Who would have thought that Lily Allen Would give us the best Christmas present this year
news.bbc.co.uk/newsbeat/hi/music/newsid_10000000/newsid_10003200/10003274.stm
( Peej, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 14:10, 107 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

"I'm a neo-luddite, that's how I describe myself."
the term everyone else uses is "twat"
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 14:14, Reply)

Mind piss

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 14:15, Reply)

neo-luddite daft, if quite hot, bint
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 14:14, Reply)

Hot?
In what way, she looks like her dad!
( Peej, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 14:15, Reply)

I fancy her dad.
Anyway, I think she's quite pretty, and they're MY eyes.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 14:16, Reply)

Are they still
under warranty?
( Peej, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 14:17, Reply)

My glasses are, yes.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 14:17, Reply)

I would...
...but I fancied her more before she lost the weight.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 14:23, Reply)

Well, there's only so many times you can talk the same song
about your boyfriend being a wanker
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 14:20, Reply)

I reckon Iman could pen few ditties on the subject

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 14:22, Reply)

I read that
as (John) Inman
(Halfy By light alone, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 14:23, Reply)

Holy Shit
John Inman writes lyrics?
( Peej, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 14:24, Reply)

lets be honest
you'd rather listen to him singing than Lily Allen
(Halfy By light alone, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 14:26, Reply)

Or Jagger for that matter.
I always loved that Viz line in response to Bowie saying he never changed a nappy in his life "He wasn't afraid of a bit of shit when he was a bummer in the 70s"
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 14:24, Reply)

Is this a David Bowie joke?
I wasnt in on the ground floor with your DB hatred so i'm a bit lost by it all. More lost than a bunch of cunts playing captain pugwash in Iranian waters...
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 14:26, Reply)

Tis

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 14:28, Reply)

Righty ho

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 14:33, Reply)

I hate him and I think his records are total shit.
That's it, really.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 14:58, Reply)

I like Lilly Allen,
I don't care about your opinions.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 14:27, Reply)

What do you like more?
Her tits or arse?
( Peej, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 14:33, Reply)

Arse

(PsychoChomp, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 14:45, Reply)

Good man

( Peej, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 15:47, Reply)

So do I
I admire her bottle. In an age when mainstream pop stars are coached on not causing offence she hasn't given a shit about being monumentally rude about other artists and I find that refreshing. For a time, her and Winehouse were the most 'rock'n'roll' mainstream acts out there - two young birds putting the rest of their industry to shame.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 14:37, Reply)

I fancy Amy too.
...especially the 2.4 stumbling crack-whore version.

Dirty, dirty girl.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 14:39, Reply)

Do you work for Univeral Music?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 14:39, Reply)

See it starts off with them being rude
and ends with one of them getting shot like Biggy Smalls.

And then all the others get together and make really shitty tribute records.

Do you really want more shitty tribute records! Well? Do you?!
( Peej, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 14:40, Reply)

Pink Floyd tribute records, yes please

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 14:44, Reply)

Oh man, she's so screwed.
She should consilidate all her loans into one easy affordable monthly payment, quit uni and get a job.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 14:30, Reply)

That's your answer to everything
:D
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 14:31, Reply)

QUICKLY ! ASK ME HOW TO FIX THE PROBLEMS WITH R.B.S !

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 14:41, Reply)

Throw stones at the bosses' house?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 14:42, Reply)

HOWWOULDYOUFIXTHEPROBLEMSWITHRBS?
was that quickly enough? i'm so fucking funny....
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 14:46, Reply)

Well, it's a tough one this.
You see, without the public purse bailing out the RBS, then all their customers will potentially lose a great deal of assets. The goverment can't be seen to allow this to happen, it would collapse confidance in the country and outsource all major funds out of the country. Granted, the goverment guarntee £50,000, but for those who reach that figure, generaly excel it by quite a quantity. The spit-in-the-eye of the public is that the head hunchos at these establishments are getting bonuses way in excess of the lost, a figure that was reached when the economy was stable. In light of the current economic climet, it seems chirlish for these invidiuals not to agree to some sort of penalty, however, this also leads to other problems. These head hunchos have done deals worth billions to this country's economy, and as this country's main industry being banking, we would lose a lot of talent. Why would you work for a british bank where the salary has gone from phone-numbers to post-codes... when you can easerly convay your buisness within the UK and export your expertise to the arabic or oriental countrys and still gain those figures? In light of the situation, I suggest they quit uni, get a job and consilidate their debts into one easy affordable monthly payment.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 14:52, Reply)

ha!
yew sew krayzy
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 14:59, Reply)

I would say that you've copied and pasted
from elsewhere but no-one else has your awesome take on how English words should be spelled.
( djtrialprice, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 14:59, Reply)

GONZ! HOW WOULD YOU FIX THE PROBLEMS WITH R.B.S?
*edit* not quick enough :(
( Peej, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 14:47, Reply)

you're thinking of Lily Savage

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 14:32, Reply)

If you were Carol Vordeman I'd sign up right now.

