Your votes in the forthcoming election
Give positive reasons for your choice not negative reasons for the other parties.
(Richard Earl of Cambridge Cruel, Savage, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 16:24, 115 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

The BNP get my vote.
Seeing as there's no Nazi Party candidate they're clearly the best choice.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 16:27, Reply)

The Bowie National Party?

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 17:08, Reply)

AAAAAAAGH MY EYES!

AAAAAAAARGH - HIS EYES!
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 17:12, Reply)

I've held that in my back pocket for a few days
waiting for a chance to pounce.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 17:14, Reply)

I used to like you, Bartles.
Now I'm not so sure.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 17:18, Reply)

If only the cat was wearing a little pierrot hat.
The effect would be complete.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 17:25, Reply)

I feel sick now.
The mere thought of the 'Ashes to Ashes' video revolts me so much I could do a little sick in my mouth.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 17:38, Reply)

You just wish the guy driving the bulldozer would step on it

(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 17:40, Reply)

votevotevotevotevote
Ch-ch-ch-ch-change-ESSS

In fact that song would be lovely to go along with the party political broadcast. It would involve the Bowster sodomizing the Boycester.
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 17:18, Reply)

Please stop.
This is internet bullying AT ITS WORST.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 17:39, Reply)

Its Hypnotic
You know you don't want to look, but you can't help it

Mwhahahaha.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 17:44, Reply)

A true hairyian.

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Mon 1 Mar 2010, 17:24, Reply)

Lib Dem or Green party
because lets be honest, after the last 30 years would you want either of the last two governments in charge?
(Halfy By light alone, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 16:28, Reply)

What's so bad about the last 30 years?
I think it's been ok.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 16:31, Reply)

It's RUINED, Chompy.
BROKEN BRITAIN.

I mean, if you ignore that by any measure you could possibly choose, life is much better than it was 30 years ago for a much larger proportion of the population.

But other than that, the country is FUCKING RUINED. It must be, the press say so, and they never lie.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 16:36, Reply)

I for one am DISGUSTED by bankers and consider them to be personally responsible for the MURDER of Baby P

(Bazongaloid, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 16:37, Reply)

WIV DEM ANGLEPOISE.
ALWAYS IN R HARTS.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 16:48, Reply)

I vote for chocolate syrup because whipped cream makes my tongue feel funny

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 16:28, Reply)

I want monster crackin' sauce
and hundreds and thousands.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 16:35, Reply)

I'm sorry I don't speak spanish

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 16:36, Reply)

Don't you have monster crackin' sauce in merkinland?
I'm seriously reconsidering my honeymoon plans now.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 16:37, Reply)

we don't have that in the boondocks, where I live

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 16:38, Reply)

What the fuck is it, Al?
It sounds pretty smart but I've never heard of it until now.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 16:38, Reply)

It's choccie sauce you pour on your ice cream
and the coldness of the ice cream makes it solidify so when you hit it with your spoon it cracks. If you mix it with hundreds and thousands its amazing.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 16:41, Reply)

I thought they stop making it as it gave people cancer?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 16:42, Reply)

naa, they stopped for a while
but brought it back

it's awesome
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 16:46, Reply)

well I'm sure there's some variation where you intend to go

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 16:43, Reply)

San Fransisco
I'm sure the shirters there must have something similar. The gays do love to pour chocolate sauce on each other.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 16:57, Reply)

if you're going to San Francisco be sure to wear some flowers in your hair

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 17:01, Reply)

Okay
shall I send you a picture so you know I did?
(Bazongaloid, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 17:02, Reply)

I have to admit
that I do that with double cream. I know, I know....internet lolfatty...
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 16:43, Reply)

Is that like the stuff that poor people had in the 70s?
It was called 'Ice Magic' back then I think, and came in a brown conical dispenser that looked vaguely like a mountain.

I had it at a couple of downmarket birthday parties and definitely enjoyed it.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 16:46, Reply)

It had a lid shaped like pouring sauce
and it was delicious, fact.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 16:47, Reply)

Lib Dem
(And apologies, I've said this one before, but...) because if Nick Clegg becomes PM I can organise a huge group to stand outside Downing Street singing "Corporal Clegg, had a wooden leg," etc...
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 16:30, Reply)

That's a fucking TUNE.
If only they'd died in a plane crash in 1970....
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 16:34, Reply)

Oh, I'd give them until 1971
Meddle, I think, justifies its existence on the grounds of Echoes and One of these days I'm going to cut you into little pieces.

Actually, I'd give them until '77, but then I still like Dark Side and Wish you were here. The most important one to prevent is, after all, The Wall.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 17:25, Reply)

OK, just for you
we'll let them die in the Lynrd Skynrd plane crash which was, I believe in '77.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 17:40, Reply)

Your generosity will not be forgotten.
(Don't know what the other benefits might be, but I'll remember it...)
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 17:51, Reply)

The Pensioners Party
Cos old people give you sweets, wear cardigans and smell like mothballs.
(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Mon 1 Mar 2010, 16:34, Reply)

The Paedo Party
Because Paedo's give you sweets, wear cardigans and smell like blood and tears.
( Peej, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 16:44, Reply)

I'm voting Tory in the hope they bring Maggie back

she is the only one with the balls to save us now.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 16:34, Reply)

I hope they bring Maggie back.
I've never seen an old woman get stoned to death before.
( girlinthehole, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 16:39, Reply)

I saw photos of a man being stoned to death in the Sunday Times
They buried him upto his chest and threw big fucking rocks at his head, it was horrific. All for a little bit of adultery.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 16:40, Reply)

I would just eat all the stones before they hit me and poop them out quick, thus defeating the masses.

