Gonz and the Phsyco
I was minding my own buisness, enjoying a lovely sandwich, when this women starts talking to me. In this time, she told me

- She used to be a "billionare" with a "multi-international", but [some MP, I donno, I didn't ask] over-ordered by £30k on something and how she's complety broke, but she's going to be a "billionare" again, she's going down the HSBC in canary wolf later on to get a loan to start a university.
- She's married to a 26 year old (she's 51) egyption man, last week, she got off the airport and found him on the street and then married him while on holiday, "look, here's a picture if you don't believe me", yup, that was definatly a picture.
- She's "The most politically active person [I'm] ever likely to meet", and how the goverment are trying to brain-wash us, that they tried it in the miner's strike, but these pills stop that, would [you] like some? It'll stop them from getting to you.
- Her son is just finishing doing web design at uni, google and microsoft are in a bidding war for him at the moment.

I ended up telling her that I don't have a phone because they can track you, so I gave her a fake email address.

All I wanted was a sandwich =(
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 13:46, 39 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

But did you get your sandwich?

( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 13:49, Reply)

I did, avacardo, bacon and mayo on white.
The avacardo was just on the hard edge of acceptable.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 13:49, Reply)

Then you've done well young padawan
A sandwich, and a story to tell!
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 13:50, Reply)

Yup, that's true.
At least 1/4 of the time I go there, I meet someone of questional mental capabilities.

I miss my pet mong, I wonder how he's doing at uni.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 13:54, Reply)

avacardo
I love this
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 13:54, Reply)

Oh Gonz
I hate the type of people you CANNOT get rid of.
There's one comes in here, shows us his memoirs, (load of incoherent shite) and tells us the reason nobody will publish them is because they are racist. Anyonw who tells him to stop bugging them and let them eat their lunch/write their essay/have a nap in peace is also racist.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 13:50, Reply)

Ohhhh, yeah', she knows a jewish man, asked me if I knew him, that I could be related, 'cus we all 'stick to your own', that she likes the jews, but only the ones who don't control banks.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 13:52, Reply)

antisemiticlolz

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 13:53, Reply)

Oh Roota, why can't I meet a girl who doesn't want to feed me undisclosed tablets from an anominous jar.
=(
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 13:58, Reply)

You're giving out the wrong signals
like 'sympathetic non-banker Jew'
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:04, Reply)

But, but, but, IT'S NOT MY FAULY.
I can't help it that when they chopped off the end of my schmeckle, they made me the MD of Major International Banking Corp©, with no leaving options. Gawd, next time we all meet up, I'm going to bring the subject up with The Edlers of the Jewish Council, it'll try and shoe-horn it between "Balldozing houses" and "Telling everyone what they can watch on the telly".
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:14, Reply)

Gonz, I have to tell you that "balldozing" is fucking brilliant.
New favourite euphemism.
"Did you kick her back doors in?"
"Yeah, I totally balldozed her conservatory!"
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:23, Reply)

Haha

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:29, Reply)

There was a guy in his 60's who used to sit in Peebles Theatre sipping coffee
Called the Lunatic Writer. He used to sit and talk to himself in a very posh voice. I once heard him say, "Of course, they didn't know I had trained as a ninja."
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 13:52, Reply)

We have some poet cunt in town
Forces his shit poems on you and won't go away when you're sitting in a cafe with your mate clearly having an intimate cry and that.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 13:56, Reply)

Bastard poets and their invasive ways
*shakes fist*
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:02, Reply)

The memoirs are racist or the publishers?

(PsychoChomp, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 13:56, Reply)

the publishers and anyone who reads them without declaring them the life story of a genius

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 13:56, Reply)

I really want to sit down and write a 500 page book that is utterly shit
I'll have chapters that have no context to the rest of the book, ridiculous sex scenes a battle between dragons and aliens. Maybe have an evil twin involved somewhere. All characters will be contemptable cunts.
Just to send it off to publishers and ask for constructive criticism.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:03, Reply)

That sounds a bit like Ulysses.

( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:11, Reply)

I hated that cartoon.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:16, Reply)

Impressed
Somehow (knowing nothing about you) I thought you were too young to have seen the (obviously brilliant) Ulysees 31
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:17, Reply)

Ah', I'm 26, when it was around, I might have been to young to really enjoy it.
But the tune pissed me off, I liked the idea of gods and robots and shit like that, but the whole "Are we home yet?" thing grated on me, and it seemed that if you didn't watch the previous ones in order, nothing would make sense.

I hated that freaky plasticine thing too, with Mark Twain and the elevator.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:28, Reply)

Not only do you remember it
but in better detail than I do

I just recall it being probably the most unrelentingly depressing cartoon I'd ever seen. When I was 8
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:31, Reply)

Coolio, those are the only details I remember.
I think he was trying to save his daughter or wife or something, or they got killed, but I might be mixing that up with God Of War (the video game)
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:46, Reply)

Didn't you even take the opportunity to set her up with SexFace?

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Fri 16 Jul 2010, 13:50, Reply)

I was a bit scared this was going to be your strange way of asking me out.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 13:50, Reply)

Ha!
"Tale as old as tiiiiiiiiime..."
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 13:51, Reply)

But which is which?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:01, Reply)

It's in the order of the title isn't it?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:05, Reply)

You still shagged her, right?

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 13:50, Reply)

There is nothing like a complete and utter phsyco to get the heart-strings going.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 13:57, Reply)

Not love, dear boy.
Heart strings be damned - I am talking nutter-sex.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:53, Reply)

heeeeeey I met one of those a few weeks ago, she was sitting on the curb by my house drinking and talking on her phone
she heard us talking about her, wondering if she was okay, she came up and told us she was staying with the neighbor but they went to bed at 7 and she didn't want to go to bed, this was around 11, she stayed outside with my roommates and me until around 5.
Her father is a billionaire and bought her a house and she can only keep it if she stops drinking.
She doesn't know how to potty train her 1yr old son, thinks it doesn't make sense to sit him on the toilet to pee.
Thought a black and mild cigar thing was a blunt and tweaked her face up like the cheshire cat.
She was 40 and named Joan. But we called her Ma'am. She didn't like it.
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 13:58, Reply)

Hah

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:00, Reply)

Good afternoon, Gonzo
I'm here to talk to you about Jesus...
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:02, Reply)

Cool, he seems like a safe enough dude to me.
Donno if he was the son of god and all that, but he was deffo safe enough in my books.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:15, Reply)

oh lol

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:22, Reply)

Ah, the classic Myopism Sniping. *squints* *steps forward* "what's that bottom line say?" *Squint* *splat* FUNERAL PROFIT.
( Labmonkey last thought about having another coffee on, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:33, Reply)