My question is
Why is it that no matter what the QOTW is SpankyHanky has several interesting sounding stories of crazy, wacky things that have happened to him or his mates? This guy must lead the worlds most interesting life. I'm calling bullshit on everything he has ever said in his entire life.
( Peej, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 11:38, 124 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

He's a fucking joke,
it would be fine if he didn't have a legion of retard fans/other accounts. Telling him how great he is.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 11:39, Reply)

This week a friend had a comedy gold moment
where he was pretending to put a dildo up his ass and someone opened the door on him and accidentally rammed the dildo right up his ass. Bullshit enough in itself but he goes on the say he fell forward, banged his head and knocked himself out and they left him there with a dildo up his ass.

I'm not sorry to say what a load of shit.
( Peej, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 11:42, Reply)

he posted something that had the smell of reality about it last week
it was still fucking crap
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 11:52, Reply)

But the question is
Who gives a fuck? Is he any worse than the ongoing uses of "your mum", "Cunt", "Prick", etc found in almost every thread? Why do so many people get so bent out of shape? If they don't like him, they can put him on ignore and never have to see him????
(MichaelS wasn't picked again, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 11:44, Reply)

I hate him so much he gives me energy.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 11:46, Reply)

"I like this"

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 11:53, Reply)

I like your mum!

(MichaelS wasn't picked again, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 11:54, Reply)

nicked from Dylan Moran, nay?

(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 13:15, Reply)

yep

(PsychoChomp, Sat 23 Jan 2010, 12:18, Reply)

I refuse to put anyone on ignore
I want to know what all the cunts are saying.
( Peej, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 11:49, Reply)

For the last three weeks, I've just replied to one of his stories just telling him I wasn't going to read it.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 11:51, Reply)

I think I shall start posting my Jimmy Hill pic in reply each of his posts
See how long it takes for the villagers to come after me with pitchforks.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 11:57, Reply)

They're already after me
www.b3ta.com/questions/slapstick/post620061

rofl.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 12:01, Reply)

nice reaction

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 12:03, Reply)

Ha!
Well, that's you told.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 12:04, Reply)

I know, I mean I want to apologise, but he won't see it anymore.
What can I do?
(PsychoChomp, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 12:05, Reply)

you'd better gaz him

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 12:06, Reply)

Repeatedly.

( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 12:07, Reply)

With cock pictures

( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 12:36, Reply)

Anti-depressants will help you get over your pain.

(MichaelS wasn't picked again, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 12:08, Reply)

You should threaten to kill yourself online.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 12:09, Reply)

If you do
odds are you'll be saved by an australian
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 12:12, Reply)

*giggles*
Whatever happened to HP, anyway?
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 12:12, Reply)

There was an unfortunate incident
Involving a tub of vaseline and a lorry battery
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 12:18, Reply)

The bagels
You forgot the bagels!
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 12:21, Reply)

Lurker!

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 12:28, Reply)

or receive excellent fast food tips.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 12:13, Reply)

rofl indeed.
I have hopefully calmed things down with a soothing Jimmy Hill pic.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 12:07, Reply)

That reply
is sheer, unadulterated ANGER!
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 12:47, Reply)

I think that Jimmy Hill picture is the best picture I have ever seen
I'm going to get a massive version of it on canvas for my dining room above the fireplace.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 12:05, Reply)

It's hypnotic isn't it?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 12:08, Reply)

Not being a Brit and being far too lazy to use Google, who is the dapper gentleman?

(MichaelS wasn't picked again, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 12:09, Reply)

he was a football player (soccer to you)
and became a well-known pundit. Crucially though, he has a very large chin (and a beard in that pic) which enables the use of his visage to indicate that you suspect that someone is lying. From the english playground, referencing a chin or beard signifies that you doubt the veracity of a statement.

from urban dictionary:
14. Chin

An expression of disbelief.

