Should I build a time machine?
It would take the world's bestest scientific minds a couple of years, but I could pay them by winning all the lotteries for the next year. Hey, and last year too.

If I do, where and when would you want to go?
Me, I'm going back to get a marathon bar from 1996.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Mon 26 Apr 2010, 13:55, 74 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

back to saturday night
*sigh*
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 26 Apr 2010, 13:58, Reply)

Eighteen months ago.
For reasons that are now too boring to go into.
( girlinthehole, Mon 26 Apr 2010, 13:58, Reply)

But do go into - is there nakedness?

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Mon 26 Apr 2010, 14:22, Reply)

Only of my soul.
*drama queens*
( girlinthehole, Mon 26 Apr 2010, 14:26, Reply)

You have got it bad today. But spring is here, life is skittles and life is beer.
Tell us of this soul baring
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Mon 26 Apr 2010, 14:28, Reply)

I do love Skittles but I usually eat to many and feel sick.

( girlinthehole, Mon 26 Apr 2010, 14:30, Reply)

Alternate hanfduls of Skittles and bombay mix will do that.
Why isn't it Mumbai Mix?
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Mon 26 Apr 2010, 14:33, Reply)

Beijing duck?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 26 Apr 2010, 16:23, Reply)

I am so fucking hungry

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 26 Apr 2010, 16:34, Reply)

Me too Kitz
I've been bad all weekend and morning though, So tonight I shall have to eat healthily :(
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 26 Apr 2010, 16:39, Reply)

Put it on my bill, waiter.

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Mon 26 Apr 2010, 16:38, Reply)

ouch

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 26 Apr 2010, 16:39, Reply)

Hmmm
Back to around the 19 year old stage

No hangovers and bigger Mars Bars!
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Apr 2010, 13:59, Reply)

And bigger Wagon Wheels.
Actually, that was when I was 9 years old. I don't think there were Mars Bars back then.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Mon 26 Apr 2010, 14:39, Reply)

I'd go fifty years into the future
and have a look around
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 26 Apr 2010, 14:03, Reply)

- to see if the future works? Or purely a personal review of your own future?

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Mon 26 Apr 2010, 14:23, Reply)

Both
I wouldn't just check out my own future, I'd wander around a lot and get some ideas
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 26 Apr 2010, 14:32, Reply)

Then come back and write the book. Winner.
What era of history are you studying, and how come you're not zooming off there?
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Mon 26 Apr 2010, 14:36, Reply)

I'm studying 13th century atm
and have decided on Augustan Rome for my thesis. Sadly I have no language talents so though I'd love to go back in the past there I wouldn't be able to communicate
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 26 Apr 2010, 15:19, Reply)

I'll get the lads onto a language translator, That'll be worth a few week's lottery wins.


But you could observe, and then get burnt as a witch.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Mon 26 Apr 2010, 15:24, Reply)

ooh a translator would be handy
but I'd have to crossdress in order to get away with it. Pretend to be a foreign barbarian from Britain
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 26 Apr 2010, 15:25, Reply)

that's been made a free citizen like?
I thought Roman women were free to assemble and such - I have no citation for that belief.

Tempting to take a camcorder: could get tricky though.
Hard enough explaining the voice translator.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Mon 26 Apr 2010, 15:32, Reply)

the problem is
I wouldn't pass for Roman. There obviously were blond Romans with pale skin, but they weren't the average. Roman woman were better off than Greek, but still restricted
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 26 Apr 2010, 15:38, Reply)

Fuck it - take an Uzi with you.
Problem sorted.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Mon 26 Apr 2010, 15:43, Reply)

They were indeed
and were major property owners and hugely important behind the scenes politically too. A cursory glance at the roles of various Emperors' mothers tells you all you need to know....
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Apr 2010, 16:46, Reply)

afraid I have to disagree with you Monty
yes individual women could be powerful (and often were- Emperor's mothers are good examples Messalina, and Livia etc) but the average women wasn't (though better than at some times in history)
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 26 Apr 2010, 17:02, Reply)

