I'm sick of Vipros
so I'll start a new thread.

Where did you get those shoes?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 10:30, 83 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Tahn

(PsychoChomp, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 10:33, Reply)

A dead tramp.

(Spleep Shit, or get off the internet., Tue 17 Nov 2009, 10:34, Reply)

Was he already dead?
Or did you kill him to get the shoes?

(I won't tell, I promise)
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 10:35, Reply)

(see below)

(Spleep Shit, or get off the internet., Tue 17 Nov 2009, 10:38, Reply)

They're very nice, what brand are they?
Clodhoppers?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 10:34, Reply)

Hugo Boss

(PsychoChomp, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 10:35, Reply)

Well, he was dead when I was finished.
And I'm not sure why a dead tramp was wearing red stilettos...
(Spleep Shit, or get off the internet., Tue 17 Nov 2009, 10:36, Reply)

I see.
It's just that I'm eyeing up the mouldy pair of boots on the tramp across the road...I think they might make good soup. Unfortunately the bastard has the temerity to still be alive.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 10:40, Reply)

Fuck him and kill him.
The shoes will be yours. Oh yes.
(Spleep Shit, or get off the internet., Tue 17 Nov 2009, 10:41, Reply)

And I'll finally be able to do something about this raging hard-on I've had all morning!
It's been a right nuisance, I can tell you. Do you reckon I should fuck him or kill him first?
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 10:43, Reply)

Also
Dead Tramp Soup.

Kill 'im first, unless you like the struggling.
(Spleep Shit, or get off the internet., Tue 17 Nov 2009, 10:43, Reply)

Yes, I think you're right.
I can then roger him peacefully and contemplatively while he's still warm, and that will give his body some time for the rigor mortis to wear off. In the meantime, my loving jackhammering should tenderise him further, as well as marinating him in my own foetid amorous juices. Yummy.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 10:46, Reply)

FINALLY
someone who understands the tender act of tramp-ramming.

I also see myself as a samaritan. Its not like he had anything usefull to offer society until I boiled him up and added some herbs.
(Spleep Shit, or get off the internet., Tue 17 Nov 2009, 10:49, Reply)

It's the solution to two major world problems:
Get the hungry to eat the homeless*.

*_{Copyright 2002(?) The Oscillating Gibbon}
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 11:04, Reply)

TK Maxx.
Oh yeah.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 10:35, Reply)

I pulled them out of your girlfriends arsehole

(Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 10:35, Reply)

Damn you cunt, you stole my line
I stole them out of YM's arsehole
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 10:42, Reply)

No-one believes that you actually wear shoes
on your cloven hoofs
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 10:44, Reply)

Don't you fucking start shit for brains
when you can make a Chocolate Oreo Cheesecake that tastes even a tenth as good as becky's, then you're allowed to open that flappy hole in the front of your mangled face. Until then, keep it fucking zipped.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 10:46, Reply)

Knight in shining armour to the rescue
I'm sure she can stand up for herself, you outrageous buffoon
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 10:47, Reply)

Fuck you
You're nothing but a gutless internet bully Bert, when are you going to man the fuck up and apologise? Huh? You can dish it out, but you can't take it can you. Wanker.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 10:49, Reply)

Pffffft
You seem to have things the wrong way around there, you're the only one here taking things to an extreme level of seriousness.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 10:50, Reply)

I love you zombie film idea BTW
Especially the opening line. You should definitely work on it. Twat features.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 10:54, Reply)

You're totally confusing me here
Your hatred for me seems genuine, profound, deep and serious, please remain consistent or cock off
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 10:55, Reply)

You can fucking well cock off you massive loser
When has my hatred of you ever been anything other than profound, deep and serious? That's right, never. Now go and shove your balls in smoothie making machine you cleveland steamer driver.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 10:57, Reply)

You've lost it now
it just seems forced
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 10:59, Reply)

I'll tell you what was forced buddy
what was forced, was my cock up your girlfriends cooking oil lubed arsehole. I made her shout "Bert's a cunt" every time I thrust in. Then I slapped my cock on her forehead afterwards.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 11:02, Reply)

If you're thinking about bert during sex, you should probably calm down.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 11:03, Reply)

This^
but with better insults
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 11:07, Reply)

Don't agree with me, it'll ruin my credibility

(PsychoChomp, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 11:08, Reply)

HAHA
even Psychochomp think (s)he's cooler than Bert. That really is an insult.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 11:08, Reply)

You used to be good
when did you turn into such an insufferable cunt?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 11:10, Reply)

Oh Bert
why are you getting your knickers in a twist? It's just forum banter innit? Take a deep breath, have a cup of tea, and then think of something funny to say. It'll be easy, there must be millions of funny things left in your brain after all the tedious shit you trot out on here.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 11:12, Reply)

I was paraphrasing

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 11:14, Reply)

It's just forum banter innit? pixels on a screen
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 11:15, Reply)

Quick GAZ THE MODS!
Some pixels on a screen were mean to me. IM CRYING! IM CRYING!
(Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 11:17, Reply)

Points and laughs
I ain't gazzing the mods for you, I reserve such gazzes for serious internet business
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 11:19, Reply)

*gets popcorn*

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 11:00, Reply)

Street

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 10:35, Reply)

Dune
I got them on tick though.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 10:39, Reply)

Anti-sandworm?