(Bazongaloid, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 14:33, Reply)

I saw Carol Vordamon

wanking off a slice of pizza on the One show last night, I reckon fat geek's balls exploded all over Britain.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 14:36, Reply)

Mine just exploded...
...when I read that!

Mmmmm Pizza.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 14:37, Reply)

PIZZA?
Someone said pizza?
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 2 Dec 2009, 14:42, Reply)

Mmmmmmmmmmm pizza
My little girl asks for Pizza every morning when I ask her what she wants for breakfast.

I'm so proud :D
( Peej, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 14:48, Reply)

Haha bless her!
I ask for pizza when I'm asked what I want to eat... I've gone for 5 days without eating chips and I'm so proud, me and DiT are on a dieting before Xmas thing - boooo.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 2 Dec 2009, 14:56, Reply)

can I enquire as to whose idea this was?
I can't believe a man (a real man) actually *wants* to diet.
( djtrialprice, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 15:02, Reply)

It sure as hell wasn't my idea
I like chips and sweets too much! :(
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 2 Dec 2009, 15:03, Reply)

I haven't met you but I've heard that you're well fit
PANDATRON DISENGAGE

and DiT is a well proportioned young man as well. Stop this dieting nonsense at once!
( djtrialprice, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 15:05, Reply)

Hahaha alrighty then
You are correct though, DiT is a well proportioned young man, I don't think he needs to diet, but he thinks he needs to cut back on a few things, so I'm assisting, sort of.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 2 Dec 2009, 15:07, Reply)

I think he needs to diet
our tummys kept slapping together and the noise was putting me off.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 15:09, Reply)

Awww
I would imagine that would be quite off putting.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 2 Dec 2009, 15:10, Reply)

You should know
OH NO HE DIDNT!
(Bazongaloid, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 15:11, Reply)

NO BUFFET OF DREAMS FOR YOU PAL!

(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 2 Dec 2009, 15:18, Reply)

But! But! But!
DiT already said I could come! I've hired the costume and everything!
(Bazongaloid, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 15:26, Reply)

Are you turning up dressed as a turkey?

(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 2 Dec 2009, 15:29, Reply)

It helps me keep count of thrusts.
I can only jizz on prime numbers of thrust.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 15:12, Reply)

I wanted to lose weight
because wookie kept posting that photo of me and it made me sad.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 15:03, Reply)

that pic fills me with joy
because it looks just like you x
( djtrialprice, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 15:05, Reply)

Aww
there, there
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 2 Dec 2009, 15:06, Reply)

Nah you just say that you "want to diet" and that you should "do it together"
if you think your other half could stand to loose a few pounds.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 15:04, Reply)

Tru Dat

(Bazongaloid, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 15:05, Reply)

aaaaaah
so which one is the lolfatty then?
( djtrialprice, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 15:06, Reply)

I've met them both,
they're hideous messes of flab and sweat.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 15:07, Reply)

Indeed it is true
But don't listen to him ^ he looks like Jack Dee!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 2 Dec 2009, 15:09, Reply)

Jack Dee is hot 1,910,000 results
Jack Dee is ugly 77,200 results

I think I prove my point.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 15:10, Reply)

surely not....

