I have the power to pick up a flower in half an hour.
What's your favourite nonsensical rhyme, from back when you wore britches, rode around on your raleigh chopper and burned ants with a magnifying glass?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 21 Sep 2009, 13:48, 26 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

the old alternatives to "Daisy, Daisy" were always a favourite of mine
as is this:
As I was going up the stair,
I met a man who wasn't there,
He wasn't there again today,
I wish that man would go away.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 21 Sep 2009, 13:53, Reply)

This is awful
you ought to be banned for crimes against decency
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 21 Sep 2009, 13:55, Reply)

Or alternatively
As I was going up the stair,
I met a man who wasn't there,
He wasn't there again today,
He must work for the CIA.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 21 Sep 2009, 14:54, Reply)

The Crow
says "Lo,
if it stays so,
it will not snow,
so I shall go,
to an archipelago,
from whence I shall I row
to my bungalow
in Soho,
where the wind doth blow,
and the river doth flow,
and I shall use a hoe,
lest any weeds should grow."
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 21 Sep 2009, 13:57, Reply)

What?
Did nobody on here have a normal childhood?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 21 Sep 2009, 13:58, Reply)

Okay, I should come clean
I wasn't fixated with crows as a young child. But I have been regaling people with that peculiar little rhyme for eight or nine years now
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 21 Sep 2009, 14:00, Reply)

Sounds like
Frank Zappa
( warmfuzzies Isn't here, Mon 21 Sep 2009, 22:38, Reply)

Not last night
But the night before
Three tomcats came knocking at the door
One with a trumpet
One with a drum
One with toilet paper stuck to his bum
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 21 Sep 2009, 14:08, Reply)

My grans version of that was
Not last night but the night before
Three wee tomcats came to my door
One had a fiddle and one had a drum
And the other had a pancake tied to his bum.

Except it was in Scots (No' last nicht but the nicht afore, etc etc)
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 21 Sep 2009, 14:52, Reply)

You should hear it in scouse...
I think we could rival the scottish in the 'ch' stakes.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 21 Sep 2009, 15:03, Reply)

I was always a big fan of:
My old man's a dustman
'E wears a dustman's 'at
'E went rahnd the corner
To watch a football match

Fatty passed to Skinny
Skinny passed it back
Fatty done a rotten shot
An' knocked the goalie flat!

Where was the goalie when the ball was in the net?
'E was 'alf way rahnd the goalpost
Wiv 'is knickers rahnd is 'ead
They laid 'im on a stretcher
They laid 'im on a bed
They wiped 'is bum wiv a can a' Pedigree Chum
An' this is wot e said

O Old King Cole
Was a merry old soul
And a merry old soul was he
He cried for a light in the middle of the night
To go to the WC
The WC was occupied
And so was the kitchen sink
It had to be done, it had to be done
So out the window flung his bum
Farmer White came walking by
Heard a rumbling from the sky
He looked up
It came down
Now he's known as Farmer Brown!

OK, this may be an amalgamation of a few songs, to be honest. But it kept us entertained. And don't even get me started on Three Dirty Germans
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 21 Sep 2009, 14:12, Reply)

Little boy stood on the burning deck
picking his nose like mad
rolling it into little balls
and flicking them at his dad
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 21 Sep 2009, 14:16, Reply)

Jesus Christ Superstar
Looks like a woman and he wears a bra
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 21 Sep 2009, 14:31, Reply)

You're thinking of Catface again

( Bazongaloid, Mon 21 Sep 2009, 14:33, Reply)

I know, he's so hot in a bra,
his mini midget manboobs jiggling with pleasure.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 21 Sep 2009, 14:34, Reply)

Came down from heaven on a Yamaha
Done a skid, killed a kid,
now his balls are hanging on a dustbin lid,
when I die, bury me, hang my balls from a chery tree,
when they're ripe, take a bite, but don't blame me if you're sick all night.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 21 Sep 2009, 14:54, Reply)

Came down from Heaven on a Yamaha
did a skid, killed a kid
something something something something dustbin lid.

My childhood was a very long time ago.

EDIT: Aieee!
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 21 Sep 2009, 14:55, Reply)

*facerapes*

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 21 Sep 2009, 14:58, Reply)

*bites*
*sicks up a bit*
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 21 Sep 2009, 14:59, Reply)

*nyoms on the sick*

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 21 Sep 2009, 15:00, Reply)

One of my dad's favourites
from back in the day when Scotland actually had some people who knew what a football was:

Down the line the train came puffing
Scotland two, England nothing.

Edit: Scotland never could beat England very often, and so any victory was talked about for many years thereafter. A bit like England in 1966, actually...
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 21 Sep 2009, 14:58, Reply)

When did this happen?
1892?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 21 Sep 2009, 15:03, Reply)

According to www.englandfootballonline.com/Opp/OppSco.html it was either 1910, 1925, 1931, 1935 or 1974
(b3tamax Mate, you're fat and I'll throw you in the river, Mon 21 Sep 2009, 15:35, Reply)

It would have been
1974. As I would have been but a nipper then, and hence impressionable enough that, 35 years later, I still remember my dad saying it.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 21 Sep 2009, 15:58, Reply)

Was that before you invented battered pizza?

( @RBFesquire Good luck b3ta, was nice knowing you. So long., Mon 21 Sep 2009, 18:22, Reply)

Trebor mints are a minty bit stronger,
stick 'em up your bum and they last a bit longer!!

And a xmas one:

We three kings of orient are,
One in a taxi, one in a car,
One on a scooter, bibbing his hooter,
Smoking an old cigar!

edit: and:

Up on the school roof, all covered in sand,
I shot my poor teacher, with a green laggy band,
I shot her with pleasure, I shot her with pride.
I could not have missed her, she was 40foot wide.

I went to her funeral, I went to her grave,
I did not throw flowers, I through hand grenades.
( @RBFesquire Good luck b3ta, was nice knowing you. So long., Mon 21 Sep 2009, 18:21, Reply)