ARRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHH
One of my best friends is fucking selfish all the time. I'm pretty sure he doesn't realise. It fucking annoys me so much.

he always tries to get out of buying rounds in the pub, always whinging about having no cash when he saves half his wages, apparently as its in a different account its not there! He lives at home with mummy and daddy at 24 and sponges off them for everything, and he thinks the world revolves around him. It really fucks me off. He literally does not care about anyting or anybody else. This cunt needs a rude awakening, in a best friend kind of way.

Venting here... but any advice on how to show him his ways without a blunt "you're a seflish cunt" talk would be appreciated!
(g-rex, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 15:27, 68 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

How about you each buy your own beer,
it's a bit of a pain but it saves you having a little internet strop like a tiny little girl.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 15:29, Reply)

More like a thalidomide trying to juggle wagon wheels

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 15:29, Reply)

ha ha. erm. cunt off?
yeah it is a little bit of a hissy eh! and a little bit girly, agreed. it felt good to vent, even a little bit.

was mroe looking for an evil prank to show him his selfish ways... other than shit in a pint glass.
(g-rex, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 15:35, Reply)

Take the butter out of his butterlicious tub
poo in it, replace the butter over the top, he won't realise for days

Alternatively, stuff one of his pets/relatives with all of his socks
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 15:36, Reply)

oh man I can think of some seriously wakky shit,

(PsychoChomp, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 15:37, Reply)

No wai?

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 15:38, Reply)

do tell...
.
(g-rex, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 15:40, Reply)

NO WAI....!

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 15:40, Reply)

like, you could totally get his order wrong when you buy a round
like get him a carling instead of a carlsberg
lol
(PsychoChomp, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 15:41, Reply)

Harsh, man
you really know how to hit a guy where it hurts
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 15:42, Reply)

What can I say?
I'm wakky.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 15:44, Reply)

If you're Wakko, can I be Dot?

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 15:46, Reply)

or a full fat coke instead of a diet coke!
That would be really nasty
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 15:44, Reply)

You're such a bitch

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 15:45, Reply)

I know
That's why Jesus doesn't want me for a sunbeam
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 15:46, Reply)

You're wrong, he wants us all
because he's a dirty manslag
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 15:49, Reply)

But he doesn't want me
I prayed for hours and he still said no.
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 15:50, Reply)

You're doing it wrong
try again using dildos and Fred Savage
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 15:51, Reply)

Ahhh, that would be the problem
I was using buttplugs and Jefferson Starship.
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 15:55, Reply)

You complete fool

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 15:57, Reply)

Especially if he's diabetic.
Hmm... Actually... *ponders*
(Paolo Nutini's Bikini Better than Frederick Fleet's optometrist, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 15:53, Reply)

.
Nah, get him a Carlsberg, it's punishment enough.

Carling is piss weak, but it's still better.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 15:45, Reply)

Yeast connoisseur, right here

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 15:46, Reply)

I don't mind Carlsberg
See profile for proof
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 16:01, Reply)

totally get a round of vodka shots
but his will actually be water lololol
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 15:46, Reply)

Or....
If he asks for H2O you could get him H2SO4 instead!
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 15:49, Reply)

He might notice when his tongue begins to dissolve

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 15:50, Reply)

Maybe he has no tongue
He doesn't say anything about his friend having a tongue.
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 15:54, Reply)

You just reminded me of the film
'The People Under the Stairs', that's a weird film
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 15:55, Reply)

Not seen it
Is it weird like 'Bad Boy Bubby'? That was seriously fuckin weird
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 15:59, Reply)

I've never heard of it
In The People Under the Stairs there's a guy who has had his tongue cut off, and Gary Coleman's in it, I think.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 16:01, Reply)

my cats name is bubby

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 16:05, Reply)

Your internet lies disgust me

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 16:07, Reply)

Is it a boy cat?
Did he give his mum wronglove?
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 16:12, Reply)

I think I care slightly less than you do

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 15:29, Reply)

buy your own drinks, don't buy his, don't offer to buy them
hang out with different people, do more stuff by yourself

or tell him he's a cunt, he's your best friend but he's a selfish cunt
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 15:33, Reply)

CUNTY CUNTY CUNT-CUNT
in his face, 'til he cries
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 15:34, Reply)

nice one
good shout! think i would get over being called a selfish cunt by a mate.

i think i knew all along i have to tell him, otherwise this rage might build up and i might rape his whole family

cheers
(g-rex, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 15:39, Reply)