Hang on, Hang on -
I'm pretty sure Augustin claimed a virgin birth.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Mon 26 Apr 2010, 17:04, Reply)

nope
definitely not. Augustus wasn't even a big fan of the whole god cult business, and would never have claimed such a thing. You might be thinking of Jesus

Edit: Oops you were talking about Augustine. I read Augustus. Point still holds though. Virgin births before Christian doctrine became popular, were certainly part of mythology, but after not really
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 26 Apr 2010, 17:06, Reply)

I do that all the time!
You know, I have read afew of those old timers claimed virgin birth, which is probably why it was claimed for Jesus.
Vespasian, I'm sure. Alexander. Caligula - well obviously.
Your area; far from mine.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Mon 26 Apr 2010, 17:11, Reply)

Ahh I see where we differ
the Christian virgin birth is different in doctrine because of the general belief that God simply made it be so, whereas other 'pagan' beliefs were pretty sure intercourse had taken place on the God's behalf. Alexander claimed Zeus as father, Caligula of course, Augustus had it bandied about (but doesn't seem to have believed it himself) while not sure on Vespasian who seems eminently too sensible to even try and disseminate that
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 26 Apr 2010, 17:21, Reply)

Wasn't Mary 'visited' by an angel?

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Tue 27 Apr 2010, 9:06, Reply)

Quintus hominus est
Scintilla femina est
Quintus vis pono penis in Scintilla ut se placere

_{(This is probably all horrendously incorrect and I apologise profusely to anyone who has studied Latin more recently and/or thoroughly than I ever bothered to.)}
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 26 Apr 2010, 15:42, Reply)

this was obviously sourced
from the Cambridge Latin Course ;) good old Quintus
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 26 Apr 2010, 15:46, Reply)

Most worryingly,
If I remember correcly, Scintilla was the name of his mother...
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 26 Apr 2010, 16:33, Reply)

But you have doubts?

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Mon 26 Apr 2010, 16:40, Reply)

sadly
I'm pretty sure Metella was his mother.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 26 Apr 2010, 17:00, Reply)

Caecilius was a fucking homo
(literally, ho ho)

and if I ever see that cunt Grumio in the fucking tablino I shall pop a cap in his ass.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Apr 2010, 16:43, Reply)

what did you have against Grumio?
apart from him being a grumpy cunt
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 26 Apr 2010, 17:00, Reply)

He caught him casting a cursory glance at the role of his mother.

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Mon 26 Apr 2010, 17:03, Reply)

haha
and buggering the slave boy whose name I can't remember

Edit: Monty how was Caecilius a homo?
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 26 Apr 2010, 17:07, Reply)

The little lad who swims with the fish? Or am I thinking of Claudius and his carp pond?
All those old geezers in bedsheets look the same.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Mon 26 Apr 2010, 17:13, Reply)

pono penis pteredactyl
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Mon 26 Apr 2010, 15:46, Reply)

Any time from January 8th to yesterday at 4pm

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 26 Apr 2010, 14:05, Reply)

Because at 4pm yesterday ... ?

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Mon 26 Apr 2010, 14:24, Reply)

my train was pulling into Liverpool
and I was back to reality.
I'll be having fun over the next couple of weeks, but not the exact kind of fun I'm counting down to.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 26 Apr 2010, 14:28, Reply)

Step into my time machine.
Going back 4 months - or forward two weeks?
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Mon 26 Apr 2010, 14:30, Reply)

Forward two weeks please!
I have a very good memory so I can relive anything already experienced.
(But unfortunatley this means I cannot erase the memory of two wild dogs shagging in the zoo on Saturday)
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 26 Apr 2010, 15:22, Reply)

Full ahead both engines - your stop m'selle.
I'll be back in two weeks.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Mon 26 Apr 2010, 15:27, Reply)

:D
Avanti, Larry!
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 26 Apr 2010, 16:15, Reply)

Aw! Troughs and peaks hon.

( girlinthehole, Mon 26 Apr 2010, 14:31, Reply)

Troof

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 26 Apr 2010, 15:22, Reply)

I think I'd probably choose to go back to a week last Tuesday.

( Peej, Mon 26 Apr 2010, 14:07, Reply)

Anything you'd like to share from back then?

