I've just eaten some pickled onion monster munch
and now i'm stuffing my grotesquely fat face with some Maryland double chocolate cookies.

Can I get get a Hallelujah people?
(Bazongaloid, Fri 25 Sep 2009, 11:19, 67 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

mmmm
that's some good fatty fatty fat fat food right there
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 25 Sep 2009, 11:20, Reply)

Ugh
Food threads are even worse than bullying, can't you come up with anything original anymore?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 25 Sep 2009, 11:21, Reply)

fuck you
piss ant
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 25 Sep 2009, 11:22, Reply)

How long is it going to take you people to catch up to the idea
that fake cuntiness got incredibly dull several months ago, and that if any of you were actually any good at it, you'd be on /talk?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 25 Sep 2009, 11:24, Reply)

they're not cunty
they're just boring
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 25 Sep 2009, 11:26, Reply)

They're better at being cunty than anybody here has ever been
I'm referring to the Mongychopses and the donkey gumses, you lot will never reach that level, you're a piss-poor imitation

EDIT not that I can talk, I kept my fake cuntiness going far longer than I should have, but I've reverted to type now, I'm me and I'm not trying to mimic things I've seen or read elsewhere
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 25 Sep 2009, 11:27, Reply)

Neith mongychops or donkeygums
are cunty, DG is a lovely bloke.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 25 Sep 2009, 11:29, Reply)

I'm sure they are
but the impressions they give online have a certain bent to them, and they do cunty with far more flair and panache than you ever will
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 25 Sep 2009, 11:31, Reply)

those two do seem like the cream of /talk that is true
I've never particularly pretended to be cunty, apart from to TGB, and that was in small bouts, which were quite convincing.

The occasional needless insult is what I'm actually like in real life.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 25 Sep 2009, 11:32, Reply)

I know, I wasn't having a go at you
You seem alright, it's al with his constant barrage of shite insults and total lack of originality that are starting to get my goat
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 25 Sep 2009, 11:33, Reply)

I think you're reading a different internet here Bert
I don't barrage people with insults here.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 25 Sep 2009, 11:35, Reply)

You're right actually, today you haven't
Statement retracted
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 25 Sep 2009, 11:36, Reply)

for some reason
I read "statement retracted" with a computer/robot voice saying it in my head
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 25 Sep 2009, 11:40, Reply)

Because you secretly fantasise about that robot from Buck Rogers
*biddibiddibiddi*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 25 Sep 2009, 11:41, Reply)

that is true
nothing gets me off faster than Hal from 2001 though
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 25 Sep 2009, 11:43, Reply)

Because you've got a thing for middle-aged welshmen?

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 25 Sep 2009, 11:44, Reply)

he's not welsh

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 25 Sep 2009, 11:46, Reply)

Anthony Hopkins?
I think you'll find that he is

EDIT just checked me facts, why did I think it was Anthony Hopkins?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 25 Sep 2009, 11:46, Reply)

I think you'll find it's not anthony hopkins
edit: it's because you have a brain impediment

alternatively, it's because you have a thing for middle-aged welsh men
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 25 Sep 2009, 11:47, Reply)

I just realised
I'm sure on TV somewhere they said it was him, damn televisual lies
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 25 Sep 2009, 11:49, Reply)

You didn't answer my question yesterday bitch
And when was the last time you did anything remotely interesting, let along original.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 25 Sep 2009, 11:24, Reply)

Burt Reynolds cock
I just read your question, I'd suggest you call the dog 'the former funniness and charming wit of althegeordie' and then rape it, with knives
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 25 Sep 2009, 11:25, Reply)

How was that original Bert?
You did Hitlercock years ago, this was just a poor quality remake, in the style of the latest Death Race film, it may have higher production values, but it's ultimately a hollow shell that defecates loudly on everything that made the original so good.

It's a shame, a crying shame I tell you.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 25 Sep 2009, 11:28, Reply)

Name one time you've ever said or done anything
that hasn't already been said or done by somebody else, but better.

You're a hanger-on, al. You've never come up with anything original yourself, you ride on other people's coat tails, copying the things they say and the styles they use. You're an internet parasite
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 25 Sep 2009, 11:30, Reply)

I'm really sadfacing hard
at all this hate Bert, I don't know what I did to upset you so much, but can we just be friends again?
(Bazongaloid, Fri 25 Sep 2009, 11:32, Reply)

Of course we can, al
I'm not having a go, it's just that if I know you as well as I think I do (which isn't very much), I think you could do much, much better
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 25 Sep 2009, 11:34, Reply)

you fat stoat
do you chew the cookies or simply inhale them?
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Fri 25 Sep 2009, 11:21, Reply)

I almost choked on a biscuit reading that

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 25 Sep 2009, 11:22, Reply)

you should
revert back to chewing them, big al's inhalation method only works after years of practise
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Fri 25 Sep 2009, 11:29, Reply)

No
But you can get a "FUCK YEAH"

I'm currently on my 3rd can of Relentless this morning, and am bouncing off the walls, haha!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 25 Sep 2009, 11:35, Reply)

Why don't you go and tell all your friends you PIN number
that would seem like a sensible thing to do.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 25 Sep 2009, 11:37, Reply)

and get a haircut while you're at it

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 25 Sep 2009, 11:39, Reply)

Haha
My hair is worse now than it's ever been!

Shall try to get a pic this weekend, it's ridiculous now!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 25 Sep 2009, 11:47, Reply)

You complete and utter girl
I hope your parents have disowned you by now
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 25 Sep 2009, 11:49, Reply)

Well
I killed one a few years back, and still regularly dig up her corpse to fuck. It's not quite the same since I broke her pelvis, no real friction anymore.

