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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Admit it.
Go on, admit to something you have done or thought that you have kept to yourself, up until now. The seedier and more depraved the better.

Me, well........I know listening to commercial radio can do strange things to a person. So it came as little surprise when I found myself being strangely drawn to ocean going fashion bender, Mark Ronson's latest musical excreta, 'Bang, Bang Bang'. It is by far and away the most interestingly put together pop song i've heard in a long time, and I even you tubed the video.

I feel dirty and used and am considering cutting the skin between my thumb and finger with some scissors by way of a punishment.



*shames*
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:21, 303 replies, latest was 16 years ago)
He's just copying Sonny J

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:22, Reply)
You really think liking a song is depraved?

(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:23, Reply)
No
But I couldn't think of anything depraved enough that I haven't previously admitted to. Well, maybe except for that time with the 4 downs syndrome sufferers, a punnet of strawberries and a 2007 Cute Kittens calendar.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:29, Reply)
It's dangerous to admit such things in here
the music snobs will be baying for his blood
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:29, Reply)
I once bought a copy of Playgirl.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:25, Reply)
A mark of how times change.
When I was a lad if you wanted to buy a porn mag, you would invariably buy a newspaper to hide it in.
A while a ago I found myself buying "What Mortgage" magazine and looking around for a copy of Big Jugs Monthly to bury my shameful purchase in.
(Cave Duck, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:30, Reply)
The sad thing is I bought it to draw from because they didn't have male models at the college I was at.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:34, Reply)
Alas, I have no such excuse for What Mortgage.
I've let everyone down.

*hangs head*
(Cave Duck, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:39, Reply)
There's a woman in my office who always asks if I can get her a Daily Mail when I go to the local shop
I feel like saying "it's not for me" every time
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:37, Reply)
did they all look gay?

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:37, Reply)
Yes : (

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:41, Reply)
so it wasn't just mine then...

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:52, Reply)
Any excuse to self harm
ffs internet.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:27, Reply)
Chompy, do you mind if I ask you a question?

(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:35, Reply)
I almost certainly will, but that's not going to stop you is it?

(PsychoChomp, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:38, Reply)
Of course it won't
I just clicked my Friends Activity page, and for about the third time I've noticed that you clicked 'I like this' on one of your own posts.

I was just wondering why? It doesn't do anything, does it?
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:40, Reply)
Not in terms of getting on the popular page but it's an easy way to find a post if you need to.
Just go in your profile and you can see everything that you've "liked" makes keeping track of a bunch of posts if you're posting in a few threads at once.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:41, Reply)
Ah, I see
I thought it might have been so that you could draw attention from your /talk mates to the hilarious and amusing things that you say here
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:43, Reply)
Yeah that too.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:45, Reply)
I shot a man in Reno
Just to watch him die
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:28, Reply)
I shot a man in Reno
but I can't remember why
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:35, Reply)
I watched a man die
But I can't remember where.
(Cave Duck, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:40, Reply)
Well that doesn't rhyme

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:45, Reply)
It was the first line of a new couplet. You've totally spoiled it now.

(Cave Duck, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:50, Reply)
I wanted to get that bit between my thumb and finger pierced
but I couldn't do pole if I did that.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:28, Reply)
That'd make a pretty good penholder

(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:34, Reply)
haha it would
I wouldn't even need to grip anymore, leaving my fingers free for cats cradle whilst I write.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:36, Reply)
Stop being silly
Keep doing pole and stop thinking about silly piercings
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:37, Reply)
yes miss
sorry miss

*looks at feet*
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:04, Reply)
they never heal, those web piercings.

(I helped save b3ta! janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:04, Reply)
Yeah I heard that they surface really easily
and that you can just tear it right out too so maybe it's not the best idea.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:04, Reply)
yup, that too. reputable piercers won't do them any more, unless they're sure it's fully understood and
not just for some 14 year old with a 'look at me' complex and a fake ID.
(I helped save b3ta! janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:09, Reply)
Aww I only have one of those

