Be Nice to Strangers, or The World's A Funny Place
A week ago, I went to the local shop to by fags and food for my tea. I was putting the cellophane in the bin (I'm a considerate girl) when an elderly Jamaican man on a bicycle came and talked to me. I gave him a cigarette, and talked to him for about 20 minutes. I enjoy talking to strangers, and he was lovely and friendly. I said goodbye to him and thought no more of it.

Just now, I was sitting outside in the smoking area when he rides by on his bicycle. He recognises me even though my hair is now completely different. He claims that we now have a "telepatic" connection- once you meet someone, you're likely to bump into them again. We talk some more, and it turns out he'd found an entire pack of cigarettes on the ground- quite good ones. He gives me two - despite my protests.

So be nice to strangers, and you'll get something good in return. Often cigarettes.

When was the last time you were nice to someone you didn't know?
Or are you bitter and twisted, and cannot see the good in the world?

Alt: have you made any strange connections recently?
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:06, 172 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Let me put it this way
If you lend someone a few quid and never see them again...it was probably worth it.

Alt Q: No, but you should have seen the wiring on my students' project this morning...
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:08, Reply)

My yidstincts disagree with this comment.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:15, Reply)

Oy *shrugs*
I'll be sure to print a full invoice with terms, conditions and APR if I ever lend you anything
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:17, Reply)

don't you DARE try to out-jew me

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:20, Reply)

*scrabbles frantically for emergency bagel in desk drawer*

(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:21, Reply)

I invoke the HOLOCAUST

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:23, Reply)

Oh
I don't think I can top that.
Just as well.
*lets go of foreskin*
*puts scissors away*
*decides to leave cock out for the time being*
*turns out pockets*
*decides elephant impression is more fun than pretending to be Yiddish*
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:26, Reply)

Thanks for that lovely mental image.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:29, Reply)

Hey, at least I didn't circumcise myself
and THEN do the elephant impression
*dances for you*
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:31, Reply)

Elephant with a nosebleed
better than an elephant with a runny nose I guess...
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:31, Reply)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=RJv2Mugm2RI
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:33, Reply)

I wish that's what I saw when I was drunk

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:35, Reply)

It could be arranged...

(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:39, Reply)

Though if ou want freaky disney
nothing beats this
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:43, Reply)

Someone was off by 15p
last night when trying to pay in the Supermarket. They were going to have to leave all their stuff and come back. I gave them 15p.

When I got back to my bike I had a flat tyre.

Hmph.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:09, Reply)

it's anecdotal shite like this that
reaffirms my belief karma is bollocks
( djtrialprice, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:13, Reply)

karma is demonstrably bollocks

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:48, Reply)

Just be thankful no one nicked your bike
/not actually had anything stolen yet
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:15, Reply)

my friends and I ate out and I shorted the girl out of some change, like 15 cents or something, I didn't realise and I suppose she didn't either
so when we were waiting on our food I looked at the reciept and saw and gave it to the girl so she gave me a cookie which was well worth more than 15 cents
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:11, Reply)

was he the scientologist?
I worked in some kitchens a while ago doing breakfasts for the homeless and there was a lovely French lady there called Veronique. She always has a guitar with her, but she's so quiet when she speaks and she seems very lost, whenever I see her busking she doesn't seem to get any money because she plays really quietly so no one can really hear her. I buy her a sandwich whenever I can.

I also once helped a blind man find his way around town because they were renovating the square outside my office and he was confused by all the cones. My friends just don't believe that I did this as I'm not the most benevolent person in the world.

I'm relying on karma to pay it forward.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:15, Reply)

did the blind man say "nice tits where do you want the blinds"?
I've heard they say that often.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:24, Reply)

ha.
no.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:29, Reply)

Queuing to get into a beer festival yesterday
Queue is massive. Some guy walks over to the half way point a couple of people in front of me and joins two guys he doesn't know.
"Alright? Mind if I join you two gents?"
He then starts to make smalltalk with them and he seems like a nice guy. A little furher on he's finished his can of Carlsberg so places it delicately on the floor.
I was fantasising about smashing the face in of this charming, queue-jumping, littering cunt.

Slipknot had it right, People == Shit.
( djtrialprice, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:18, Reply)

Drinking Carlsberg?
At a beer festival?
WORSE THAN PAEDOPHILES AND THE GESTAPO COMBINED.
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:20, Reply)

Last week as I was coming out of the bank
I spotted an old dear on the other side of the road scrabbling around on the floor trying to recover her shopping as her bag had split. Knowing I had an old plastic bag in my rucksack, I ran across the road and helped her pick up her condensed milk and Mr Kipling cakes and put them in the spare bag I gave her. She smiled such a bright smile at me it made me so happy.

