No thanks.
I'm an adult.

UNRELATED:

I realised last night I'm in love with a friend of mine. On paper we couldn't be worse suited: she's from Middlesbrough for fuck's sake, and works in advertising for the porn industry. I've known her for years and we spent last night in deep, deep conversation. She's extraordinarily well read, extremely funny and fucking gorgeous. It's a terrible idea.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 May 2010, 8:27, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Nice tits?

( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 28 May 2010, 8:33, Reply)

Absolutely cracking.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 May 2010, 8:34, Reply)

Well then
You'll just have to overlook the Middlesbrough thing!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 28 May 2010, 8:36, Reply)

It's extremely difficult
because every time she opens her trap THERE IT IS.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 May 2010, 8:40, Reply)

Oh Monty!
*shakes head*
( girlinthehole, Fri 28 May 2010, 8:41, Reply)

Hmm, yes. I see your problem.
It could be worse though. She could be a scouser.

*ducks to avoid missile launched by Roota*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 28 May 2010, 8:42, Reply)

or a Broomay.
That would be a deal-breaker.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 May 2010, 8:45, Reply)

Perhaps she thinks you speak all "la-di-da".

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 28 May 2010, 8:49, Reply)

She rips the massive piss out of me for it the whole time.
I think it's hilarious.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 May 2010, 8:52, Reply)

So...
you also can make her laugh.

Apart from the class/accent thing, I'm not seeing any downsides here.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 28 May 2010, 8:54, Reply)

He's going on holiday with his ex for two weeks
/helpfully pointing out the downsides
(PsychoChomp, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:00, Reply)

I am determined to have no 'funny business'
with that fruitcake on holiday. Determined, I tell you.

*capitulates on day 2*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:03, Reply)

Isn't that in a couple of days?
Can't all this wait until you get back?
(PsychoChomp, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:05, Reply)

It's been simmering for a good two years
so yes. She's always away at fucking porn conventions anyway. Amsterdam, LA etc.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:08, Reply)

best. work trip. evar.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:18, Reply)

Please try hard not to
Or you won't get much sympathy from us lot.

If you make day 4 you'll get a sweetie.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:05, Reply)

Yes, and...
it'll be a good way not to end up shagging the ex.

In theory.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:03, Reply)

I went out with someone posh once.
Didn't do me any harm.
( girlinthehole, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:01, Reply)

Of course not, everyone needs touch of class in them

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:03, Reply)

You can't take the piss out of someone being right

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:01, Reply)

Never stopped him before.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:03, Reply)

I meant her

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:04, Reply)

LOL

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:06, Reply)

Why?
Is she beneath you?

Right now?
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 28 May 2010, 8:35, Reply)

She's common as muck* by her own admission.

*'mook'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 May 2010, 8:41, Reply)

There will always be a problem then.
Sad, because you should be able to see through her lack of class and funny accent, and concentrate on her good points. Straining to be released from her see through blouse.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 28 May 2010, 8:46, Reply)

She's fucking loaded
and seems to spend it all on expensive lingerie.

What am I thinking?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 May 2010, 8:50, Reply)

You're thinking,
how many ridiculous excuses can I make up to stop going for it.
So far I can count one.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 28 May 2010, 8:51, Reply)

And it's only a problem if she speaks.
Which she can't do with her mouth full...
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 28 May 2010, 8:52, Reply)

She'd have me for fucking breakfast.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 May 2010, 8:53, Reply)

you certainly have a type.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 28 May 2010, 8:55, Reply)

Yes boss, What are you thinking?
Is it the thought of you meeting her parents?
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 28 May 2010, 8:52, Reply)

The other way round.
My mother would disown me.

/complete lie
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:03, Reply)

When I met a "posh" ex's parents it was very hard work.
Thet still didn't like me after I thrashed them at triv. We split up soon after.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:09, Reply)

If you want to ruin all hopes of a relationship
bring her to Als bash.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 28 May 2010, 8:41, Reply)

Fuck that shit.
I like her.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 May 2010, 8:44, Reply)

Damn, I was going to tell her about the time you used the wrong their/there.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 28 May 2010, 8:45, Reply)

She'd never believe you.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 May 2010, 8:46, Reply)

I have it printed off and laminated.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 28 May 2010, 8:46, Reply)

Go for it
Nothing ventured, nothing gained, live for the moment, and all that
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 28 May 2010, 8:43, Reply)

Carpe diem too, Bert?

( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 28 May 2010, 8:44, Reply)

That must be some godawful sex act
I've never heard of, but yeah, sure, that too
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 28 May 2010, 8:55, Reply)

But is she mental?
Smoggies are usually a bit strange. It's the lack of oxygen does it.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 28 May 2010, 8:51, Reply)

Not at all, as far as I can tell.
I've known her for a long time and at worst you'd say she's a bit of a 'ladette' *cringes*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:06, Reply)

Replace her orange squash with bleach
When she drinks it her vocal cords will be destroyed thus preventing her from speaking.
Then when she is recovering who'll be there? Monty!
When she cries in the night who'll be there? Monty!
When she decides to learn sign langauge who will have already learnt it in preparation? Monty!

Who wins? Monty!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 28 May 2010, 8:51, Reply)

Like your thinking, young man.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 May 2010, 8:52, Reply)

teach her how to speak properly through the medium of song
a la My Fair Lady.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:20, Reply)

Excellent idea.
*writes educational song to the tune of 'Crocodile Shoes'*


*I know Jimmy Nail's not from Middlesbrough.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:24, Reply)

Damn! Beaten to it!
Although I was going to reference Pygmalion. /classy
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:39, Reply)

Wrong side of t'Pennines lad
crack on......
(Purpledoris I've got afeckin' job, Fri 28 May 2010, 10:54, Reply)