Fucking stupid technology
I got the bluescreen of doom last night and this morning my router's being a cunt.

What's pissing you off today?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:46, 79 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

5 threads down
*points with a massive pointy stick*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:47, Reply)

I see your thread now I have internets again and fail to give a shit
THIS is a thread for people who are apoplectic with rage because they can't rectify things quickly and easily and instead must suffer the fuckwits of call centres telling them to try resetting their technology because I'd obviously not considered doing that the first five times.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:49, Reply)

You just like starting threads
Thread Whore
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:50, Reply)

You'll miss me when I'm gone slankyflange
for today is the last day I'll be online much during the day
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:51, Reply)

I've already cried a whole pint of tears

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:51, Reply)

Ice and lemon?

( Cawl, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:52, Reply)

It's ice and LIME with tears
you philestine
(Bazongaloid, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:53, Reply)

Oh, look at you
MISTER FUCKING FANCY.
I bet you want a CLEAN FUCKING GLASS TOO, YOU MOANING CUNT.
( Cawl, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:54, Reply)

This is awful language
I think you need to apologise to Al
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:56, Reply)

I am upset about this
genuinely upset.

Only my middles classness is stopping me from displaying how upset I am openly.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:57, Reply)

Good.
And I didn't even have to mock your GAYcycle.
( Cawl, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 10:01, Reply)

*burst into real tears*
*offline*
(Bazongaloid, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 10:01, Reply)

ICE AND LEMON?

( Cawl, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 10:02, Reply)

RRAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

*rips shirt*

*explodes in apoplectic fury*
(Bazongaloid, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 10:09, Reply)

And the circle is complete.

( Cawl, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 10:11, Reply)

Poor Al
there there
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 10:08, Reply)

Bottle them up and save them as lube when your next victim tells you his cock won't do that precum thing

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:52, Reply)

I don't need lube
what with my vag being 3 foot wide
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:53, Reply)

I meant for him when you use your strap on
cos you know you wont give him a complimentary reach around
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:57, Reply)

I put two whetabix in a bowl this morning
got a spoon out the drawer,
only to find THERE WAS NO FUCKING MILK!
(PsychoChomp, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:49, Reply)

Cry me a mother fucking river spasticface

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:50, Reply)

I can't I'm too dehydrated from lack of milk.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:51, Reply)

Fuck off then

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:51, Reply)

I'm not a morning person at all.
Snappy and irritable would be an understatement.
Got into my office and the phone was ringing.
I answered it, and some guy started shouting at me.
I was hardly awake, which didn't help.
Turned out, after his shouting that he'd been put through to the wrong person.
( Cawl, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:50, Reply)

Did he apologise for awakening the beast on work time?

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:51, Reply)

No.
He just hung up in a strop.
( Cawl, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:52, Reply)

Then you should shit in his raspberries

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:52, Reply)

Nah,
I'm just happy in the knowledge that I'm better than him.
( Cawl, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:56, Reply)

But he doesn't know that.
Not good enough
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:57, Reply)

You're like that all day

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:52, Reply)

Ah...
This is true.
But before I've had coffee I'm worse.
( Cawl, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:55, Reply)

Yesterday I discovered
that a load of manky mud and pisswater had seeped underneath the back seat of my car and made it go mouldy so I had to clean it up this morning and leave all the doors open to dry and get it to dry out. Also I forgot my lunch and had to go to the supermarket which made me late for work.

Only the happiness of my new bike is stopping me buying a gun and going on a killing spree.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:52, Reply)

I know where you live
I'm going to go steal your bike
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:53, Reply)

Why do you need a car
now that you have the Bike of Gayness?
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:54, Reply)

It is very ghey compared with PJM's bike

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:57, Reply)

PJM is manly.
al? Well...
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:58, Reply)

STOP BEING RUDE ABOUT MY BIKE!

(Bazongaloid, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:59, Reply)

Awww, will I hurt its feelings
TOO FUCKING BAD AL.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 10:04, Reply)

I hate you so much right now

(Bazongaloid, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 10:09, Reply)

That's ok, I hate you too really

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 10:15, Reply)

I'd also like to point out that it has the same colour scheme as my bike.
Which means al must be totally gay for me.
(Slip Digby is a meat puppet, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:59, Reply)

Am not
*slyly checks out Slips arse*
(Bazongaloid, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 10:00, Reply)

My bike (which is not at all gay)
is fantastic, but it's not much good for carrying spades and large amounts of soil. Hence I need a car.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:58, Reply)

if you're carrying spades and soil
you can totally justify a Land Rover. FACT.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:59, Reply)

I would but I'm not a total cunt

(Bazongaloid, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 10:00, Reply)

And it might set on fire and roll into your house.