Usually accompanied by rubbing the chin, in imitation of large-chinned british sports personality Jimmy Hill.
A: "I've just spend the night playing drunken strip poker with Scarlett Johanson, Halle Berry and Sheikh Abu Hamza in the playboy mansion"

B: "Mmmmm... Chin. How would Abu Hamza play poker anyway, he's got no hands!"
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 12:11, Reply)

Hooked hands...
... and it wouldn't be halal. That was the thing that I noticed.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 12:15, Reply)

Ex-footballer, and football commentator
with a famously big and pointy chin. For some reason that has always escaped me, this has something to do with lies.

EDIT: Vipros' explanation is better.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 12:11, Reply)

Yet again, b3ta broadens my horizons and helps me to be a
fountain of trivia at parties.
(MichaelS wasn't picked again, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 12:14, Reply)

Also crucially
It is Jimmy Hill who is responsible for current football player's grossly inflated salaries, as he campaigned tirelessly against the 'bus money and a sandwich' wages that were prevalent in the game.

The big chinned cunt.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 22 Jan 2010, 12:14, Reply)

And I think he came up with the points system for wins, losses and draws.
Though I might have learned that from www.somedreamihad.aftereatingcheese/possiblystilton
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 12:17, Reply)

Do the footbal players in the UK and Europe get the same
40-50 million dollar contracts as the best baseball or basket ball players do here?

Also, has the cost of going to a game become ridiculously high in the UK. (It can cost $300-$500 or more to get a really good seat at a Boston Redsox game. Seats in the nosebleed part of the upper bleachers can cost $50 if can actually get one).
(MichaelS wasn't picked again, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 12:23, Reply)

not quite that high, for most
but I think some have reached those heights. in real money though, not dollars.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 12:24, Reply)

Euros?

(MichaelS wasn't picked again, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 12:25, Reply)

clickin' dis

(Fancy a weekend on my Raymondo Luxury Yacht?, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 13:12, Reply)

I have no idea obout the price of a match - I've never been to one.
But elite players can easily fetch transfer prices in the tens of millions.

Not bad for not having been to school since the age of 12.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 12:24, Reply)

Probably not that high
But anything up to £100,000 a week has been known to be paid for a 'top' player who then breaks something not long after signing for a club, but continues to get paid it anyway for sitting in the treatment room over the next six months.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 22 Jan 2010, 12:27, Reply)

Cunt

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 12:23, Reply)

Mwhahahaha!

( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 12:25, Reply)

Lulled into a false sense of security.
I have an office full of people, and I almost pissed myself.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 12:27, Reply)

I didn't even read that link
let alone click it

a narrow escape
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 12:28, Reply)

Best. URL. Ever.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 12:30, Reply)

I have to admit, I stole the idea from someone
Here.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 12:37, Reply)

I'm not clicking on that.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 12:40, Reply)

I doubt it's purple.
You could hover to see the reference. I did think about going for the double, but didn't.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 12:42, Reply)

After turning my speakers down
its harmless
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 12:45, Reply)

It's the pipe that completes it I think

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 12:09, Reply)

It's the way he is clenching the pipe
as if his life depended on it.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 12:16, Reply)

Yes,
All football players should have to play whilst smoking a pipe, and carrying a large glass of brandy.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 12:19, Reply)

In Ronaldo's case it would be a small glass of Creme de Menthe.
The fucking bender.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 12:21, Reply)

I almost choked on reading that
you swine
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 12:23, Reply)

hats should also be mandatory

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 12:22, Reply)

A trilby set at a jaunty angle
In fact, just the George Cole "Flash Harry" complete outfit.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 12:25, Reply)

It's like my 'Bowie problem'
a good 50% of it relates to the unwarranted adulation.

He is a lying helmet, though, and a fucking tedious one at that.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 11:56, Reply)

For people with simple minds like mine,
he's fucking funny. (He is no more tedious than much of the rest of comments here).
(MichaelS wasn't picked again, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 11:57, Reply)

It's the endless, endless terrible similes and wanking references.
His posts make me feel sick.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 12:08, Reply)

My question is
Why did I do my hair and make up, get dressed, generally make the effort, and THEN have case of the galloping plop plops because of my IBS?
I'd have much preferred NOT to have gone to all that effort if I was gonna be staying off work anyway.

