We've all done silly things to attract a member of the opposite sex, or same sex in some cases.
What's the most shameful, yet amusing thing you've ever done? YES I SAID MEMBER.

Alt Q: what's for cunting lunch? I've found a shop here that sells smiths ready salted chipsticks individually so you don't have to eat your way through a shit multipack to get at the good stuff.

Alt Q 2: misheard lyrics? I've heard the boy who murdered love loads now, but it sticks in my head as the boy who melted love for some reason.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:18, 115 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I pretended he was funny and attractive.
Oh and one time I pretended I was funny and attractive.
( girlinthehole, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:21, Reply)

Posted here
In other news, earlier today I sneezed a ball off. I tuck my septum piercing inside my nose for work, and when I suddenly sneezed something shot out. I was walking along the road at the time, and thankfully no one saw, so I carried on walking. Now I've found out it was a ball from my curved barbell.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:22, Reply)

I don't even want to remember :(
Alt Q: I don't have lunch stop rubbing it in
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:22, Reply)

expanded:
I just get drunk. That way the embarassing stuff does itself, and I have a 50/50 chance of ending up with them
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:28, Reply)

I'm starting to realise an alarming and distressing number of people I've got with have occured because I've been drunk :(

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:32, Reply)

Don't worry about it.
If this is still happening when you're 30 then I'd start worrying.
( girlinthehole, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:35, Reply)

getting drunk isn't enough anymore
I reckon I should escalate
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:36, Reply)

Escalate how?

( girlinthehole, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:37, Reply)

Go up stairs and drink in the bath.

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:38, Reply)

She turns up to the pub totally naked
gets on the bar and spreads it shouting, "COME ON LADS, GET IT IN, I'VE NOT GOT ALL NIGHT!"
(Bazongaloid, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:39, Reply)

:( done that
no takers
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:43, Reply)

My fastest pick up time was 10 minutes after entering the bar.
What was yours?
( girlinthehole, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:44, Reply)

naked or clothed?

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:45, Reply)

Clothed.

( girlinthehole, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:47, Reply)

If you were naked
would it take a longer or shorter time?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:49, Reply)

don't think I've ever picked
someone up in a pub actually :(
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:49, Reply)

I can better that!
2 mins in the club, no words spoken, back to hers!
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:17, Reply)

massive drugs
and a pre-midlife crisis
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:44, Reply)

Massive drugs!

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:39, Reply)

My passport expires when I'm almost 30
AAAAARGH I SEE MY LIFE UNFOLDING.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:39, Reply)

Hello Off Topic
Apologies for the threadjack, but I'd just like to say how proud I am that more than a week after me leaving you lot can't stop talking about me, and that indeed there are even two posts which reference me on the popular page. I'm beginning to think that I may well be the most talked about person on QOTW, ever.
To me, it appears that I am a winner, and that on some level you all still adore me and want me to stay, so I've decided to give it another shot.

Before we all go getting het-up and cross with one another, I would just like to apologise, to those who I have upset and offended in the past. I won't make excuses, it's pretty plain to see that I have problems, but I was out of line and will try to tone it down from now on.
Most of you will be smart enough to know from experience that just because I am apologising (again), doesn't mean anything will change, so unless you're willing to be bored to tears by my posts, or deeply upset by the incredibly inappropriate and personal things I say on here, you should probably click ignore now.

Once again, genuine, sincere apologies to everyone, I'm trying to change but I know that it won't happen overnight.

Bert.

PS BobbyPires is me, you idiots. I'd have thought that the way I was replying to EVERY single post was a dead give-away of my beakerism.

...and in answer to Becky's questions, nothing as I'm not very impressive, and a ham and cheese baguette from Sainsbury's, smoky bacon crisps, a can of coke and a lion bar
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:23, Reply)

Wow, you can't help yourself can you. IGNORED.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:26, Reply)

I think the thing I love about you most
is that it takes me the least effort out of anyone to upset you
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:27, Reply)

I'd rather you didn't post pictures of me.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:31, Reply)

eh?
Did a mod just delete my post?

Oh wait, I see. You deleted the thread and replied again. If you'd just said I would have taken it down
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:32, Reply)

I'm a mod now.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:35, Reply)

congratulations of the promotion
how do you find the time what with all your paperclip sales?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:36, Reply)

Are you really?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:37, Reply)

No, he isn't

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:37, Reply)

don't be silly

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:37, Reply)

He's not a mod
He's not even got a scooter!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:38, Reply)

Haha!

( girlinthehole, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:41, Reply)

*belms*

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:38, Reply)

YES

(PsychoChomp, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:39, Reply)

Oh I don't friggin know do I??