A minute or two after we'd parted something struck me, and I ran back to where she was and gave her my phone number. Let's just say, best blow jobs I've ever had.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:18, Reply)

I live in London, ergo I hate all strangers
they are nothing but lost looking sloppy meat bags getting between me and where I want to be.

Alt Q: No
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:20, Reply)

This above event happened in London :D

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:23, Reply)

I attract misery

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:25, Reply)

well he-llo *leers*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:48, Reply)

I hardly know any of you
and I'm nice to you all.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:22, Reply)

No, you're not.

(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:23, Reply)

He's not too bad. Just really really dull.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:24, Reply)

He's not nice to me, particularly.
But then I'm never particularly nice to him, so I guess fair's fair.
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:25, Reply)

yes I fucking am you ungrateful cunt.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:25, Reply)

I am far nicer to you, you insufferable arse, even though everyone knows you're a massive penis

(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:27, Reply)

people do keep going on about my massive penis.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:28, Reply)

Yes.
The one which is YOUR FACE.
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:30, Reply)

sikbrn

(PsychoChomp, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:31, Reply)

I TOTALLY WENT THERE.

(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:31, Reply)

/talk rejects you, you have to go somewhere

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:24, Reply)

I tried being nice to you yesterday,
it wore me out.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:25, Reply)

Wormulus said it right
when he said you should stick to being the best person on OT
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:29, Reply)

it was "coolest"

(PsychoChomp, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:30, Reply)

Sorry if I don't have that insult committed to memory

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:32, Reply)

it wasn't really an insult,
more like damning with faint praise.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:32, Reply)

I'm mostly horrible and bitter
But this week I made up with Becky, and even though I'm still wary that the whole thing is an elaborate trap, I'm glad that we put our differences aside and realised we were both human.

/Gay
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:26, Reply)

Have you had therapy or something?

(PsychoChomp, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:28, Reply)

Electric Shock Therapy hopefully.
On his fucking nads.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:34, Reply)

I simply don't know what you mean
How cunning and evil do you think I am?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:32, Reply)

Is it:
a) Somewhat cunning and evil
b) Considerably cunning and evil
c) Very cunning and evil
d) OH HOLY GOD IN HEAVEN IT'S LIKE ALL OF MY NIGHTMARES IN HUMAN FORM
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:38, Reply)

But I didn't even have a cunning and evil plan though.
I do now
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:42, Reply)

Empty house LoL.
You? Human? *Clutches sides*
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 28 May 2010, 16:00, Reply)

I'm always nice to people I don't know
sometimes it pays off. Usually it doesn't

Edit: the last nice thing I did was giving a vial of Armani perfume, to a girl in a club who had lost her bag.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:26, Reply)

You're a liar
you voted Tory, that's a horrible thing to do to anyone with not much money.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:35, Reply)

Voting Tory
doesn't make you a bad person. Voting Labour does

Edit: and even if it did make me a bad person, I'd hope my nice deeds cancelled it out
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:41, Reply)

Being a Tory makes you a bad person

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:44, Reply)

What about being a 'senior-level Nazi'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:46, Reply)

It shows you work hard and are keen to achieve.

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:47, Reply)

I'm glad someone
is recognising my achievements
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:51, Reply)

tell the truth, it was wee wasn't it?

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:44, Reply)

that would have been brilliant
but I was drunk and that wouldn't occur to me
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:47, Reply)

I am a
great believer in random acts of kindness. It's just nice, you know? Plus it gives you a sort of background radiation-like low-level smugness that you're less of a cunt than everyone else.

Karma is probably a load of dangly old balls but I'd like to think I'll never become so miserable and embittered that I won't brighten somebody's day if I see the chance to.
That said, I still want to poke slow moving people in the back of the head. This will never change...
(berk, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:28, Reply)

I'm totally filling in a direct debit form for a charity as I write this

(Bazongaloid, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:31, Reply)

I bet you say that to all the chuggers.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:32, Reply)

"What a coincidence, I already have a credit card that donates to your charity whenever I use it!"

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:36, Reply)

"Oh yes I signed up with you a few weeks ago, we had a lovely chat, don't you remember?"

(PsychoChomp, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:38, Reply)

"Get the fuck out of my face you pompous prick"

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:39, Reply)

"If you don't start running NOW
I'm going to donate some wee-wee to your shoes"
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:41, Reply)

"I wonder what you'd look like if you were inside out."