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:47, Reply)
I've been seriously tempted to get a Prince Albert
Probably for 8 years or so, off and on. It's not the thought of the pain that puts me off, it's the thought of getting my cock out in front of the piercer and watching it shrink in terror.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:30, Reply)
I'm sure they're used to it.
Luckily I had a female piercer when I got my hood done or else I think I would have died of shame.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:31, Reply)
Yes, but you don't have the 'size paranoia'
That many guys are afflicted with.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:36, Reply)
tell you what, Lab
I'll get mine pierced for you, and then we can do a swap
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:38, Reply)
Sounds good to me
Thanks!
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:39, Reply)
I don't understand this. It's not something you can change or control.
Besides, they've seen hundreds of willys, yours won't be any different.
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:38, Reply)
Yes it will, it'll be mine!
Irrational fears are irrational.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:40, Reply)
I was like that
I was thinking 'what if he goes out with his piercer buddies tonight and is all "I had the ugliest mimsy in today"'
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:45, Reply)
I like surprising the nurses when I get a smear.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:47, Reply)
I've only ever had one smear
and she kept twisting it *shudders*
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:50, Reply)
do you hide things up there?

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:54, Reply)
Only my shopping list.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:55, Reply)
I'm picturing those snakes they have in america that fly out of cans
whizzing out of your vajayjay
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:07, Reply)
hahahaha

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:14, Reply)
"It looked like a gangrenous cuttlefish"

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:48, Reply)
I read that as dangerous cuttlefish
I don't know which is worse.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:49, Reply)
but what if it is?
what if it is?
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:43, Reply)
Exactly!

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:44, Reply)
I'm sure that if it were different he'd already know and he wouldn't be questioning what if

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:53, Reply)
I dunno
how many other vaginas have you seen? I think I've only seen a couple and they're mostly on embarrasing bodies so they're not normal anyway.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:08, Reply)
you mean IRL ones?
hmmmmmmmmmmmm..................at least........6.
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:28, Reply)
oh, that's not including strippers cunts, btw

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:47, Reply)
I've led a sheltered life

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:48, Reply)
if we're including strippers I reckon I've seen at least a hundred.

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:55, Reply)
I'm jealous
I wanna see a stripper!
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:59, Reply)
*starts unbuttoning shirt*

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 17:00, Reply)
chica bow chica bow wow

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 17:09, Reply)
mine was male and hot.
it was awkward. He tried to make small talk. I tried to make jokes.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:37, Reply)
Does that mean you make a 'ping' noise
When you clamslam?
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:41, Reply)
haha I actually did!!
I only did it once and it made a muffled clinky sound because obviously I was wearing pants too. Fucking hurt.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:44, Reply)
I imagine it would hurt
*sympathyface*
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:45, Reply)
your sympathy face looks a lot like you laughing hysterically

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:50, Reply)
why did the girl get her clitoral hood pierced?
To make the other nearby hole seem smaller.

that was shit, even by my standards
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:44, Reply)
I liked it so I put a ring on it.

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:45, Reply)
don't be mad when you see that he want it
uh-uh oh-oh-oh-oh
uh-uh oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:51, Reply)
find a sadistic woman with a big pin
problem solved.

NEXT
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:35, Reply)

Horror story from a guy I know from university who was a piercer and did his own. It started to migrate out of place, got stuck, and he decided to cut it out himself with a scalpel. *shudder*
(I helped save b3ta! Labmonkey last thought about having another coffee on, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:36, Reply)
I read about one guy where the ball went into the hole and then got stuck somewhere inside his skin
but the doctors said they couldn't remove it without extensive surgery so he kept it and it just looked like he was keeping a pea in there.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:38, Reply)

I read that as "his ball", which confused the hell out of me.
(I helped save b3ta! Labmonkey last thought about having another coffee on, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:40, Reply)
hahaha his ball getting sucked up into the skin of his willy
would be horrific
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:09, Reply)

"Every thrust was like a kick in the nadgers. It was never the same again!"
-A cautionary tale against golf-ball sized Prince Albert jewellery.
(I helped save b3ta! Labmonkey last thought about having another coffee on, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:14, Reply)
When I was at Uni I was happily minding my own business and attempting to have a piss
when my mate Eddie walked up and said "hey look at this" and being drunk I did. It was his flaccid cock, complete with steel ring. I was sick into the urinal, narrowly missing my own penis. He then said "I was surprised at how much it hurt", which amazed me.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:40, Reply)
Mine didn't hurt anywhere near as much as my tongue piercing
maybe I've got an asbestos fanny.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:52, Reply)
you mean that breathing in the dust from it will give you a horrible lung condition
and result in you dying?

or it is fireproof?
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:54, Reply)
It's still mined in several 3rd world countries
Despite being illegal in civilised places.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:59, Reply)
What, fanny?

