It's quieter than a crypt full of mimes in here
what's your excuse?

what's your favourite simile?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 7 Sep 2009, 13:33, 50 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I don't have an excuse
other that I'm so bored I can't even be arsed to look at b3ta. I also have an irritating rash covering me which broke out yesterday and is itchy as hell.

I don't think I have a favourite simile, but could make one up. As dead as a nun's clunge.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 7 Sep 2009, 13:39, Reply)

I've not got internet in my new place.

( Cawl, Mon 7 Sep 2009, 13:39, Reply)

And yet you are posting
WITH THE POWER OF THOUGHT ALONE!!!
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 7 Sep 2009, 13:40, Reply)

Yes indeed!
Nah, just printing off some CV's.
Gotta run!
( Cawl, Mon 7 Sep 2009, 13:42, Reply)

I have so much to do that I am sitting here too stressed to do any of it.
But I'll post on here so I can say happy b3taday, Vips.

Oh, favourite similies?
If people kept going in and out of rooms or standing up then sitting down again, my nan would say, 'He's in and out like a fiddler's elbow,' or 'She's up and down like a whore's drawers.'
( thealternativefact, Mon 7 Sep 2009, 13:43, Reply)

Aww
Try not to stress too much lovely! Maybe go about putting the stuff in a list and work out what needs to be done first, at least you'll feel like you're slightly more control that way! :)
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 7 Sep 2009, 13:45, Reply)

Thank you :)
This is indeed a good idea. I think I will do this and then have my lunch and then start afresh :)
( thealternativefact, Mon 7 Sep 2009, 13:46, Reply)

See
Sometimes I think of good things to say! It doesn't happen that often though, I may have filled my quota for the month with that one! Enjoy! :)
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 7 Sep 2009, 13:51, Reply)

it is good advice
writing stuff down does help. I've even been known to use a mind map in the past...
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 7 Sep 2009, 13:54, Reply)

I've done it now and I shall plod my way through it :)

( thealternativefact, Mon 7 Sep 2009, 13:55, Reply)

Woo
Well done! :D
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 7 Sep 2009, 14:00, Reply)

I find it
works for me! If I don't do it I get really overwhelmed and end up doing something totally unrelated like baking cheese straws or drawing a monster eating a cake... my mind it wanders!!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 7 Sep 2009, 13:59, Reply)

I hate that feeling
I've got the opposite. too many boring easy things to do, so I'm not doing any of them.

thanks Clenders my dear!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 7 Sep 2009, 13:46, Reply)

:D

( thealternativefact, Mon 7 Sep 2009, 13:46, Reply)

"as smug as vipros"

(PsychoChomp, Mon 7 Sep 2009, 13:46, Reply)

you're mean

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 7 Sep 2009, 13:53, Reply)

Surely the appropriate comeback is
"as effeminate as PsychoChomp"...?
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 7 Sep 2009, 13:56, Reply)

no, because while she is a lady
effeminate is not the appropriate word.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 7 Sep 2009, 14:01, Reply)

my excuse?
uhm...the dog ate it?
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Mon 7 Sep 2009, 13:48, Reply)

I've been on holiday
without interwebs. But I am back now. Normal Service will be resumed as soon as possible. A sort of Corvine Intervention, if you will.

"The attendance figures have been up and down like a whore's drawers."
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 7 Sep 2009, 13:53, Reply)

Yay!

( thealternativefact, Mon 7 Sep 2009, 13:53, Reply)

...for The Triumphant Return of Me
or for the Not the 9 O'clock news reference?
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 7 Sep 2009, 13:55, Reply)

The whore's drawers.