I now have a head like Girls' World (Brunette Edition) but am in my pyjamas and fearing another escape to the Thomas Crapper.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 11:48, Reply)

I could have gone my whole life
without knowing that.
( Peej, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 11:49, Reply)

I didn't want you to

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 11:53, Reply)

POIDH!!!

(MichaelS wasn't picked again, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 11:53, Reply)

you know what that means right?
I don't fancy seeing photos of her bowel-produce
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 11:54, Reply)

It's the hair we want to see!!!!

(MichaelS wasn't picked again, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 11:55, Reply)

The wig is on form today.
I look like Louise effing Brooks. My eyelashes are all mascara'd up, like spiders, the works. Alas, nobody shall see it.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 12:27, Reply)

Tease!

(MichaelS wasn't picked again, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 12:28, Reply)

I looked like a fucking smackhead yesterday
all day in work, and bumping into loads of people while shopping.
WHY???
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 12:30, Reply)

I am sure you were fine yesterday.
Subtle dishevelment can indicate a high degree of sophistication as is also shown by your often insightful and erudite posts.
(MichaelS wasn't picked again, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 12:47, Reply)

Hmmm
I think you're mocking me.
And I really looked like a shoplifter yesterday.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 12:49, Reply)

I am not purposly trying to mock you and apologize if it seems that way.

(MichaelS wasn't picked again, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 13:23, Reply)

(!)

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 14:01, Reply)

Is that sarcasm
or 'Fadge: A View From Cunnilingus Valley'?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 14:13, Reply)

I'm merican so too stupid for sarcasm
(It wasn't mean mocking anyway).
(MichaelS wasn't picked again, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 17:40, Reply)

IBS is not funny
My younger brother has the definitive version.

He has to have at least 3 shits just to go out and buy a bottle of milk.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 12:02, Reply)

Sorry but taht made me laugh!

Could he wear a nappy?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 12:28, Reply)

Not while riding a bike

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 12:30, Reply)

I don't mind going loads
It's when it's accompanied by a sore tummy and total exhaustion that it bugs me.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 12:28, Reply)

It's when we are about to go out, and he reaches the front door
and he does a U turn. It's very annoying, but I just feel sorry for him. The number of trains we have missed.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 12:33, Reply)

why doesn't he just purchase milk in larger quantities?
*confused face*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 12:34, Reply)

This is an example,
demonstrating how IBS can effect people undertaking tasks with little or no stress.

If he has to go somewhere important, he starts shitting the day before.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 12:37, Reply)

"This isn't all I do, you know - drink milk and poo..."
Monty, don't let me down...
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 12:50, Reply)

We know that, you are more than 6 months old
and thus have learned other skills
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 12:55, Reply)

Nooooo
but I want you to say where the quote is from!
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 12:58, Reply)

Look who's talking?
I tried to google it, but it's too much work.

I'm happy with my original comment though.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 13:06, Reply)

Madam you have bested me.
Pray, name your source, for I know it not.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 13:07, Reply)

Mary Whitehouse Experience
Bladdyblub on purchasing only milk and bog-roll at the supermarket.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 13:12, Reply)

Excellant

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 13:18, Reply)

You being sarky?
Are you from Sark?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 13:20, Reply)

No,
I thought your recollection of the Mary Whithouse Experience was admirable.

I gave up being sarky years ago, it was stopping me having sex.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 13:24, Reply)

Haha well done!
I bloody wish they'd release it on DVD...
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 13:35, Reply)

Bartleby having sex?
Or being sarky?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 14:04, Reply)

WOAH NELLY!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 14:13, Reply)

Ah, now you see MWE was utterly, utterly shit.
Hence, I do not know the quotes.

