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(

rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)

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fortunately my mrs laughed when I got her on the ear
it was her own fault, she turned her head at the wrong moment
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:04, 2 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I once tried to trick Wiggy into jizzing all over his own belly
but he guessed what I was going to do and got me in the side of the neck. It went in my hair and everything :(
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:06, Reply)

you two are excellent
I'd be annoyed if my mrs did that. I'm quite hairy, and it'd be a bugger to clean up
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:07, Reply)

yeah, showers are such a pain.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:08, Reply)

more of a pain then not having one
when the only reason you need one is an avoidable jizz-covering
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:10, Reply)

Yeah, but don't you shower after sex?!

(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:11, Reply)

I find it's better to shower before sex
Then I can do a proper gentleman's wash
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K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:12, Reply)

not always and not immediately
also, being in a stable loving relationship I don't feel dirty after sex, so don't feel the need that some of you might.
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:12, Reply)

^^ this
Have sex last thing at night, fall asleep together, have shower when you wake up.
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Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:13, Reply)

yeah
I always shower first thing anyway otherwise I don't wake up
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:14, Reply)

I tend to wake up first
It makes getting to the bathroom easier.
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K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:15, Reply)

doesn't work for me
I've had to train myself to sleepwalk to the shower

I do occasionally wake up standing in a wardrobe, 2 hours late for work...
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:17, Reply)

I'm a morning person
But my other half is the opposite. I can wake up before the alarm, and be out of bed within seconds, but she takes about an hour.

But at the close of day, I'm falling asleep during the 10 o'clock news while she's still wide awake for hours.
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K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:20, Reply)

sounds like our positions are reversed
my mrs is like you, and I'm like your mrs
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:23, Reply)

'm
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Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:24, Reply)

The two of you should clearly have sex

(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:25, Reply)

WIFESWAP!

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K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:25, Reply)

Same same
A shower is an essential part of my morning routine.
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Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:16, Reply)

Yeah I can't be arsed showering afterwards
it would usually mean having to go to bed with wet hair.

And I might catch a cold, eh Al, eh?! *elbows again*
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Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:17, Reply)

Yeah, but if you get hot and sweaty and stuff like that...
I hate falling asleep when I'm like that.

Not that I sleep with people after I've shagged them :(
(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:15, Reply)

You would if you were a bloke
It goes something like:

Ejaculate
Pull out
Turn over
Fart
Fall asleep

Within about 3 minutes. Unless I make a concerted effort to stay awake.
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K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:18, Reply)

You forgot
"Maintain a low level of unconscious flatulence throughout the night, which you'll be told off for the following morning."
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:20, Reply)

Very true
I sleepfart quite well, apparently. One of my mates first told me that when we shared a room in a youth hostel.
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K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:22, Reply)

And this ^
It's all hormones and chemicals innit, makes us menfolk very sleepy after blastoff. Please keep that in mind when you suddenly want to talk about what Deborah said to you at work today.
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Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:20, Reply)

I don't suffer from that
I don't sleep well, so even sex doesn't make me sleepy
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:21, Reply)

that's why you need a post-coital smoke
to all you to cool off.

also, I've got a water meter, if I had a shower after every time I had sex I'd be broke. KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

*looks around for someone to high five*
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:21, Reply)

Shut up and eat your croissant, there's a good boy

(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:22, Reply)

I've not slept with a smoker
but I imagine post shag fags would be great
(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:30, Reply)

they really are
even better is lying back with your shaggee and sparking a joint in bed.

bliss. no smoking in my house though :-(
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:31, Reply)

The person I'd most likely sleep with next if all goes well
doesn't think smoking suits me.

Then again, he's known me since I was 14 and innocent.
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Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:34, Reply)

pfft
smoking suits everyone, as long as they look like they are comfortable holding a cigarette.

also, it makes you look cool
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:35, Reply)

Lots of people have said they don't like to see me smoke
As in, at least 10.

I still do.
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Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:36, Reply)

why have they said that?
and did you tell them to find their damn business?