( thealternativefact, Mon 7 Sep 2009, 13:56, Reply)

My own undergarments are almost as exciting
(But unlikely to make it onto OT, admittedly)
Edit: They don't feature Rowan Atkinson, either...
/runs off to buy Mr Bean underpants
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 7 Sep 2009, 13:57, Reply)

for the record
apart from the one I used above, my favourite is "as hot/wet as your mum after a bottle of lambrini"
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 7 Sep 2009, 13:54, Reply)

"wet as a British summer"

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 7 Sep 2009, 13:55, Reply)

"wet as a British summer
spent in your mum"
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 7 Sep 2009, 14:00, Reply)

I like wetter than an otters pocket

To describe something wet...
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 7 Sep 2009, 14:05, Reply)

"Wetter than a fish's wet bits"?
/blackadder
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 7 Sep 2009, 14:08, Reply)

Bonus simile:
Dripping like a fucked fridge.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 7 Sep 2009, 14:24, Reply)

'As much use an Anne Frank's drumkit'
'As much use as a hooer at a christening'
'Up and down like a bride's nightie'
''It smells like a hooer's handbag'
or my total favourite "Smells like a hooer's garret in here!"
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 7 Sep 2009, 14:19, Reply)

Time to buck the trend with a METAPHOR!
"A pan handle that could poke holes in a cheap door."

/viz profanisaurus
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 7 Sep 2009, 14:31, Reply)

This similie needs a little intro
And I'm actually sure it's stolen from somewhere on QOTW, so I apologise. But anyway, this is normally used to abuse a mate in the pub for no reason:

Like a dog that got the bone. Like a cat that got the cream. Like with a cock in his mouth....
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Mon 7 Sep 2009, 14:50, Reply)

For a bad smell
"Like a grease fire on a wet dog". Two bad smells and a bonus bad smell of burning hair.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 7 Sep 2009, 14:51, Reply)

It smelt of wet dog where I had lunch. I feel a bit sick now.
Thanks, like.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 7 Sep 2009, 14:57, Reply)

Any time
Nauseating young ladies is my calling.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 7 Sep 2009, 15:22, Reply)

Woo
I got called 'young' AND 'lady'. In the same day. I don't feel sick any more.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 7 Sep 2009, 15:30, Reply)

PANDERTRON ENGAGED
Regrettably I don't have the picture so ou'll just have to imagine it.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 7 Sep 2009, 16:15, Reply)

I can see it.
It is vigilant.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 7 Sep 2009, 16:23, Reply)

I've just bought a £75 beach kaftan for £10 on-line and even that hasn't made today any more exciting.
Favorite simile?

my throat is as dry as a butchers armpit.
( girlinthehole, Mon 7 Sep 2009, 15:13, Reply)

hooray for bargains!
alternative simile for dry mouth:
Got a gob like Ghandi's flip-flop.
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Mon 7 Sep 2009, 16:42, Reply)

An arse like a Bombay moneylender
(and well done on the bargain, BGB.)
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 7 Sep 2009, 15:17, Reply)

I like the 'ugly' simile
Like a bulldog licking piss off a nettle.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 7 Sep 2009, 15:29, Reply)

for that...
I prefer "A face like a bag of smacked twats."
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 7 Sep 2009, 15:33, Reply)

got a face like Jabba the Hutt licking piss off a thistle
(my own adaption - folk around this neck of the woods make bulldogs look handsome.)
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Mon 7 Sep 2009, 16:44, Reply)

Shaking like a shitting dog.

(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Mon 7 Sep 2009, 15:32, Reply)

Grinning
Like a fox eating shit off a wire brush.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 7 Sep 2009, 16:10, Reply)

shaking like a sheep shitting razor blades
or, shaking like a dog shitting peach-pits
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Mon 7 Sep 2009, 16:40, Reply)

Face
like a spanked bat

or

like an angry scrotum.
( warmfuzzies Isn't here, Mon 7 Sep 2009, 20:06, Reply)

Fanny like
a damp windsock, tits like football socks full of wet sand and a face like a smashed crab.

Yep, she a was a stunner alright.
( chart cat has an itch, Tue 8 Sep 2009, 8:24, Reply)