Hello QOTWers
we're putting on a stand-up comedy night - giving newbies a 5 minute turn.

I'd love for some of you lot to give it a go. You know, some of the people on b3ta who tell funny stories.

Give it a think and get back to me? Right, as you were.

www.robmanuel.com/2009/11/25/sickipedia-comedy-night-2-0-9th-dec/
( rob, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 13:50, 39 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Can you have it somewhere where everyone can get in
I went to one of these but had to turn away as there was no way to get in, it was that popular.

This is a genuine concern not sycophancy.
(Richard Earl of Cambridge Cruel, Savage, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 13:53, Reply)

That's very near my house
But I find open mic comedy nights generally excruciating. Most of the comics aren't funny and watching them die is embarrassing.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 13:55, Reply)

I'm sure that Piston would love to.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 25 Nov 2009, 13:55, Reply)

I was going to suggest this too

(Bazongaloid, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 13:59, Reply)

PIIIIIISTON BROOOOKE
That is also what I first thought when I saw this thread. I clicked knowing that at least one other mong would think as I do.
( djtrialprice, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 14:23, Reply)

Shame on you!
Calling al a mong...
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 25 Nov 2009, 15:17, Reply)

:D

( djtrialprice, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 16:07, Reply)

This is an excellent thing.
If there's any one who'd volunteer to organise a northern version, that'd be utterly fantastic.

I have a feeling that the bloke who runs XS Malarkey is a b3tan. Hint, hint.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 13:55, Reply)

Is XS still going?
Thought it shut down/changed hands a few years back. Mind, not been Fallowfield for a few years so what do I know?!
(The Boy Monders I have ginger bits in my beard., Wed 25 Nov 2009, 14:53, Reply)

Erm!
1. It's too short notice
2. It's in London
3. I'm not very funny
4. It's on a school night
( girlinthehole, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 14:00, Reply)

other than that, see you there!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 14:13, Reply)

The last one had some highlights,
notably mushybees.
The crap people were almost as entertaining. Only one man was booed off stage.
( thealternativefact, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 14:02, Reply)

I would but I'm not funny

( Peej, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 14:19, Reply)

*nods in agreement*
( girlinthehole, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 14:22, Reply)

I don't know...
I laugh at him a lot.
( thealternativefact, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 14:33, Reply)

I was joking.
Why does everybody think I'm being serious all the time?
( girlinthehole, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 14:53, Reply)

I deliberately misunderstood you, hence the 'at' rather than 'with'.
Why do you think everyone is being serious all the time?
( thealternativefact, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 15:00, Reply)

Thats it Clendrix you're off my Christmas card list
and I'm going to go back to thinking you're a guy.
( Peej, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 15:22, Reply)

WooHoo!
*reinstates penis*
( thealternativefact, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 15:23, Reply)

I'll probably be there =)

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 14:22, Reply)

Not to go on stage, but i'll come to watch

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 14:23, Reply)

You arrive and we'll put you on the stage.
I shall throw only soft things though, so don't fret.
( thealternativefact, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 14:33, Reply)

I'll just stutter my words for 4 minuites and 50 seconds and then TIMMEH !

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 14:44, Reply)

you jest
but I saw a stand-up in a small Cambridge venue who came up from t'London and he had a bad stutter. He forced himself to become a comic to help him get over it and he said that as bad as his speech appeared on the night, it used to be a damn sight worse.

He was reasonably funny too. No-one dared to heckle him though.
( djtrialprice, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 14:55, Reply)

my comedy
stylings have been described as an amalgamation of Jethro and Manning. When do you want me?
( djtrialprice, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 14:25, Reply)

depends.
Are you allowed to say "breasts"?
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 14:26, Reply)

OMG!
You totally need to be banned!
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 25 Nov 2009, 14:33, Reply)

unless you show us your breasts

( djtrialprice, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 14:53, Reply)

there would be laughter then, yes.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 15:01, Reply)

let's come to a compromise
just show me your breasts
( djtrialprice, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 15:02, Reply)

She can't, unfortunately
She unscrews them everyday and puts them in a box before she goes out. Catface is standing guard over them as we speak, and will happyslap anyone who tries to take a sneaky peak at them.

Or possibly spray on them.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 25 Nov 2009, 15:20, Reply)

I use my breasts for good, not evil.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 15:55, Reply)

why would showing me yours be evil
You'll be helping me stay off the national register, a good cause surely?
( djtrialprice, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 16:06, Reply)

loss of vision.
Blinded by the dazzling white flesh.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 16:24, Reply)

i like breasts

( broadsword, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 15:10, Reply)

Do you just crop up to say that at every mention of breasts?
It seems that way and it makes me chuckle.
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 15:31, Reply)

Most of the time my job feels like standup
but...
1)I'm not very funny
2)I'd sweat too much
3)I feel sick at the thought of it
4)The whole idea turns me on.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 15:44, Reply)

where's that simpering flid from /talk?
You know, 'The Michael Eavis of Inbred Fenland', Captain Scoper or whatever he's called.

He's REALLY FUNNY AND EDGY AND EVERYTHING, and if his COOL AND EDGY standup is really an unfunny, cringe-inducing dribble of foetid diarrhoea, he can always get his bird to give us a table dance or he could sing us 'Another Brick in the Wall'.

Ah man, that'd be ACE-A-MUNDO.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 16:04, Reply)

were it not across a huge bunch of water
I would give it a shot. I don't get stage fright, can tell a story and don't get flop sweat.

Maybe one day...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 26 Nov 2009, 21:08, Reply)