I've just got back from a few drinks at work
What the fuck is your fucking problem, you fucking bunch of fucking fucks?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 20:55, 99 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

oh man i just dont know where to fucking start

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 20:59, Reply)

Roll up and ride on Rosie
She'll make you go round and around,
Roll up and ride on Rosie,
The magical, musical, merry-go-round
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 21:03, Reply)

i'll make you sick thats for fucking sure

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 21:04, Reply)

I'm sure that's not true
You look like a right go-er
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 21:06, Reply)

i dont do much go-ing, it all sounds like effort to me

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 21:09, Reply)

That's alright
Just lying there and taking it's as good as being a go-er in my books.

Better yet, try not to move at all, or even breathe and let me pat your hair and call you Jessie
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 21:12, Reply)

does this mean we're married now?

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 21:13, Reply)

Well, I don't think I'd drink your bath water
but you might be worth a mexican avalanche or two
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 21:17, Reply)

yeah, imma pass
ive got a bad leg
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 21:18, Reply)

You just passed up the opportunity of a lifetime, sugartits
I'm the sexual equivalent of a water buffalo
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 21:22, Reply)

id have to shave my legs and minge and wash and shit
fuck all that
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 21:23, Reply)

You clearly don't know Bert Monkeysex very well
Bert Monkeysex likes it rough
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 21:25, Reply)

you want me to slap you about a bit?

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 21:26, Reply)

Preferably with a big strap-on cock
With the face of 80s microphone fiend Marc Almond gurning all over it
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 21:29, Reply)

always with the fucking demanding
i cant be dealing with high maintenance bitches
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 21:31, Reply)

Just shut up and take it
You ought to be bloody grateful, you louse-infested sack of cockAIDs
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 21:37, Reply)

here, fuck off
ive got a bad leg and me imagining you standing there pulling your fetid fucking pork over a photo of my hairy thigh is making me gag you dirty cunt
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 21:39, Reply)

Haha!
*puts rosalicious in his good books*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 21:42, Reply)

this sounds terribly ominous :(

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 21:43, Reply)

Homo-erotiominous

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 21:47, Reply)

Wowzers, seriously, wozers, bra-vo, I was just reading about how Stealth and Bomber ate WBM's dinner and how the appologised on facebook and all that, followed by some absolutely cringeworthy replies.
And I was all like "Oh man, if this is the creepeist it gets tonight, it's not all bad", and then KABLAMO, I come on here and read this, and it totally out-creeped that.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 23:11, Reply)

*guilty laugh*

( weaver., Wed 9 Jun 2010, 2:26, Reply)

I have new glasses
my room is now the wrong size and I think I've gotten taller.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 21:00, Reply)

Your life sounds shit
Have you considered suicide?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 21:05, Reply)

Only every time you post

(PsychoChomp, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 21:13, Reply)

Always so negative, Psychochomp
You totally pwned me there, but I think you should lighten up a little. Maybe if you got yourself a girlfriend you wouldn't be so unbearably dull?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 21:19, Reply)

Oh man, I'm eating Kievs without using a knife
What the fuck is up with that?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 21:16, Reply)

If they are mini kievs, nothing
I thought you were not allowed knives anayway.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 21:19, Reply)

Eugh, one of my kievs has a hair in it
I think it's one of my hairs, but still.

Duh, that's why I have no knife stupid, they're not mini kievs though, I like my white meat BIG
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 21:24, Reply)

If its curly and crinkly, it may be one of mine.
I have to eat a lot of garlic to make the "sauce" taste good.

I can fill one kiev every hour.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 21:41, Reply)

Bartleby's Got Talent

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 21:49, Reply)

i ent ever had a kiev
i feel so much less of a man
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 21:52, Reply)

Well, I've just filled another
The Findus van will be over soon to pick it up.

I'll have a fag to relax.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 22:19, Reply)

I'm terminally dull.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 21:20, Reply)

everyone has at least ONE interesting fact.
fact.
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 21:21, Reply)

Nup.
Nothing's coming. I'm really fucking dull. Duller than even PC.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 21:25, Reply)

You have hair like Boris Becker's pubes
INTERESTING FACTOID ABOUT LAMPITO #1
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 21:27, Reply)

It has been described as "sunburst"
It's practically white at the roots, getting darker orange towards the ends.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 21:29, Reply)

So, inverted Boris Becker pubes?
Did you pluck the german tennis hero's groin area and sew his greasy stems into your balding flangebag?

You filthy tart
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 21:34, Reply)

You knows it.
I keep him in my closet, so when I need a new merkin I can pluck him bare with my special tweezers.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 21:35, Reply)

embellllllish my love

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 21:27, Reply)

I have a thing for men dressed as women.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 21:30, Reply)

haha well theres a start
i got a tiny bit hot when cas gripped dean tight and raised him from perdition in supernatural
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 21:32, Reply)

I started watching the first series of that
I got too scared :/

I've been listening to/watching Rocky Horror for the last few days. It makes me wish I could dance and sing well.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 21:35, Reply)

its just a massive fucking perv on
id even do the dad.

peter hinwood makes me do little sicks :(
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 21:38, Reply)

I'll watch it with all the lights on.
He reminds me a little too much of Boris Johnson (plus not being a fan of muscles rules him out)
Tim Curry, however. Disturbingly attractive.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 21:39, Reply)

i think i fancied tim curry in that once
in all fairness i was probably pissed and/or hard up
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 21:44, Reply)

It's the voice. THE VOICE
And the makeup.
Some men have legs that are wasted on them.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 21:46, Reply)

greedy cunts

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 21:53, Reply)

Fuckers. Taking them away from girls with stumpy legs >_<

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 21:55, Reply)

i hate them so much right now.
i hate everyone so much right now.
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 21:57, Reply)

Castiel was the best thing about supernatural
I'm not sure why though, maybe because his flappy coat made him look a bit like al pacino in accidental hero?