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 15:10, Reply)

*rises above the obvious mean reply*
I see.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 2 Dec 2009, 15:11, Reply)

Come on,
give me your best shot.
I can take it.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 15:12, Reply)

Hehe
Noooooo you'll gaz me out man, I'm going to continue being all sweet and innocent, whilst secretly taking everything down as eviden... oh shit. BALLS.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 2 Dec 2009, 15:14, Reply)

You're not sweet and innocent
I read all your posts in the voice of a screaming hate filled preacher.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 15:16, Reply)

PRAISE THE LAWD
BE GONE FOUL DEMON!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 2 Dec 2009, 15:17, Reply)

I haven't had chips for weeks
I'm going to bring loads of chips round to your house and eat them in front of you and DiT while you slather like crazy dogs.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 15:02, Reply)

Meanie
I'm only doing this for a little bit... I missed out on Xmas food last year as I wasn't feeling very well, so this year I'm going all out and will be consuming many bad things... I may possibly put an entire chicken on a stick and eat it like an ice lolly! :D
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 2 Dec 2009, 15:05, Reply)

I've just got an erection at the thought of that.
I always wanted to get a whole leg of lamb, BBQ it, and then eat it by myself holding the bone and just gnawing at the fucker.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 15:08, Reply)

Hahaha
Maybe I should throw a party where everyone has to bring meat on a stick (fnar).
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 2 Dec 2009, 15:10, Reply)

sounds great

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 15:11, Reply)

What would you bring to the party?

(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 2 Dec 2009, 15:12, Reply)

wild boar
WILD BOAR!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 15:15, Reply)

I'd like to see you put that on a stick,

(PsychoChomp, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 15:16, Reply)

I was thinking of a leg of it, Asterix-style
and then I was thinking of singing "Wild boar" to the tune of "wild boys" by Duran Duran
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 15:17, Reply)

Noooooooo way
I was doing that too! *fears*
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 2 Dec 2009, 15:19, Reply)

would you have done that if I hadn't written it the way I did though?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 15:20, Reply)

Its possible
My brain is a strange place.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 2 Dec 2009, 15:23, Reply)

so it would seem....

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 15:28, Reply)

Raarrr
Fancy stuff!

I wonder whether I could stuff sausages in a chicken and then wrap it in bacon... on a stick... with BBQ sauce...
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 2 Dec 2009, 15:16, Reply)

It's possible,
doesn't sound that nice though.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 15:18, Reply)

You're right... its missing something
*snaps fingers*

DUCK!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 2 Dec 2009, 15:20, Reply)

Duck and ho-sin.
The whole thing battered'n'deep-fried.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 15:24, Reply)

Now you're talking!

(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 2 Dec 2009, 15:24, Reply)

Bullshit
it sounds fucking awesome, get your butcher to bone a chicken for you (fnar) then stuff it with sausage meat, wrap with full strips of bacon and then cook. I know what I'm making next summer for our BBQ.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 15:25, Reply)

that does sound great
I'm gutted to have not sampled a bacon explosion...
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 15:28, Reply)

I'll invite you to next years BBQ
I'm hoping it won't rain this time. After three years I deserve a sunny BBQ for once.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 15:34, Reply)

if I'm coming it will be fine

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 15:35, Reply)

Hurrah
Could I come to this one please, I missed out last time on the sausage fest due to working over the weekend! :(
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 2 Dec 2009, 15:28, Reply)

Nah,
the bacon will over power the taste of the chicken and the sausage meat will be soggy.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 15:29, Reply)

What if I pre-cooked the sausages?
Bacon overpowers everything, that's why its TEH SHIT!

If Top Trumps did Meat cards bacon would win everything! Fact.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 2 Dec 2009, 15:30, Reply)

you're wrong
bacon doesn't overpower chicken when you wrap a single breast with it, so a whole chicken would be fine.

and the sausagemeat would be just like any sausagemeat stuffing, i.e. awesome
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 15:31, Reply)

He's just upset
because he's Jack Dee and he has to put a downer on everything, lets move over here and ignore him...

*side steps*
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 2 Dec 2009, 15:32, Reply)

This is true

(Bazongaloid, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 15:34, Reply)

indeed
am I invited to your barbecue of meaty goodness? just saw the above. yay!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 15:35, Reply)

his meaty stick
and a croissant
(Bazongaloid, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 15:15, Reply)

that too

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 15:16, Reply)

Carcass'n'all


ninja editing ahoy!
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 15:11, Reply)

I don't know about anyone else here, but I am _so_ turned on at the moment.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 15:11, Reply)

what, with all this highly charged erotic food talk?

(Cancer Joy was short lived, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 15:15, Reply)

Don't say too much
you'll encourage Al to use his mad MSPaint skillz and draw a picture.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 2 Dec 2009, 15:15, Reply)

As if that wouldn't be the best thing evah.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 15:21, Reply)

I have a feeling he may very well be doing one now...

(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 2 Dec 2009, 15:24, Reply)

In that picture in that there article
She looks like Diana Ross. Diana Ross now in her 60s.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 15:52, Reply)