That's disgraceful behaviour
if you're going to rape anyone, rape him first
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 15:40, Reply)

the point is that you're letting him fuck you over, stand up for yourself
it's unlikely that you'll get anything back but next time he won't be so quick to think "oh yer, he'll buy my booze"

edit: also, you're right, the rage will build and build and you'll get to the point where you can't fucking stand him, so do something about it now
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 15:42, Reply)

orrrrrrrrrrrrrr
i think ive come to a conclusion....

ill get a balaclava and attack him with a baseball bat. he wont know it was me, ill get my rage out. everyones a winner

well... not him, but ill feel better

kinda asks the questions why we're mates eh?
(g-rex, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 15:53, Reply)

my friends did this to me...the abuse of generosity, not attack by night
And just because you want to take a baseball bat to him, doesn't mean you aren't friends or that you don't care
I want to knife my friends sometimes, doesn't mean I'll do it
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 16:01, Reply)

You're so helpful
what on earth are you doing here?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 15:53, Reply)

Bord cus al me m8s stpd hngin out wiv me cos i dunut by em iny m0r booz
i ges i rily dun hav iny frens
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 16:05, Reply)

Awwwh, poor ol' Kristine
Maybe if you changed your name back to Strange Kristine you'd be popular again?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 16:06, Reply)

I'm going to change it to something SUPER AWESOME
one day....when I figure out what it will be
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 16:08, Reply)

How about
Fannyflaps?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 16:08, Reply)

How about SUPER AWESOME KRISTINE?
No? Too desperate? MODERATELY AWESOME KRISTINE? No? Bollocks then.
(Paolo Nutini's Bikini Better than Frederick Fleet's optometrist, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 16:43, Reply)

Just tell him.
Tell him he is a selfish cunt.
( @RBFesquire Good luck b3ta, was nice knowing you. So long., Wed 16 Sep 2009, 15:55, Reply)

That's already been suggested Mr BumBard
Anything else you'd like to contribute?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 15:56, Reply)

No,
I am just concurring.
( @RBFesquire Good luck b3ta, was nice knowing you. So long., Wed 16 Sep 2009, 16:03, Reply)

Well that's all well and good then, Mr BumBard

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 16:05, Reply)

BumBard?

( @RBFesquire Good luck b3ta, was nice knowing you. So long., Wed 16 Sep 2009, 16:06, Reply)

ArsePoet, BumBard, it's all the same

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 16:06, Reply)

Ah, I see.

( @RBFesquire Good luck b3ta, was nice knowing you. So long., Wed 16 Sep 2009, 16:20, Reply)

"Oh haaaay G-rex - coming out for a pint tonight"

"LOL erm NO. You never buy the fucking round you slippery fanny"

"Eh? I buy them all the time?"

"Aaaaye right. So we'll go round for round, no excuses tonight then?......"

Problem solved. If the response is "I know I don't buy the rounds but you know it's because XXX" then simply say, "ROFL Well I'm not spotting you all night, I'm staying in for wanks and tea..."
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 15:56, Reply)

*walks up to the mic, taps it a couple of times, gives a little cough*
Da, da da, da da, da daaaa da.
Da, da da, da da, da daaaa da.
Da, da da, da da, da daaaa da.
Da, da da, da da, da daaaa da. DA cha cha cha cha

If you could only read my mind,
You would know that things between us, ain't right.

da, da da, da daaa da.

I know your arms are open wide, but you're a little on the straight side, I can't like

Your one vice is, you're too nice, can't you seee.

I want you, all tattooed, I want you bad.

*Steps back down from podium and returns to seat*
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 15:57, Reply)

I want you in a vinyl suit.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 16:10, Reply)

Just tell him he's a mingebag and it's embarrassing
Tell him you're not buying in rounds with him anymore.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 16:00, Reply)

Stop being sensible!
It doesn't suit you
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 16:15, Reply)

I'm dead sensible me!
I'm Captain Sensible.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 16:17, Reply)

See if your local hospital
are offering any spine implants

over the course it is YOU and your mates who are the cunts for allowing the twat to flourish.

go up, buy the round, and leave him out, see what he does.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 16:11, Reply)

You should like, totally have sex with his face every time he asks for a drink
Or have sex with me.


Won't someone please have sex with me?
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 16:32, Reply)

I would
but its Wednesday today, and Wednesdays are for wanking only.
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 16:37, Reply)

Bugger, I'd forgotten it was Wednesday...
Oh well, I'd best head off for a wank...care to join me?
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 16:38, Reply)

Again, I would......
but I'm at work at the moment and I've had 3 today already.
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 16:45, Reply)

I've got a friend you could have sex with.
He was most upset with me last night because I wouldn't.
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 16:52, Reply)

Damn it
I can't believe I missed this thread.
(Richard Earl of Cambridge Cruel, Savage, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 17:24, Reply)