Went to a BBQ yesterday
Weighed myself this morning and I was 2 kilos heavier than on Saturday. Most disappointing what with all the running I've been doing. However, had an almighty dump a bit later on this morning and am now itching to weigh myself again.

What other disgusting weight-loss methods can anyone recommend?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 13:15, 92 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Why would you tell the internet that? What could you possibly hope to achieve?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 13:16, Reply)

Standard practice to do that
Weight first thing in the morning, after a trip to the loo. Always be naked including jewellery.
(Mrs Ballunatic counting calories, not votes., Tue 1 Jun 2010, 13:16, Reply)

Drain the blood from your wrists.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 13:16, Reply)

I endorse this.

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Tue 1 Jun 2010, 13:17, Reply)

Or cut your head off

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 13:18, Reply)

Sounds tricky
What if I get it wrong?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 13:19, Reply)

Go for a leg, that's easier for a beginner

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 13:20, Reply)

I need both of those for dancing

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 13:23, Reply)

I'd recommend the cock next
but you've already had that operation yes?
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 13:23, Reply)

dont know how
it wasn't there to begin with
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 13:25, Reply)

I've recently been practising being hungry.
It worked for a while but I think that was more to do with my state of mind than actual willpower. Now I'm cheering up a bit I'm finding it more difficult.
( girlinthehole, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 13:25, Reply)

You're lucky
You don't have a 1kg box of belgium biscuits covered on belgium chocolate in the table next to your desk.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 1 Jun 2010, 13:27, Reply)

I'm alright at not eating during the day. It's the evening I have to scoff my face.
It's even worse if I've been drinking.
( girlinthehole, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 13:29, Reply)

My problem is at work
I get so bored sometimes. And those biscuits smell so nice.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 1 Jun 2010, 13:30, Reply)

So what size wedding dress did you have in mind?
Top diet tip no. 1 - buy your wedding dress.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Tue 1 Jun 2010, 13:33, Reply)

Oh yes.
I see her in something fitted and strapless : )
( girlinthehole, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 13:34, Reply)

That's one option
With a corset.

However, I think I'm going to go for something "hippy", something like the wedding dress in Forrest Gump (I can't find the picture)
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 1 Jun 2010, 13:36, Reply)

Summfin lush -
Like this?


heh heh - I found this too!
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Tue 1 Jun 2010, 13:39, Reply)

Haha!
Both are great!
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 1 Jun 2010, 13:49, Reply)

Not so great -
Do not read this
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Tue 1 Jun 2010, 13:56, Reply)

I had seen that already
Some people are just sill, I can't believe she didn't plan it with time, like the rest of the wedding, and started a healthy diet.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 1 Jun 2010, 13:59, Reply)

And how sad that the pressure for her to slim
was not matched by an equal pressure not to get fat in the first place.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Tue 1 Jun 2010, 14:26, Reply)

Certainly
If she felt she was so overweight, she could have stoped eating before, not only for her wedding.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 1 Jun 2010, 14:39, Reply)

I see your biscuits
and raise you all the leftover cupcakes from a cupcake party.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 13:32, Reply)

Mmmmm cupcakes
I'm lucky I don't have them near me.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 1 Jun 2010, 13:35, Reply)

I think I ate about 5 yesterday
my metabolism is pretty fast but I think I drowned it in frosting.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 13:36, Reply)

My metabolism isn't fast enough
I can eat crap very quickly.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 1 Jun 2010, 13:49, Reply)

My metabolism is slower than a turtle nailed to brick

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 13:50, Reply)

Then you need to eat even slower than that
Try chewing your food 100 times before swalloing.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 1 Jun 2010, 13:54, Reply)

100 times?!!
That sounds disgusting.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 13:57, Reply)

Even better
You'll end up so fed up that you'll stop eating.

Ay, if any of these things worked.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 1 Jun 2010, 13:58, Reply)

Stop eating forever.
I've got a friend who hates vegs, so for 3 months he only eat special k bars, and he lost more than 10kg.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 1 Jun 2010, 13:26, Reply)

Hardly sustainable
Once he goes back to eating proper food his body will promptly convert it all to fat
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 13:27, Reply)

He did ok after that
He exercised a lot and made sure he didn't eat too much.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 1 Jun 2010, 13:28, Reply)

Darth, dear friend,
you talk utter bollocks sometimes.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Tue 1 Jun 2010, 13:28, Reply)

I'm sorry, this is B3ta, isn't it?
If I've stumbled on to the Guardian website or somewhere that utter bollocks is frowned upon I shall withdraw gracefully
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 13:35, Reply)

The Guardian promotes bollocks
don't they employ Monbiot?
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 13:37, Reply)

Curses!
Gosh-darned posh people foiling me with their superior knowledge of posh websites
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 13:40, Reply)

The Guardian isn't posh
it's for wankers
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 13:48, Reply)

I'm glad
that you've stopped trying to defend yourself from accusations of poshness
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 13:51, Reply)

that's because there is nothing to defend
it is obvious I am not posh. However since you are Northern perhaps you have different ideas of what constitutes posh
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 13:53, Reply)

I'm not even all that Northern!
And you call me "serf" yesterday. Milady
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 13:55, Reply)

I merely wanted to express my admiration.

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Tue 1 Jun 2010, 13:44, Reply)

I did not see that coming
Apologies Larry, I am absolutely unprepared for the possibility that someone might be complimenting me on B3ta
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 13:46, Reply)

I quite understand.