(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:01, Reply)
Kitty's kitty
Yes
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:04, Reply)
haha it's fireproof and invincible
KITTY FANNY SMASH!
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:09, Reply)
hot

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:11, Reply)
up to 200 degrees in the centre

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:25, Reply)
fahrenheit or celsius?

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:25, Reply)
What, like a healthy compost heap?

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:25, Reply)
I've been called worse

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:48, Reply)
At least it's like a healthy compost heap
Unlike a dead, unhealthy one which is cold and clammy and full of slowly putrefying crap.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:50, Reply)
yes...it's not like that at all
*whistles*
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:59, Reply)
Sounds to me like your minge needs some straw and some worms

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 17:05, Reply)
less cardboard too

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 17:08, Reply)
perhaps I put too many teabags on it

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 17:10, Reply)
perhaps
probably need some probing to find out what the real problem is
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 17:10, Reply)
my ex-husband fainted when he had his done.
just something else for you to worry about there. you're welcome.
(I helped save b3ta! janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:08, Reply)
my friend fainted when I had my ear pierced
stealing the limelight from me, hmph
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:10, Reply)
I feel faint reading this thread...

(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:12, Reply)
I bought a friend along with me to get the start of my back tattoo done and she fainted
when we were in the pub that night she told the boys I had cried. Horrible little liar, quite funny though.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:22, Reply)
I bet you did cry
I didn't cry, but I did go a sick shade of grey and sweated more than I have in my life. By the time I got back to my car I looked like a junkie.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:25, Reply)
foot tattoos are the worst of all. fact.
the one on my left foot was worse than any of my others. hell, it was worse than childbirth.
(I helped save b3ta! janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:27, Reply)
any experience of front of shoulder ones?
kind of at the outside end of the collar bone?
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:41, Reply)
I would imagine that's pretty similar to the ribs
in which case it fucking hurts. And it vibrates the bone as well which feels funny.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:49, Reply)
damn
I'm not fond of pain
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:49, Reply)
you kind of block it out after a while
and I've found it's raised my pain threshold quite considerably now. I still feel pain obviously, but I don't care anymore.

I'm so zen
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:51, Reply)
indeed

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:53, Reply)
this ^
any bony bits REALLY hurt. and over organs (shut up).
(I helped save b3ta! janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:57, Reply)
i nearly fainted when i had my septum done.
it didn't hurt that much but i was terrified and it's a proper SHOVE to get the needle through. urk.
(I helped save b3ta! janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:26, Reply)
i couldn't possibly admit to that
so i've got my hand over my mouth trying to keep quiet. this is very difficult for me.

hoorah the rain is stopping, can hit the beach shortly!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:32, Reply)
I predict
a deluge of gazzes.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:38, Reply)
don't use the deluge word
it has been tropical thunderstorms here since about 9pm last night, we are getting a bit bored of the balcony!!!

might have to go swimming in the rain if it doesn't fuck right off.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:46, Reply)
Swimming in the rain
is awesome. Went swimming in a full-on thunderstorm when I was last in Florida. Good fun.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:51, Reply)
You don't have to put your hand over your mouth to stop typing
unless you type with your tongue.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:42, Reply)
one handed typing
is generally slower and much less effective.

much like yourself!

edit - it's too late now to add that you have no idea what i can do with my tongue, isn't it.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:47, Reply)
yeah you're shit at trying to be sexy online.
I aint pandering to you bitch, jacuzzi or no jacuzzi.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:54, Reply)
excuse me, i wasn't TRYING
i save that kind of stuff for gonz these days, he knows how to treat a lady.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:56, Reply)
yeah but Psychochomp isn't interested in anyone
and THEY HAVE TO BE TOLD!

regardless of whether or not they've said anything that would instigate it
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:00, Reply)
Some have to be told more than others.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:01, Reply)
I think you should start randomly gazzing me to remind me you don't fancy me.
Wait a minute, are you this guy:
www.b3ta.com/talk/6757695
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:50, Reply)
"please please gaz me so I can tell you how soft my skin is!"