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 10:47, Reply)

haha

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 10:49, Reply)

You're far too clever for me
My dad would have loved that, and caught onto it a lot faster.

I actually got my boots in Dune and put them on the slate...
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 10:51, Reply)

Ted Baker
Darrrrrrrrling
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Tue 17 Nov 2009, 10:54, Reply)

You put cuddly toys in the oven?!?!?!111oneelevenone!!!one

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 10:56, Reply)

You're on a roll
this morning ain't cha
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Tue 17 Nov 2009, 10:57, Reply)

No, I'm on a spinney chair
Wheeeeeee....!
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 10:58, Reply)

I was expecting you to respond
Yes... cheese and ham
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Tue 17 Nov 2009, 10:59, Reply)

Why would I sit on a roll?
It'd squish up my bum
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 10:59, Reply)

Cos that'd be the worst thing in the world ever ever ever for you wouldn't it?

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 11:01, Reply)

Bum squishing?

(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Tue 17 Nov 2009, 11:02, Reply)

Bearing in mind the amount of goats he's fucked yeah
True internet fact
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 11:06, Reply)

Oh and Al of course

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 11:06, Reply)

He never had sex with me
I just let him have a wank while I watched
(Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 11:09, Reply)

You allowed him to have a wank while you watched
and your palms never became moist?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 11:13, Reply)

It'd take years to untangle my bumhair

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 11:03, Reply)

But you're a bit of a deviant
So I don't know what you like?
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Tue 17 Nov 2009, 11:01, Reply)

I LOVE androgynous-looking internet women
with drab clothing and expressionless faces
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 11:05, Reply)

NO WAI
I've got a friend who loves internet guys with too much body hair, weird ears and misshapen cocks. I should totally set you two up. It'd be a match made in purgatory
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 11:08, Reply)

Do you really think it's misshapen?
What's wrong with it? The Mrs once said it was 'perfect'
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 11:08, Reply)

She was lying to protect you

(Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 11:09, Reply)

most people's cocks don't have small moustaches and side-partings

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 11:14, Reply)

Shhh, you'll make him think he's special and unique in a good way

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 11:20, Reply)

Burtons
They came free with my new suit.
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 10:57, Reply)

You're a poor person

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 10:58, Reply)

OMG! Shoes!
www.youtube.com/watch?v=wCF3ywukQYA
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 11:16, Reply)

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa I haven't seen that in years

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 11:21, Reply)

I also like the other sketch
with grandma "Have another sip of whiskey"
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 11:44, Reply)

Gordon Scotts
Purveyors of Fine Footwear to the Gentry.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 11:26, Reply)

Scope.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 11:31, Reply)

The charity shop?

( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 11:34, Reply)

Yup.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 11:35, Reply)

Got mine at a Timberland discount outlet
when I was in the USA on holiday.

$70 there, rather than £90 here. And all it cost was a £500 plane ticket...
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 11:32, Reply)

I got mine at a Timberland discount outlet too
but mine was in Somerset, they cost £35 instead of £90, and I was passing anyway.

I win.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 11:39, Reply)

Ah, but while saving money on shoes
I got a holiday to the USA thrown in.

You only win economically.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 11:41, Reply)

Clarks village?

(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 11:44, Reply)

yeah

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 11:46, Reply)

I think it's still the 1960s, so I'm sporting these:
www.asos.com/Asos-Collection/Asos-Chelsea-Boots/Prod/pgeproduct.aspx?iid=714077&SearchQuery=chelsea%20boots&sh=0&pge=0&pgesize=20&sort=-1&clr=Black

*goes to Carnaby Street*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 11:43, Reply)

You go to the Cavern and watch the Beatles

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 11:46, Reply)

Actually I go to the Speakeasy and the Scotch of St James
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scotch_of_St_James
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Speakeasy_Club

*does a groovy dance*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 11:50, Reply)

Ahhh
Do you go to the Double R club too?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 11:52, Reply)

*googles* Actually no but I should
It's less than 5 minutes' walk from my front door.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 11:57, Reply)

I wear some boots like that every day
they're burgundy and I'm the grooviest guy in er.. Droitwich.
(raymond "three griddle pans" luxury yacht lovin' the christmas action, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 14:41, Reply)