No, the only dating website I use is
yoursisterhasaids.com

Stick to what you do best Monty, complaining about popstars who haven't been around for thirty odd years
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 16:27, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

Stick to what you do best Bert
....which, according to your dating profile is 'making people feel good about themselves'*

If that's really what you do best you are in worse trouble than I thought, you humourless tosser.


*you owe me a new Irony-ometer. Mine has melted.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 16:29, Reply)

You're right
It's not like I could possibly be different in real life to how I am on here.
I did write that with a strong feelibg of irony as I did so, but the fact is that out of here that's what people say I'm best at.

Most likely because I'm an incorrigable shit.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 16:33, Reply)

...who cannot spell.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 16:34, Reply)

I may not have spelled incorrigible correctly
but at least I'm not stupid enough to whine about AIDs jokes on a sick joke website.

You're an old man, for fuck's sake, have some sense
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 16:39, Reply)

I'm 36, you miserable little queer.
So you're terminally insensitive, poorly-educated (or just plain thick), you're desperately lonely and you look like a jug-eared inbred James Bond wannabe.

GOOD ON YA!
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 16:40, Reply)

Hahahaha!
Genius.

I apologise sincerely for my mean comments, please don't call me names again, it hurts so bad
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 16:45, Reply)

It's a great excuse isn't it
It's B3ta, nothing is off limits. Which to a point is fine when making abstract jokes, but you're not, you're deliberately targeting a single member of the board with a personal insult against a member of their family who has a very unpleasant disease. At best it just shows you to be pretty unoriginal and at worst it makes you baldmonkey.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 16:41, Reply)

surely that's a bit harsh
i mean come on, baldmonkey? thats a terrible thing to call anyone (except baldmonkey of course)
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 16:48, Reply)

i must agree
that being called "baldmonkey" is potentially defamatory and could result in a high value damages claim.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 16:54, Reply)

I'm taking a stand on this one
I believe Ian Hislop will be funding my legal battle. I intend use Rachelswipe's breasts as my first witness.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 16:57, Reply)

I'm afraid they have other plans

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 16:58, Reply)

Do they involve her father and some whipped cream?

(Bazongaloid, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 16:59, Reply)

they might....

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 17:03, Reply)

um yeah
they might be busy that night too
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 17:15, Reply)

in all fairness
my breasts more often get in the way of witnessing things. like my feet, for example.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 17:00, Reply)

Mine do
And I've dipped them in my dinner twice this year
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 17:06, Reply)

what was it?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 17:07, Reply)

dj's cock surrounded with mashed potato

(Bazongaloid, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 17:08, Reply)

sounds tasty

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 17:08, Reply)

Only with decent gravy though

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 17:09, Reply)

the baby sort?

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 17:17, Reply)

that's for afters

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 17:18, Reply)

Oh man that would rule

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 17:09, Reply)

pesky things
get right in the way!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 17:11, Reply)

My family make a big deal of it as well
"Hahah she's dipped her thripnies in her dinner!"
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 17:12, Reply)

when i was little apparently i saw my grandma in the nak
and asked my mother very loudly why my grandma had "three tummies".

if only i had known at the age of 2 that the fucking things were hereditary, i'd have slept in a bra since.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 17:15, Reply)

I slept in my bra for a great deal of my late teens and early 20s
I hope it has served some purpose
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 17:16, Reply)

if your nips aren't on speaking terms with your knees just yet
i'd say you're ok. i have been using anti-wrinkle cream since i was about 13, that better work too!!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 17:22, Reply)

Forgot about the anti-wrinkle thing
And I'm allergic to everything now so it's way too late :(
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 17:24, Reply)

I've just passed 30
and as a result I shall be shopping for my first bra soon. Can you recommend any good brands who'd cater for a 42AA?
( Kroney, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 17:25, Reply)

marks and sparks
they will measure you too. you could actually be a 44AAA.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 17:33, Reply)

my mum swears by suncream
she's made me put it on practically every day since I was thirteen. It had better work
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 17:25, Reply)

I've been factor 40-ing since I was 17

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 17:27, Reply)

We're just ridiculously pale
I'm the only person I know who buys factor 50 stuff
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 17:28, Reply)

It's a very sensible thing to do though
After spending time in Oz I never use anything below Factor 30.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 17:29, Reply)

My familiy believed in burning yourself enough times that it didn't burn any more
Not me though. I'm factor 50 now.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 17:30, Reply)

that just sounds painful
glad you were the sensible one
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 17:32, Reply)

me too
before my mother died my parents had a holiday home in spain, and she used to have to buy me factor 50. it invariably said "para los ninos" (for kids).

i was 22 when they bought it.

my father, meanwhile, could tan in siberia at midnight. he is positively mahogany coloured now from golf. and at 67, barely a wrinkle in sight. most unfair, why the hell did i not inherit that?!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 17:32, Reply)

To be fair
baldmonkey is a massive cunt who looks like the slightly more effeminate cousin of Alan Carr.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 23 Jun 2010, 19:32, Reply)

*sigh*
There's an ignore button.
But you'd all rather poke sticks through the bars of his cage.
This is all very boring for everybody else y'know.
And I can't put you on ignore because I love you. A bit.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 16:51, Reply)

They can't help it, Roota
All the kids that go to posh schools are inbred
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 16:53, Reply)

Oi
I'm not taking sides.
I'm trying to be fair and point out why everyone here is being a divvy.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 16:55, Reply)

I'm not having a go at you, Roota
I know you're right
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 17:03, Reply)

My mother admitted that once
But then she slapped me anyway
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 17:05, Reply)

You shouldn't have been so bloody cheeky then should you.

(Bazongaloid, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 17:06, Reply)

If being right is being cheeky then yes I should
Please don't throw your ciggies and lighter at me again Mum!!!
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 17:07, Reply)

Oh yeah Roota!
And what would the world be like if we had all just "ignored" Hitler eh!? EH!?
(Bazongaloid, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 16:54, Reply)

You tell me
You're worse than him after all!!
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 16:56, Reply)

Oi!
There's nothing wrong with a bit of Hitler, I've always said.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 16:56, Reply)

it's the rest of him thats the problem

(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 17:09, Reply)

He had the worst teeth I have ever seen. The poor man must have been driven quite mad with pain.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 17:13, Reply)

mad enough to KILL THE JEWS

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 17:26, Reply)

I was at the accountants today, fucking jews.


( Hitler I just want to be loved, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 16:54, Ignore, Reply, I like this!)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
lol, calm down, it's not because he's a jew, it's because he's an accountant

( Hitler I just want to be loved, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 16:59, Ignore, Reply, I like this!)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Could be worst, could be black

( Hitler I just want to be loved, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 17:02, Ignore, Reply, I like this!)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Oh fuck off with your "Daily Mail" bullshit, it's like a race to be a fucking hippy here, bunch of gardien readers.... fuck this, I'm going down the local

( Hitler I just want to be loved, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 17:05, Ignore, Reply, I like this!)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Oh man, you should have seen what I got up to down the pub today
It all kicked off, I was on a rant and these guys started clapping and asked me to speak to a group of people next week. Who the fuck is this Edmund person, does he realise I'm a bloke? What a fucking sicko.
( Hitler I just want to be loved, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 22:32, Ignore, Reply, I like this!)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 17:24, Reply)

Oh Gonz you really have outdone yourself here
that is a work of utter genius.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 17:30, Reply)

^ this ^
needs a popular page of its own this does.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 17:39, Reply)

Applauds

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 17:35, Reply)