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:41, Reply)

"NATAS NATAS NATAS!"

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:42, Reply)

"REDRUM!"

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:43, Reply)

AGOOWA

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 28 May 2010, 16:09, Reply)

Bless me, father, for I have LOLed

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 May 2010, 16:13, Reply)

"Actually, I am in favour of the continued oppression poverty of these grubby nig-nogs in bongobongostan
or wherever the fuck it is you want to send my loose change. Is there a charity to whom I can donate to impede the progress of yours?"
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:43, Reply)

The IMF?

(PsychoChomp, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:44, Reply)

Ha! Very good

(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:44, Reply)

Yeah, those cunts
with their one hit wonder 'You're Unbelievable'. Cunts.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:45, Reply)

My international development joke was easier to understand than your music joke.
How does that make you feel?
(PsychoChomp, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:47, Reply)

I understood both
Guess I'm awesome.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:48, Reply)

I saw EMF at the Corn Exchange.
I'm not entirely sure if that makes me more awesome or not.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:53, Reply)

I'm afraid not.

(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:56, Reply)

Superior.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:49, Reply)

I usually only bring this phrase out for vipros but:
you smug cunt.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:50, Reply)

*honoured*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:51, Reply)

"sorry, I've just this minute given my last ten grand to NICK GRIFFIN'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:44, Reply)

"Tarquin? It's trying to talk to me, make it go away painfully!"

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:45, Reply)

I'm totally writing a cheque for the poor

(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:32, Reply)

I give a tenner here and there to the Red Cross for stuff like the Haiti appeal
and now they won't leave me alone, they keep sending me ugly cards with flowers on them. I'm sure they've spent more than my tenner in sending me address labels with poppies on them.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:33, Reply)

I've been meaning to set up a direct debit
for ages, but I keep forgetting to print the form off when I'm in work, but all the QOTW posts about chuggers have reminded me to be a nice person. And also how much I fucking hate chuggers.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:35, Reply)

what's a chugger?

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:44, Reply)

THe people who want you to give to charity on the street.
Short for charity-mugger
(PsychoChomp, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:46, Reply)

ahhhh
thanks
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 28 May 2010, 16:06, Reply)

This is why I only give cold, hard cash to charities
Never my personal info, and especially not to any cunt with a clipboard in town.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:35, Reply)

I don't carry cash, I'm like the Queen.
And MC Hammer. Although he doesn't carry cash because he doesn't have any.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:45, Reply)

And because it always fell out of his pockets when he danced
I don't carry much cash either, which is why I don't often give to charity.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:46, Reply)

I'm totally
inserting sewing needles into my scrotum as I write this
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:36, Reply)

I'm giving a Luncheon Voucher to a tramp.

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:37, Reply)

A 'luncheon voucher*' eh?
You dirty cunt.


*as in 'a five pound note for a nosh'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:39, Reply)

A FIVER?
Sod off, what do you think I am, made of money?
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:42, Reply)

With the rate you go through tramps, I'm not surprised.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:43, Reply)

They look so peaceful when they're sleeping*.
*by which I mean butchered and kept in my freezer.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:45, Reply)

I'm always lovely and a true gentleman
I like to think that, as a result of my kindness, my lady has the most amazing set of boobs ever. I like confusing correlation with causation.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:33, Reply)

I am bitter and twisted, and cannot see the good in the world.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:33, Reply)

Wait until you meet me.
that'll change your entire worldview.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:34, Reply)

You'll totally top yourself

(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:35, Reply)

I am looking forward to it, actually.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:35, Reply)

Excellent, I'm going to request at least 4 bowie tracks.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:37, Reply)

I imagine it's
quite hard to see anything when you're up to your eyes in MASSIVE DRUGS.

see what I did there? No...? /slinks off...
(berk, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:41, Reply)

One good turn.
Settle in it's going to be a long one.

