If I have
to listen to the same fucking story about how the person who sits next to me is getting an all singing all fucking dancing new Astra - well it's on a 58 plate but it wasn't registered till feb last year so less than a year old I am going to fucking scream.

What's amusing though is that she said she couldn't afford a new car so was running around in an oldish citroen because of morgage payments etc. Then I mentioned I had an A3 and the NEXT day she starts talking how she is buying this new car.

Also she chews way too loudly and it really pisses me off. And she eats ALL day so I have to listen to loud chewing ALL day.

Please someone come and rescue me :( This story is probably on the same dullness level as vipros's new cooker but I don't give a tiny rats ass
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 12:50, 61 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Sounds like someone's got aunt flo round to visit.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 12:51, Reply)

Nope
this is me flo-free and rational.

Don't piss me off in 2 weeks
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 12:54, Reply)

There's been another earthquake in Haiti
news.yahoo.com/s/ap/cb_haiti_earthquake
(PsychoChomp, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 12:58, Reply)

Shit
poor buggers, aftershocks were ineviatble I suppose, but seems like a rather large one.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 13:07, Reply)

If god had a sense of humour, he would have waited about a year and waited for them to rebuild everything.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 13:09, Reply)

Hmm
While I'm glad she got out alive, I'm not quite sure about this reasoning. Quote from the article:

Still, search-and-rescue teams have emerged from the ruins with some improbable success stories — including the rescue of 69-year-old ardent Roman Catholic who said she prayed constantly during her week under the rubble.
Ena Zizi had been at a church meeting at the residence of Haiti's Roman Catholic archbishop when the Jan. 12 quake struck, trapping her in debris. On Tuesday, she was rescued by a Mexican disaster team.
Zizi said after the quake, she spoke back and forth with a vicar who also was trapped. But he fell silent after a few days, and she spent the rest of the time praying and waiting.
"I talked only to my boss, God," she said. "I didn't need any more humans."

So the Mexican rescue team weren't human then?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 13:14, Reply)

lolracism

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 13:15, Reply)

They cut off the end of the quote where she accused god of being a liar.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 13:23, Reply)

vauxhalls are shit
even if your A3 didn't function as a car it'd still be a better car.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 12:53, Reply)

Actually
the Astra is a rather good little car.

Not in the A3 league, I'll admit, but nice to drive, decently finished, and (as I discovered from driving my gf's one in the last few weeks) excellent on snowy roads.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 13:09, Reply)

I haven't driven a new Astra I must admit
but every other vauxhall I've driven has been fucking awful in every way
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 13:22, Reply)

I'm surrounded by fat single mums talking about their piles/periods/kids...
also, we get as much 'household name brown fizzy pop' as we can drink - it doesn't look like improving any time soon.
(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Wed 20 Jan 2010, 13:02, Reply)

you are in Fishponds AICMFP.
Or Staple Hill.
Or Knowle.
Or Bedminster.

You're south of the river, right?
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 13:37, Reply)

Perhaps
she's consolidated all of her debts into one easy monthly payment* with Ocean Finance and had enough left over to buy her new car.


*for the next 300 years.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 13:10, Reply)

I've been here since 8:30am
And I'll probably be here until 10 tonight.

Does that help?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 13:12, Reply)

I just totally had a sub of the day.
First time back there since the day after their opening, and they seem to have replaced all their staff with fit romanians.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 13:14, Reply)

I'm stuck next to a fundie Christian and a fundie Muslim.
The combination of just plain wrong and pure evil frequently gives me a brainwrong - for (topical) example, the Haiti earthquakes are a divine punishment for their godless voodoo ways.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 13:25, Reply)

they really say that?

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 13:30, Reply)

Yes.
Sadly yes.

See also: There's no such thing as an innocent child, as "the sins of the fathers shall be visited on their sons unto the seventh generation" or some similar crap, so the number of kids who you might consider collateral damage to the punishment of the godless Haitians actually had it coming anyway. The little fuckers.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 13:34, Reply)

christ on a cracker

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 13:39, Reply)

No no no, Christ IS the cracker.
At least if you're Catholic.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 13:40, Reply)

'om nom nom iz eetin jeebus om nom'

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 13:44, Reply)

That's some tasty messiah.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 13:48, Reply)

I can't choose between it boggling the mind or it beggaring belief...
which do you think is more appropriate?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 13:46, Reply)

Try boggling the beggar

( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 13:50, Reply)

Well I don't think doing a saucy Jamaican dance is AT ALL appropriate
People are dying FFS





Oh, boggling.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 13:51, Reply)

Fucking hell.
They're some of the worst kind of scum in the world, as far as I'm concerned.

Ask them if they read ancient Hebrew, "oh', just that I thought you would, seeing as the first book, in both of your texts state that it is God's language. I wouldn't really on someone else's translation, they might have got it wrong. Mind you, I can see that might be excessive for a part-time christian/muslim".
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 14:08, Reply)

Find some arcaic principals of each one's religion, such as christans arn't supposed to eat lamb on a friday, and call them up on them.
I'm sure there are loads.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 14:09, Reply)

Well done, Haiti lady!
You just woke up a crackhead!
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 13:31, Reply)

What has A Guy Called Gerald got to do with this?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 13:37, Reply)

he just wikes that wecord

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 13:42, Reply)

wightly so, it's a cwassic.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 13:51, Reply)

One of my favourite ever dance tracks
have you ever heard the Acid Brass version, lush as fuck.