( Cawl, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 10:01, Reply)

This will never stop making me laugh
NEVER
( Captain V, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 10:06, Reply)

Me too.
I had to give him a lift last night.
I teased him about it the whole way there.
( Cawl, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 10:09, Reply)

archaeologists
get special dispensation from being cunts when they drive a Land Rover. FACT.

But you should stick to your homosexual bike.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 10:03, Reply)

So do vet nurses
fact
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 10:06, Reply)

Ah, the child like joy of a new bike.

(Slip Digby is a meat puppet, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:58, Reply)

You don't understand Slip
you fashion types get your new bikes every year or so, it's nothing special to you, but I haven't had a new bike for twelve years.

TWELVE YEARS!!!!!!

And I've never had a bike this good before either. Don't wee on my cabbages.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 10:00, Reply)

*wees on carrots instead*
How dare you! I've only had a new bike 2 years in a row because some Leyton-based oik stole my last one! :(
(Slip Digby is a meat puppet, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 10:03, Reply)

My new hoody
has dyed my arms blue.

Also, I have to do a lot of cleaning today and I can't be arsed.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:58, Reply)

They're not still blue are they?

( Captain V, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 10:06, Reply)

I thought that was your natural colour?

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 10:06, Reply)

I'm not blue
Never have been.
( Captain V, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 10:07, Reply)

Not you stupid
your lovely lady

Although you are about the right height to be a smurf
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 10:21, Reply)

aye, blue is my natural language.
I'm going to make V a little smurf outfit to add to his dressing-up box.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 10:38, Reply)

Dont put it next to the gimp suit, it'll get scared
maybe next to the little bo peep cossie he spent hours making for your delectation?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 11:01, Reply)

He is SO hot in that.
*fetches sheep*
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 11:43, Reply)

Da-ba-dee, da-ba-da

( idonthaveafunnynickname Drink-Aware? Sure. I'm aware I want another drink., Thu 9 Jul 2009, 13:26, Reply)

Yeah,
I wore it on the way home because the train air-con was on :(
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 10:08, Reply)

Erm
Try washing for once? Also...GO CLEAN UP YOUR HOUSE YOU CUNT
( Captain V, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 10:08, Reply)

thanks!

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 10:11, Reply)

I expect photographic evidence of your work on my desk by lunchtime

( Captain V, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 10:12, Reply)

2pm.
They will be the ones marked "NSFW".
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 10:14, Reply)

OH FFS
My flatmate just knocked on my door, holding all my clean laundry and asked if I could take it inside now as she wants to use my airer. Er no, you can fuck off and buy your own airer like I did or use the bannisters.

Edit: My stuff is not even completely dry.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:59, Reply)

I can feel a raspberry shitting coming on

(Bazongaloid, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 10:01, Reply)

She doesn't have raspberries
she does have fish and flan though...
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 10:05, Reply)

FUCKING HELL.
i'VE GOT TO GIVE A REVIEW OF MY sECOND yEAR IN HALF AN HOUR AND THE FUCKING STAPLER'S JUST BROKEN.

yOU SEE, I am so impotently apoplectic that I've forgotten to switch off fucking Caps Lock. RRRRROOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!111!!!!ELEVENTY-FUCKING-ONE
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 10:01, Reply)

Wait there, I'll get the Accord.

(Slip Digby is a meat puppet, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 10:04, Reply)

You suck at this
fail
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 10:05, Reply)

I'm very happy.
*shrugs*
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 10:31, Reply)

Well why don't you take your happiness over there

*points*

and stop being so fucking smug.

Bloody students.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 10:33, Reply)

I'm pretty happy too
and I'm not a student

where should I go?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 10:37, Reply)

Over there instead
*points*
(Bazongaloid, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 10:44, Reply)

ok
*goes*
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 10:51, Reply)

*skips over there*
Hows that?
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 10:37, Reply)