I have not yet met them.
We merely communicated through a door when his mother offered breakfast.

Their secret hidden sex basement was delightful though.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 14 Jul 2009, 16:23, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'd like to see how she delivers the bacon.

( thealternativefact, Tue 14 Jul 2009, 16:29, Reply)

Via cescarean section
otherwise you can get a nasty yeast infection.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 14 Jul 2009, 16:33, Reply)

They don't even care about you
Even my sister hasn't asked questions.
( Captain V, Tue 14 Jul 2009, 16:33, Reply)

She's been too busy sucking off strangers down at the train station.

(Bazongaloid, Tue 14 Jul 2009, 16:34, Reply)

V is hardly a stranger.

( thealternativefact, Tue 14 Jul 2009, 16:35, Reply)

He wears a variety of disguises
in order to keep the spark alive
(Bazongaloid, Tue 14 Jul 2009, 16:36, Reply)

It's true
See
( Captain V, Tue 14 Jul 2009, 16:45, Reply)

I preferred the picture
when Crackhouse was wearing it.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 14 Jul 2009, 16:46, Reply)

Me too
She's much more attractive when she looks like a ginger orthodox Jew.
( Captain V, Tue 14 Jul 2009, 16:47, Reply)

That's probably better than my sister's reaction.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 14 Jul 2009, 16:34, Reply)

Did she try and join in?

(Bazongaloid, Tue 14 Jul 2009, 16:36, Reply)

No,
she shrieked "TWENTY-ONE?!!! TWENTY-ONE?!!!" down the phone until my ear bled and then said "wait 'til he meets our da" in a particularly menacing tone.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 14 Jul 2009, 16:37, Reply)

Does your da have a history of carrying out punishment kneecappings?
Actually, I was talking to my mate who originally hailed from Belfast this weekend and he was saying that because the surgeons in Norn Ireland got so good at reconstructing kneecaps the terrorists freedom fighters moronic fucktarding twats moved on to shooting people in the ankles instead as it's virtually impossible to fix so you're permanently fucked.

Which struck me as rather unpleasant.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 14 Jul 2009, 16:41, Reply)

Haaaaaaaaaahahaha
Cracks is going to have to wheel V around in a chair.
( thealternativefact, Tue 14 Jul 2009, 16:43, Reply)

pushchair
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 14 Jul 2009, 16:44, Reply)

You already do that thought.
His little legs get tired if he has to walk too far, then he's all overtired and he won't take his bottle.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 14 Jul 2009, 16:47, Reply)

Actaully, yeah
my da is proof of that - his ankle was smashed up 4 years ago when he was assaulted and he's disabled now. Wasn't a punishment beating though.

They used to use drills on the kneecaps too. Lovely.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 14 Jul 2009, 16:45, Reply)

I'm really glad I'm not V now!

(Bazongaloid, Tue 14 Jul 2009, 16:47, Reply)

All he has to do is buy my da a pint
and it'll be fine.

fine-ish.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 14 Jul 2009, 16:50, Reply)

That I can do
Plus I've always been pretty good with parents. I first met one of my ex's Dad's when I was in her bed post fuck and him and I got on brilliantly =D
( Captain V, Tue 14 Jul 2009, 16:52, Reply)

My father is Catholic
and as such, very hung up about sex. It is best if you never refer to the fact that you're banging his precious eldest daughter, even if she is a dirty whore.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 14 Jul 2009, 16:54, Reply)

You should get V a T-Shirt
with the slogan "I'm hotter than your daughters VAG!"
(Bazongaloid, Tue 14 Jul 2009, 16:58, Reply)

^this

( Captain V, Tue 14 Jul 2009, 17:00, Reply)

I'm surprised you don't already have this on a t-shirt.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 14 Jul 2009, 17:01, Reply)

I'll also avoid mentioning just how much I LOVE potatoes

( Captain V, Tue 14 Jul 2009, 16:53, Reply)

You should start off with the joke about how many potatoes does it take to kill an irishman.
That'll go down brilliantly.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 14 Jul 2009, 16:55, Reply)

Or how I used to eat chocolate after sex
But since I started screwing his daughter I prefer to eat potatoes and refuse to let her have any.
( Captain V, Tue 14 Jul 2009, 16:59, Reply)

*emigrates*

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 14 Jul 2009, 17:01, Reply)

Or shake hands with him
and then go, "hey, smell my fingers, CHCB got a bit horny in the car on the way over, oh don't worry, I didn't cut myself, she's just come on, she gets super horny when she's on"
(Bazongaloid, Tue 14 Jul 2009, 17:03, Reply)

I can see why you have more success fucking bikes.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 14 Jul 2009, 17:04, Reply)

If you're scared, I'ld be fucked.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 14 Jul 2009, 16:51, Reply)

Captive bolts
From abattoir too.
( Cawl, Tue 14 Jul 2009, 16:49, Reply)