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 16:44, Reply)

and the resulting thrust from the stony defecation would rocket you out of the ground to safety

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 16:47, Reply)

I've done my best over the years
to get stoned to death but to date have always survived, the best I've managed is a bad cough out of the experience...
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 16:47, Reply)

the closest I've come to it has been stoned to the point of getting lost in the centre of Copenhagen
almost as bad as death, but not quite
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 16:48, Reply)

30 mph in the outside lane of a dual carriage way at 3 in the morning

NEVER AGAIN!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 16:50, Reply)

god, I just had a flashback
to when I almost got killed by the shipping forecast.

Totally mesmerising when really stoned. was driving home along a dual carriageway at about midnight and my gaze kept getting drawn to the radio because of the shipping forecast. I maintain the woman reading it had the best voice ever. No idea who it was though.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 16:52, Reply)

Haha that is fucking hilarious.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 16:58, Reply)

for some reason I'm detecting sarcasm in that reply

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 17:02, Reply)

Not in the least, old chum.
Nearly being killed by the saucy minx doing the shipping forecast is surely fucking hilarious, no?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 17:13, Reply)

I thought so
after the fact.

Don't know why I got a whiff of sarcasm. It's been a long and brain-taxing day.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 17:15, Reply)

I just liked the way you felt the need to look at a sound

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 17:16, Reply)

that was the best bit
not even where the sound was coming from, but the radio itself. I can distinctly remember it feeling like a force was pulling my head towards the radio.

I had to turn over to another station, but the music was so shit I kept ending up back at the shipping forecast
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 17:17, Reply)

I really do love this anecdote.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 17:19, Reply)

I should have led with the one about driving in the worst fog I've ever seen
and having to slam on the brakes every few minutes because I got freaked out about what could be in the fog.

it was like a single track tunnel the visibility was so poor.

I don't drive stoned any more.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 17:22, Reply)

I nearly got killed by an ex
when we both went to sleep whilst she was driving.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 17:23, Reply)

doesn't sound like fun
my mate used to turn his heaters right up and would try and give me a kicking (while driving) if I tried to turn them down or open the window.

the mad bastard.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 17:28, Reply)

balls cold dead heart
(Halfy By light alone, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 16:41, Reply)

There was a song MT Heart.
Due for a re-run I reckon.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Mon 1 Mar 2010, 17:27, Reply)

i don't do politics

(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 16:41, Reply)

My wife went nuts at me when I told her I wouldn't be voting Tory because I'm not a cunt
I've always thought talking about politics with someone is a sure fire way to end up in an argument so I never asked her what her political standing was. Turns out she's a Tory supporter and a therefore a cunt.
( Peej, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 16:47, Reply)

Hang on
looking at your profile, you were what, 10, when the Tories were last in power?

Excellent rational analysis of the party, its ability or not to govern and its supporters based on experience, then?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 16:52, Reply)

Oof!

( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 16:56, Reply)

Hold on
so you're saying that only by living through the governance of a party can you formulate an opinion on whether or not you think you should support them?
(Bazongaloid, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 16:56, Reply)

This is why I cannot vote for the Whig party
for shame.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 16:58, Reply)

That's right.
I also deny the Holocaust because when I went the Germany I could see no sign of any active slaughtering WHATSOEVER.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 17:00, Reply)

No, that's not entirely what I meant
I find the idea of someone who's never seen a Tory government whilst out of nappies suggesting that all tory supporters are cunts a little ..... sweeping. Or idiotic.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 17:08, Reply)

Yes but 17 is hardly "just out of nappies" is it.

( Peej, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 17:14, Reply)

fair enough
I still think that describing about 30% of the country as cunts because of their political beliefs is sweeping and idiotic. But, you know, knock yourself out. It's a free country.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 17:21, Reply)

A good 96% of the country
are cunts.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 17:24, Reply)

The rest of them remember to book their Tayyabs table in advance

(Bazongaloid, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 17:26, Reply)

'I like this'
in a very smug way.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 17:44, Reply)

but that's because they are cunts
not because of some arbitrary classification that is essentially unconnected to their cuntyness.

It's a cunty venn diagram, if you like, but with overlap, not a subset.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 17:28, Reply)

The GREAT thing about history
is it's written down and can be readen.
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 17:02, Reply)

^ BLATANT LIE.
No it can't. If it could, it would be possible to learn about all sorts of things though the ages without having to personally experience them.

