b3ta.com qotw
You are not logged in. Login or Signup
Home » Question of the Week » Off Topic » Post 680098 | Search
This is a question Off Topic

Are you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.

(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
Pages: Latest, 837, 836, 835, 834, 833, ... 1

« Go Back | Popular

Let's play 'guess which news stories are April Fools'
My first guess is the one about the AA Rocketman
www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1262603/AA-jetpack.html

There was also this one:
www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1262745/Probe-launched-physical-sexual-abuse-year-old-schoolgirl-classmates.html
but that might be a bit close to the bone for an April Fool.

Also, yay for Fake Friday and 4 day weekends. Why is everyone going to Cornwall?
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 9:24, 116 replies, latest was 16 years ago)
I'm pretty sure that even the mail wouldn't joke about the abuse of a 6 year old.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 9:25, Reply)
oh and
www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2010/apr/01/labour-gordon-brown-hard-man
definatly
(PsychoChomp, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 9:28, Reply)
haha I like that one
There's one about ferrets in the Times, but I can't tell if that one is bollocks or not as it's plausible
www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/7541455/Ferrets-key-to-bridging-the-digital-divide-between-cities-and-rural-areas.html
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 9:29, Reply)
is it just me
or are all of those stories shit?

They aren't particularly funny or fooling
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 9:33, Reply)
They've become a journalism in joke
www.independent.co.uk/news/science/hadron-collider-ii-planned-for-circle-line-1932744.html
They're generally shit unless they're written in a very good way.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 9:34, Reply)
I like that one
particularly this bit
"It would mean that two beams of protons would be travelling in clockwise and counterclockwise directions at 99.999999 per cent of the speed of light, within feet of Circle line passengers stuck in perpetual immobility."
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 9:37, Reply)
ruined by:
Related articles
More Science News
Ten of the best April fool's hoaxes
Search the news archive for more stories
(PsychoChomp, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 9:41, Reply)
I liked the ferret one
but that's because I'm currently looking after my sister's ferret and there's no way it could have anything to do with broadband installation, it's way too retarded.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 9:38, Reply)
What is his/her name?

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 9:51, Reply)
She calls him Murphy
I call him Vin Weasel.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 9:52, Reply)
Hahah you fucking crank

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 9:53, Reply)
what's a crank?
I've never heard of that!
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 10:01, Reply)
Ferrets have been used for cable pulling for many years
Most notably during rewiring at St Pauls Cathedral.

They didn'y have hi vis jackets though
(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 10:16, Reply)
that's what I thought
so I wasn't sure if it was an April Fool or not. He does look cute in his hi vis jacket though
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 10:30, Reply)
Very.

(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 10:34, Reply)
Ok I actually just read the story
and now I feel a bit guilty
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 9:30, Reply)
It's the end of the world but Cornwall has been spared.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 9:26, Reply)
Damn, no one told me
I was going to hang around in Manchester and wonder why the sky was falling in
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 9:28, Reply)
to be honest
if you are in Manchester then the sky falling in is the least of your worries.

For those not yet left for the South West, you'll be pleased to hear that it is a gloriously sunny day
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 9:30, Reply)
I like Manchester!
I'm going to a vintage fair tomorrow, that's waayy better than lying on a beach in the sun....*sobs*
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 9:33, Reply)
it might be sunny
but it's still way too fucking cold to lie on the beach
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 9:35, Reply)
what's everyone going to be doing there?
besides eating cornish pasties
*feels left out*
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 9:39, Reply)
Don't you feel left out babe
I'm staying North-Westside too, kepin it reeeel.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 9:40, Reply)
yeah,
we'll look after the northwest contingency.

They'll all be so jealous when we've spent the weekend fighting zombies and all they've done is eat pasties.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 9:41, Reply)
We can get on top of our respective Beetham towers
and blink the red lights in Morse code!
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 9:44, Reply)
haha win!
My friend lives in Beetham Tower. Jammy cow.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 9:46, Reply)
Our one or your one?

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 9:49, Reply)
My one. Where's your one?