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Mon 26 Apr 2010, 14:37, Reply)

Don't you remember? I did all the laundry, and then we watched TV.
Wow, we won't see the like of THOSE sorts of days again.
( Peej, Mon 26 Apr 2010, 14:56, Reply)

I miss the laundry.

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Mon 26 Apr 2010, 15:16, Reply)

I also would win the lottery.
I would then use the proceeds to buy many more jackpot winning tickets, all in the same week, thus splitting the prize into several million smaller prizes of less than a pound.
(ThomsonsPier consumes, Mon 26 Apr 2010, 14:09, Reply)

I'd like to go back to last night and not eat so much Bombay mix,
I had a terrible taste in my mouth this morning.
( girlinthehole, Mon 26 Apr 2010, 14:28, Reply)

There is nothing a gentleman could say to that

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Mon 26 Apr 2010, 14:45, Reply)

Well, it'll be the nineteenth century for me.
One of Napoleon's marshals. The chance to march across Europe with the greatest general of all time and kill Belgians. Marvellous.
( Peej, Mon 26 Apr 2010, 14:57, Reply)

I've built a time machine out of tin foil and cornflake boxes.
It's not very good though, you can only go forward in time at a rate of 1 second per second.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Mon 26 Apr 2010, 15:13, Reply)

Keep at it.
Come back last week and tell us how it's going.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Mon 26 Apr 2010, 15:15, Reply)

Anyone seen 'Primer'?
A rather nice low budget film about time travel. Quite mundane with no explosions or CGI. It does end up stupidly complicated though.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Mon 26 Apr 2010, 15:32, Reply)

I've seen 'Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs' which is brill.
No time travel in it: plenty of other lolwhacky stuff.
Drop it in the viddy, sit back, smoke 'em if you got 'em.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Mon 26 Apr 2010, 15:37, Reply)

I've seen a guy getting his face obliterated with a hammer.
It was deeply unpleasant, but I felt compelled to watch. Plenty of whacky but absolutely no lol.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Mon 26 Apr 2010, 16:17, Reply)

Ever seen Tokyo Gore Police?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Apr 2010, 16:42, Reply)

Don't bother. It doesn't work properly.
You and your "It's fine I don't need that bit."
I'm going to get you and batter you to death with this rattle.
When I've had my nappy changed.

Ooh, breasts. I like breasts. Nom Nom.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 26 Apr 2010, 15:42, Reply)

I told you, all right,
I will tell you, to take some spare AA batteries.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Mon 26 Apr 2010, 15:48, Reply)

Ah that;'s better.
Fucking AA batteries. How could you be so stupid?
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 26 Apr 2010, 17:37, Reply)

As a history nut,
professional nostalgist (I am aware this is not actually a word) and vehement loather of the present-day, there are a million and one times and places in the past I would give my right arm to see.

London 1966
Seattle ‘64 to see The Sonics & The Wailers in their prime
Ancient Egypt, Greece, Rome etc.
Tudor London, Regency London, Victorian London….
Aztec/Inca/Mayan culture pre Spanish conquest

Fuck it, I’d take the mid 80s over this shit….
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Apr 2010, 16:42, Reply)

I did London in 1966
It was overrated.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 26 Apr 2010, 16:50, Reply)

So did I - don't remember it, natch.

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Mon 26 Apr 2010, 16:54, Reply)

Did you see Hendrix?
My Godmother did, when he was on one of those package tours with, I think, The Walker Brothers.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Apr 2010, 17:49, Reply)

Would you be tempted to offer Top Tips, like,
'Don't look now' to King Harold, or 'Best set the timer' to King Alfred.
Or 'if you blow air through that molton pig iron the carbon will oxidise and generate a greater heat' to King James, who would probably top you.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Mon 26 Apr 2010, 16:53, Reply)

I'd go back to December 1995
working evenings in a petrol station. This time I'd listen to my friends making "for fuck's sake NO!!!" gestures behind the back of the girl who was asking me out. It would have saved an awful lot of bother.
(WillI'mNot logs in twice a year, every year, Mon 26 Apr 2010, 23:02, Reply)