Vip's post below about dreaming of his crush LiC
reminded me to congratulate LiC on his new acting role in the very lazy garlic adverts!


What do you think b3tans should advertise. Chompy and Bodyform are a match made in heaven I think
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 10:16, 117 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Is that because he likes to play tennis

horse ride, swim in the sea and jog all while he is on his period?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 10:17, Reply)

That and his love
of tight white shorts
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 10:19, Reply)

It's the way he comes across as a gay best friend. It's very non threatening.
Girls like it as he's a guy that won't hit on them, and guys like it as he's a best mate who understands women, but will never try and hit on their chick.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 10:20, Reply)

He's like the secret lemonade drinker...who rapes people in their own houses.
He's got the eyes of a pervert and the lips of an intruder.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 10:28, Reply)

anal intruder?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 10:29, Reply)

Every orifice you own plugged with all his fingers and winky.
He'd hold you like an over-drilled bowling ball.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 10:31, Reply)

*strike*

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 10:32, Reply)

But those lips make me want to be a drop of saliva rolling off his tongue

(Bazongaloid, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 10:29, Reply)

He'd only use you to lubricate his haircut with one big lick.

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 10:30, Reply)

That hair cut makes me want to be a head louse,
trapped in his greasy follicles of love.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 10:34, Reply)

I see you more of a crab
feeding off smegma and rolling around over the crusty terrain
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 10:37, Reply)

Does he get a camel toe?

Or a moose's hoof?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 10:20, Reply)

You know the Diet Coke advert,
I don't want you, to work all day.
I don't want you, to be no slave.
But I want you, to be true.
I, just, wanna, make, luuuuurve to you.

Well, the guy on that is Chompy.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 10:37, Reply)

Vipros already IS an advert for
popular homosexual television programme 'Glee'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 10:40, Reply)

you're the one who is all trendy and stuff
you big gay fashion victim
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 10:43, Reply)

Glee is fucking brilliant

(Bazongaloid, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 10:51, Reply)

You as well, eh?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 10:52, Reply)

thank christ for that

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 10:53, Reply)

I did actually quite like Glee
but I'm a girl so it's allowed.

Also Don't Stop Believing FTW
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 10:58, Reply)

that was the highlight
that and the bit with the teacher's crazy wife and her craft room and christmas cupboard
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 10:59, Reply)

It gets better

(Bazongaloid, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 10:59, Reply)

I feel better about watching it now

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 11:03, Reply)

I hate musicals
but for some reason I really love this show, it's the fact that it's surprisingly biting for a prime time US show, but it's also got that feelgood factor to it.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 11:05, Reply)

there were a couple of high school musical ish moments to it
the salt and peppa song they did was amusing though, and the bitingness of it is good
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 11:08, Reply)

oh my god
I was properly cringing through that!

I liked the ad for the next one with the angry dance man "You're freakishly tall" Which the guy is. Either that or he goes to school in the Shire
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 11:14, Reply)

SO. We have
'Prime time US show', we have 'high school musical', we have 'feelgood factor'....


For crying out loud, B3ta.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 11:23, Reply)

We have, teacher plants drugs on his students
we have teenage pregnancy, we have extra marital affairs, and we have a cheerleading coach who is the best evil character created in a long time.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 11:36, Reply)

the only downside is that the main cheerleading girl (the captain of the celibacy club)
has basically no breasts
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 11:37, Reply)

She's got a great arse though

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 11:43, Reply)

this is an important point

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 11:44, Reply)

It's an American song-and-dance programme!
How on God's green earth can it be anything other than excruciating?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 11:42, Reply)

Do you really have to suck the joy out of everything? They're dancing in wheelchairs in a couple of episodes...what's not to love?

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 11:49, Reply)

That old BBC1 ident with the chair-dancing spackers
always raised a laugh, I suppose.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 11:51, Reply)

pfft
Watch the show and then make your mind up.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 11:56, Reply)

Come on
I'm with Monty here, it sounds shite. I glimpsed about 15 seconds of it and that was enough, off it fucking went. Why is it more of a hassle to dislike,opt out of not be consumed by modern day TV/music/film phenomenon. People frown and call you a killjoy, a bore, too fussy, no fun, a cunt etc all because you refuse to put your nose in the communal comedy trough.

I went home last night and the wife asked if i wanted to go and see Frankie 'fucking' Boyle. NO, i retorted, then she said how she knew i wouldn't want to go, and how i never wanted to do anything, etc et fucking cetera. I made my excuses and left the room before the real bile started to flow.

I'm sick to fucking death of having to defend my position and outlook when it comes to swimming against the current, or even just maintaining my position, as opposed to being swept along with the giggling masses. Have a good time at karaoke, go to a fucking ceilidh, enjoy a night at a 'comedy' club, by all means. I don't have to, and neither do I have to defend my reasons for not wanting to. I won't have a serious go at you for wanting to do these things, some gentle ribbing perhaps, but not a serious *hands on hip*, "Why, why, WHY" episode.