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:40, Reply)

Couldn't last one or two weeks, of which I bet most of that time was naughty-stepped.
Oh Bertty McBert Bert, that's quite.... I donno, someone help me out, what's the right word for it?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:44, Reply)

a shirt?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:46, Reply)

pathetic, irritating, typical, expected, foolish, desperate, annoying
pick one Gonz
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:48, Reply)

All Of The Above, except annoying, he ain't annyoing, in fact, I don't really give him a second thought.
It's a bit like The Never Ending Story where people forget about the books and everyone fades into nothing.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:50, Reply)

you do seem to get quite worked up by me though Gonz, be honest
you've been going on about me for days, I know this because I search my own name every hour or so.
I particularly enjoy the way your spelling improves when you're upset
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:54, Reply)

GRRR I R SO ANGRY ! *KEYBOARD MOOB-SMASH* GRRR GRRRR ANGER AND FEAR !

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:58, Reply)

Pfffft
I love you, you daft cunt
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:17, Reply)

I just want to cut him

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:56, Reply)

Can you explain why please?
Pretty much all I have ever said to you is 'Shut up Chompy', is that really worth getting so worked up over?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:17, Reply)

Hi Gonz
I know, I know.

but do you remember that time on /talk I asked you for three numbers?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:53, Reply)

I'm afraid I don't.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:56, Reply)

Here it is
www.b3ta.com/talk/6882884

and here's the reason:

1. Dyslexic
2. Fat
3. Shit-your-pants
4. Dumb
5. Fuck-ugly
6. Retarded
7. Mongoloid
8. Spastic
9. Paedo-looking
10. cunty-cunty-twat-cunt
11. Stomach cancer
12. fuckwit
13. twatfuck
14. Spunk-dribble
15. wankstain
16. cockdobber
17. shitbiscuit
18. AIDs-y downs boy
19. anatomically incorrect imbecile
20. hermaphrodite
21. degenerate sperm-bank
22. indecisive, creepy pervert
23. dandruff licking douchebag
24. You suffer from libidinous narcissistic guilt
25. earth-vexing puttock
26. frothy sheep-biting apple-john
27. milk-livered canker-blossom
28. pigeon-egged, pottle-deep mumble-news
29. goatish folly-fallen lout
30. putrid boob
31. belligerent goon
32. self-righteous Rump-Ranger
33. worthless
34. earwax-eating, inbred scumbag
35. tool
36, You suffer from unconscious masturbatory ambivalence
37. dick
38. cock
39. dipshitted, fuckwitted motherfucker
40. fucktarded fucknut
41. wanker who will de alone
42. tosser
43. shitbag
44. reamtard
45. your mother had two cunts, and you're one of them
46. Bizzare white cider drinking bum boy
47. Lonely, arse ripping bacon bazooka
48. feckless twat
49. IBS ridden dogwart
50. Flimsy child scaring shit stained bell-end

I got so bored of insulting you that I created a Gonz-Insult-O-Matic. So now, whenever you feel like replying to one of my posts, just pick three numbers between 1 and 50 at random, consult the list and think again
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:07, Reply)

I liked you better when you weren't here.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:10, Reply)

me too
EDIT click ignore, silly. I'll be gone forever
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:12, Reply)

I don't like having people on ignore
You still entertain me occasionally.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:17, Reply)

A while ago I found a post from last year
where you said that you'd missed me, and I was all like 'awww...!'.
I don't think I even knew who you were back then, but thank you, I will try not to be so shit from now on, but I wouldn't hold your breath
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:18, Reply)

I remember that.
And you said I was growing on you. Like a mole or something.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:24, Reply)

heehee
I am significant to you! This must surely be a bad thing, I recommend that you see your GP at once
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:25, Reply)

Let me hear more about the Gonz-insult-O-Matic you made, is it a list that you look up, or is it more complicated than that?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:11, Reply)

It's just a list

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:12, Reply)

So basicly, if I've got this right, you've created a list and called it a machine.
Do you lie a lot when it comes to making things?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:14, Reply)

No Gonz
I know it's difficult for your backwards-facing brain to understand, but I didn't call it a machine at any point, it's a list that I've called the Gonz-Insult-O-Matic.

EDIT I want to kiss you, with tongues
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:16, Reply)

Sorry, I went out for lunch, but anyway, adding the word 'matic' onto something implies it is a machine or has a function.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 15:32, Reply)

it's a list with a function, Gonz
the function is that it insults you, directly

1, 9, 24
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 17:54, Reply)

I had a peri peri chicken baquette from a little cafe
it was only £2.50, take that londoners

Oh and nothing wakki, maybe sent some flowers for valentines day that's about it.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:25, Reply)

I told her I was a veggie
No lunch, just smoothies still. Cannot wait to eat something now.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:29, Reply)

I'd never do that.
Once ate vegetarian food for four days and nearly shat my insides out! A meat-free diet produces some very loose stools.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:33, Reply)

it was shit
I fucking hate cous cous now.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:34, Reply)