(PsychoChomp, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:50, Reply)
that's so out of context, you called me a man!

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:51, Reply)
you are right
i certainly feel told
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:02, Reply)
I like to think he goes around introducing himself like this....
"Hi, I'm chompy, I don't fancy you."
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:25, Reply)
I should start doing that at bashes.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:35, Reply)
just stick it on a name badge

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:49, Reply)
I now want a T-Shirt that says "I don't fancy you"
then when you're in a bar and you see someone you like who's looking at you then you just cover the "don't" with your hand.

Fucking hell that's an awesome chat up technique.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:52, Reply)
or it'll just look like you're staring at women and rubbing your own nipple

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 17:00, Reply)
based on his horrid upsetting personal attacks on me (online)
i think "hi i'm psycho" would be more apt.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:56, Reply)
Now stropping online.
don't pout.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:01, Reply)
you
are so going on IGNORE
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:04, Reply)
ANGRY IN THE CARIBBEAN

(PsychoChomp, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:12, Reply)
not really
we all know this is just your attempt at flirting. online.

i just hope it works better for you offline.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:38, Reply)
I don't have to flirt in real life,
they just flock to me.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:43, Reply)
lollipop ladies and aldi/lidl assistants
don't count

hang on, i missed a trick there, this ^ right here ^ is admission of attempted flirting. nnline.

still, though. 0/10 must do better.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:47, Reply)
You don't have to be rich to be attractive you snob.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:50, Reply)
in your case it would really fucking help

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:52, Reply)
i just meant they were only doing their job when approaching you
it's ok, cool your left wing burning britches with some home woven yoghurt. i'll just carry on sipping this pink champagne in the jacuzzi.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:55, Reply)
What do you know about invalidating a warrant because of
"abuse of process or oppression in its execution "
I just used that phrase and scared the shit out of some phone monkey.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 17:04, Reply)
is that what happened??
i thought that was only when the bailiffs turned up with big sticks. god, so is this still ongoing then?

i've had men make a bit of effort before, but i've never had one deliberately make himself homeless in a desperate effort to be invited to move in with me my jacuzzi.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 17:06, Reply)
Still locked out,
but got in this morning to find that they've been having viewings when all this is going on and while my stuff was still there.

They proceeded as if the house was empty, now they're shitting themselves a bit.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 17:12, Reply)
tell them it's harassment
without seeing the documentation i have no idea if this is legally correct (and suspect it isn't if the landlord has a standard mortgage and second charge) but also go to www.opsi.gov.uk and look up the protection from eviction act 1977, s5 says that residential occupiers get at least a month's notice or it's a criminal offence. whilst i don't think it will apply to you if the landlord let without consent, an agent won't know that!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 17:16, Reply)
Thanks hun x.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 17:33, Reply)
this sudden friendliness
creeps me out, stick to the insults!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 17:35, Reply)

Yeah, but you can expect the pandering to start at "one handed typing" anyway.
(I helped save b3ta! Labmonkey last thought about having another coffee on, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:55, Reply)
There's no way I'm telling the Barefoot Story on here.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:34, Reply)
ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
tell it.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:38, Reply)
"And so, overcome with passion, we didn't even make it to the bed. We did it right there on the floor"

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:42, Reply)
Go on, tell us Lampy
it can't be as bad as Swipey's bedshitter story
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:52, Reply)
I've told part of it, just up there.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:53, Reply)
everybody's had sex on the floor once though
that's nothing special
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:54, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post797266

It gets worse. A lot worse.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:55, Reply)
Tell the story
all this flirting around the subject sin't good for my ulcer.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:59, Reply)
I had sex on my living room carpet once
but I forgot that I had underfloor heating and I burnt my bum!
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:58, Reply)
I haven't.
I can't imagine it would be special either.
I've had sex in more public places/outdoors than in a bed.
A bed doesn't make it any more special.
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:00, Reply)
I've never had sex outside
It's on my bucket list, but I'm picky about the location.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:00, Reply)
nor me
due to being a late starter.

Not sure if I've missed out or not.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:02, Reply)
Me neither eitherer
On both counts.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:04, Reply)
I might just do it with the window open.