I'm away to for some mini fucking cheddars and a valium.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 12:11, Reply)

I'm pretty sure Monty can stand up for himself, but thanks for your valuable contribution

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 12:12, Reply)

erm, i wasn't defending him as such
I was venting from my own crushing experiences, but thanks for your online validation.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 12:17, Reply)

No worries, see my new thread and unleash some hatred in a different way

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 12:21, Reply)

That I most certainly can.
However my esteemed colleague Cancer here invariably speaks complete sense if you ask me - with the exception of the 'wearing a band's t shirt to their own gig' debate.....
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 12:23, Reply)

Which side is he on? I would never wear a band t shirt to one of their gigs, I might purchase one there, but wouldn't wear it that night
Just seems a bit wrong
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 12:24, Reply)

^this

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 12:27, Reply)

I think I may require clarification on this debate Monty
I did wear a special Faust t-shirt to one of their gigs one time, but that was because there was only about 40 of them made AND it got me into the gig for free.

Other than that I tend to wear obscure Krautrock t-shirts to modern electronic gigs, and modern electronic style t-shirts to obscure krautrock gigs. Cross pollination.


(as far as i can remember)
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 12:37, Reply)

I get where you are coming from
I hate a lot of stuff, but I quite enjoying unleashing bile-filled diatribes about it.

similarly, if I've enjoyed something then I quite enjoy trying to persuade people that they might as well.

although in this case, I doubt Monty would enjoy glee. doesn't mean I'll stop.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 12:18, Reply)

Has it crossed your mind you might just be a miserable cunt?

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 12:25, Reply)

Yes
but i'm not.

I just have standards that i tend to stick to, self respect i enjoy keeping.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 12:34, Reply)

Fair play.
It just smacks a bit of 'Grumpy Old Men'.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 12:43, Reply)

I also think it's excellent
So there.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 11:38, Reply)

Well I shall definitely start watching it then.
Unless,of course, there's something on the Paint Drying Channel instead....
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 11:41, Reply)

You'd like it I'm sure
Especially the "slushie in the face" running gag.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 11:51, Reply)

I'd forgotten about that :-)

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 11:57, Reply)

It's because I told you I loved it first. That's why!

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 11:21, Reply)

The princiapl is awesomes too

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 11:01, Reply)

Agreed.
Some vocal talents.
(Medical_Male Say aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 10:58, Reply)

Maybe you should make a list of 25 reasons why they are good
and then post it here?
(Bazongaloid, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 11:00, Reply)

ahahahahha
buuuuuuuuuuurn
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 11:02, Reply)

*chortle*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 11:02, Reply)

I love that you chortle
reminding us how much classier you are
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 11:03, Reply)

I ain't seen that yet, but I really want to.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 11:04, Reply)

-o0o0o0o0o0o0o, it's on Spotify.
Ace.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 11:06, Reply)

I would be in the 90s Levi's Adverts. in the laundrette.
But I'd spent all if it jumping around and wriggling on the floor trying to squeeze into my trousers.

Girl's would be getting wet-ons and spare change for the dryers would fall out their knickers like some sort of Las Vegas jackpot.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 10:42, Reply)

I think all the B3ta ladies should be in the Bravissimo advert.

( girlinthehole, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 10:47, Reply)

Don't you have to have
MASSIVE NORKS to be in a Bravissimo advert? :(
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Tue 12 Jan 2010, 11:24, Reply)

It's ok Flim, we can be in the Agent provocateur ad instead

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 11:38, Reply)

I find going into that shop quite an ordeal.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 11:40, Reply)

Hehe
Whys that? Do they try to sell you everything under the sun because you have a penis, or is it tough for you because all the sales assistants are dressed in their undies and you have a penis?
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Tue 12 Jan 2010, 11:44, Reply)

Awesome
I already own a few bits so I'm there man! :D

They have a monster sale on at the moment which is mocking me as I have no money! Bumheads! :(
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Tue 12 Jan 2010, 11:43, Reply)

Oh god really? MUSTN'T LOOK, DEBIT CARD HATES ME

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 11:50, Reply)

Yup
They have a bikini I really want which has been reduced to about £10 for the bottoms and £20 for the top! *cries*
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Tue 12 Jan 2010, 11:51, Reply)

Not looking. I have no will power when it comes to nice underwear

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 11:57, Reply)

Same here
I had to have a massive cull when I moved because I had three drawers and a chest full of stuff... its a bit of an addiction! :S
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Tue 12 Jan 2010, 12:01, Reply)

would it be similar to the kylie one?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 11:46, Reply)

Hahaha
I love that ad

'Will all the men please stand up'

Tehehe
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Tue 12 Jan 2010, 11:47, Reply)

Do we get to keep the bras we model?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 11:49, Reply)

Surely you must
that's the law I'm sure! :D
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Tue 12 Jan 2010, 11:52, Reply)

I'm in!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 11:59, Reply)

Wait, what?
I don't watch broadcast telly so I never see ads. Is it a good ad?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 10:49, Reply)

