I had a friend who pretended to be from Texas when she chatted up some guy.
The trouble was he wanted to see her again and she kept the charade up for a week or two until she got fed up having to remember to have a Texan accent. She finally told him but he laughed and said he wasn't that bothered.
( girlinthehole, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 9:09, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

...and then dumped her for having a personality disorder.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 9:18, Reply)

My friend broke up with his girlfriend yesterday because her depression was "getting him down"
which I thought was extra sensitive and grown up.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 9:27, Reply)

Wasn't it just.
I imagine her abject misery weas really tiresome.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 9:31, Reply)

TYPO!

(PsychoChomp, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 9:32, Reply)

RUNARAAAAAAAHNDD!!!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 9:34, Reply)

can appreciate where he is coming from though
who wants some depressed bird harshing their buzz?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 9:31, Reply)

she's very pretty

(PsychoChomp, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 9:37, Reply)

in that case, what on earth was he thinking?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 9:39, Reply)

Beauty only goes so far
It can't always make up for the irrationality, guilt trips and impenetrable miasma of apathy that serious, unchecked depression can bring.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 9:40, Reply)

that may be true
but still there's a better way to break up with someone than saying they're getting you down.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 9:46, Reply)

I agree with you there
Tact and diplomacy are called for, like a text saying "Ur dumped lol".
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 9:47, Reply)

I once accidentally dumped someone by text
I was 17 and I still feel horrible about it now.

I texted my friend to say I was thinking of breaking up with the boyfriend because I just didn't fancy him anymore. I then sent that to him like an idiot.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 10:09, Reply)

Smooth
I got dumped by my first girlfriend by a note passed by her to me through a friend.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 10:17, Reply)

That's harsh.
I genuinely didn't mean to do it and I feel really guilty about it, it must have been horrible. Especially since I just wrote "I don't fancy him anymore". And he didn't believe that it was an accident, nor did his mates and they pretty much hated me after that.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 10:18, Reply)

I don't blame them
But I believe you when you say it was just a mistake. Still, at least you ended it abruptly!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 10:25, Reply)

I met up with him a few days later and tried to explain
about how we were really different and he was older than me so we wanted very different things, etc., and he just went "yeah, or you just don't fancy me anymore". It didn't go well.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 10:39, Reply)

Well, you tried
A lot of folk wouldn't bother.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 10:40, Reply)

oh yeah
you gonna be her shoulder to cry on?
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 10:08, Reply)

I've got some people coming over for dinner tonight
I might invite her.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 10:13, Reply)

tell her how insensitive her ex is
and how you would never do that.

Then ply her with alcoholic creme brulee.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 10:17, Reply)

Then fuck her somewhere uncomfortable

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 10:17, Reply)

like the bathroom floor?

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 10:19, Reply)

Bah, have you not seen Mallrats?
"What, in the back of a Volkswagen?"
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 10:23, Reply)

sorry. I fail.
I have indeed seen it, but only a couple of times many years ago. I need to watch that again.

The kid is back on the fucking escalator!
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 10:39, Reply)

I love Kevin Smith films, so cheesey and fun!
And I like Jason Lee too, although it's a MASSIVE shame that he's a Scientologist :(
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 10:42, Reply)

I see.
So that was your plan when you made me taste that rum frosting...
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 10:18, Reply)

haha
totally. It's way more sly to infuse delicious desserts with alcohol than to just cram shots down their throats.

I totally Anne Franked you whilst you were asleep.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 10:19, Reply)

Hahahaha

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 10:43, Reply)

I've tried to make creme brulee twice,
I even bought a blowtorch, it was a failure.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 10:20, Reply)

Wiggy has a blowtorch
and has promised to make it for me this week. I'm quite excited. How did you fuck it up?
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 10:21, Reply)

too much vanilla in the first
didn't set properly in the second.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 10:22, Reply)

I tried to make a greek yoghurt and honey cheesecake with berry confit once
but ran out of lemon juice. Never mind, I thought, it's only lemon juice, but turns out that's one of the major setting agents in non-baked cheesecake. I ended up serving what was effectively greek yoghurt with honey in it and a load of berries on top. It was really nice and I could have got away with it had I not promised everyone a delicious cheesecake.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 10:31, Reply)

I'm not a good sweet cook,
there's loads of ways to screw it up permanently, with savoury stuff you can usually save it.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 10:34, Reply)

Wiggy is the masterchef
I'm the dessert queen. Although I did fuck up that cheesecake. And I recently made a lemon meringue pie where the lemon bit was the consistancy of bathroom sealant. But I make wicked mango cupcakes.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 10:40, Reply)

A good friend of mine
Walked into a pub in Glasgow and, for some reason he'll never fathom, as soon as the barman asked him what he wanted, he slipped into a Glaswegian accent. Naturally he panicked at this point - surely the barman would think he was taking the piss and glass him before asking him to leave? But no, the barman didn't bat an eyelid, assumed his fake Scottish accent was perfectly natural and poured the requested round of drinks.

Trouble was, of course, he then had to keep that accent up for the rest of the time he was in the pub. If he'd given the game away, the consequences really don't bear thinking about.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 9:39, Reply)

I did that this weekend
I was in Glasgow, and had a taxi driver who sounded exactly like Billy Connolly, to not attempt a response in a similar accent
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 9:44, Reply)

you should have got him to bellow "JOJOBA"

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 9:58, Reply)

...and patted him on the fanny.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 10:42, Reply)

Why didn't he just leave after the first drink and go to another pub?

( girlinthehole, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 9:51, Reply)

No scotsman leaves after just one drink!
He would have been immediately exposed as a wee soft shite.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 9:52, Reply)

haha

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 10:09, Reply)