There's no way I'm telling the Barefoot Story on here.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:34, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
tell it.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:38, Reply)

"And so, overcome with passion, we didn't even make it to the bed. We did it right there on the floor"

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:42, Reply)

Go on, tell us Lampy
it can't be as bad as Swipey's bedshitter story
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:52, Reply)

I've told part of it, just up there.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:53, Reply)

everybody's had sex on the floor once though
that's nothing special
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:54, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post797266

It gets worse. A lot worse.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:55, Reply)

Tell the story
all this flirting around the subject sin't good for my ulcer.
( Kroney, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:59, Reply)

I had sex on my living room carpet once
but I forgot that I had underfloor heating and I burnt my bum!
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:58, Reply)

I haven't.
I can't imagine it would be special either.
I've had sex in more public places/outdoors than in a bed.
A bed doesn't make it any more special.
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:00, Reply)

I've never had sex outside
It's on my bucket list, but I'm picky about the location.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:00, Reply)

nor me
due to being a late starter.

Not sure if I've missed out or not.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:02, Reply)

Me neither eitherer
On both counts.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:04, Reply)

I might just do it with the window open.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:26, Reply)

I always have the bedroom windows open
and the other night heard a couple going at it. Not particularly exuberant, so it occurred to me that people up and down the street can clearly hear the mrs quite frequently...
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:28, Reply)

my roommate once said "you're not as quiet as you think you are"
major sad face
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:51, Reply)

hahaha
my old housemate asked me to rearrange my furniture so that my bed wasn't next to the wall to his room :-/
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 17:00, Reply)

I was a very late starter. But I caught up quite quickly :/
also, outdoor sex is messy, in the woods, dirt, sand, whatever...you've got sticky bits that attract dry stuff...not that fun. Blankets don't help much.
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:34, Reply)

I will bear that in mind

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:36, Reply)

Also
The smell of your semen may attract sharks
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:37, Reply)

it tends to do that

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:40, Reply)

This is why it is categorically not safe to have a beachwank before you go surfing

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:43, Reply)

I've never been tempted

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:49, Reply)

Well yes, the thought of getting sand in one's jap's eye is quite off-putting

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:52, Reply)

what about on one of those springy asphalt surfaces
like in playgrounds....wait I should stop talking now.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:53, Reply)

I don't even know what that is!
I've heard swings and rocking chairs are good
I like regular chairs.
Or car seats with the door open. Oh yes, that was nice.
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:57, Reply)

rocking chairs seem like a good idea
but whether it was the particular chair or not, it didn't work well for me

and I like normal chairs too (for having sex in, not just as chairs)
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 17:01, Reply)

I'm picturing you sitting in a chair by yourself
just going "man I love chairs"
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 17:11, Reply)

come on now
tell the truth, you are there as well
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 17:20, Reply)

In Engerland
the newer playgrounds have this stuff that's made like a normal asphalt surface, but they put something in it so that it's got a foamy effect to it and it's slightly springy. I have no idea what it's made of but it's great, kids don't graze themselves or get hurt when they fall on it.

I heard swings were good but I got stuck in a swing (again the playground) a while ago and now I've got the fear.

I've never had sex in a car, it just looks uncomfortable, I'd probably get my foot stuck in the glove box.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 17:04, Reply)

I think it was because I'd had so much alcohol my legs couldn't support me.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:01, Reply)

That's my favourite bit!
If you'd missed out all the other bits and just told us that bit we would have been picturing you all wenchy and steamy like in a romance novel. Like the one on Applebite's facebook, were you RAVISHED?!
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:53, Reply)

That's the best bit.
Hell, that's the only GOOD bit.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:53, Reply)

I want to hear this story
I've seen hints and allusions before, but never the whole story. Tell it to me. Tell it!
( Kroney, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:40, Reply)

This fella made her walk barefoot through the Carling Academy
Getting her feet all manky and cut, before he made her give him a footjob.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:43, Reply)

this should win QOTW

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:45, Reply)

*boke*

( Kroney, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:46, Reply)

Kitty, is this worse than what actually went on?

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:46, Reply)

I don't know "The Barefoot Story," but I reckon you'd have to go some to find something more disgusting than
The Carling Academy
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:47, Reply)

Canal Street.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:50, Reply)

You had sex on the floor in Canal Street?
You must have scared the gays to death.
( girlinthehole, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:51, Reply)

Hahahaha, it wasn't sex
it wasn't on the floor, and it technically wasn't on Canal Street...
but that was my vague area (that Crow would know well, the bumder)

One day if I get drunk enough I'll tell it to you. You'll never see me in the same way. I told Kitty the first time I met her, and I don't think she quite sees me right now...
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:52, Reply)

it was no worse than you shouting
"I fucking love blowjobs" and scaring the surrounding tables.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:55, Reply)

Did she?
Nice!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:56, Reply)

it was loud
I was supposed to be chaperoning and maintaining some sort of respectability.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:57, Reply)

You failed there then, didncha?

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:01, Reply)

Well, I do!
I just have a loud voice :(
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:58, Reply)

Congratulations on being open about it!
Just don't come crying when your gazbox fills up.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:03, Reply)

Or...
were you walking back through Canal Street, barefoot due to your shoes having become uncomfortable over the course of the evening, when you snagged your toe on a used condom?
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:53, Reply)

It probably involves a similar amount of blood

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:53, Reply)

I'm actually laughing out loud
There was very little blood. My feet weren't even cut.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:54, Reply)

I was just reading Mike's Talk Fail Archive
and there's one in there where a girl is ripped to pieces for being revolting about a similar thing so I perhaps would leave some bits out. Maybe just tell them about the FIFA thing and the douchebaggery.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:57, Reply)

It's NEVER going on open board
My post is still up on it, isn't it?

Need to adjust those numbers AHAHAHAHA
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:59, Reply)

I haven't got that far
it got a bit boring with all the replies to the Flounce of the Day being exactly the same. I'll have a look for yours now
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:01, Reply)

I don't think that's particularly faily
not sure why it's in there
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:03, Reply)

Because I overshare?
(see above as regards blowjobs)
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:09, Reply)

meh
I still don't think it fails in the same manner as the others.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:27, Reply)