The only good thing about couscous
is that it doesn't take a lot of effort to eat.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:37, Reply)

so hungry stop talking about food. I know I bought it up.
The topic, not the food.

not the chocolate bar topic.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:43, Reply)

I appear to have some kind of tapeworm
so:

1 x footlong Subway Meatball with extra cheese
1 x Coke (full fat)
1 x Lion Bar
1 x coffee

....and I'm still hungry - help!
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:31, Reply)

Diplidium canium?
I bet that's a flatworm instead isn't it?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:33, Reply)

I think I'm just a greedy cunt
to be honest
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:33, Reply)

snap!
I've got a lion bar too!
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:34, Reply)

Best thing available
out of the machine upstairs. No fucking double Deckers - pants
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:35, Reply)

Our machine always has chilled double deckers
who the hell chills double deckers for fuck's sake? They're rock hard and inedible for a good half hour after purchase
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:37, Reply)

Diet Double Deckers!

( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:38, Reply)

they're only good if they are cold
otherwise they are shit

I was giving you another chance Bert, but you've just fucked it right up
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:39, Reply)

I agree.
I also keep my mars bars (on the rare occasion I have them) in the freezer.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:40, Reply)

At school there was a rumour going 'round
That Martin Joynes was found wanking off into a Mars bar wrapper.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:43, Reply)

At my school, a rumour went round the Abby Lavick let her dog dry hump her.
Doggy style, obviously. But everyone knew it was true cos she was right weird.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:50, Reply)

No smoke without fire, right?

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:51, Reply)

Exactly.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:52, Reply)

I heard a rumour
actually it was written on a toilet door at Donington, it said Applebite does it with strangers while she has a poo. I'm pretty sure it's true.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:15, Reply)

Must be some other applebite.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:17, Reply)

FUCK OFF YOU BEARDY TWAT
:D
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:40, Reply)

FUCK YOU
YOU'VE RUINED B3TA!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:46, Reply)

I like to think of it as being more like
negative improvement
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:47, Reply)

ha

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:48, Reply)

Yeah
Double Deckers and Mars in the fridge
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:43, Reply)

What is this FAHKIN LINKS!
www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2010/aug/06/police-pensioner-car-chase

Police chase a pensioner who needed stroke medication and then smash his car windows to get him out.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:32, Reply)

I reckon he deserved all he got.
Old men like that can be right nasty buggers.
( girlinthehole, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:34, Reply)

Especially old men in Land/Range Rovers

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:35, Reply)

A bottle of Prudy's and a packet of Nando's BBQ flavour crisps.
But I think I might go for a subway too, haven't been to subway in yonks and yonks.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:34, Reply)

Italian BMT nom nom

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:36, Reply)

I can't say the really shameful one
But playing Popcorn on my teeth comes a close 6th.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:35, Reply)

Ahahahahahaaaaaaa what's number 3?

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:39, Reply)

*coughs and points both thumbs at himself*
*grins*
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:41, Reply)

You fucking wish you were number 3

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:45, Reply)

I fucking do actually

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:46, Reply)

Hooking up with djtrailprice

(Bazongaloid, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:42, Reply)

I thought that was number 2.

( girlinthehole, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:43, Reply)

Spell his name right, bitch

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:44, Reply)

NO!
In my mind he spins discs for the cost of a trail.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:46, Reply)

He's so picky
He'll never choose you over me, not with your lack of observation and disrespecting of his name.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:52, Reply)

He's not picky once you get a fews beers inside him
I'll just invite him to a festival and have my wicked way with him.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:00, Reply)

again?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:09, Reply)

Spilt Sambuca all over him
Boy was he impressed :)
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:43, Reply)

Should've set him on fire afterwards for your encore and thrown coffee beans at him.
That was your first mistake
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:46, Reply)

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post817789
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:46, Reply)

I should have
He was well odd.
Told me his grandad had left him ten grand ONLY to be used for his wedding. On our first and only date.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:53, Reply)

You'd get a huge meringue for that and a pumpkin too

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:21, Reply)

The woman that makes all those hip-scarring dresses for the gypsy girls
is in Liverpool
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:23, Reply)

Bastard!
Now I'm doing the teeth-version of Popcorn.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:40, Reply)

Ace innit

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:44, Reply)

I'm now accompanying the actual track
while I play it on YouTube
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:45, Reply)

I have no idea what that means.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:41, Reply)

Clicking ones teeth together while altering ones mouth shape
to form different notes, coming out in the form of this: www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Y_VHOCp7Lw
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:44, Reply)

NO NO NO
Using your finger nails to flick your teeth as though they are a percussion instrument.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:47, Reply)

I'm just clacking my teeth together
But I have in the past also employed a ballpoint pen as a percussive tool
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:49, Reply)

I once said "you smell like sex"
:/
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:42, Reply)

so
are we going to do it or what?