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:26, Reply)
I always have the bedroom windows open
and the other night heard a couple going at it. Not particularly exuberant, so it occurred to me that people up and down the street can clearly hear the mrs quite frequently...
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:28, Reply)
my roommate once said "you're not as quiet as you think you are"
major sad face
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:51, Reply)
hahaha
my old housemate asked me to rearrange my furniture so that my bed wasn't next to the wall to his room :-/
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 17:00, Reply)
I was a very late starter. But I caught up quite quickly :/
also, outdoor sex is messy, in the woods, dirt, sand, whatever...you've got sticky bits that attract dry stuff...not that fun. Blankets don't help much.
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:34, Reply)
I will bear that in mind

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:36, Reply)
Also
The smell of your semen may attract sharks
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:37, Reply)
it tends to do that

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:40, Reply)
This is why it is categorically not safe to have a beachwank before you go surfing

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:43, Reply)
I've never been tempted

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:49, Reply)
Well yes, the thought of getting sand in one's jap's eye is quite off-putting

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:52, Reply)
what about on one of those springy asphalt surfaces
like in playgrounds....wait I should stop talking now.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:53, Reply)
I don't even know what that is!
I've heard swings and rocking chairs are good
I like regular chairs.
Or car seats with the door open. Oh yes, that was nice.
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:57, Reply)
rocking chairs seem like a good idea
but whether it was the particular chair or not, it didn't work well for me

and I like normal chairs too (for having sex in, not just as chairs)
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 17:01, Reply)
I'm picturing you sitting in a chair by yourself
just going "man I love chairs"
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 17:11, Reply)
come on now
tell the truth, you are there as well
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 17:20, Reply)
In Engerland
the newer playgrounds have this stuff that's made like a normal asphalt surface, but they put something in it so that it's got a foamy effect to it and it's slightly springy. I have no idea what it's made of but it's great, kids don't graze themselves or get hurt when they fall on it.

I heard swings were good but I got stuck in a swing (again the playground) a while ago and now I've got the fear.

I've never had sex in a car, it just looks uncomfortable, I'd probably get my foot stuck in the glove box.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 17:04, Reply)
I think it was because I'd had so much alcohol my legs couldn't support me.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:01, Reply)
That's my favourite bit!
If you'd missed out all the other bits and just told us that bit we would have been picturing you all wenchy and steamy like in a romance novel. Like the one on Applebite's facebook, were you RAVISHED?!
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:53, Reply)
That's the best bit.
Hell, that's the only GOOD bit.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:53, Reply)
I want to hear this story
I've seen hints and allusions before, but never the whole story. Tell it to me. Tell it!
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:40, Reply)
This fella made her walk barefoot through the Carling Academy
Getting her feet all manky and cut, before he made her give him a footjob.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:43, Reply)
this should win QOTW

(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:45, Reply)
*boke*

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:46, Reply)
Kitty, is this worse than what actually went on?

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:46, Reply)
I don't know "The Barefoot Story," but I reckon you'd have to go some to find something more disgusting than
The Carling Academy
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:47, Reply)
Canal Street.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:50, Reply)
You had sex on the floor in Canal Street?
You must have scared the gays to death.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:51, Reply)
Hahahaha, it wasn't sex
it wasn't on the floor, and it technically wasn't on Canal Street...
but that was my vague area (that Crow would know well, the bumder)

One day if I get drunk enough I'll tell it to you. You'll never see me in the same way. I told Kitty the first time I met her, and I don't think she quite sees me right now...
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:52, Reply)
it was no worse than you shouting
"I fucking love blowjobs" and scaring the surrounding tables.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:55, Reply)
Did she?
Nice!
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:56, Reply)
it was loud
I was supposed to be chaperoning and maintaining some sort of respectability.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:57, Reply)
You failed there then, didncha?

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:01, Reply)
Well, I do!
I just have a loud voice :(
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:58, Reply)
Congratulations on being open about it!
Just don't come crying when your gazbox fills up.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:03, Reply)
Or...
were you walking back through Canal Street, barefoot due to your shoes having become uncomfortable over the course of the evening, when you snagged your toe on a used condom?
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:53, Reply)
It probably involves a similar amount of blood

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:53, Reply)
I'm actually laughing out loud
There was very little blood. My feet weren't even cut.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:54, Reply)
I was just reading Mike's Talk Fail Archive
and there's one in there where a girl is ripped to pieces for being revolting about a similar thing so I perhaps would leave some bits out. Maybe just tell them about the FIFA thing and the douchebaggery.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:57, Reply)
It's NEVER going on open board
My post is still up on it, isn't it?

