them whilst regeneration in the North can fuck off.

That Gordon Brown's a right fucking card.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 12 Jun 2009, 11:10, Reply)

For crying out loud
What a fucking piece of shit.

The South doesn't need the money, the North does.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 11:20, Reply)

No. He's a fucking Scot.
They've never forgiven the Reivers.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 12 Jun 2009, 11:26, Reply)

I don't get it.

( girlinthehole, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 11:27, Reply)

Border Reivers
In Northumberland used to rob and rape their way back and forth across the border. It was a traditional pastime apparently.

Edit: And they never shouted "Surprise!" Absolute bastards.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 12 Jun 2009, 11:29, Reply)