And that is of course a laughable proposition.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 17:04, Reply)

I just imagined that we could have some idea of what people were like before written language existed
as if people used to live in rudimentary wooden shelters, or caves, and hunt animals with rocks. That certainly raised a chuckle I can tell you.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 17:06, Reply)

As far as I know
things have been like the 1st of March 2010 since the beginning of time.
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 17:08, Reply)

You're just fucking weird mate.
What ARE you like? I'd say 'you couldn't make it up' but clearly you can!! Rofl, lol, rspca etc
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 17:09, Reply)

"rspca"
I'm using that in an IM conversation next time someone uses too many "lol"s or smiley faces.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 17:31, Reply)

what, you mean in the way that everything written down in the last 30 years is true?
you mean THAT way of learning from history, then? I wondered why there was a Lancaster bomber on the moon, now you come to mention it.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 17:12, Reply)

"If you don't learn from History, then you are doomed to repeat it"

This is worrying as I know fack all about the 14th centuary and I'm worried about catching the black death
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 17:04, Reply)

Try being me.
If it's not the Persians I'm scared of, it's that utter cad Hannibal and his pesky elephants.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 17:07, Reply)

it's those
pesky Thracians I can't trust
(Halfy By light alone, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 17:09, Reply)

They really are cunts.
Like those Scythian archers. Fucking mercenary wankers.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 17:10, Reply)

I'm with you on the Persians. personally it's Xerxes who terrifies me
he could do anything, at any time!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 17:12, Reply)

the less
said about the peloponnesians the better as well.

they can go get fucked by a hoplite for all I care
(Halfy By light alone, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 17:13, Reply)

yeah.
and political history, particularly recent history, is very, very subjective. Oh sorry, everything written down is true, isn't it?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 17:10, Reply)

Yes because there is just the one master account of history
and thus only 1 viewpoint that simply must be trusted.
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 17:12, Reply)

that would kind of be my point
except I can't spot if you are being sarcastic or not. online.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 17:19, Reply)

I am being sarcastic.
There is not only 1 master viewpoint of history.
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 17:24, Reply)

I was nearly 17 at the 1997 election
But thank you for your kind comments on my youthful looks. And yes I have never been able to vote out any Tories but I have voted in general elections and as I am only a year and a bit off being 30 I think I have had more than enough time in my life to know that they are a bunch of cunts. Also after three years of marriage to find out that she is a Tory explains a lot.

Thank you
( Peej, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 17:14, Reply)

you've aged well, then.
And, just out of interest, would you randomly ascribe the term "bunch of cunts" to any other large group of people?

and how do you know they are cunts? what have they done to give you this impression?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 17:18, Reply)

U2 fans are definitely a bunch of cunts

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 17:20, Reply)

steady on
stop ruining my opinions with fact.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 17:21, Reply)

sorry
I haven't slated U2 for a few days, and was getting antsy
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 17:22, Reply)

I would,
and do so pretty much every day.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 17:31, Reply)

Lib Dems
Because they BATTLE bureaucracy and they like a good bit of devolution.
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 16:59, Reply)

i'll throw my vote away on the Lib Dems (again)
just like everyone else who hasn't got a pigging clue but feels that it is important to vote.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 17:04, Reply)

Haha, you've got me to a T

( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 17:06, Reply)

^this

(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Mon 1 Mar 2010, 17:17, Reply)

It's good that you realise the importance of voting
and at the same time know the futility of the act. I always think you can't complain unless you've taken the time to actually vote one way or the other, not that complaining will ever achieve anything, but I do like a good moan.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 17:07, Reply)

It's a distinctly British occupation.
As if taking the trouble to go to the polling booth and mark a box means we're at least entitled to moan, and possibly get belligerent with our opinions.

And then it's either "Well, don't blame me, I didn't vote for them," or "Well, this wasn't they promised when I voted for them." It's almost enough to make you feel sorry for the politicians who do get voted in. But not quite.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 17:30, Reply)

In some countries you can register a non-vote
You are basically saying that you don't trust any of the parties at all. This seems like a good idea, but would ultimately reduce the % of people who actually voted for a winner to a very small number.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 17:09, Reply)

If there was a 'none of the above' box
I'd vote every time. As it is I feel unable to with a clear conscience.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 17:32, Reply)

It is, without a shadow of a doubt, time to start a party
and just name it "None of the Above." Think how many seats you could win on deception alone!
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 17:34, Reply)

you got my vote

(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 18:03, Reply)

they do this here in Spain
"voto en blanco" it's called.

essentially you tick an empty box (I believe anyway - I'm not eligible to vote here yet, not that I'll be voting anyone in the first place)
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 18:02, Reply)

At least you lot have proper parties to vote for
I've got Ester Rantzen as odds on certainty to get voted in.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 17:16, Reply)

If only we had a non-native, ex-Mr Universe and action film star to vote for....

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 17:18, Reply)

Maybe Geoff Capes could be convinced to stand as an independent.

or Daley Thompson.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 17:33, Reply)

Daley Thompson would definitely win
I recommend we get a party made up of Daley Thompson, Geoff Capes, and Duncan Goodhew.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 17:34, Reply)

Surely we could find a place for Brian Jacks too?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 17:48, Reply)

Don't forget David Hemery
A proper gent he is
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 17:50, Reply)