In A Land Down Under.....
Today it hit 36c (96.8f) outside my house. Going outside for a fag was walking into a wall of heat. This is the second mini heatwave of the Spring/Summer and Summer hasn't really got going yet. Thank God we moved house earlier this year.

Our new place has floor tiles. Lovely, cool floor tiles. With them, and the portable air-con, it keeps the heat down to a nice 22c. And we have a garden. An exotic garden. We have cacti ( some over 12 feet tall) that produce fruit that my missus insists are good to eat (get to fuck.....), a massive fig tree that has just started producing ripe figs - lots of them. An insane vine that is now loaded down with grapes - they should be ready in a couple of weeks - and a dragon fruit tree that's laden with ripening fruit. I've also some weird plants that I don't have a clue about including one that looks uncannily like a trifid but I don't go very close to that one.

But some things don't change. I'm still a proper Geordie. I wouldn't look out of place in the Big Market the way I dress for December - shorts and a t-shirt. Dead hard me.......


Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Wed 23 Dec 2009, 10:50, 30 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Are you taking the piss

It's so cold here my bladder froze this morning
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 23 Dec 2009, 10:53, Reply)

can I be the first to tell you
to fuck off with your exotic garden and warmth
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 23 Dec 2009, 10:55, Reply)

can I be the second?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 23 Dec 2009, 11:09, Reply)

I like the cold.

( girlinthehole, Wed 23 Dec 2009, 11:13, Reply)

I like cold sausages, a lot
dipped into a jar of mustard or chutney, noms!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 23 Dec 2009, 11:18, Reply)

Weirdo!

( girlinthehole, Wed 23 Dec 2009, 11:24, Reply)

What!!!

Cold sausges are made of pork and win, honestly save one next time you cook some, they will rock your world!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 23 Dec 2009, 11:30, Reply)

I can't usually stop myself eating them while hot
but I do love having yesterdays sausages in a sandwich with some spicy chutney.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 23 Dec 2009, 11:31, Reply)

there is something about yesterday's sausages that is extra special

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 23 Dec 2009, 11:33, Reply)

Most meat eaten the next day
is pretty damn good I find, even kebabs. Although you normally need to be pretty hungover to want to eat yesterdays kebab. But if you're in the right mindset they can be aweseome.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 23 Dec 2009, 11:34, Reply)

I'm not usually an eater of kebabs
so have never had one left over the next day
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 23 Dec 2009, 11:35, Reply)

I can't imagine how this would be nice

Unless it's a proper shish kebab not and elephant's leg
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 23 Dec 2009, 11:37, Reply)

Thanks for your support chaps

I feel this was teetering on the edge of a major diplomatic incident.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 23 Dec 2009, 11:34, Reply)

I was a bit concerned that BGB was acting like China
and trying to sabotage these negotiations.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 23 Dec 2009, 11:42, Reply)

Thank You Kind Sir...

But once it goes over 30c I start to suffer. I'm not good with the heat. Last year was a special kind of hell when it hit 46c and I had no aircon. On that day it was still over 35c at midnight - almost blood temperature. The next day the weather changed and a front came roaring in. Temperature dropped 15 degrees in 5 minutes.

But I'd rather have put up with heat than the consequences of that front coming in. You see, as it arrived it brought really strong winds in ahead of it. And 173 people died. Over here it's called Black Saturday....

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Wed 23 Dec 2009, 11:13, Reply)

Don't forget the killer spiders.
Why would anyone live there?
( girlinthehole, Wed 23 Dec 2009, 11:17, Reply)

Spiders..

Only ever seen one killer spider and that was in this house, in a cupboard. I killed it to DEATH!!

But the big bastard snake that slither past my feet in the garden freaked me out. There's very few snakes in Melbourne and they're all poisonous. Next day, the weedkiller came out and I nuked all of the overgrown wild areas. No cover - no snakes.

But worse, far worse than spiders and snakes are the bastard bush flies. We don't get too many here in Melbourne but when they're around they drive me insane. Thank God they never come indoors.

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Wed 23 Dec 2009, 11:21, Reply)

I loved the story about the man who was walking down, errrr, that road in the middle of Melbourne where all the shops are
I forget the name (Princess Street?), but he threw some rubbish into a dumpster and got bitten by a snake. He survived so it's funny.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 23 Dec 2009, 11:24, Reply)

People died of wind

Australia really is fucking lethal, even the wind is poisonous!

Damn you Zephyr, damn you to hell!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 23 Dec 2009, 11:17, Reply)

I don't know.
I had really bad trapped wind once and thought I was going to die.
( girlinthehole, Wed 23 Dec 2009, 11:25, Reply)

I'd be interested to experience that sort of crazy temperature drop
I seem to recall a similar tale from canada, but there it dropped from something like 20 degrees to minus 8.

ridiculous places.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 23 Dec 2009, 11:20, Reply)

As It Happens

We're due for a big drop in temperature tonight. Today was 36c, tomorrow max will be 24. And my barometer is dropping like a lead brick. (Proper old fashioned kind with a dial you have to tap. Best toy I ever bought.....)

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Wed 23 Dec 2009, 11:24, Reply)

get yourself a barograph
then you can have exciting gadget-drawn graphs to pore over
www.medfordclock.com/graph.htm

I need to remind my old man that I want his when he pops his clogs
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 23 Dec 2009, 11:26, Reply)

Oh Dear

That's porn for me. Things like that get me excited......




Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Wed 23 Dec 2009, 11:56, Reply)

The way to deal with dangerous winds like that is to follow a simple seven step procedure:
No. 1: Get a Wife
No. 2: Get a Child
No. 3: Have an inability to pass an open (or indeed closed) recepticle containing an alcoholic beverage.
No. 4: Become highly qualified in looking at things and then get even more qualified in hitting things with spanners and overcharging old ladies
No. 5: Build your own house becuase you're so amazing.
No. 6: Be right on the internet all the time. Even when you're not on the internet.
No. 7: You need to keep your fluid intake up at times like this, but, since the mrs is around, it might be best not to let her see you putting vodka in your water bottle, better to avoid arguments than upset her eh!?
(stolen-name/blaireau69 is a massive cunt WHOM everyone hates, Wed 23 Dec 2009, 11:20, Reply)

I don't understand this
and it's the second time I've read it...
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 23 Dec 2009, 11:24, Reply)

bear with it
it gets more amusing each time :-)
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 23 Dec 2009, 11:24, Reply)

moreless
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 23 Dec 2009, 13:12, Reply)

Toasty
My son lives in Mooroolbark (just moved from Belgrave)

I much prefer our snow to your sun.
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Wed 23 Dec 2009, 10:56, Reply)

Ah Bigg Market!
Being a student from SE London, the Bigg Market is a place of splendour for me. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't be seen dead in any drinking establishment round there (I'm found in the Dog and Parrot most nights), but the people watching round there is second to none.

My favourite spectacle so far was walking past The Beehive, ten or so local steroid monsters all took their tops off, danced round each other for a bit and then started taking knocking giant lumps out of each other.

Whilst this was happening, a small Indian man (no more than five foot two) was busking and playing the trumpet about three metres away, and would hit a note seemingly perfectly in time with a punch being thrown. I could have watched it for hours.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Wed 23 Dec 2009, 17:56, Reply)