Many moons ago I worked for the overseas department of the DWP. I dealt mainly with Widows benefit and Retirement stuff but we shared an office with the people who dealt with invalidity benefit.
It was the the last day before the easter break and I was due to leave work and set off for Paris for an Easter weekend with the girlfriend (little did she know I had the engagement ring ready to propose in the Hall of Mirrors at Versailles, but that's another story).
At 3.15 I got a call from the front gate to say a bloke from Malta was there wanting to sort out his benefits and could someone see him. This was Maundy thursday afternoon and I had only stayed on to save myself a half days leave.
So off I went to the interview room to see if I could get him sorted out. When I got there it was easy to see he was severely handicapped in the physical sense. Spondylising Ankylosis will do that.
Unfortunately it was invalidity benefit he needed to see someone about and there would be no-one available until the Tuesday. His face fell and he asked what he was going to do. We discovered he had some money with him, enough to see him through until the tuesday.
However he was on his own in a strange city (Newcastle of all places) and didn't know where to go or what to do. So I went and got my gear and took him to Jesmond where there are a lot of Bed and Breakfast places and sorted him out. Good deed done? Not quite.
I gave him the name and phone number of someone who would deal with his claim on an urgent, immediate payment basis. I also told him he was not to accept any delays or excuses and he was to refuse to leave until he got his money
(through no fault of his own he had waited over 6 months for his claim to be sorted).
With that I bade him goodbye and started off on a journey which end up with me being engaged and very happy.However.
When I got back to work I discovered my actions hadn't went down too well as significant work had been created for one of the lazy jobsworths. But the bloke got his money and my boss kept me out of it so all was well.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 28 May 2010, 15:35, Reply)

Settle in it's going to be a long one
is what I say to THE CHICKS.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:37, Reply)

just before you start vomiting your opinions on music?

(PsychoChomp, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:41, Reply)

They're facts, not opinions.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:42, Reply)

this did not amuse me
ARROGANCE ONLINE MONTY? I am shocked.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:48, Reply)

Are you now.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:51, Reply)

Improper grammar there...

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 28 May 2010, 16:05, Reply)

Is it now.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 May 2010, 16:06, Reply)

haha
stoppit.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 28 May 2010, 16:44, Reply)

this amused me

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:47, Reply)

NOT SO DULL NOW AM I?

(PsychoChomp, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:48, Reply)

oh no you're still dull.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 28 May 2010, 16:00, Reply)

I know
:'(
(PsychoChomp, Fri 28 May 2010, 16:07, Reply)

and pathetic now

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 28 May 2010, 16:09, Reply)

WAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

(PsychoChomp, Fri 28 May 2010, 16:13, Reply)

Oh shut it

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 28 May 2010, 16:16, Reply)

Easy to spot one of yours then.
It's that crestfallen look of disappointment that does it.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 28 May 2010, 15:42, Reply)

And the faint hint of facial stubble...

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:42, Reply)

I've just been tested on this about a minute ago
I think I failed.

My office is above an opticians and some woman just came upstairs looking for the optician because his office was locked. I explained that we were solicitors and nothing to do with the opticians. For the next ten minutes she repeatedly told me she had an appointment with the optician and demanded to know what I was going to do about it.

Daft bint. I started off trying to be really helpful but eventually just surreptitiously pushed the ring noise on my phone and faked a phone call so she would go away.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:51, Reply)

You should have used the phone to butt fuck her to death

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:52, Reply)

You failed
because you were supposed to shout in her face that she's being an ignorant, rude cunt, then you push her down the stairs.

Y'see, earlier she kicked a kitten, and you were chosen to be karma's agent. You failed, and she got away with kicking a kitten.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:53, Reply)

oh no don't tell me that!
I was brusque with her, maybe that's all karma wanted from me.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 28 May 2010, 16:01, Reply)

The kitten was called "Miffles"
And was only 9 weeks old. It won't walk properly now, and will always feel cold and distrustful of humans.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 28 May 2010, 16:02, Reply)

I dislike you.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 28 May 2010, 16:05, Reply)

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 28 May 2010, 16:08, Reply)

Ha ha ha, stupid flat faced beast

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 28 May 2010, 16:09, Reply)

And it's got short legs. HaHa.

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 28 May 2010, 16:10, Reply)

Go on - KICK IT
ha ha
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 May 2010, 16:12, Reply)

*kicks in the cunt*

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 28 May 2010, 16:12, Reply)

*films on mobile*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 May 2010, 16:14, Reply)

*Watches and laughs*

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 28 May 2010, 16:16, Reply)

*phones RSPCA*

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 28 May 2010, 16:16, Reply)

*Kicks RSPCA in the cunt*

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 28 May 2010, 16:16, Reply)

*Kicks NakedApe in the balls*
Why am I doing this? I don't even like cats!
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 28 May 2010, 16:18, Reply)

But you do like kicking Ape in the balls.
Go for your life.