The other one has just fucked off to Africa, hopefully he'll be gored by a rampaging elephant, save me the trouble!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 25 Sep 2009, 11:51, Reply)

Daddy issues, eh?
*straightens tie*

How you doin'?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 25 Sep 2009, 11:55, Reply)

*eyes Bert suspiciously*
Erm...fine...?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 25 Sep 2009, 11:57, Reply)

Aw, that's nice
so, feeling a little down are we? A little depressed? There, there, I'll make it all better

*unzips top button of shirt*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 25 Sep 2009, 12:01, Reply)

How the fuck do you unzip a button?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 25 Sep 2009, 12:02, Reply)

Like this
*undoes top zip of trousers*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 25 Sep 2009, 12:05, Reply)

You have two zips on trousers?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 25 Sep 2009, 12:06, Reply)

Yes, because like you and your indie friends
I wear clothes with zips and buttons all over them to appear 'different' 'cool' 'eclectic' 'bohemian' and 'retarded'
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 25 Sep 2009, 12:08, Reply)

Fucking Indie Kids
I saw a ace t-shirt recently, a Led Zeppelin one. It was ruined by some poncey twat walking over, picking it up and remarking 'how well it would match his new blazer'

They ruined Zeppelin for the rest of us!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 25 Sep 2009, 12:11, Reply)

why are you calling him a PIN number?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 25 Sep 2009, 11:43, Reply)

Because that what he's like
he's like a walking PIN number, he's a mobile acronym followed by a redundant descriptive word.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 25 Sep 2009, 11:47, Reply)

as long as you have a good reason
then that's enough for me
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 25 Sep 2009, 11:49, Reply)

Nah
Because that would be a stupid idea, seen as I didn't tell him my PIN in the first place.

Also, PIN Number? Do you know what tautology is, you belming spacker?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 25 Sep 2009, 11:46, Reply)

I do
It's not really a tautology, but it is an example of RAS syndrome.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 25 Sep 2009, 11:48, Reply)

Fair enough
I stand corrected, cock ring.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 25 Sep 2009, 11:50, Reply)

He called you a belming spacker, al
That's way below the belt, even I wouldn't go there
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 25 Sep 2009, 11:50, Reply)

Below his belt?
I'm surprised, this is the longest in months I've seen you without you being down there...
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 25 Sep 2009, 11:52, Reply)

and they just keep on coming
it's like you're trying to provoke me into unleashing the old Bert, don't do it, AA. It's not worth it.

...and if I want to suck al's cock that's nobody's business but mine, his, his fiancee's, my girlfriend's, the social worker's and the police.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 25 Sep 2009, 11:54, Reply)

.
What about the cameraman, doesn't he count?

Am just enjoying some juvenile insult chucking, it's all good!

You prolapsed ringpiece.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 25 Sep 2009, 11:56, Reply)

GO ON BEEFCAKE!
Hit him again!
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Fri 25 Sep 2009, 11:56, Reply)

Mnnnggh
Mnnnggghh... mnnnnggghhh....!
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 25 Sep 2009, 11:57, Reply)

Did you watch 'Alone in the wild' last night?
There was a bit in there where he was having a 'moment' when his supplies got dropped off. He looked like he was making a hard poo.
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Fri 25 Sep 2009, 11:59, Reply)

No I didn't
you Walrus-felching mother of a hobo baby
(Bert's other profile wants to wear your balls on a necklace, Fri 25 Sep 2009, 12:00, Reply)

What???
I was being nice and now you've made me cry (on the internet, not in real life)
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Fri 25 Sep 2009, 12:21, Reply)

Alright you shit-eating little cocktard
I'm not going to stand here and allow myself to be bullied by some poncey little shirt-lifting emo in a dress, now be a good little girl, go suck on your Daddy's cock until you feel better and then come back so we can all point and laugh at your ridiculous jeans and your effeminate hairstyle
(Bert's other profile wants to wear your balls on a necklace, Fri 25 Sep 2009, 11:59, Reply)

Yay!
I already told you, I wasn't bullying ON THE INTERNET, I was simply trading insults with what I thought were like minded people.

Unfortunately you appear to have proven yourself incapable of even the simplest conversation, resulting in an utterly pathetic rant.

D - Must try harder
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 25 Sep 2009, 12:02, Reply)

Honestly, you're so backward
you can't even tell when I'm engaging you in the aforementioned 'trade of insults'.

You must've taken an IQ test recently, and come back with AIDs
(Bert's other profile wants to wear your balls on a necklace, Fri 25 Sep 2009, 12:03, Reply)

Oh no, I understood that.
I just felt mocking you was an easier option, you lizard felching twat of a spackermong.

And I did, does that make it good or bad AIDS?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 25 Sep 2009, 12:07, Reply)

It's always bad AIDs when the receiver
has poncey hair and jeans like a second skin
(Bert's other profile wants to wear your balls on a necklace, Fri 25 Sep 2009, 12:09, Reply)

Good good
As long as we got that cleared up.

I'm curious though, even with the poncey hair and the unwittingly tight jeans (what, I'm fat!), why did you still insist on looking into my eyes when you penetrated me with that tack-like object you call a cock?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 25 Sep 2009, 12:12, Reply)

Simple
I was pretending you were Sarah Jessica Parker.

Not much of an improvement, mind, but an improvement nonetheless
(Bert's other profile wants to wear your balls on a necklace, Fri 25 Sep 2009, 12:16, Reply)

Hmm
That explains why you asked me to kick you and whinny, I thought you were just into some freaky shit.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 25 Sep 2009, 12:17, Reply)

I like that the term is itself an example
gotta love cheeky self-referential humour
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 25 Sep 2009, 11:53, Reply)