'See you, unfunny student in-joke arsewipe who looks like the equally shit Lightning Seeds frontman? That's you that is.'

Ah. Ahahaha. Ahahahahahahahah.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 14:54, Reply)

Monty, Monty, Monty.
Please tell us who you like, so we can become awesomely cultured like wot you are.

Who makes good music?

Who makes you laugh?

What books should we be reading?

What's good on the box?
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 15:02, Reply)

Tractor
Jerry Sadowitz
Keep it Together by Rich Deakin
Dog the Bounty Hunter

£10 please.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 15:21, Reply)

Its in the post.
Thanks, Beside Jerry Sadowitz, who is great, I will have to research the others.

Cheers.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 15:24, Reply)

I thought you were being sarky.
If you're serious I can suggest more things, you just have to tell me what you're into...
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 15:32, Reply)

For sarky see above.
I was genuinly interested, and will certainly be looking up Tractor tonight when I get home.

My younger years were dogged by very restrictive musical exposure. It was rock and roll or the Beatles. So I missed loads of interesting stuff in the 70's and 80's, and am now trying to catch up. Same goes for reading, if it wasn't a text book or a haynes manual, I wasn't interested.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 15:39, Reply)

Has it really taken you this long to work that out?

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 11:53, Reply)

No
Just this long to get angered by it
( Peej, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 12:01, Reply)

Haha - I did think 'keep up, boy'
As revelations go it's hardly the most startling ever.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 12:02, Reply)

A fuckload of energy is spent here cyclically
complaining about him. I really don't understand why some people get so rabid about him. It's the fucking internet for fuck's sake!

(Is "fuck's" the proper usage of the "'s". I am sure someone here can pontificate on the correct grammatical form).
(MichaelS wasn't picked again, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 12:04, Reply)

You are grammatically correct.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 12:10, Reply)

Your apostrophe is in order.
Well done. Is it so sad that I'm more bothered by that than by anything SH has ever written?
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 12:10, Reply)

I would say that grammer is more important if you want to be understood.

(MichaelS wasn't picked again, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 12:12, Reply)

You shouldn't underestimate the importance of spelling, either.

( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 12:13, Reply)

oooo, burn

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 12:14, Reply)

American spelling, not British!

(MichaelS wasn't picked again, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 12:16, Reply)

(I can't spell or type to save my life and am generally too lazy to proofread or use the spell check).


GRAMMAR damnit!
(MichaelS wasn't picked again, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 12:18, Reply)

:)

( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 12:23, Reply)

*high fives*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 12:34, Reply)

He has had 13000 people view his account

100 of which like his stories, 12900 of which want to look into his cunt eyes and call him a cunting lier
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 12:00, Reply)

Idiosyncratic use of the word "interesting" there...

( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 12:01, Reply)

Agreed.
The first few stories were amusing enough, but it seemed that he was trying to be Pooflake II in his writing style. The next few stories stretched the bounds of probability, and after that I just stopped reading them: they all have the same formula of "I was doing something mundane and decided to liven it up - sexual stuff - whoops silly me".
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 12:46, Reply)

True
but I can't help but like some of them.

May I take this opportunity to let everyone know I watched 'Them' last night and it was jolly good. It was better than 'Strangers' which was also very good. I prefered 'Them'
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 12:55, Reply)

Pooflake+Frankspencer-wit=SH
SCIENCE!
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 13:22, Reply)

And there were people saying it was me all along
....






It wasn't.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 14:54, Reply)

SpankyHanky is the new Legless
in that he has loads of posts, and even more people who slag him off for having loads of posts.

I kinda like his stories, actually.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 22 Jan 2010, 15:16, Reply)

This thread has made me laugh a lot
Thanks guys n gals!

Oh, and FTR Legless is a legend. The reason I stuck around reading this questionable use of cyberspace!
(The Boy Monders I have ginger bits in my beard., Fri 22 Jan 2010, 16:59, Reply)