I'm not prepared to wait forever
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:43, Reply)

I might have mononucleosis

( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:46, Reply)

I might have a boner
so what are you oing to do about it?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:48, Reply)

probably just keep doing what I'm doing

( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:50, Reply)

dull post garners boring reply
Monkeysex baffled
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:52, Reply)

I once had a guy say to me "I've got salsa in my teeth, you wanna get it out with your tongue?"

( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:54, Reply)

When I was in year six, I offered to pay the entrance fee of the school disco of the boy I fancied
So that he'd come to it and I could hopefully dance with him. And then he ended up dancing with my best friend even though she knew I liked him and they even held hands! The bitch.

And that was the first and only time I failed to get the boy I wanted.

Lunch is flapjacks and red satin.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:45, Reply)

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post817789
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:46, Reply)

No.
We've been over this before. I have a very specific type, and you just don't fit it.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:47, Reply)

I CAN CHANGE

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:48, Reply)

Go on then.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:49, Reply)

I just did
didn't you notice?

Now I have really tight jeans, soft, young, supple skin, a floppy fringe and awful taste in music
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:52, Reply)

No no no no.
First of all, I don't like the jeans too tight, or I can't rip them off. Peeling clothes off men just isn't sexy.
Erm, I don't really know what to say to the skin.
The fringe sounds ok.
Taste in music must be GOOD. Grunge and rock please, non of this pretentious indie shit. And at least have heard of EA.
Where's the gingerness? The check shirts? The relative shortness? The ability to make me laugh, and most importantly, you're not FIT.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:59, Reply)

EA?
Why do you get so turned on by the Environment Agency?
(Bazongaloid, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:01, Reply)

Emilie Autumn
I score about half marks on the AfD scale, and I'm pleased to have got that far.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:03, Reply)

about half
but minus a few points for not being male
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:06, Reply)

Ah, my list for girls is completely different I'm afraid.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:07, Reply)

RUIN MY DREAMS
just kidding.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:15, Reply)

Her girls list is
1) pulse
(Bazongaloid, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:19, Reply)

oh man :(
I'm not a bean or a lentil.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:22, Reply)

No, my girls list is this:
(Possibly slightly NSFW)
4.bp.blogspot.com/_GbuNoMafUgM/TCFTW7RxPRI/AAAAAAAAAVM/Sr4yn3yqkrU/s1600/Nicki%2520Aycox-pics-001.jpg
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:22, Reply)

back in a minute

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:24, Reply)

Bagsy her after you?

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:26, Reply)

Oh, you're talking about yourself!
And Applebite's an 'equal opportunities' lady.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:08, Reply)

www.behindthehype.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/emilie.jpg
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:06, Reply)

Oh look it's another "kooky" "strange" and "different" performance artist type person
in the same vein as Amanda Palmer.

Actually, I really like Amanda Palmer, but she's better in the Dolls than solo.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:08, Reply)

I've not heard her solo stuff yet
Not that good then?
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:09, Reply)

No where near as good as the dresden dolls.
Apart from Leeds United. I lvoe that song, purely because of the line "who needs love when there's southern comfort"
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:11, Reply)

It's not as bad as you're making out
Oasis is fucking hilarious, and Ampersand is great, in fact it's a really good album, it's just not as good as Yes, Virginia.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:13, Reply)

Its just taking me a while to get into, whereas I took to the dolls straight away.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:15, Reply)

Oh it's good
but it's only when I heard her solo album I realised just how much Brian's drumming contributed to how much I liked the Dolls.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:11, Reply)

I like his drumming live
Also he's good on some of the NIN - Ghosts I-IV tracks.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:14, Reply)

He is the best drummer I have ever seen

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:15, Reply)

You've clearly not seen Mickey Dee from Motorhead then

(Bazongaloid, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:17, Reply)

He's good
But topped by:
Danny Carey
Ilan Rubin
Josh Freese
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:17, Reply)

You're all listing drummers I haven't seen
HE IS THE BEST DRUMMER I HAVE EVER WITNESSED LIVE
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:21, Reply)

I don't dispute that

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:26, Reply)

*farts*

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:29, Reply)

SIR
how was your trip?
eat any authentic american crap?
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:13, Reply)

I ate so much
but we didn't go to any chain restaurants in the end. I did have the best calimari I've ever tasted and we drank a lot of Irish coffees. The tipping culture confused the hell out of me, I'm sure I must have offended lots of people just because I didn't give them money, but I really, really liked San Francisco. If the rest of the US is anything like as good I can't wait to go back.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:17, Reply)

well, next time you need to go to the south
glad to hear you had fun :)
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:22, Reply)