Thread Jack - What's the worst book you've ever read
When on holiday in the middle of nowhere in Tuscany (you must go it's epic) I had run out of books and was left with...P.S. I Love you, reading it was like punching myself in the brain whilst masterbating; confusing, painful, retarding but unstoppable.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 9:04, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Zen and the art of Motorcycle maintenance.
The most boring book ever. Mind you I was only a teenager when I read it.
( girlinthehole, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 9:06, Reply)

The Devil Wears fucking Prada
It was so shit, it's the only book I've stopped reading in the middle. And everyone harped on about it so much that I was quite looking forward to it. The film is equally boring and shit, but women everywhere love it for no apparent reason.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 9:09, Reply)

This
www.amazon.co.uk/Utopia-Lincoln-Child/dp/0099462230/ref=sr_1_15?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1270714179&sr=1-15
My housemate bought it in an airport and lasted 2 chapters. I read the whole thing out of stubborness. It was increadibly cheesy.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 9:11, Reply)

God that sounds awful

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 9:13, Reply)

There's a robot dog companion in it.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 9:14, Reply)

Just like that shit sci-fi thing on the BBC
something about a GP who kidnaps teenage girls.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 9:17, Reply)

^ genius

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 11:14, Reply)

I didn't bother reading your link
so based on the fact that it has a robot dog in it, it sounds full of win.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 9:18, Reply)

Blue Fires
about Nazi flying saucers.

This is what a review said: 'Blue fires' is an example of wild speculation morphing into 'fact'. Hyland clearly has little understanding of physics, aerodynamics, history, propulsion systems, geography and logic - all areas in... etc.

I was very disapointed.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 9:13, Reply)

hard to say
I've read some shit

most recent bad one was Nemesis by Bill Napier. I'd read one of his previously which had a rather good concept, but Nemesis was unbelievably shit.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 9:13, Reply)

Maybe not the worst ever
but the most disappointing has been 'Moby-Dick'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 9:15, Reply)

I also found that rather disappointing
if he'd just got on and told the fucking story it would've been better.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 9:20, Reply)

Very disappointing.
Not nearly enough dick.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 9:30, Reply)

I think you've had quite enough already
(not implying that catface has a lot here, to be clear)
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 9:55, Reply)

"Cloud Atlas" by David Mitchell (not the guy from peep show)
6 loosley related short stories pretending to be a novel.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 9:21, Reply)

that got raved about
my mrs thought it was shit as well
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 9:22, Reply)

Tell me about it
I saw the reviews and all the praise on Amazon...and it was utter bollocks. I bought my copy 2nd hand and I could tell from the spine crease that the previous owner had given up 1/4 way through.

Unfortunately I have to finish a book, no matter how piss poor it is.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 9:28, Reply)

I really enjoyed that one actually
I thought it was quite clever. Some of the stories worked better than others, but I thought it was good. You probably think I'm a massive bender now.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 11:34, Reply)

christ too many to name
Tommyknockers was just torture, I usually get on ok with Stephen King books but it took me years to read in.

Also never ever ever read anything by kevin j anderson, he has an unnering ability to churn out massive amounts of utter shite that is just soul destroyingly bad
(Halfy By light alone, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 9:24, Reply)

I've read a load of kevin j anderson
it is mostly shit, but it tells you something about the other authors who wrote star wars follow ones that his are among the best.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 9:28, Reply)

Anything by James Patterson.
The fact that he is the most borrowed author from British libraries confirms my suspicion that libraries are predominately frequented by retarbs (staff excluded). It was like reading the Simple Wikipedia version of Harlan Coben.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 9:29, Reply)

Yeah
I've read a couple of his books, but they did seem all fast paced action with no depth.

Coben, however, is a master of his art.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 9:30, Reply)

Patterson's books consist of sentences like:
I knew something was wrong the moment I saw the body.
"Oh, you're the top FBI profiler," said the cop by the door.
"Yes." I said. "A good, god-fearing profiler. And it looks like we have a murderer on our hands."

(That's about the length of one 'chapter' as well. No joke.)
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 9:35, Reply)

this is true
I've read most of them (because they take seconds each) and a couple show a tiny amount of merit, but for the most part they are dire. and getting worse.

don't get me started on the ones he writes with someone else...
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 9:53, Reply)

I've mentioned it before
But The Vampire Armand was the most turgid piece of literature I've ever bore witness to. I got about half way through the 600-odd pages and nothing had happened save for a generations old vampire bumming a young boy and then turning him into one of the undead. Honestly, he could have done that in two pages then Anne Rice could have got on with the story... oh, hang on, that WAS the story.

I never finished it. Biggest pile of shit ever (although to be fair I have yet to read any Dan Brown).
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 8 Apr 2010, 10:04, Reply)

haha
couldn't agree more. I've read most of the Anne Rice vampire books, and that one does stand out as a much larger piece of crap than the others.

reckon anyone other than Monty would enjoy reading about vampire paedo gays?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 10:12, Reply)

I quite liked the first few
Up to Memnoch the Devil. The Vampire Armand put me off reading Anne Rice for good after that.

To answer your second question... no.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 8 Apr 2010, 10:25, Reply)