Need to adjust those numbers AHAHAHAHA
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:59, Reply)
I haven't got that far
it got a bit boring with all the replies to the Flounce of the Day being exactly the same. I'll have a look for yours now
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:01, Reply)
I don't think that's particularly faily
not sure why it's in there
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:03, Reply)
Because I overshare?
(see above as regards blowjobs)
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:09, Reply)
meh
I still don't think it fails in the same manner as the others.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:27, Reply)
I once stole some pick'n'mix.
True story.
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:37, Reply)
I could never do that!
when people just eat it as they go along I'm shocked. Same with grapes in the supermarket.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:39, Reply)
Snap
My nana eats grapes.
She thinks that buying a bunch afterwards means that it's not stealing. This terrifies my mother.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:41, Reply)
For some reason, I regulary get strangers asking me what to do with herbs when I'm at the supermarket.... can't work out why...
... but anyway, I always take a leaf from the herb and rub it in my hands, give it a smell, a taste, then offer my advice.
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:42, Reply)

Which is what? I say be creative.
"Ah, now rosemary, you want to nail that to the wall to ward off Australians" "Turmeric should be buried in a lead box in sandy soil for 4 months"
(I helped save b3ta! Labmonkey last thought about having another coffee on, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:43, Reply)
old women ask me to reach things for them

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:28, Reply)

They're a crew of pedants determined to put the "petty" back in "petty theft".
(I helped save b3ta! Labmonkey last thought about having another coffee on, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:42, Reply)
OMG
We're like twins! Only it was marbles that I stole once.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:40, Reply)
Me too
at the cinema. Their fucking fault. My film was starting and they didn't serve me, or seek to control the big queue ahead of me which beautfully masked my escape.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:41, Reply)
I once pissed in the Church organists shoes.
These soft slipper things that she left beside the organ. I filled them up, literally, with my own blend hot lemonade.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:41, Reply)
In a similar vein
I was made to listen to my teenaged cousin's music the other day - Dizzee Rascal, Black Eyed Peas and the like. I found myself thinking 'hey, some of this is actually quite catchy'. Earbleach please :(
(berk, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:44, Reply)
It's important to remember that 'catchy' does not necessarily equate to 'good.'
I cite The Birdy Song and Saturday Night as key examples.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:46, Reply)
A b-b-b-bird bird bird
the bird is the word etc.

Yeah, I must admit I felt quite sickened when I found myself singing along.
(berk, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:49, Reply)
Oh, now steady on
Bird is the Word, much like Shaddap Yer Face, is one of those that I must guiltily admit to quite liking, if just for their shamelessly gonzoid silliness.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:50, Reply)
Hmm
It's a bare step above Agadoo, in my opinion.
(berk, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:54, Reply)
The logical part of my brain agrees with you
And makes me wonder whether, as Lab suggests, this is down to some sort of Aural Stockholm
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:55, Reply)
that's a different song to the Birdy Song
bird is the word is great
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:51, Reply)
I know
The Birdy Song is the one that goes 'a little bit of this, a little bit of that, something, something I can't remember' although I believe it may have been an instrumental originally? I had it on a kids party megamix tape a good 20 years ago...
(berk, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:56, Reply)
I know somebody who danced to that song at their wedding.

No word of a lie.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:57, Reply)
could be worse
I know someone who had a James Blunt song

JAMES FUCKING BLUNT! HONESTLY!
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:59, Reply)
Jesus, the only chavvier thing I can think of
is having Robbie fucking Williams' 'Angels' played at your funeral.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:01, Reply)
I can't remember the name of the song
but I remember that it was the worst possible one they could have chosen with regard to awfullness.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:03, Reply)
I'm not sure
my sister almost had a Snow Patrol song as her first dance. Thank fuck she changed her mind - I'm not sure my conscience would have allowed me to refuse to go, but equally I'm not sure my brain would have allowed my ears to listen without exploding.

