I love dating sites. Even the ones you pay for have their fair share of nutjobs
Case in point...first email from him:
Hi,
I think you must be very special as I really feel as if I've bonded with you in some way already which is quite amazing considering we've never met. I love animals and nature and I love holding hands and stroking and teasing and laughing .........:-)) think we'd get on great how about a drink sometime ?
Have a great day
George x
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:32, 34 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

He's a keeper.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:33, Reply)

edit
's needs
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:34, Reply)

or
+bee
(PsychoChomp, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:35, Reply)

He sounds about 12

( Captain V, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:35, Reply)

Potential Stalker
Fix him up with Al.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:35, Reply)

He's not even pretty
Not that that would forgive that cromulent email, but still, it'd help a little.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:36, Reply)

but does he love horses?

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:36, Reply)

I'd have to reply to find out. No great desire to do that.
He seems like the type that would see any contact as being a YES I WANT TO MEET YOU AND HAVE YOUR REPTILIAN BABIES NOW!1!!!
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:37, Reply)

well, y'know, the clock's ticking,
and reptilian babies might be better than no babies at all. It'd be terrible to look back on life with deep regret and think "I could be nursing a lizard, right now, if I'd only replied to George".
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:39, Reply)

But thank god I have my job now so I can nurse actual reptilian babies
instead of the spawn that he'd likely produce
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:41, Reply)

He also uses a double chin smiley
so he's probably a fatty.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:36, Reply)

He sounds like a 120 a day texter right there.

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:36, Reply)

^^^This

( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:43, Reply)

I had one from a Hungarian gentleman who wanted to have kinky sex.
I was tempted. *laughs*
( girlinthehole, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:37, Reply)

Oh those hungarians.
was he going to provide the straps? And did he provide a photo of his cock for inspection?
(Bazongaloid, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:40, Reply)

He couldn't.
He'd hurt his knee.
( thealternativefact, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:46, Reply)

Damn
Does this mean you won't be meeting me... erm I mean "George" for a drink?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:40, Reply)

Sadly no
But thanks for the offer.

Just in case you're reading this George, I'm sorry love, but I just don't think it'd work out while my heart belongs to TGB and my clunge belongs to Donkey gums
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:42, Reply)

I love these dating things.
I pretend to be a Hungarian.
( Cawl, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:41, Reply)

I wnt 2 mk u sanywangiez and snugglewuggle while watchin Sex in teh City*.
Look ! A picture of a kitty on a pillowillow, ohmegosh, kute like u !

love you 4eva

xxxxxxxxxxxx

* Girls like that, right? Yeah', I'm sure they do, if not, any filmwilmy u want 2 watch.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:43, Reply)

I actually had one like that a while ago
He refused to believe that girls could like decent films because of their attenuated need for romantic comedies. HELLO, IT SAYS ON MY PROFILE THAT I STUDIED FILM FOR 4 FUCKING YEARS YOU SPASTIC. Of course my first choice for a first date film would be A league of their own.

Falls over a dog.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:46, Reply)

Is that the Van Diseal remake, or the origional with Robbin Williams?
I've never used a dating site, is there a limit on how many messages you can send? I like to think I could set up a script that'll send a message to everyone on the site, using a "fuck it, message _everyone_, _someone_ might be desprate enough" methord.

I'ld use a few templates that'll data-mine their profiles for information, and come with exactly the right thing to say, eg, if you're into films, i'ld mention a load of black'n'white forign films.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:50, Reply)

So long as you pay you can message as many people as you like
and that'd be the Madonna/Geena Davis godawful piece of shit waste of celluloid.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:54, Reply)

I once nearly dated a kick boxer
Seriously.

Then I had a date with someone else, so I told the kick boxer that I couldn't meet him now as it wouldn't be fair on him.

All fine...until I stupidly said that if things didn't work out with the other one I'd be back in touch.

No.

Nobody wants anyone's sloppy seconds.

He was very rude to me.

The cheek of it.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:47, Reply)

Never piss off a kickboxer
nods
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:49, Reply)

Yep.
I'm glad I didn't meet him now.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:59, Reply)

Yeah', I hate sloppy seconds, that's why I only date 7 year olds, just to be safe.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:52, Reply)

But their cocks are so tiny!

( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:59, Reply)

But their bums are so tight.
The first time.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:13, Reply)

I might do internet dating
who knows, perhaps I will meet the internet weirdo of my dreams?
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:21, Reply)

But that's what b3ta is for!

( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:28, Reply)

Good point, but everyone in B3ta-land seems to live in Lahhhndan
I'm looking for that special person a bit closer to home. How are they going to stalk me and make my life a living hell if they live 120 miles away?
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:34, Reply)

Trains, planes and buses
and bicycles of course, kitten powered ones.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:49, Reply)

MTFU!
I managed to stalk someone in another country.
( girlinthehole, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:56, Reply)