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Tue 1 Jun 2010, 13:57, Reply)

i would try that
but i also hate special k.

I'm assuming he ate other food as well though, and not ONLY special k bars?
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 13:29, Reply)

Only special bars for 3 months
And only water.

I reckon it'd work on me. I'd be so sick of them after 1 week that I'd vomit everytime I'd smell one.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 1 Jun 2010, 13:31, Reply)

I've tried that
I quite like Special K bars though
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 13:36, Reply)

3 months?! Jesus...

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 13:37, Reply)

Way to get scurvy

(PsychoChomp, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 13:39, Reply)

they have cranberries in them
and when I did that diet, I supplemented it with satsumas and clementines as well
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 13:41, Reply)

man
its bad enough when you just do that for a weekend

although to be fair they do require tea even then
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 13:41, Reply)

Ah but tea
is neglibible calories. So it doesn't count.

At least that's what I say
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 13:42, Reply)

so, too
with Bonjela
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 13:46, Reply)

I tried the special K diet once
it didn't work and it was so boring. I love eating, it's a big highlight of my work day, so lunch and breakfast being special K was really depressing.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 13:42, Reply)

I love eating too
I tried Slimfast shakes when I had my tongue pierced, but felt myself craving a fat juicy burger.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 13:43, Reply)

I think I just suffered
and disgusted my boss by trying to eat a sandwich by chewing it in my cheek.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 13:50, Reply)

After a few days
My parents invited me 'round for tea. Dad cooked a thai curry. It hurt, but was so damn tasty.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 13:51, Reply)

haha
I didn't see my parents for a few months afterwards because they lived in France, so I got away with it. I tried to hide it from my boss but he noticed within the first three minutes because I couldn't say 'printer tray'.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 14:04, Reply)

i'm supposed to be dieting
but in reality, i'm just not eating properly.

Since I moved abroad 4 years ago, I've put on 20 fucking kilos.
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 13:27, Reply)

Perhaps you are putting on muscle - which is heavier than fat.
Particularly so when engorged.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Tue 1 Jun 2010, 13:31, Reply)

This is why I stopped weighing myself when I'd started the gym.

( girlinthehole, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 13:31, Reply)

By god you are going to sooooo shaggable.
Ooops! - I mean even more shaggable.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Tue 1 Jun 2010, 13:35, Reply)

: /
You seem to have the wrong idea about me.
( girlinthehole, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 13:47, Reply)

You seem to have the wrong idea about yourself
:/
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 1 Jun 2010, 13:56, Reply)

Well said.

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Tue 1 Jun 2010, 13:59, Reply)

Only Jeff will be able to free me from my bonds of self loathing.

( girlinthehole, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 14:07, Reply)

I watched the Big Lebowski the other day for the first time
Not that it's Jeff's fault, but I think it was massively overrated.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 14:08, Reply)

Me too.
But you get to see Jeff in the bath : )
( girlinthehole, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 14:14, Reply)

You should have auditioned for the role of the ferret

(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 14:15, Reply)

Or the soap.

( girlinthehole, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 14:20, Reply)

I liked the ferret.
WINK
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 14:21, Reply)

Since Monty isn't around to tout its benefits
Lord's Prayer Wank

Wrist exercise from the frantic pummelling of your spam javelin (or, indeed, from the frantic paddling of your hairy canoe)
Relaxation associated with "scream therapy," i.e., from the hysterical crying and yelling of the Lord's Prayer
Relaxation associated with a damn good wank
And probably some cardiovascular workout from all the yelling - it's quite a long prayer.

No idea how many calories a single session might burn off, but I'm sure you'll feel better for it.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 14:05, Reply)

These days I can only lose weight with the 'eat lots of low fat things' type diets
In my teens and early twenties though, I was brilliant at losing weight, starving myself, etc. I was a boss anorexic. None of that hospitalised skull-face stuff, but still a respectable 6st2lb at one point.
I had no tits and my arse hurt on hard chairs :(

Anyway, those days are long gone, hoorah. I'm getting a little toooo curvarceous though, so once again it is June and I am dieting for an August wedding. I did it before and I'll do it again!!!
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 14:15, Reply)

is this place turning into one of those anorexia help forums I read about in the tabloids?

(PsychoChomp, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 14:19, Reply)

Nah
I'm a failed anorexic.
I'm too jubbly these days.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 14:20, Reply)

A failed lesbian and a failed anorexic. *laughs*

( girlinthehole, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 14:21, Reply)

Oi, shut it!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 14:27, Reply)

Yes chubby cheeks.

( girlinthehole, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 14:21, Reply)

my arse hurts on hard chairs too, I have to slouch to sit on the padded bit.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 14:22, Reply)

Pfft! my arse is about the only thing I don't have too much fat on.

( girlinthehole, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 14:22, Reply)

I did not enjoy rocking horses as a child

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 14:22, Reply)

When I was recovering from a broken leg
The muscle in my left arse cheek and thigh had atrophied bad, so it hurt to sit on hard chairs, plus I leaned to the left a lot :(
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 14:24, Reply)

my dad's arse cheek died for a bit
He had to go and get it squeezed by a fit canadian bird once a week
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 14:27, Reply)

Damn, I had next to no physio
Could have done with the fit Canadian bird.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 14:31, Reply)

"I got fat and then done a shit"
This is just the pinncale of off topic.
(Spleep Shit, or get off the internet., Wed 2 Jun 2010, 7:45, Reply)