*films on mobile also*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 May 2010, 16:31, Reply)

If you want some ACTUAL horrifying brutality feel free to google - "ohio dairy farm brutality"
It's all over the net at the moment, and the guys involved are now residing in jail. Hopefully being buggered to death, the spineless cunts.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Fri 28 May 2010, 16:33, Reply)

I'm not allowed to wank at work :(

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 May 2010, 16:35, Reply)

HA, you deviant
Mind you, the sound of a cows face being bashed with a crowbar does have a certain appeal
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Fri 28 May 2010, 16:39, Reply)

Fuck it *unzips*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 May 2010, 16:39, Reply)

BOSH BOSH BOSH BOSH BOSH BOSH
*terrified lowing*

*SQUIRT SQUIRT*
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Fri 28 May 2010, 16:42, Reply)

Stupid fucking smashed-in-face fliddy cunt
The kitten - not you Monty.
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Fri 28 May 2010, 16:17, Reply)

'ey up Mam!
How are you?
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 28 May 2010, 16:18, Reply)

Hey son!
I'm grand thanks, still basking in the smut of last weeks' Leveller-snoggage ;o)
You?
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Fri 28 May 2010, 16:22, Reply)

I helped them shoplift loads of beer once
It was before they had a record deal.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 May 2010, 16:28, Reply)

Ah, but did any of them snog you?
;o)
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Fri 28 May 2010, 16:31, Reply)

Yup. All of 'em. Loads of times.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 May 2010, 16:34, Reply)

*jealouses*

( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Fri 28 May 2010, 16:40, Reply)

I'm alright thanks
Been spending to long on here though this week. Have a long, dull case on at the mo.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 28 May 2010, 16:30, Reply)

I don't understand this
As a solicitors, why didn't you charge £60 for your services.

This sounds made up to me. Naughty Kitty.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 28 May 2010, 16:12, Reply)

I just walked past a collegue and had a massive urge to donkey punch her in the back of the head
I don't dislike her, I hardly know her. Does anyone else get this?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:54, Reply)

Coleen? Yeah, she's a bitch.

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:55, Reply)

I like her.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 May 2010, 16:32, Reply)

You would.

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 28 May 2010, 16:35, Reply)

Fucking right I 'would'.
I heard she gave Kev from accounts a blowie at the paintballing team-building day.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 May 2010, 16:39, Reply)

I do.
When someone is talking to me I find myself going through in my mind what would happen if I slammed their face into the desk.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 28 May 2010, 16:02, Reply)

yeah
mainly with old ladies who walk really slowly
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 28 May 2010, 16:03, Reply)

Constantly

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 28 May 2010, 16:13, Reply)

I'm not nice to people I know, nevermind people I don't.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 28 May 2010, 16:15, Reply)

I've heard people like you
fail all their exams
( djtrialprice, Fri 28 May 2010, 16:38, Reply)

Danger. Low Flying Grannies
One VERY windy day my pal was driving us home from work, the journey took us down a VERY steep hill. Halfway down the hill we spot an old woman prone on the ground, she was pointing down the way and it quickly became clear she was blown off her feet as she must have weighed about 5 stone. I know this because we stopped the car and jumped out to help her, we lifted her up and insisted she got in the car and we would take her to her destination. I looked on teh ground and picked up the contents of her bag which had spilled. The only thing she had in her bag was a photo of a young woman, who i think she said was her daughter, and that was who she was on her way to see. The bag she had the photo in, was a big shopping bag, and the fact that this was the only item in there made me feel really odd. It was like a scene from a film.

Anyway, the next thing she is sitting in the car and we are asking her were we should take her. It is only then that I notice she is totally freaking out, I assume she thought we were going to drive away and eat her bumhole. I asked if her if she was OK and did she want us to let her out. She mumbled 'Yes', and so we stopped on a flatter bit of road and let her go on her way. She wasted no time in getting out and had a look of contempt and mild rage on her face as we drove off, although this could have been Alzheimers, which would have explained a lot of things.

All this happened in a space of about a minute, and after we drove off again we actually wondered if it had happened at all.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Fri 28 May 2010, 16:24, Reply)

Should've eaten her bumhole.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 May 2010, 16:30, Reply)

I think it was when I suggested this my pal, she got teh fear and wanted out
Although i'm sure she would have enjoyed it, the musty old slut.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Fri 28 May 2010, 16:34, Reply)

She just had 'that look', yeah?
The randy old witch.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 May 2010, 16:36, Reply)

You know it buddy
The thin drawn lips, the wrinkles, the Nora Batty sussies, the promise of toothless blowjobs... She was foaming at the gash.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Fri 28 May 2010, 16:40, Reply)