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 10:08, Reply)
Waterfront
www.liverpoolramblers.co.uk/Liverpool%20Waterfront%2002.jpg
I think the biggest and the second biggest there are both Beetham.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 10:12, Reply)
ahh I see
Does the Hilton own the lower half of yours too?
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 10:14, Reply)
No, our Hilton is in the Liverpool One complex
and only recently opened.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 10:19, Reply)
I've read so many armaggedon novels that I'm actually looking forward to the end of the world.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 9:44, Reply)
me too
we are going to be so well prepared. I might make a zombie movie soundtrack so I can be ready at a moment's notice and have the correct musical backdup for the carnage.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 9:46, Reply)
good thinking
make sure you've read the Zombie Survival Guide too
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 9:50, Reply)
I really want one of those red box things with a rifle inside
that says "In case of Zombies break glass"
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 9:52, Reply)
I am very '80s-nuclear-paranoia-inspired'
rather than zombified.
Either way, I'll really be under the covers singing Dancing with Tears in my Eyes.
*coward*
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 9:51, Reply)
I'll look after you.
I haz survival skillz.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 9:55, Reply)
If I go totally to pieces
will you also remain calm and get Tigger in his travel box?
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 9:57, Reply)
What, so the zombies
can carry him off to enjoy later with greater ease?
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 9:58, Reply)
No
So I can pick him up and run when I have to.
Or so I can make sure he dies with the cyanide with me.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 9:59, Reply)
Are you drunk already?
Edits: damn, edited.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 9:59, Reply)
EDITED
You little fucker.
Ooh, shall I get drunk?
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 10:00, Reply)
Your employers may not enjoy that too much

(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 10:02, Reply)
I IZ OFF

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 10:03, Reply)
As long as you do everything I say we will be okay.
There may be times when you will not agree with my actions but it will be for the best.

It will be me and you against the world or what's left of it.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 10:01, Reply)
I'm really crap
Once we nearly missed A COACH from Sheffield.
And I got all sweaty and limp, leant on a shop window and said to my ex
"I can't run anymore. Go, get the coach, I'll stay in Sheffield..."
I probably meant forever at that point.
Mind you I was 18. Maybe I'm tough like steel now...
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 10:03, Reply)
Haha!
You're going to have to toughen up a bit more for the end of the world.

It's going to be grim.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 10:05, Reply)
I dumped my wife on facebook
and I have had about 8 "oh noes wot hpnd!" messages.
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 9:39, Reply)
hahaha that's pretty funny

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 9:39, Reply)
3 of my friends changed their birthdays on fb to today

(PsychoChomp, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 9:42, Reply)
My landlady (pub one) has done that

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 9:43, Reply)
Haha!
I hope she has a sense of humour.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 9:42, Reply)
She's in on it
No-one else is
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 9:49, Reply)
Is there a twist?
As in, you really have dumped your wife and you can use the facebook postings as court evidence that it was an amicable split and you get to keep your house/pension/balls?
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 10:03, Reply)
I think that's his game

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 10:04, Reply)
The sly dawg
and he would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for you pesky B3ta kids...
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 10:06, Reply)
that is splendid

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 9:43, Reply)
Everyone is going to Cornwall because Dunstable is full.

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 1 Apr 2010, 9:54, Reply)
Now I'm single
I might go to Dunstable
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 10:05, Reply)
*sticks out hitch hiking thumb*

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 10:06, Reply)
Or Todmorden.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 10:06, Reply)
One of the most 'attractive in a strange way' women I know is from dunstable.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 10:14, Reply)
Does she have three breasts?

(Bazongaloid, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 10:16, Reply)
she's from Dunstable
not Mars
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 10:17, Reply)
She's from Dunstable not Mars

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 10:17, Reply)
yes

(PsychoChomp, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 10:18, Reply)
here's an example of what I mean
good photo: sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc1/hs259.snc1/10629__503322030_3018342_7327026_n.jpg
weird photo: sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-snc1/v271/214/79/50/n503322030_997531_3245.jpg
(PsychoChomp, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 10:21, Reply)
she still looks attractive in the second one

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 10:22, Reply)
I agree.
Nothing weird about her unless she has a vestigial tail we can't see.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 10:24, Reply)
I never said she wasn't attractive,
I would even call her "hot" I think she just is in a slightly weird/sophie ellis bextor way.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 10:25, Reply)
I just remembered that I proposed to her drunk on facebook chat a month or so ago.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 10:26, Reply)
Classy move...