I've been told that smoking suits me. not that I really smoke cigarettes any more...
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:39, Reply)

I laughed and took another drag

(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:41, Reply)

good girl :-)

(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:42, Reply)

But kissing a lass who's just smoked
Is fucking GRIM.
(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:34, Reply)

never found that
even before I smoked
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:35, Reply)

It tasted how I imagine licking an ashtray would tase like.
Plus she was a bit of a minger, I was young and hadn't formed much in the way of standards by then.
(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:38, Reply)

Not always

(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:12, Reply)

He usually has to pay first.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:12, Reply)

*identifies with Vipros's issue*

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K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:08, Reply)

he has got a bit of a hairy belly so it would have been messy
but as it stood I was the one trying to detangle it out of my hair. It took a couple of shampoos to get it right again, jizz has the strangest qualities.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:16, Reply)

sounds like you deserved it though

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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:17, Reply)

It was only revenge for when he jizzed on my belly
and then smushed it all around like a kid in paint.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:27, Reply)

I love doing that!
From a scientific point of view, of course. The rheological properties of jizz are quite interesting.
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K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:28, Reply)

I don't understand how water makes it stickier
and harder to get off. WHAT THE HELL?!
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:31, Reply)

You have to emulsify it with soap to wash it off
It's designed to be sticky, so it hangs around inside your fanny long enough to let the tadpoles swim for the winning post.
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K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:33, Reply)

I find even washing with soap leaves a slight film of it on the skin
I've been advised the best way is to tissue off the bulk of it (apologies for using the word bulk there) and then wash the skin with soap and a bath puff thing or sponge.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:35, Reply)

I find tears are the best for washing off semen
Especially the chunky, chewy bits.
(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:37, Reply)

oh ew Lab, just ew.

(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:46, Reply)

Thought that might get that response

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Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:49, Reply)

Perhaps your bloke produces particularly tenacious jizz!

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K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:39, Reply)

yeah it's like go web go shit.

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Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:46, Reply)

I'm totally going to Zorro my mrs

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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:29, Reply)

hahaha

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Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:31, Reply)

Nowt wrong with it going on the belly
Most of the women I've been with have been of the "in me, not on me" mood.
(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:08, Reply)

I find that the most successful face/tit jizzings
are conducted when you've not had any for a while. If you can build up a week or two's worth, you get the full effect. Cleans out the sediment in the tank, as it were.
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:07, Reply)

When it resembles watery milk
Rather than toothpaste.
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Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:08, Reply)

Toothpaste?
My jizz is not abrasive, nor does it have red and blue stripes.
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K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:10, Reply)

you should get that checked out by a healthcare professional

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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:11, Reply)

I have to wring mine out by curling the end in

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Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:12, Reply)

Just so long as you don't squeeze it in the middle

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K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:12, Reply)

No, I'm no heathen!

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Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:13, Reply)

that would be awesome
if it was toothpaste
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Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:30, Reply)

I think the world, at large, would be at peace if this were so

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Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:34, Reply)

I would love it if it tasted of whatever he had drunk
I'd have him on pineapple smoothies every day.
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Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:36, Reply)

Or bacon butties?

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K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:38, Reply)

If it worked the other way too
I'd make my lady drink orange and banana smoothies.

Vipros would probably forcefeed his good lady Fois Gras and Bollinger.
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Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:40, Reply)

too fucking right
not bollinger though. 42 below or something
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:43, Reply)

I was struggling to think of posh drink

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Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:44, Reply)

I appreciate the sentiment
I'm not posh though.
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:46, Reply)

No, you're like me
Only Southern, Stoner and Surfer.
And engaged too.
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Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:47, Reply)

this is all true
my mate took some photos when we went surfing last weekend. I'm standing on the beach in my wetsuit in one looking like I'm having a spack attack of some kind...
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:08, Reply)

Might be an urban myth
But I thought pineapple made it taste sweeter?
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Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:39, Reply)

Not according to my girlfriend
We tried it and it made no difference.

We may need to repeat the experiment more often though, to get a statistically significant result. All in the name of science, you understand.
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K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:41, Reply)

I was going to say, a sample of '2' would get laughed out of all the good journals

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Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:42, Reply)

and yet it is used in all makeup adverts

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Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:50, Reply)

and eating asparagus makes your piss smell bad
So you could eat loads or pineapple and aspargus. As the first load goes on your good lady will well up at your lovely gesture. Then as you rinse it off she'll laugh at the subtlety of your cunning comedic ruse.
(

djtrialprice, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:42, Reply)

I've heard that too but it doesn't seem to make a difference I don't think
I did notice a difference when he quit smoking though, so that was pleasant.
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Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:45, Reply)

A lady's only tasted mine once, so don't have a lot to go on.

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Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:49, Reply)

start storing your samples
and then get a lady to do a blind taste test
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Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:51, Reply)

I have a lady, who doesn't wish to, and I respect that
But I might now throw some samples at blind people.
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Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:56, Reply)

it's an odd thing
I've never been with a lady who hasn't been keen to gobble it down, not that I mind either way.
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:06, Reply)

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