EDIT: here ye go, the Acid Brass version, live, no less.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=7BwgNaLrKgI
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 13:52, Reply)

My grandad absolutely loves it
He heard it playing (when was it? 88/89??) and asked us what it was, bopping his chubby self around the kitchen. When he realised the title featured his name he was cock-a-hoop.

Yes, my grandad's name is Voodoo etc etc.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 13:54, Reply)

Up there with 'Humanoid' and 'What Time is Love'
as genre classics.

My favourite of all those old rave classics is the lesser-known 'Acid Tickle' by Little Little. Takes me back I tell you.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 13:58, Reply)

I'll be checking that later
Was never a big KLF fan, to be honest. By that time I had discovered the delights of Sweet Exorcist, Orbital and Aphex Twin, while my peers still got stiff whenever they heard a Prodigy track.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 14:03, Reply)

I'm an idiot
I had loooads of tapes and a bit of vinyl. I was quite young to have that kind of stuff, as my mates were into Mel & Kim.
Having a very young aunt and uncle sorted out my record collection, and helped me to save the school disco on more than one occasion.

I let my uncle have some of the vinyl and I've no idea where the tapes are. I do have some crappy singles under pseudonyms that were either by people who became known DJs or were already 'famous'. So people tell me. I mean, was the E-Zee Posse actually Boy George? *hysterics*
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 14:09, Reply)

'Everything Starts with an E' feat MC Kinky?
He was definitely involved in some way.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 14:23, Reply)

That's the one.
I haz it on vinyl and still play it. Ondiddleombomdiddlombomdidlledjlonjaylonchaaa!
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 14:28, Reply)

What about 'Oochy Koochy' by Baby Ford?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 14:28, Reply)

I'm dancing to it now!
I also liked Lil' Louis, French Kiss, but I bet this is where my winning streak ends and you call me a Brosette.

i liked that noise in the less bleepy ones that was like "whit-chook"
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 14:36, Reply)

Joey Beltram was the king in those days
Energy Flash, Mentasm, My Sound etc.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 14:38, Reply)

I remember that name
I was only a nipper though. And some of it was on tapes from clubs WITH NO INLAY CARD!!!
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 14:41, Reply)

Me neither, they were cunts.
I LOVED LFO and that whole bleeps thing. Particularly N-Joi, of course, as you know...

Special mention goes to Shut Up & Dance records who were consistently ace. I really loved The Ragga Twins.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 14:25, Reply)

I liked LFO
I liked all that stuff. It made me get goosebumps.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 14:28, Reply)

There's a corner of my record collection you would very much enjoy, then.
I have all the classics.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 14:30, Reply)

:D
"C'mown, git down!"
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 14:36, Reply)

"whistle posse"

(Cancer Joy was short lived, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 14:43, Reply)

I wasn't in a posse :(
I had looooads of very rude smiley badges and not-so-rude friendship bands and got told off in school.
*prouds*
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 14:45, Reply)

Awwww, diddums
All you needed was a whistle and a rave and you were in!
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 15:04, Reply)

L F O
Was, and still is a beast of a track. The whole bleep culture thing was completely owned by Sweet Exorcist. 'Testone', with its 'If everything's ready on the dark side of the moon, play the five tones' intro still sends shivers up my spine. Then of course, 'Clonk', that took bass to new depths, further than LFO could even have dreamed of, brilliant, woofer destroying, 12"
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 14:31, Reply)

remember The Theme by Unique 3?
Kind of started that bleep stuff off if you ask me. There is a mix without the (pretty terrible) rap on it that is HEAVY.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 14:34, Reply)

Yeah, i do remember that
Don't think I've heard that particular mix though. Can't really stick rap to be honest, so I would definitely prefer it. Sweet Exorcist were Richard H Kirk of Cabaret Voltaire fame and someone called DJ Parrot. While they might not have kicked off the Bleep Culture thing, they certainly made it their own. Bleeps, tones, handclaps and bass. Ye canny beat it.

If you haven't ever heard the Clonk 12", i may have a spare one kicking about i could send ye!
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 14:43, Reply)

sounds like I need it!
I do have a Cabaret Voltaire 12" but can't recall the name.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 14:57, Reply)

Yes, it is a valuable sonic weapon
It is about 90% bass, but that's the whole point of it. Unapologetic, wobbly sub-bass, decades before Dubstep and Grime.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 15:02, Reply)

sounds a bit like 'Ital's Anthem' by Ital Rockers
remember that one? Heaviest bass ever.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 15:17, Reply)

I think it may be even heavier, more minimal and more extreme
Checked for Clonk on ebay and you can pick up a copy for £4 with delivery, which is VERY reasonable for a 20 year old 12". Maybe because the vast majority of folk would get halfway through one side and be screaming for it to be turned off.


"It's not even music"
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 15:30, Reply)

I shall buy myself a copy, thank you!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 15:56, Reply)

I'm sure there is a bass shaped space for it somewhere in your collection.
Let me know how you get on.

Incidentally, what kind of audio set up do you have for home listening pleasure?
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 16:13, Reply)

do you know what - I don't even fucking know!
My speakers are Tannoys - I think the amp's Cambridge Audio, but I'm not sure.

My turntables are of course Technics SL1200s, the Luddite's choice, and my mixer is a Vestax
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 17:33, Reply)

FUCK
I just lost the game
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 13:36, Reply)