I done a poo in the fishtank
And now my Guppys won't swim

:(
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 25 May 2010, 7:22, 43 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Hello Stranger
What have you been up to?
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 25 May 2010, 7:32, Reply)

My Zebrafish look more like Tigers now

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 25 May 2010, 7:34, Reply)

Scrub them in bleach then.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 25 May 2010, 7:34, Reply)

Ok!
and hello, Bertleby. How 3e you doing?

I hope life is treating you like a game of snakes and ladders with a disproportionate ratio of ladders leading directly to 100
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 25 May 2010, 7:47, Reply)

All my ladders are horizontal,
As the song goes, "The only way is along, baby"
Can't complain though, as nobody will listen.

How's you?
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 25 May 2010, 7:52, Reply)

I wouldn't have asked if I'd known you were going to go all emo on me. I'm on the train to work! Woowoo! Chuffachuffachuffa Woowoo! First great western spoil all my fun :(

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 25 May 2010, 7:59, Reply)

Well thanks for that.
If you think I'm and emo, you should see some of the crowd round here.
Bunch of wrist slitting misery guts they are, and no mistake.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 25 May 2010, 8:03, Reply)

I hope that they all die
A premature death
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 25 May 2010, 8:15, Reply)

I'm not sure you can talk like that here at the moment.
:(
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 25 May 2010, 8:26, Reply)

Whyever not?

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 25 May 2010, 8:27, Reply)

A number of people are in mourning for a beloved B3tan

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 25 May 2010, 8:30, Reply)

You mean Jessie?
She really was one of the good ones, I'd gladly swap 99% of the people here to bring her back
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 25 May 2010, 8:52, Reply)

it's worth a shot
you fire up the chainsaw, I'll load the .50 cal.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 25 May 2010, 9:27, Reply)

How did Donkey Gums get Bert's account?

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 25 May 2010, 8:36, Reply)

I kicked a rainbow
Til it sicked a puppy
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 25 May 2010, 8:56, Reply)

generally that's a good reason for guppy not to swim.

(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 25 May 2010, 7:45, Reply)

So's your face
Massivelols!

Seriously, Poppet. Are we gonna do it, or what?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 25 May 2010, 7:51, Reply)

oh you're a wit you are.

(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 25 May 2010, 7:53, Reply)

It's like two minds
Working together as one
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 25 May 2010, 7:57, Reply)

lolwacky stuff.

(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 25 May 2010, 7:59, Reply)

You're patronising me :(
Be nice or I'll tell my mum on you
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 25 May 2010, 8:02, Reply)

oh god no, not your mother!
Don't worry bert. I'll be nice and non-patronisy now
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 25 May 2010, 8:06, Reply)

howdy bert
n poppet, hows things?
(Halfy By light alone, Tue 25 May 2010, 8:15, Reply)

busy, got a chemistry sac tomorrow.. :(

(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 25 May 2010, 8:19, Reply)

boo!
but good luck, plugged your ears up to stop all the revision leaking out the sides?
(Halfy By light alone, Tue 25 May 2010, 8:22, Reply)

'Things' are neither specific, nor conclusive
ask less general questions
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 25 May 2010, 8:22, Reply)

Hello mr sex monkey
do you like cauliflowers?
(Halfy By light alone, Tue 25 May 2010, 8:23, Reply)

Hello Mr Halfpants
No. I do not like cauliflowers, because when I put them in my buttonholes they stink-up my lapels.

How are you doing?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 25 May 2010, 8:26, Reply)

Aye plodding along thanks
looking forward to some lie ins and not staring at a compputer monitor for a few days.

you back for good or just roaring through the boards like a comet burning up in the atmosphere and planning another spectacular impact / exit again?
(Halfy By light alone, Tue 25 May 2010, 8:29, Reply)

Mr Monkeysex.
Why have you returned?
Your public needs to know.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Tue 25 May 2010, 8:25, Reply)

Stop avoiding the question and give me a straight answer.
It's a simple enough question.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Tue 25 May 2010, 8:32, Reply)

I have returned
Because the mongfairy told me what you'd been doing to that special needs kid with the gammy eye.

I'm here to put right what once went wrong, hoping that each leap will be the leap home
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 25 May 2010, 8:33, Reply)

Thank you. That wasn't too hard was it.
Enough role play. Your turn to be Paxman.

And anyway, licking my gammy eye makes a change from windows. He likes the flavour.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Tue 25 May 2010, 8:36, Reply)

Before your final leap,
Could you punch Dean Stockwell in the face for me. Annoying twat.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 25 May 2010, 8:39, Reply)

Bert IS Al. Al-bert.
Gosh you is slow boy.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Tue 25 May 2010, 8:41, Reply)

Oops!
Can I ask him to punch himself in the face then?
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 25 May 2010, 8:44, Reply)

Bert?
Bert!

Hello, nephew.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 25 May 2010, 8:38, Reply)

Hello auntie
I hear you're knocked up.

Congratulations, I'll give you 15-1 odds-on that it's stillborn
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 25 May 2010, 9:00, Reply)

If she is, I'm naming her after you.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 25 May 2010, 9:38, Reply)

Bert!
*bends over*
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 25 May 2010, 8:41, Reply)

You again. How wondrous.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 25 May 2010, 8:56, Reply)

I've missed you too, Montgomery
How are you doing?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 25 May 2010, 9:06, Reply)

I am fair-to-middling, old boy.
Are you well?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 25 May 2010, 9:12, Reply)