Wait, I mean dustin hoffman. Like it fucking matters, they're the same person anyway
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 21:40, Reply)

^ a bit of this yer
i loved ruby an all but she died on her gorgeous tight little arse when they replaced her with that pouting tedious cunt in series four.
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 21:43, Reply)

Googleimagesearched him
yummy.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 21:43, Reply)

Yeah, I'd do him
Even more so when it turned out he'd just inhabited the body of a mortal and walked out on his wife and kids.

Yeah, that's right I just spoiled supernatural for anyone who hasn't seen that episode, big whoop
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 21:46, Reply)

He's hot
even with the whole taking the body of a human thing.

And he's funny when he's in a brothel
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 21:53, Reply)

YM

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 21:45, Reply)

alright beckyjsbx

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 21:49, Reply)

Alright Rosie?
How's tricks?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 21:49, Reply)

turning my saucy london slice of peng
how was your day dear?
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 21:52, Reply)

Tiring but good. I reunited a cat owner with his cat who'd been missing for a few days
Kids, if you have pets then get them microchipped and change the fucking details if you move house or get a new phone number. Mkay?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 21:53, Reply)

im getting a fish.

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 21:55, Reply)

Cool, I like feesh

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 21:58, Reply)

Will it be wrapped in breadcrumbs?

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 22:02, Reply)

do i look like some sort of pervert?

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 22:03, Reply)

No, just well fed

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 22:06, Reply)

Like my mum

(Bazongaloid, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 22:06, Reply)

ive no complaints about your mum

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 22:10, Reply)

She says hi

(Bazongaloid, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 22:12, Reply)

<3

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 22:15, Reply)

+ from my vesuvius-like penile eruptions

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 22:11, Reply)

I love you Becky
Take me away from it all, please?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 21:51, Reply)

Where would you like to go today?

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 21:53, Reply)

Ding-dung-ding-din
I'd like to go to Mauritius please
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 21:57, Reply)

No dice

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 21:58, Reply)

You're so mean, I was being nice to you and everything
:(
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 22:00, Reply)

You should punch her in the cock

(Bazongaloid, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 22:02, Reply)

i'll stab you in the cojones yo!

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 22:04, Reply)

But what about mrs al!

(Bazongaloid, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 22:09, Reply)

She'll be fine, your cock will still work, it just wont produce any baby Al's

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 22:14, Reply)

I thought of much, much worse to say here
But I'm not going to, for the sake of not upsetting lovely becky and causing more strife for poor, misunderstood bert monkeysex who's really nice really
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 22:04, Reply)

Rubbish
you're an awful human being. But I love you.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 22:07, Reply)

Really?
Say in ain't so Al, or tear off my trousers and facefuck me til my eyes spew your hot semen all over your egyptian weave shag pile, you whore
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 22:09, Reply)

Oh, keep this up
I do enjoy homoerotica
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 22:10, Reply)

Well in that case
If you'd been here a couple of years ago, you'd have pissed your own clitoris
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 22:15, Reply)

Damn me not knowing about b3ta back tehn

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 22:21, Reply)

hey Lampito
guess who came round to my room today?
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 22:46, Reply)

Haha, this.
Say what you want to Bert.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 22:09, Reply)

I was going to make a joke about your mum being single now
I'm so sorry Becky, really I am. Sorry. I didn't mean to, Becky, it was the cartoon rabbit, I had him under control, but you did ask.

Sorry.xxxxxxx
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 22:13, Reply)

Back onto ignore you go then.
That's bang out of order you massive shitcunt
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 22:15, Reply)

I know, I'm sorry :(
I didn't mean to upset you, Becks


...but pass my number on to your mum anyway, just in case
I'm so sorry
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 22:17, Reply)

how long did that last in the end?

(PsychoChomp, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 22:40, Reply)

Was it two weeks, if even that?
But I really didn't mean to upset her this time, I really didn't.

Sorry, Becky. I'm a horrible person, I've told you this many times. There was genuinely no ill feeling meant, that's why I didn't make the joke
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 22:43, Reply)

Yeah', of course you didn't make the joke.
There you go big fella, you're not a 'real' cunt at all, aintcha ! You're a 'lolcunt' ! Everyone LOVES you ! Quickly, combine a wacky animal with a wacky swear and a whacky desease...call me that !

ElephantFuckME ! Oh man, I got there first, diddums.
( G/PP &#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 23:17, Reply)

Ok, now this has hit the top of the popular page, I feel I should reply
For starters, well done on your very well crafted argument, you've really shown me there.
As for 'lolcunts', sure maybe I am one, but so are the majority of the inhabitants of B3ta, just look at Al, Psychochomp etc, or are they real cunts?
Now, to be fair I cross more lines than most, but it's only because I see everyone else's insults as weak and piss poor. I've apologised repeatedly and sincerely to Becky, but I can understand her being upset.
As for the 'creepy' comment up there
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 9 Jun 2010, 9:50, Reply)

Clearly understanding the irony
Of simultaneously flirting with and insulting someone is beyond your feeble mind.

Stupid phone, stupid character limit
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 9 Jun 2010, 9:53, Reply)

don't bring me into this

(PsychoChomp, Wed 9 Jun 2010, 10:04, Reply)

Are you a real cunt?

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 9 Jun 2010, 10:07, Reply)

I might ask you the same question.

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 9 Jun 2010, 10:08, Reply)