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 10:28, Reply)
She said yes,
does that mean I'm engaged?
(PsychoChomp, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 10:29, Reply)
certainly does
congratulations
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 10:29, Reply)
I could do a lot worse, she's actually very cool.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 10:31, Reply)
you should remind her that you are engaged

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 10:36, Reply)
Yes and any attempt to deny it will result in legal proceedings

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 10:30, Reply)
You be sent to jail for Breach of Promise
much like Mr Pickwick was in The Pickwick Papers
(Bazongaloid, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 10:44, Reply)
Are facebook chatlogs legally binding?
*is worried*
(PsychoChomp, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 10:45, Reply)

*buys hat*
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 10:49, Reply)
if so
she's probably a lot more worried than you
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 10:49, Reply)
Last friday some very attractive chick said, "why aren't you married you're amazing"
to me.

in between the retching from vodka shots
(PsychoChomp, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 10:53, Reply)
You spent friday night talking on facebook to a "girl"
on the internet. You have an awesome life.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 10:54, Reply)
I was outside at a party,
trying to stop her being sick.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 10:55, Reply)
Yeah
you were "outside" at a "party"
(Bazongaloid, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 10:59, Reply)
oh yeah
preying on women who can't stand up. Tut tut.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 11:00, Reply)
why would you try and stop someone being sick
if they need to be sick then they probably should be
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 11:02, Reply)
They were being sick because he was near them
he was trying to make people believe it wasn't because of him. But they didn't
(Bazongaloid, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 11:07, Reply)
then surely all he'd need to do to stop her is leave?

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 11:10, Reply)
You know that
and I know that, chompy still hasn't grasped it
(Bazongaloid, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 11:13, Reply)
we all know there is only one thing he can manage to grasp

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 11:14, Reply)
And even then he needs some tweezers and a magnifying glass

(Bazongaloid, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 11:16, Reply)
IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE IT'S TRUE!

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 11:17, Reply)
I don't find sophie ellis bextor attractive
she has a weird face

whereas that girl doesn't
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 10:30, Reply)
She looks alright to me
What's strange about her attractiveness?
(Bazongaloid, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 10:23, Reply)
In reality, she has a cock.

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 1 Apr 2010, 10:38, Reply)
Will she thank you for posting her pictures on a website full of embittered internet loners?

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 10:42, Reply)
Oi!
I'm the only embittered internet loner on here.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 10:51, Reply)
I'm embittered too
but I'm getting married.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 10:54, Reply)
we're all embittered here
we are the bitter moths and b3ta is our flame
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 11:01, Reply)
Though I slag off Dunstable
The first lady who let me fiddle with her bits lived in Dunstable.
Happy days.

*sighs longingly*
(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 10:20, Reply)
The Beeb one
about Shakespeare's mother being French, I reckon.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 10:19, Reply)
My favourite April fools joke
Was the one about there being a bash in Cornwall this weekend. Boy, am I pleased I didn't fall for THAT one!
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 1 Apr 2010, 10:33, Reply)
The cornish will harvest their kidneys and grind their bones for flour

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 10:35, Reply)
We will you know

(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 11:02, Reply)
there's nothing that a Cornish man likes better
than to club someone and eat their bones.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 11:13, Reply)
Ha!

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 10:41, Reply)
I bet some people did
I bet some of them drive all the way there only to find that the place is full of inbred weirdos. And Clendrix's norks.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 10:45, Reply)
Mind you.
I think travelling all the way down to Cornwall just to see Clendrix's norks is reason enough.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 10:48, Reply)
I heard Cornwall
was made up of Clendrix's norks, they form the rolling hills.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 11:01, Reply)
and the craggy granite outcrops

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 11:03, Reply)
She doesn't have granite nipple
In my head they look like jelly tots on top of a white iced wedding cake.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 11:06, Reply)
I bet they become like granite
given the right conditions
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 11:09, Reply)
Just add spunk

(Bazongaloid, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 11:13, Reply)
*makes notes*

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 11:14, Reply)
They're all soft and bouncy
and they smell slightly spunky
(Bazongaloid, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 11:03, Reply)

« Go Back | Reply To This »

Pages: Latest, 837, 836, 835, 834, 833, ... 1