I have to go see the comapny nurse on Thursday
How can I lose two stone in three days?
Empty out my massive vag HA HA HA

Alternatively, should creme eggs be available all year?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 23 Mar 2010, 9:46, 50 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Fucking Creme Egg Season my arse.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 23 Mar 2010, 9:49, Reply)

egg season

Bit forward, Noel.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Mar 2010, 9:52, Reply)

Haha!

( girlinthehole, Tue 23 Mar 2010, 9:54, Reply)

It was begging for it really.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 23 Mar 2010, 9:57, Reply)

t
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Mar 2010, 9:58, Reply)

As was that.
We are the Little and Large of the internet.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 23 Mar 2010, 10:00, Reply)

I'm not sure which of them I'd least like to be:
the fat cunt or the kiddie fiddler.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Mar 2010, 10:06, Reply)

It's a tough choice but I'm happy to take whichever you leave.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 23 Mar 2010, 10:07, Reply)

I always thought of you more as the taker

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 23 Mar 2010, 10:10, Reply)

Don't tell them that, they'll all want some.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 23 Mar 2010, 10:14, Reply)

Your arse can beg?
That's quite an impressive trick, if a little disturbing...
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 23 Mar 2010, 9:59, Reply)

You can't lose two stone in three days without surgery.
You should probably have thought of this before now.
No cream eggs are fine as a seasonal treat.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 23 Mar 2010, 9:51, Reply)

I didn't know I was seeing her
until 20 mins ago.
Unless you're saying I shouldn't have got fat in the first place. It wasn't my fault the immigrants made me do it
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 23 Mar 2010, 9:55, Reply)

Why would you be forced to see a company nurse
Do you work for THE company? Are you Ripley?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 23 Mar 2010, 9:55, Reply)

Because we may catch something from the Boxes

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 23 Mar 2010, 9:58, Reply)

Why do you have to see the nurse?

(Bazongaloid, Tue 23 Mar 2010, 9:52, Reply)

Creme egg poisoning

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 23 Mar 2010, 9:53, Reply)

company policy
all employees must see the nurse on commencing employment and every three years after
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 23 Mar 2010, 9:55, Reply)

Why do you have to be two stone lighter?

( girlinthehole, Tue 23 Mar 2010, 9:56, Reply)

Because that's how
much overweight I am
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 23 Mar 2010, 9:57, Reply)

But why does it matter to the nurse?
It's not like you will lose your job because of it.
( girlinthehole, Tue 23 Mar 2010, 9:58, Reply)

Unless she works
for Weight Watchers.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 23 Mar 2010, 10:00, Reply)

No but
it's her job to give me a health talk on how I am not healthy because I smoke and eat cakes and drink and eat cakes
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 23 Mar 2010, 10:00, Reply)

Just sit there looking petulant till she's finished then go and have a fag.

( girlinthehole, Tue 23 Mar 2010, 10:05, Reply)

you drink cakes?
that's a pretty efficient way of getting the maximum amount of cake into one's system in the shortest amount of time.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 23 Mar 2010, 11:08, Reply)

Will she hold your balls and ask you to cough

That's my favourite bit
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 23 Mar 2010, 9:56, Reply)

I've never understood why they do that.

( girlinthehole, Tue 23 Mar 2010, 9:58, Reply)

It's to see
whether you have a hernia. Any movement behind the scrotum can be indicative of problems. Or so I'm told.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 23 Mar 2010, 9:59, Reply)

What about a movement in front of the scrotum?
I seem to get a disapproving look for that...
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 23 Mar 2010, 10:00, Reply)

I was hearing a story from a mate
about when he went for his vasectomy, and the doctor was a gorgeous blonde woman, who knelt down in front of him to examine his balls before the op.

Her face was just at cock level and he was finding it difficult to control himself while she was handling his bits.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 23 Mar 2010, 10:02, Reply)

Ha! I guess if he's going in for the snip
then she can always respond to his embarrasing bone-on by looking at the scalpel and saying "I'm going to enjoy this..."
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 23 Mar 2010, 10:04, Reply)

I think in that situation
I'd be so perturbed about someone taking a sharp object to my ballsack, that my cock would be shrivelled up like an acorn regardless of who had my balls in their hand.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 23 Mar 2010, 10:05, Reply)

Do they squeeze your clit and ask you to sneeze?

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 23 Mar 2010, 10:00, Reply)

No! but I wish they would.

( girlinthehole, Tue 23 Mar 2010, 10:01, Reply)

Cut out your spiteful tongue?
Got to weigh a bit.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Mar 2010, 9:54, Reply)

Touché
I went and got the accent over the E just for you Monty
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 23 Mar 2010, 9:56, Reply)

That's very sweet of you, thank you.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Mar 2010, 9:58, Reply)

Yes, they should be.
Standard eggs are available all year round so why can't we have the creme variants as well?
(Pirate Monkey is not the goddamn Batman, Tue 23 Mar 2010, 9:54, Reply)

Because
Creme hens only start laying about now.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 23 Mar 2010, 10:00, Reply)

No, because they're fucking disgusting

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 23 Mar 2010, 9:57, Reply)

^this.
Mini eggs are okay though. And the chocolate that makes up an Easter egg always seems much nicer than chocolate in a bar.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 23 Mar 2010, 10:09, Reply)

Definitely
And the Malteser Eggs are godly.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 23 Mar 2010, 10:15, Reply)

have you tried the malteaser rabbit thing?
fucking delicious
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 23 Mar 2010, 10:36, Reply)

I had one of those on Sunday
it was delicious at first but then it felt like I'd eaten 74 malteasers and I felt a bit sick
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 23 Mar 2010, 11:10, Reply)

call yourself a woman?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 23 Mar 2010, 12:00, Reply)

Stop eating creme eggs.
And "no," for the same reason.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 23 Mar 2010, 9:59, Reply)

Just say "Ooo Matron" to everything she says
"You're a bit overweight"
Ooo Matron!

"I can recommend a weight loss program"
OOO MATRON!

"Look, it could lead to serious health problems in later life"
OOO MATRON!

That should put a stop to her meddlesome nursey ways.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 23 Mar 2010, 10:11, Reply)

THIS!

( Peej, Tue 23 Mar 2010, 10:23, Reply)

if you
make me laugh out loud at work one more time we are going to fall out. i mean it.

how is the chicken, btw??
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Mar 2010, 11:55, Reply)

Yes, they should.
I've just bought a dozen, but the day after Easter they'll all be on sale at half price so I'll buy even more.
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Tue 23 Mar 2010, 16:36, Reply)