I want to have Wipeout played at my funeral. I think it'd be much more amusing than the dreary shit that normally gets played.
(berk, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:07, Reply)
wipeout is an absolutely excellent choice for a funeral
when I said the worst one, I meant worst james blunt song :-)
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:09, Reply)
And god knows there's some stiff competition for that title

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:10, Reply)
Are they not
all equally bad?

EDIT - damn, Crow beat me to it!
(berk, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:11, Reply)

Heh. Remember b3tans, your funeral song is your last chance to troll. Use it wisely.
(I helped save b3ta! Labmonkey last thought about having another coffee on, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:11, Reply)
Do you still know them?
If you do, you may wish to reconsider - that's just plain shameful. It wasn't their first dance though, right...?
(berk, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:59, Reply)
I wasn't actually present at the wedding
Fortunately I don't know them that well and haven't seen them for some time. I'm not sure I'd be able to look them in the eye.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:01, Reply)
Are we talkin about Surfin' Bird here?
I have The Ramones version set as the ringtone for when my daughter calls. It's the first song that I have that she doesn't consider rubbish, mostly because it was used in Family Guy.
(Cave Duck, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:59, Reply)
how did I not know the Ramones did a version of that!?

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:03, Reply)
and aids, aids is quite catchy too

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:04, Reply)
I think that's considered Aural Stockholme Syndrome
or ASS
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:46, Reply)
Ronson's early record with Ghostface Killah is fucking brilliant.
He is a good producer, whether you like the songs or not...

And I have a secret so dark I can barely even think about it, let alone post it on here.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:45, Reply)
Is it to do with MASSIVE DRUGS?

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:50, Reply)
No.
EDIT actually in a sense yes, because one of the reasons I like getting fucked up so much is that I can temporarily forget about this thing.

I wish I hadn’t mentioned it now. Subject closed, I’m afraid.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:51, Reply)
Is it to do with David Bowie?

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:51, Reply)
Is it the one about you being Jon Bon Jovi?
Edit - I don't know what your being so cagey about, "Crossroads" sold in the millions
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:53, Reply)
Did you kiss a girl and like it?

(PsychoChomp, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:55, Reply)
That was my first mistake.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:13, Reply)
Catharsis is on the house in here, cleanse your soul.
..and yes, it was deffo the production that drew me to the track, very interesting compared to the shit storm of inadequacy and mediocrity that constitutes todays popular music.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:53, Reply)
my mate is Swiss
and when he was young he directly caused a cow to fall off a cliff. Is it worse than that?
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 15:59, Reply)

It is if the reason it was next to a cliff edge was to get it to push back harder.
(I helped save b3ta! Labmonkey last thought about having another coffee on, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:02, Reply)
I'm fairly sure that was not the reason
I think he was too young to have even considered it
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:02, Reply)
A very great deal, yes.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:06, Reply)
you were responsible for this weren't you?
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Katyn_massacre
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:08, Reply)
Not yet, he wasn't
But Wikipedia is, in theory, open for anybody to contribute to...
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:09, Reply)
I've tried that before
they tend to frown on outright lies
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:10, Reply)
A friend of mine tried it
And they described it as, among other things, "Patent Nonsense," which I think must be something of an achievement in itself...
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:12, Reply)
I can't remember what I changed now
it took ages though, and was plausibly written. Didn't last long :-(
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:13, Reply)
how do people get away with posting that celebrities have died when they haven't then?

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:30, Reply)
I don't know, but I suspect if it's just an edit to an existing article
It can go unnoticed for long enough that a rumour can spread.

My friend's mistake was to write an entire biography of his friend, entitled, "[NAME], the Cross-Dressing Physicist."

You can see why it didn't get past the mods.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:32, Reply)
That's really terrible, but slightly ace too.

(Cave Duck, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:17, Reply)
it gets pretty much that reaction from everyone
except his wife who thoroughly disapproves.

my mate is never sure whether to feel guilt or pride
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:23, Reply)
did he just shove it?