See for yourself
www.verylazy.com/lazlos-lounge/
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 10:50, Reply)

THAT'S FREAKY
I an totally shaving my beard like that.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 11:15, Reply)

Awesome
you have to start chopping thinsg with your hands too
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 11:26, Reply)

mini-list
Vipros - anything pseudo-scientific e.g. positive bacteria yoghurt. It would allow him to let his smugness shine through
althegeordie - anything domestic. He could make a convincing woman for the Bounty kitchen towel adverts in a cheap frock.
beckyjsbx - "Flirt with real girls. In your area. NOW!"
gonz - The new George at ASDA range is in stock. Surprising styles, welcome prices.
tgb - pillow fighting M&S lingerie model. Except she put a spanner in the end and she's bludgeoning the other model to death with a look of glee all over her sick and twisted face.
roota - Yes car credit. You can have a car. But we know where you live, a'right. We own your kneecaps soft lad. Calm down, calm down etc.
big girls blouse - "Lambrini girls have all the fun"
monty boyce - Calm. Traquil. At peace. The soothing fragrance only available with Organics Herbal bubble bath.
agnostic antichrist - Shockwave hair gel: your look, your style. Keep your hair style for up to 12 hours. Or until you pass out into the gutter...
blaireau69 - Whyte & MacKay ¬_¬
( djtrialprice, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 10:50, Reply)

Lambrini?
More like White Lightning.
( girlinthehole, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 10:52, Reply)

I love it

(Bazongaloid, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 10:55, Reply)

I can so imagine you as a bounty lady
or plenty whatever it's now called
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 10:59, Reply)

I can get with the pseudo-science
but not that fucking crappy bacteria yoghurt.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 10:56, Reply)

I'm not going to lie
I'm quite happy I was mentioned.

I really need to put a more recent pic up, my hair is just getting stupid now!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 10:58, Reply)

Don't give up
Once you hit Charles 1st status you'll never look back, young man.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 10:59, Reply)

He's not far off!
And it actually quite suits him
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 11:02, Reply)

YES ! Some of my best hawiaan shirts were from ASDA.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 11:01, Reply)

Only two types of people are allowed to wear hawiian shirts

hawiians and big fat party guys in frat comedies, which one are you?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 11:08, Reply)

Fat dude in frat comedies.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 11:11, Reply)

You've forgoten Surfer Dudes, but that's not me.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 11:12, Reply)

OI!
We DO know where you live...
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 11:15, Reply)

Get to fuck Jesus
Although I do agree with Al's advert
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 11:22, Reply)

Love you too becky
:D
( djtrialprice, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 11:26, Reply)

I said something nice about you yesterday. Wont happen again sunshine

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 11:29, Reply)

I noticed
I miss looking like Jesus I'm assuming that was the comment you were talking about. Mine was meant to be nice too i.e. you're haaawt enough to lounge about on a bed in something skimpy while vacantly pretending to be on the phone.

I'm making it worse aren't I?
( djtrialprice, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 11:36, Reply)

I took your comment as I look like a chavtastic callgirl. Charming

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 11:39, Reply)

chav?
I can't imagine you in a tracksuit or wearing big hoopy bling. No offence intended.
( djtrialprice, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 11:44, Reply)

I imagine her like that all the time
Helps me through the long winter nights.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 11:50, Reply)

That's what they look like to me. AND they wear far too much make up...in the hot tub no less
Theys some nasty biaatches
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 11:52, Reply)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MMUUysmfYUw

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 11:52, Reply)

Your sig
I read it as you getting "A" in the bedroom and wondered if you'd switched teams.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 11:46, Reply)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_X3T4VThYFc

( djtrialprice, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 11:50, Reply)

Becky's here in the ante meridiaaaaan

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 11:27, Reply)

Becky's down with the lurgy of doom

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 11:29, Reply)

Oh no!
Although I'd like to have lurgy and not be here.
Please try to enjoy your lurgy.
I know this will be difficult as you have that work ethic thing going on...
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 11:36, Reply)

Ha yeah I'll try and enjoy coughing and snotting everywhere.
I just watched Spinal tap. Totally awesome :) I've been watching all the Christopher Guest films over the last few days and I think Best in show is my favourite.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 11:42, Reply)

Oh God I have to get Best in Show on DVD
"macadamia"
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 11:42, Reply)

Walnut

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 11:51, Reply)

The Mighty Wind
"There was this *winks* thing I used to do that none of the other girls would."
( djtrialprice, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 11:51, Reply)

Did I infect you over the internet?

(Bazongaloid, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 11:37, Reply)

I reckon so. Damn you althegeordie and your massive infection spreading powers

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 11:40, Reply)

Mr Muscle
I've been told that I look like a cross between the original Mr Muscle and Magoo from Romper Stomper.
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 11:06, Reply)

Are you flirting with me?

(PsychoChomp, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 11:22, Reply)

No, sorry, I like men

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 11:28, Reply)

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRN

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 11:42, Reply)

FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 11:46, Reply)