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:57, Reply)
True
'Ooh Wee' is the business.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:10, Reply)
When that came out
I thought we had a new Pete Rock or Premier on our hands. Ah, youthful ignorance...
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:14, Reply)
Agreed
Even if it did go by the ridiculous title of "Ooooh Eeee". However I think it's fair to say that most of the credit for the record's quality goes to Ghostface rather than Ronson
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:17, Reply)
Yes and no
- the beat's a lovely bit of 70s disco rap style, but Ghostface is a quality MC without doubt. One of my rarest new-skool hip hop records is a 1-sided copy of his 'Daytona 500' where he rhymes over Bob James' 'Nautilus'. Fucking love it.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:20, Reply)
I remember making the rookie mistake of dismissing Ghostface out of hand when his debut solo album was released,
simply because he was in Wu-Tang and after Ol' Dirty Bastard's ridiculous Return to the 36 Chambers I was firmly of the opinion that they should all shut the fuck up unless RZA was providing the beats

Silly me
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:39, Reply)
The proliferation of dodgy Wu-Tang LPs ruined their mystique for me.
Killah Priest etc? Fuck off.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:42, Reply)
Absolutely
I will defend all three of Method Man's Tical albums with the pointy end of a Camberwell Carrot, but that's more for the man's innate skills and sense of humour than any association with the likes of Inspectah Deck
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:55, Reply)
Right, I'm moving house now.
BYYYYYYYYEEEEEEE
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:17, Reply)
Toodle pip
Remember to lift with your legs rather than your back.

Because houses are heavy.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:19, Reply)
My mate played me a remix of "In for the kill" by La Roux
it took me a while, but it insinuated itself into my brain until I really like it.

search for the Skream remix on youtube if you want to hear it
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:24, Reply)
You want a good tune?
Fucking check THIS out:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=KTPE2pNtKWQ

I had no idea video footage of this b-boy anthem existed. I love this tune more that you could possibly imagine. I played it out only last week to stony-faced silence: just how I like it. I'm here to educate, not entertain.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:31, Reply)
I'll send it on home for later
don't think I have anything outstanding for you at the moment unfortunately.

you listened to squirrels part 2 yet?
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:37, Reply)
FUCK. No.
Be a good sport and link again will ya?

You will really love the clip above - don't forget to watch it, you know I'm usually right when I say you'll be into something, doncha?
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:40, Reply)
that's just part 2
www.divshare.com/download/11793080-98d

you haven't been wrong so far
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:42, Reply)
Much obliged.
I plan to get quite high this evening so you may see another rambling review of this part tomorrow, I'm afraid.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:44, Reply)
I'd interested to hear what you think
as with the other it's not quite finished. There's an organ solo missing from one of the rocking bits, but generally it's a little better put together than the other one.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:48, Reply)
Since you're there
I've got Part 2 but not Part 1. Got a linky for that as well, sweetheart?
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:46, Reply)
enjoy
www.divshare.com/download/11793082-
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:46, Reply)
Ta very kindly
I've rather enjoyed what I've heard of part 2 so far (only found time to listen to the first half). Looking forward to hearing this.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:47, Reply)
the second half of part 2 is the best bit!

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:48, Reply)
I shall try to find time to put these claims to the test.
Opinionated opinions to follow in due course.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:51, Reply)
feedback is most welcome
hopefully it'll be a good review after the really shit one my band's CD got!
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:54, Reply)
Well, as I say, I was impressed with the first half of part 2
So unless the rest of it is some sort of Country & Western with Extended Slap Bass Solo and George Michael Rapping over the top, you'll probably be alright.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:56, Reply)
there's some ambient house
a bit of spaghetti western, some ROCK, and some honky tonk piano.

what's not to like?
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:58, Reply)
"just how I like it"
Brought a smile to my misery etched face!
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:39, Reply)
You know me, old boy - I've got 'cunt' running through me like a stick of rock.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:45, Reply)

'cunt' dick like a stick of r and I suck c
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:47, Reply)
D- 'see me'

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:49, Reply)
I'd rather not old man
I don't swing that way
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:50, Reply)
oh that is excellent
only bit of dubstep i like.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:55, Reply)
oh, I didn't get to tell mine
I love gay porn, male on male, super hot and sweaty, aggressive gay sex.
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:49, Reply)
Vippers has got loads - I'm sure he'll lend it to you if you ask nicely.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:54, Reply)
it freaks me out a bit
and then I worry that I'm homophobic.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 16:58, Reply)

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